Sunday, May 31, 2009

Where did my sleep go?

Another wasted day.  I got to sleep about 5 a.m. and woke up at 10:30.  Needless to say we didn't make it to church today.  The problem isn't getting to sleep initially.  It's going back to sleep after I inevitably wake up half an hour into the sleep cycle.

Worrying about it only makes it worse, though, so I've just got to ride it out.  Like always.

And spend days feeling like I'm living in a fog.  No brain.  No energy.

I finished the Stephen King biography.  It was very interesting in light of his book On Writing, which is more or less an autobiography of sorts.  Not many discrepancies between them but it's always good to read more than one perspective on a person. 

I started Assassin's Apprentice but it's hard to get into for me.  Not because it's not intriguing, but because I'm shifting from non-fiction to fiction.  And it always takes me a bit to adjust to the difference.

This month's theme on John Howe's site is Illumination.  I've no idea what I could draw that would illustrate that, but I've been giving it a lot of thought.  The problem being, of course, that I have to draw it and draw it well.  I'm not sure a pencil sketch would work for a theme like this but I'm not that good with colored pencils or acrylics at this stage.  And water colors?  I just don't get them at all.

I think I'm going to make up the bed now and shut down for the night.  I'm not even going to knit.  Maybe if I just relax for a while before sleep, I'll actually stay there once I get there.  At any rate, I probably shouldn't have had that peanut butter sandwich just a few minutes ago. My stomach doesn't love it and I'll end up sleeping sitting straight up most of the night.

Why do I do these things to myself?

I still need to discipline myself more on the art aspect and I do think I would like to set aside some time for writing as well.  I'm just so much of a drifter though.  I can't seem to focus on one thing and do it well.  I spend most of my time worrying about how I can't do things.

On the plus side, Professor seems to be doing better.  I did some research in the wee hours the other morning when he was having a rough night with pain.  The NSAIDs that the vet gave him have a moderate risk of liver damage and he was supposed to have had a blood test initially.  The vet told me that aspirin was bad for dogs but the sites I saw, from other vets, said aspirin was preferred to the NSAIDs because of the risk of liver damage.  I'm giving him half a baby aspirin twice a day and he's feeling much better.  He's using the leg more now and isn't as touchy.  I also plan on strengthening his leg with mild exercise and getting rid of the weight he gained while he was lame.  I know what to look for as far as side effects from the aspirin and will discontinue if he gets any.

He's been friskier today as well.  I know chronic pain and how it can make you feel so I'm on his side.

On the frugal front, I finally managed to bring the check book up to date and it's scary.  The cushion is gone and we're down to living on the reduced income.  We are fortunate that we don't have to drive to school or pay for heat so I'm hoping I can get some money in savings.  I just need to work on the weekly expenses.  Everything else is pretty much carved in stone.  I've just got to put more effort into cutting back on food costs and doing without the extras.

Zach has had his hours cut as well and is only working one day a week.  I'm hoping that's temporary.  I told him today he might have to pay for gas expenses next year.  I don't know if we will be able to afford it.  If we're still at 15%  pay cut next winter will be brutal.  And 55 degrees will be a luxury.

And of course, all of this doesn't help me sleep at night.

Well, off to make up the bed and hope for sleep tonight.


Saturday, May 30, 2009

Saturday is a blur

Another worthless day.  I got to sleep about 7 a.m. and only managed to stay asleep until about 11. I'm dragging.  I had some more errands to run but beyond that, nothing.

I took my book along to read (the Stephen King bio) while I waited for Zach to do his shopping but I ended up shopping as well.  I found Buffy: season 3, which is one of the missing years in my collection.  Now I only lack season 5.  This will have to count toward June though, since I already had bought my quota for May.

I'm not sure about church tomorrow.  I need sleep so badly that I think I will leave it in the air.  If I sleep, then we'll go.  If I don't, we'll skip it this Sunday.  I hate to because I really love church but I need the rest.  Desperately.

I finished Pasion de Gavilanes last night.  Or early this morning depending on how you look at it. I just love that show.  Television is done so differently there.  And learning about the cultural differences was great as well.

Still, my heart is with my Celtic roots and with my British television.  Tonight The Royal and Doc Martin.  And Doctor Who if I stay up that late.  Tomorrow:  Any Dream Will Do.  Down to the last two episodes.  There are ads for the Maria show as well.  I think it's called How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria.  I know who wins that one as well, but it doesn't seem to hurt my viewing pleasure at all.

I've got to go outside and put the extension ladder up again. Tom keeps taking it out of the garage and leaning it on the outside on top of my hostas that are really struggling to survive.  I've told him more than three times to please not do that and each time he acts like it's the first time he's heard about it.


Well, since nothing is going on, there's nothing to write about.  I'm off to put the ladder up and straighten up the back patio because someone who shall remain nameless has scattered stuff all over it and Hannibal's leash will get tangled up in no time.


Friday, May 29, 2009

Friday miscellany

I didn't get anything done yesterday except some cat-napping (which isn't kidnapping a cat at all) and some Pasion de Gavilanes (while knitting on the baby blanket.)  I got next to no sleep on Wednesday night.  I hate when that happens because I never feel like I catch up.  I did manage to clean up the kitchen a bit when I had a burst of energy near bedtime.

Which of course, wakes me up when I really want to go to sleep.

And today was errand day so I haven't gotten a whole lot done today either.  Yet.

It's still daylight so I plan on working on the front flower gardens and maybe more cleaning in the back yard.  Tomorrow I have to do some weed-whacking for sure.  My hostas are finally coming up but they're hidden in the knee high weeds.  I also have more hostas to plant.  I think I'll keep them together with the ones that are already there.  I need to find a place to plant strawberries as well.  I couldn't find a strawberry pot so they're going in the ground.

