I have an appointment tomorrow with the rheumatologist and I'm one step away from asking for something other than tramadol, even if it's not as effective, so I can go back on anti-depressants. I'm becoming more and more immobilized by the depression, getting nothing done, feeling absolutely worthless (but NOT suicidal...let's get that out there now) and feeling like I can't accomplish anything. On the other hand, my pain gets my attention out of a deep sleep and I know that tylenol or ibuprofen doesn't cut it.
What a dilemma. Choosing pain-free or sadness-free.
My gp has offered me both if I'll be supervised by a psychiatrist but who can afford another doctor (in Fond du Lac, no less) and how does being supervised by a doctor help me if the interaction between the two meds is fatal?
I'll probably muddle on like I have and hope the sun shines soon. What I really need is some time alone...a mini-vacation of sorts. I don't want to go anywhere. I just want a day or two when I don't have to be responsible for laundry, bills, dishes, and meals. And cleaning. Not that a lot of that has been going on lately.
None of my alone time is actually alone time. It's me running errands by myself. What would happen if I took the rest of the week off, didn't do any dishes or meals or whatever needs to be done. The bills are taken care of already so that's not a problem. But I do need to eat and really don't want Tom to do any cooking. Seriously, he's great with anything breakfast, but any other meal...nuh uh. Zach's cooking exists of Hamburger Helper or spaghetti. So you see my dilemma again?
I got all my crafting supplies out except for some wire but it's still all over my table and I haven't organized it or put it in plastic bins or anything yet. I just don't care today. I've been knitting on a sock all day and have made little to no progress. Well, two nights of little sleep due to a dog who thinks he needs outdoors every other hour and won't stop barking (although it's his inside voice) until I get up to let him out. I've gotten a few hours sleep each of the past few nights. I swear it's worse than having a newborn who needs feeding every few hours. I finally got back to sleep this morning and the phone rang with Tracfone wanting Tom to come back (we canceled his phone due to lack of need.) I hate them now.
I'm baking a chicken tonight for supper. Lots of seasoning on it but Tom hates baked chicken. Too bad. I don't like to cut chicken up. It hurts my hands from the cold and the bones. Nothing wrong with it like this and I can cook it in the toaster oven.
I did manage to get two loads of laundry done today. Well, the second load is in the dryer waiting for me to go get it, fold it and put it all away. Zach is outside shoveling the driveway (we got about 5 inches of snow) so I can get to Fond du Lac tomorrow. What I really want is to go to bed and stay there for a week.
Yes, I'm being pouty today so I'd better shut up and go to bed until the chicken is almost done. Maybe chicken broth rice to go with it since Zach can cook that. All I know is I'm so tired of this fatigue, depression and pain. I want a day off from it.
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