I bought a bird feeder today.  It was under $5.00 so I figured it was worth the money.  Last night while I was cooking supper a pair of cardinals flew onto the back patio looking for food. They had such personality I thought it would be nice to have more birds around.  It's a wild bird feeder.  I mean...finches are nice, but I like lots of birds.

We're cooking out tonight.  Tom's brother used to give us all the stuff he had that was broken and he didn't want to take to the landfill so we've got a gas grill that we've never used because it's...duh...broken.  Our old Weber that we got at a yard sale for $5 13 years ago is falling apart every time you move it so we're going to use the gas grill without the gas and just charcoal.  Why not?  I'm sure we can get rid of the tank with no problem.

I do plan on getting some more drawing done tonight.  I need to put more effort into it and spend more time on it.  I thought I might work on writing as well, but I think I'll do well to concentrate on writing this blog and not worry about other writing for now.  I need to continue to push myself.  Next month's theme on John Howe's site is Illumination.  I have an idea or two but putting what I see in my mind on paper isn't my strong point.  It might take me the whole month to figure it out.

I see the artists there critique the newbies with such tact and care.  I just hope I can take the criticism (constructive, of course) and not let it defeat me.  I won't learn otherwise.  I guess when you've lived a lifetime being criticized for doing the things you love to do, it's not easy to accept it in a positive spirit.  I remember in high school I wanted to take journalism with the guarantee that I would be the editor of the school newspaper my senior year, but my mother refused to let me.  Since she worked in the school office, I couldn't get by with anything so I didn't get to do it. They had my life mapped out for me in the medical field.  I had no choice about anything else.  I wanted to take art; I had to take band.

I wrote a "book" when I was in grade school and asked my mother to type it for me so I could send it to someone to publish (how naive was I?) but I found it in the trash.  Instead of taking it out and keeping it or typing it myself, I just left it there.  But I never asked her for help again.

Last year she told me I should get into writing since I was so good at it.  I just had no words to respond with.

My art, I just kept to myself.  I had learned my lesson.

So now, it's hard to look at criticism as being a positive thing.

But I will try.

It's just that it's so hard to get past my fear of failure.

I got a book from the library today called The Unlikely Disciple that I heard about on Ravelry. Zach took it from me when I got into the car and has been reading it ever since.  It's about a young man who went to Liberty University (Jerry Falwell U) and his experiences there.  He's obviously not a fundamentalist so it should be interesting reading.  If I ever get it back from Zach.  Not to worry though.  I have a Stephen King bio to read besides the Assassin's Apprentice. And Sex and the City to watch.  After I finish Pasion de Gavilanes.  Another thing I like to watch yearly.  Otherwise I'd watch it over and over and burn out on it.

I tend to do that about a lot of things.

I never got into Sex and the City when it was on HBO or even now in syndication, but I watched the movie and liked it.  So I thought I would watch the series.  

Well, off to get some things done.


Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Still so far to go

I worked on cylinders and cones today and did much better on them than I did spheres and cubes.  Anyway this is the accomplishment of the day.  The original is from an art instruction book but it wasn't one of the lessons but one of the examples.  I thought I would try harder to get sizing and proportion right.

I still struggle with wanting to walk away from it because I don't think I have any talent.  I have a huge fear of failure thing that is debilitating.  Sometimes I can't function at all because I can't get past it.

I'm nearly finished with one of my dad's socks.  I'm on the toe, which is one of the fun things about sock knitting.  That and turning the heel are the reason I knit socks.

The blanket is coming along slowly, but it's a bigger blanket than I did last time and I'm spending less time on it.  The other ones are in Haiti now and maybe wrapped around a baby as we speak. Or...type.

I'm also working steadily on the beaded lace scarf.  That one I'm taking my time on since I love lace but can't really afford to get anymore yarn any time soon.  It's nice to work with the good stuff now and then.

I didn't get much done today.  Only a couple of hours of art but no real cleaning or yard work. It's been near-rainy all day and cold, and inside it's been dark and dreary.  I had the energy to clean but not the desire.  I might still end up cleaning the kitchen really well before bedtime.  But Zach has a meeting tonight so we're leaving in a few minutes for that and I'm not sure how late the meeting will last.  Not long, I hope.

I think one of the reasons I retained so much more energy today, after all the physical labor I did yesterday, was that I slept late this morning.  I woke up early but forced myself to sleep another couple of hours and I felt better for it.  It helped that Tom wasn't downstairs banging dishes in the kitchen or growling loudly so I'll hear how upset he is over something that I was supposed to have done, or turning the television on in the dining room so you could hear it upstairs. Or even slamming doors as he does.

Apparently he slept late too.  

I don't really like sleeping late on a regular basis because I have to get up early now and then and if I'm used to sleeping until 11 a.m. then getting up at 6 is losing 5 hours of sleep.  So I need to try, at least, to get to bed earlier and get up earlier.  But rest is something that I don't get very often so when I can get it, I will.

I watched The Reaping last night on onDemand.  It wasn't bad but not my favorite movie, although I love Hilary Swank in nearly everything she does.  I have a book in at the library.  It's a series from Robin Hobb that John Howe has done the covers on.  I've heard a lot of people on the forum talk about the books so I thought I would read them.  I haven't been reading lately so I need to get back into it.  It does help sharpen up my mind a bit and heaven knows I need it done.

Didn't survive on the vegetarian diet very long.  I knew I wouldn't so I didn't have high expectations.  I am still checking out the rice milk to see if my stomach will settle down.  I haven't had any stomach problems since I've been using it.  Could be coincidence but I'll see. Maybe I just can't digest milk anymore.  Which would be a shame unless those lactaid pills would work on me.

Didn't hear back from the doctor about going on niaspan without going into the office to see her. I'll give her a day or two since it was a long weekend and I'm sure she's busy today.  I really don't want to go on in because the side effects are horrendous.  I can't sleep when I take them because of the hot flashes and the constant itching.  Not to mention, they're expensive.

Still, maybe I can do something in my diet to fix it.  

Well, it's nearly time to leave so I'll catch you all tomorrow.


Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I must learn to pace myself

A quick sketch I did of Professor.  He doesn't pose very often so I have to catch him while he's sleeping.  I did both of these a few weeks ago.

A self-portrait.  Except it doesn't really look like me at all.  Well, maybe the eyebrows.

It was a very busy day today.  I cleaned up the area in front of the garage a bit, cleared out some weeds, used weed killer on all the thistles I could find, cleaned out one side of the front flower garden, planted some flowers there, did two loads of clothes, cooked supper and worked on my drawing for about 2+ hours.

Oh, and I knitted on the blanket for about 15 minutes.

I still have dishes to do and clothes to fold and put away.

But all that work doesn't even show.  There is so much that needs to be done that it will take a few weeks of working like that before it actually shows.

I had a hard time with the drawing today.  I kept feeling like a failure and wanted to quit.  I pushed myself, though, and managed to work on elemental stuff, like circles, ellipses and cubes. Then I allowed myself to just draw.  I don't think I'm as bad as I think I am, but I know I have a long way to go.  The corner studio that I set up is working for me, though.  There is plenty of light, even in the evening and while the chair isn't comfortable, it's not too bad.

I've never done a lot of measuring or checking of angles when I draw.  I tend to work more intuitively.  I tried to do the measuring today and while there isn't a lot of difference in the outcome, it does look a bit more polished if I do.  So I will attempt to use proportions more.

I didn't walk Professor today.  I know I should but I'm really wiped out.  I have no more energy left.  I'm even planning on leaving the dishes in the sink to wash up tomorrow morning (what doesn't go in the dishwasher, that is.)  I'm ready to change into my pajamas and curl up on the couch and knit until bedtime.

I ate vegetarian today.  I would love to do it all the time but I don't know if I've got the will-power.  I still have to cook meat for the guys and sometimes it just smells so good.  Still, I know with all my health problems, vegetarian is the best option for me.  I'm using Rice Milk instead of Soy though.  I get nervous about too much soy, having had a cancer that was estrogen-driven. I'll try to take it day by day.

I also need to get back to being more frugal.  It's so easy to slip out of the mode when you're tired or busy.  I have to catch up the checkbook tomorrow for sure and I'm a bit nervous about how much we've spent lately.  Still, denial isn't a good state of mind either.

Well, I can't just keep sitting here.  I've got to finish up so I can crash for the night.


Monday, May 25, 2009

I didn't lie, I was merely mistaken

So vacation didn't end for me yesterday.  I had a bad night with an upset stomach and very little sleep so I decided to take another day off.  I'm dragging and have no energy.  I did manage to make a trip to the store.  I go too frequently and need to discipline myself more so I get what I need or wait until the next weekly trip.

I'm going to make it an early night tonight so I can get up earlier tomorrow.  I hope.  It's never a given that going to sleep early means I'll sleep all night.  In fact, it's almost a certainty that I'll wake up around midnight and stay awake until 4.  That seems to be the pattern.

I'm really amazed at how Tom is taking my intentions to improve my art and writing.  He seems to be taking it seriously.  I'm cautious about reading too much into this because his moods do seem to race all over the map, but it does feel like encouragement and I get so little of that.  Zach is being incredibly supportive.  I wish I felt the same amount of confidence in me that they do.

If Tom would be like this all the time, we would have a relationship.  But like a puppy, whenever he supports me or is super nice to me, I get all tail-waggy and drooly until the next time when he decides to withdraw and become Mr. Grouchy, who lets me know how everything bad in his life is my fault or how incompetent I am.  Then I slink off to the corner and whimper and wait for him to pet and praise me again.

Lather, rinse, repeat.


I really, truly do want to end this cycle but I don't know how.

Moving on.  I have a spot on the middle of my nose from a cat claw in the middle of the night. Hannibal tends to reach out to my face and dig a claw or two into my lip mostly.  Or my nostril. I can't begin to tell you what a surprise it is to wake up like that.  But last night I almost tossed him across the room.

Cats don't fly.

Seriously, they don't.

But they do sail through the air for long distances when thrown.

And of course, I'm joking.  I've never tossed a cat and don't intend to.  But it doesn't hurt him to think I might.

I was also wrong about Once Upon a Time in Mexico.  It was a great movie.  I don't understand why I rarely agree with the critics but I thought it was a great movie.  In its genre, that is.  I loved the subtle humor (and not-so-subtle humor) and the ludicrous action scenes.  Which were intentional.  So I'm glad I plodded through and watched the whole series.  It pays to finish what I start after all.

But unless I can get the set for dirt cheap or in the $5 rack, I'll have to rely on the library.

I've also decided to give up on the Gaelic languages.  Even though I would love to learn them, at least for now, I'm not going to work on them.  But I will pick up my Spanish textbook again and use the Spanish stations on tv and the movies at the library to help me pick it up.  But it's also not a huge focus right now so I'm just going to work on it in passing.

Art and writing come first.

I've been watching Paranormal State and Ghost Hunters online (and on Demand) lately.  I'm still skeptical but some of it is pretty compelling.  I don't know what to believe.  I've neglected my spiritual life for quite a while, just going through the motions mostly, because my levels of concentration are so limiting.  I don't plan on jumping into everything full speed ahead but I'm hoping to build up my brain cells with creativity and hope that will "exercise" my brain.

In the meantime, I muddle through, hoping I can at least maintain what few brain cells I've already got.

But for now, I'm going to lie down again and maybe even take a nap.  Tom is doing the cooking tonight for him and Zach.  I got soup for myself since my stomach is still upset.  Maybe it just needs a rest like my other body parts.

Happy Memorial Day!

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Last day of vacation for me

Professor has a food taster.  He won't eat anything I try to feed him (aside from his treats) unless the cat will eat it first.  I don't think he trusts me.

Seriously, I've been trying for a couple of weeks to feed him his NSAIDs and I've had to give Hannibal a piece of hot dog or chicken or braunsweiger first.  If the cat will eat it, Professor will eat it.

What does he think?  I'm trying to poison him?


Anyway, now I'm trying to give him glucosamine tablets in order to strengthen his knee joint. Because the tablets are huge (and supposedly yummy and chewable) I have to grind them up in my mortar and pestle and hide them in his food.  And since his taste in food varies from day to day, this is not fun.

The vet tech I talked to said it takes six weeks before we would see results.  This is going to be a long six weeks, I'm thinking.

I've got my art supplies set up and tomorrow I start setting aside time for just drawing, painting and such.  I'm also planning on getting some work done outside as well.  The inside can wait until a rainy day.

I bought some ground beef from the store Thursday but it's gone bad already.  It shouldn't have done that so soon.  It was refrigerated.  Needless to say my whole kitchen reeks.  And I still need more meat.  I'll get some more tonight after I pick Zach up from work and freeze it tonight instead of waiting.

I just watched Get Smart on HBO.  I don't usually laugh out loud when I watch a movie but I did for this one.  It was great.  I'm not loving Once Upon a Time in Mexico much, but I did love El Mariachi.  I didn't expect to but it was good.   I'm a bit compulsive about watching complete series of things, even when I don't like it all.  I've been able to overcome it at times, but it's a sense of leaving things incomplete that weighs on me.

I've been mostly watching movies while listening to commentaries this weekend.  I learn a lot about the writing process, the behind-the-scenes processes and I can work without watching the television so much.  That way I can do more detailed work and still be entertained.  I plan on getting the ancient boom box out so I can listen to cds (or the radio) while I work on my art because I'm not real good with silence.

I think I'm going to have to trim my fingernails though.  I'm having a hard time typing because my left hand has some dandy long fingernails on it.  Looks good but is so impractical.  Especially when I get outside tomorrow to dig around in the dirt and plant stuff.

I should pick up some more dirt from the store, too, because I'm mostly going with container gardening this summer.  I need a strawberry pot because I know if I plant them in the ground, the rabbits won't leave any for us.  I've got tons of pots to use around here but I need extra dirt. I also need to make the front of the house look nicer.  That's what I plan on working on tomorrow.  That and moving some rocks and broken concrete that Tom tossed to the side of the driveway several years ago.  We can't mow there because it would tear up the blades of the lawn mower but it's a huge section to use the weed eater on.

And maybe I'll get some more wild flowers planted along with the sun flowers.  Maybe.

Well, off to knit a bit before I leave to pick Zach up.  I'd like to finish up the blanket in the next few weeks.  I want to start another big project and don't dare start anything else until I finish something first.


Friday, May 22, 2009

Looking forward to the weekend for a change

I had an epiphany last night.  If I don't take myself seriously, no one else will either.  That's not to mean that if I do, they will, but it's just not going to happen otherwise.

So I intend to set aside time and space for the things I want to work at, things I want to get better at.  That absolutely means less time online and less time watching television.  Less time, though, not no time.  I still love to knit and can't do it without something to occupy my time.

I talked a bit about it to Tom last night.  I don't know if he gets what I need but he didn't seem adverse to it either.  

Disciplining myself will be one of the huge obstacles though.  I'm just not good at that.  Still, I need to take it seriously.  Otherwise it's never going to be more than a hobby to me.

Tonight Zach and I are tearing apart the dining room, making me a corner for my art and writing.  I've got some plastic drawer bins that I can use for that.  Right now it's housing some odds and ends of my knitting but I can find other places to store those.  I've got a card table that I can use.  It will be big enough to hold my sketch books, and resource materials and I can also use it for the easel Tom made me.  It was supposed to be portable so I could take it with me but he used stainless steel for the flat surface and it weighs about 15+ pounds empty.  It has nice storage in it but not very usable.  Still, he put a lot of effort into designing and making it so I feel like I need to use it.  I'm tempted to buy a small wooden easel or even a table top one but he would take it personally.  At least for now, I'll use it.

I'm in the process of moving my plants outside.  I think the danger of frost is past.  At least I hope so.  I've got an old table to set them on because I don't want the rabbits nibbling at them.

Hopefully next week I'll get busy on the outside.  We need to mow again and I haven't trimmed the yard yet.  I'd like to get some flowers planted out front and get rid of the junk in the back.  I won't be able to have the garden I want this year, nor will I be able to landscape in a way that makes the yard attractive.  But if I can clean up the crap, it will look tons better.  And maybe I won't feel so bad about our yard dragging down property values all around the block.

Tom is gone turkey hunting this weekend.  That's one of the reasons I'm taking this opportunity to rearrange.  It still annoys him to no end when I change anything.

I did talk to him last night about not wanting to visit his family with him.  He still doesn't get it. He says he has to invite me so I'll know I'm welcome.  I told him I already know that but when he invites me, he does it in such a way as to feel pressured to go.  I told him I didn't want to be invited anymore.  So he said he'll invite me but I should know I don't have to go.  I said, no, that was still pressure.  His mouth got tight (which is my clue to shut up) and he walked away.

He also said he doesn't understand fibromyalgia but that he tries to just work around my symptoms.  I'm not sure what that means, but I'll try to view it in a positive light.  But his family don't get it at all and think I should just get out and get over it.

Much like they do about Zach's OCD.

Well, my helper is here and it's time to move furniture.  I should be a bit sore tomorrow but since I won't have tons to do tomorrow, that will be okay.


Thursday, May 21, 2009

Still wading through the fatigue pond

I'm still wading through the fatigue.  I haven't accomplished anything since Monday except for getting some labs done so I can refill my Crestor (and apparently get put on another medicine as well if she will give it to me without me having to come into the office.)  I've mostly taken naps and laid around drawing or knitting.  And darned little of both.

I think part of the reason is I'm not getting a lot of sleep.  Less than 6 hours every night.  I'd love to get more but I keep getting woke up and can't get back to sleep so I'm up until 4 a.m. or so.  I gave up trying to force it.  I just wait it out.  

I took Professor for a walk yesterday and I think it was too much for him.  I carried him the last quarter block but he didn't walk on the leg the rest of the day.  Today, however, he's been on it more than he has been.  I bought him some Glucosamine for pets today.  I hope he'll take it.  I'll grind it up in his food if I have to though.

My uncle died this morning.  I never knew him very well, but he was a very nice, giving man. He had an aortic aneurysm and after a 5.5 hour surgery he just passed away.  My aunt is a very strong woman so I know she'll be okay but it will be lonely for her.  She had a heart attack last summer and survived it.  I know she can survive this.

It makes me more aware of my mortality though.  I know I need to lose weight.  I just can't seem to do it.  It's not as easy as just eating less and exercising more.  For some of us, food means more than just avoiding hunger.  And nothing anyone says can convince some people out there that it's not a matter of will power.  If that were the case, I would be thin again.  I quit smoking and that involved a huge amount of will power.

I will not diet again though.  That has never worked so what is the point of trying it over and over again.  I would probably weigh a whole lot less if I had never dieted since I only started gaining when I started dieting.

I'm making progress with my drawing.  Slow progress, but progress nonetheless.  I need to start keeping some reference materials and photos so I have something to draw.  I'm not good at drawing from my imagination and have found that most artists base their work on things they've seen in real life.  I don't feel so inadequate now.  I bought some pastels but don't feel ready for them yet.  I've drawn with colored pencils before but don't have a huge selection to choose from so my colors tend to be very basic...much like something you'd hang on your refrigerator.

Off to clean the kitchen up a bit and fix supper.  Then it's on the couch and knitting for the rest of the night.


Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I think I'm going to like summer vacation

I'm not down for the count today but my energy level isn't what I would like it to be.  Still I hope to accomplish things today rather than just sitting (or lying) on the couch.  

I had to take Zach to sell back some books from school but he was only able to sell one back.  I told him to take the money and treat himself to a video game.  He deserves it.  He never spends the money he makes, but puts it immediately into savings.  He paid for his own laptop and most of his schooling on his own.  Never asks for anything extra in the way of clothes or stuff.  Does his chores even when he's got a lot on his plate.  So I thought he deserved to do something with his money.

I had put a book on order at the library that came in.  It's a John Howe book called Forging Dragons.  The drawings and paintings in it are totally awesome.  I've discovered his forum on the interwebs where I can interact with artists (as well as him occasionally) most of whom are self-taught as well.  Not to mention they are very fun people.

Now that I'm home, though, I'm really wiped out.  I need to clean the kitchen at least, even down to mopping floors.  And do something with 50 pounds of kitty litter that someone brought in from the truck (used as ballast because the truck was too light on snowy roads) and just dumped in the dining room about a month ago.  I'm thinking of using it to fill in the ditches that were dug 12 years ago and never filled in.  They were supposed to have drainage pipes put in them but that never happened.  I've always been afraid someone would fall in one and break a leg and sue us.  Hasn't happened so far but that doesn't mean it won't happen in the future.

I also got some weed killer.  We have a thistle problem that is horrible.  I've tried using organic treatments but they don't kill the plant at the root so I'm going for the big guns.  I'm definitely going to get a start on it tonight.  I'm sure I'll use a few jugs of this stuff before I can even get a handle on it.  

Zach is going to finish mowing tonight.  Tom mowed most of it Sunday but quit without finishing it.  Who knows?  He never did turn the garden for me and apparently has no intention of doing it so I'm on my own, I guess.  We watched a documentary last night about Les Stroud buying some property and going off the grid.  It was like we watched different shows the way we got totally opposite things out of it.  He started lamenting the rain barrel we bought.  I told him it would take a couple of years to recoup our money but after that we'd be better off, that I can't really garden inexpensively if I have to water the garden from the faucet.  And August is pretty dry here so for a whole month you're using city water.  I've been saving milk jugs and apple juice jugs to store water in so I can store up.  I'll keep them in the garage because it's pretty cool in there, being a cinder block building.

That is, if I can keep him from crushing them and putting them in the recycle bin.  I've reminded him frequently but they still end up there.

And saving water by using rain water only works if I can get him to stop letting the water run in the bathroom sink for the cat.  The sink overflowed last week and he got mad at me when I pointed out, yet again, that the cat has been known to drink from his water bowl.  Plus he got mad at me because the overflow drain was blocked with junk.  So a few days later, I walked into the bathroom and the water faucet was on with the stopper out of the drain and the cat had been outside for an hour.

It's so frustrating for me to try to save money and stretch our resources when he continues to do things like this.  I never could get him to put plastic on his windows last fall.  And he wouldn't let me do it either.

Well, fellas...there's a new sheriff in town and she's not going to put up with it anymore.  I may not get the garden I want this summer but I will next year.  I'm going to work on getting the house ready for winter and getting my perennials in for next spring.  And maybe some fall vegetables as well.  Otherwise I'm limiting myself to herbs and some flowers this year.  I'm going to re-learn how to use tools and just do it all myself from now on.  If you can't rely on someone, you have to rely on yourself.

And maybe I'll be thinking about my future as well.  Do I really want to be treated like this for the rest of my life?

Professor is doing better although he still favors the leg.  I think it's a case of won't rather than can't at this stage.  I've noticed he'll forget at times and race up the steps.  Most of the time, though, he'll wait for me to pick him up and carry him (which is what the vet recommended while he was healing.)  

Well, I'm off to clean the kitchen.  I can only work in short segments.  It makes it frustrating to go that slowly but I make more progress than if I push through and then spend the next three days in pain and no energy.

And I intend to spend some time outside in this wonderful weather.  Near 80 and sunny with a light wind.  Gorgeous!


Monday, May 18, 2009

Has it really been so long since I blogged?

Well, I ended up paying for the busy day in spite of trying to moderate my activities.  Saturday I spent it mostly laying around but depression was part of it.  Saturday night I managed to get to bed early since I had to get up and fix a meal for 30+ people for coffee hour.  I must learn to say no better.  

After an hour of sleep I woke up to some noise in the house (I'm trying very hard not to be accusatory here but some people don't know how to shut a door without slamming it, if you know what I mean.)  After that it took a while to get back to sleep and ever single time I managed to doze off, one of the pets woke me up again.  My sleep was so fragile that night that I just couldn't manage to hold onto it.

Finally an hour before I had to get up, I fell asleep.

I had no choice this time.  I had to go to church.  

So I made the casseroles (pizza casseroles) and popped them into the car and made it to church without spilling anything over the floor of the car.  The oven at church didn't like me, however, and it took the whole time at 450 degrees to bake the stuff.  It would bake on one side and be raw on the other.

Needless to say I stayed in the kitchen the whole time and missed the Asbury Clowns (which is why we needed a meal for coffee hour.)  Zach popped down to watch the oven so I could go up for communion though.  But it wasn't the same.

So I was surviving on one hour of sleep since the hour at the beginning of the night didn't really count.  I tried to nap during the day but with Mr. Yappy and all the other noise going on in the house, I didn't make it.  I ended up going to sleep at 8:30 p.m. but woke up at midnight remembering I hadn't given Professor his medicine (or taken my own for that matter) or put down some potty papers for him.  After that I was up until 4 a.m.

I slept until 9:30 a.m. and have been up ever since.

I've been very busy today, rearranging my room (of course) and cleaning up the dining room, which was a complete disaster due to someone dumping the contents of a vehicle on the floor some weeks ago and not putting it away.  I needed to put the couch back to being a couch again because using it as a bed all the time was too hard on it.  So it's back to making up the bed every night and putting it up every morning.

Some day I will have my own room and a real bed.

I called the vet today and cancelled Professor's appointment again.  He's been walking on his leg a lot more and not turning the foot inward.  I just can't spend all that money on anesthetic, X-rays and blood work if he's slowly getting back to normal.  They really understood and were great about it.  It's hard to keep him from running and jumping though.

It's so good to be able to stay home for a while.  I decided not to apply at McSnacky's because the days I could work this summer I wouldn't be able to work this fall because of Zach's schedule. And I don't need to have a job for less than three months on my resume.  So I will focus on working here and hoping for a late garden (we had frost over the weekend) and maybe repairing as much as I can of the house.  I'm also going to fix the yard up so we don't look like the worst house on the block anymore.

I've nearly got one of my dad's socks done but the rest of my knitting has been sporadic, although progress has been made, however little.  It's hard to keep myself from starting more projects out of boredom.

I watched P.S. I Love You the other night.  Big mistake.  I cried so hard my eyes swelled up.  I don't know why I can't cry prettily like they do in the movies.  I rarely cry so maybe it was a good thing.  At least I was alone while I was sobbing hysterically.

I really hate looking foolish.

Hopefully I'll be more productive this week and won't have one good day for every three down on the couch.


Thursday, May 14, 2009

What a day!

I hope I don't end up paying for this later but I got so much done today.  Maybe not by most people's standards,  but by mine, it was tremendous.

I started out the day by taking Professor for a walk.  I was a bit concerned because yesterday he wouldn't put any weight on the leg at all and seemed down.  I wondered if it was because we had been gone all day Tuesday.   At any rate, he started out not using it at all but by half a block was walking on it without limping.  Three quarters of the way around the block he started limping though so I carried him the last bit.  Still, he's still using it more than he normally does.

I think once around the block per day until he can do it without limping.  Then we'll go further afield.

I also did the shopping today, which I find so exhausting.  I don't know why but it does wear me out.  Still, I had so much to do that when I got home, I started in cleaning the refrigerator.  A daunting task for me.  But I got it done and it does look nice.  I need to keep up with it because I had to throw out way too much stuff that went bad.

Then, Zach and I headed outside to do the yard but we couldn't get the power mower started. I'll have Tom look at it but I don't know.  It's being held together with vice grips for now.  I hope we can hold it together for at least another year but it never was a very good mower and will most likely need to be replaced.  More money out of savings.

I had to clean the yard up so Zach could mow.  Tom had the garden hose laying across the yard and had dumped some wood in the middle of the garden.  Unfortunately the wood had tons of nails in it and I nearly ran them through me when I was carrying them.  I also had to put the extension ladder away.  It's been out in the yard since he brought it home from his brother's cabin.

I'm fixing supper right now and then I've got a bit of laundry to do.  After that, I'm going to call it a day because I suspect I'll be hurting tomorrow and I've still got so much to do.  I'm at the stage now when I don't think I'm going to have a garden at all this summer.  I may end up putting some of it in pots and maybe limiting it to the onions and herbs.  I'm annoyed that the garden hasn't been turned by now but what can I do?  It's getting almost too late.

I could probably turn enough of it for some mounds of zucchini and pumpkin though.  Beyond that I think I need to be realistic.

I'm anxious to close the curtains and crawl into bed though.  I'm beat.  On paper it sounds like such a small amount of work but for me it's a lot.

I've been looking at tea cozy patterns.  Like I need another project.  I searched Ravelry but I'm going to continue looking.  Maybe knittingpatternscentral.  That's still one of my favorite sites.

Supper just dinged so I guess I'd better go eat.


Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Odds & Ends

I meant to post yesterday but we ended up in Fond du Lac all day, unnecessarily as it turned out. Not a big deal but here at the end of the school year, I was so bored. 

I made a trip to the thrift store Monday intending to just drop off a bag of clothes that I no longer wear (not because I outgrew them but because I never really liked them.)  Zach wanted to pop in and look around so off we went.  I finally found a tea pot!  I've been looking for one for a few years now.  StuffMart and Shopko don't have them and neither did the thrift store.  This time there were four there.  Two with Asian designs on them, one teeny one-cup pot and a two cup stoneware pot. I got the stonewear one.

I also found a summer shirt to wear over my t-shirts.  With my prosthesis, I'm a bit self-conscious about wearing knitwear (since it's not really the right size for me with my weight gain) so I like to wear cotton shirts over them.  Zach found a long-sleeved cotton shirt he liked and I got a couple of vhs tapes.  I know...they are so not in, but for a dollar I thought it was a good investment.  I got Angela's Ashes and Zach got The Hunchback of Notre Dame (Disney.)  He had that when he was younger and loaned it to an adult family member on Tom's side and when he went to get it back, they claimed they had never borrowed it.  I really hate to loan things out anymore.  I loaned a book to his (late) mother and she traded it in on some more paperbacks. It was one of my favorite books and it's not in the library system.  But I don't want to buy it so I'll just wait and see if it shows up at the thrift store in the future.  Again, when I asked for the book back, she swore up and down she had never had it, then claimed she didn't know it was mine (my name was on the inside cover,) then remembered she had traded it in for more books.  Oh well, too bad.  No offer to recompensate me.

I also found a book on acrylic painting, a pretty thorough how-to.  And the full and uncut version of The Stand along with Harvest Home, by Thomas Tryon.  Normally I don't buy books anymore since I can get them from the library but they don't have the uncut version of The Stand.  And Harvest Home was a guilty pleasure thing.

I haven't managed to get any more work done outside.  Being gone all day yesterday wore me out and I have a ton of laundry to do today.  My future garden is getting smaller and smaller in my imagination.  It's probably going to end up with lettuce, zucchini and some herbs.  And maybe some pumpkin.  Oh, and onions.  I'm also hoping to get some strawberries planted for next summer.  And I would like to plant some bush beans but I don't know.  I'll have to turn the garden by hand and I don't know how much Zach and I can accomplish before the weekend.

It's rainy today so we won't get the yard mowed.  We tried to use the reel mower but the grass is too high and won't cut the dandelions anyway.  The power mower is broken but can be used if I have vice grips to hold the cable in place.  Tom doesn't mow so it's up to Zach and me to get it done.  We definitely have to mow tomorrow if it's nicer.

I canceled Professor's appointment with the provision that if, in a week, he's not walking on it most of the time, I'll re-schedule.  And of course, today he won't walk on it at all.  Truthfully, I know he can, but I think he is so afraid of the pain that he won't.  With the rainy weather today, I know my bones are giving me grief, so I imagine his are as well.  He's been putting full weight on the leg and doesn't limp when he does use it.  And his muscle tone is vastly improved but I'll take him back next week if he isn't up to 75% usage.

I'm anxious for today to be over.  This is the last day of school for Zach until the fall.  He's not taking any classes this summer because all he has left are his degree classes and they aren't available.  I have to make an appointment for my mammogram and I need to see the surgeon next month for my annual breast exam but tonight should be the last night trip I have to make until fall.  I'm thinking of getting a part-time job at McSnacky's as well, partly for the money and partly for the social security.  And a work history, as well.  I'll decide today what I'm going to do.

I do have a ton of things to do on the house and yard this summer but I should have time even if I work three days a week.  We have to plan it so we're both not working the same day because of transportation overlap.

I turned the heel on my dad's sock but didn't get anything else done because I re-arranged my bedroom once again.  I'm always trying to find a better way to arrange the house but what I was doing with it wasn't working.  It was too crowded and I had to move furniture to shut the blinds at night and turn on the nightlight.  This way I don't have to do that.

Well, the clothes in the dryer are done so I'm off to finish up and then maybe take a short nap before we leave for school tonight.  And we should be home earlier because he just has a test today.  I sure won't miss being in the car three days a week.


Monday, May 11, 2009

A glimmer of hope

There appears to be some light at the end of the tunnel.  I took Professor walkies this morning, first thing, and he started walking on the leg.  And he didn't appear to be limping either.  He did wear out halfway around the block so I carried him the rest of the way home, but I think I'm going to postpone the X-rays for another week so he can finish up his NSAIDs.  I had really written the surgery off as a done deal but now I'm not so sure.

Zach isn't going to his class party tonight so I might get some of the garden turned this afternoon. I had intended to use the water in the rain barrel when I planted this weekend but Tom emptied it all out yesterday.  I'm pounding my head on the desk over this.  I'm not sure he understands the purpose of a rain barrel.  When I told him that I had intended to use the water for the garden, he seemed perplexed.  I'm just absolutely flummoxed by him sometimes.

Zach took me to Appleby's for lunch yesterday but I ended up paying because he never spends money on himself so he can save for school and I wasn't going to let him spend money on me.  He shows me how much he loves me every day.  I've got no complaints.

Heard from Stephen as well.  It's so good to keep in touch with your kids.

I talked to my mother yesterday.  I do miss her but I'm just not going to go down there yet. Maybe later in the summer before school starts up again.

Ran into some good luck yesterday.  Our water heater is badly rusted all around the bottom and has been leaking for a few years.  Enough to leave the floor constantly wet around it.  I found one on Freecycle that is used but in better shape than ours.  The woman said her husband wanted to just have it hauled away but she thought someone might want to use it.  So Tom and Zach went and got it and Tom will install it next weekend.  Probably.  Maybe.

At any rate, we've got it.

Vicki is having another giveaway on her blog.  Laceweight yarn this time.  And it's lovely.  Jan is trying to seduce me to the crochet side with all her lovely projects.  Enough that this time I might just get another book from the library and actually start on one.  Especially since I found all my hooks.  I almost have to start from the beginning again because the way things are written has changed a bit since I last crocheted.  And believe it or not, they didn't use charts way back when I crocheted.

Watched Any Dream Will Do again last night.  I know how it ends but it's still a great show to watch.  I don't know why Britain does television so much better than the U.S. does.  But this is so much better than American Idol.  And I absolutely wish we got Nevermind the Buzzcocks here. That show is hilarious.

Well, I'm off to the library and to get my prescriptions.  Oh, and I found out that the book I got that had the same title as the Neil Boyd book is actually by Neil Boyd since he and Peter DeRosa are the same person.  Duh!  I didn't know that beforehand.  And now I can't seem to get interested in it again.  Oh well.


Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day to me

My day began at 5:30 a.m. when I heard Tom coax Professor outside for his morning wee and heard the click of the long lead being attached to his collar.  Professor's collar.  Not Tom's.  Tom doesn't have a collar.  Darn it.

He knows that Professor is supposed to be on a short leash with no running, jumping or going up or down hill.  So I got out of bed to remind him of that.  Okay I was a bit shrill about it but it was 5:30 a.m. for pete's sake and he knew he wasn't supposed to be doing that.

I couldn't get back to sleep after that so I turned on the television and watched mindlessly before I decided to get up and fix breakfast before church.  Normally I fast on Sunday mornings but my tummy was all rumbly and yeah...I get that fasting when you're not hungry is a lot easier, but I've got blood sugar issues to deal with so I fixed some eggs for the protein and got dressed.

When we got home, Tom was in the back yard with Professor in his arms, claiming that he had him on a short leash.  It was the long leash and I believe he didn't go out with him until we got home because he was outside in 50 degree weather in his housecoat and boxers and no shoes. And he was way too defensive about the whole thing.  If you're going to be good at lying, don't offer up too much information.  It will trip you up every time.

Sigh.  It's not the first time I've not been able to trust him.

Professor is feeling better and is using the leg to scratch with but otherwise he's not using it much at all...rarely puts any weight on it.  I've got a couple of days to decide what to do but I'm still praying the medicine will fix the problem.  I think the nerve damage is better so that's a relief, but I think his ligament is torn and NSAIDS won't fix that.  The church will help me out with money for his surgery so that's a relief.  I'll pay them back but it will be loads off my mind to know we can afford the surgery.

Taking the leg off will be a last ditch attempt at fixing him.  Unless the surgery is more involved and will cost in the thousands.  I hate the thought that I have to decide the issue based entirely on money.  It seems so wrong.

On the knitting front:  I started knitting some socks for my dad.  I'm using the Yarn Harlot's Earl Grey pattern with some modifications.  I'm just using a double mini-cable down the sides rather than the intricate pattern she designed.  I like the simplicity much better.  The yarn is Paton's Kroy sock yarn in a brown/gray twisted color.  The color on the ball band is a number so I don't know that that would help anyone.  I got three skeins because mens' socks generally take more yarn but I don't think I will need a lot of it and this might go with some other sock yarn I've got leftover,  hiding in my drawer so I can maybe get another pair out of the remnants.

Coming along nicely on the beaded scarf.  I'm savoring it, knitting only half a repeat each night. It's like having one piece of chocolate a night.  You just have to make it last as long as possible.

And the baby blanket continues...forever, it seems.  Still it's nice, mindless knitting for those times when I want to watch rather than listen to tv.

I'm making progress with my drawing.  I'm spending more time each day on it and trying to work more systematically, while at the same time, working on things that interest and challenge me.  I'm still so far behind where I used to be but at least I'm seeing some progress.  

I didn't get the garden planted although the rain barrel is in place.  And nearly full already.  I've been trying to save milk jugs (Tom keeps crushing them and throwing them out no matter how many times I ask him not to) so I can fill them and store them in the garage.  I'm going to have to take care of the garden myself though and I won't be able to get to it before Friday.  So another week gone.  I've given up on some of the things I wanted to plant and will just plant a few things that don't require a lot of effort.

My parsley is coming along and finally the lavender is growing.  This is like the fifth time I've tried.  I've got a few pepper plants coming up as well (in my pots in front of the window) but I don't know what the rest of the stuff is.  I should have written it all down because I know my memory isn't what it used to be.

I'm thinking of putting in my application at McSnacky's for the summer and then cut my hours back in the winter when I have to drive Zach to school.  He's going to get his permit renewed after school is over but will only work on side roads where the driving is slow and little traffic. It's a start.  I figure if he can get his confidence without having to deal with high speeds and people crossing the center line or driving up his butt, then maybe we can work on highways later.

Well, I have time for a quick nap before I have to pick him up at work.  He was going to take me out to eat after church but had to be in work at 12 noon so we're going after he gets off at 3.  I've got time for a snooze and maybe a row or two on the socks.

I hope everyone has nice day today.  I'm going to try my best to have one.


Thursday, May 7, 2009

A hint of good news with a smothering of bad

The good news is I love the new vet.  The bad news is Professor might lose his leg.  It was too difficult to fully examine him because he was so agitated he was making himself sick but he doesn't seem to respond correctly to manipulation of his leg.  In other words...when she placed the leg in a different position, he was very slow in moving it back in place as opposed to the undamaged leg which moved quickly and into the correct position.

She said it could be a few different things or even multiple things.  The cat knocked him off the bed about a year ago and she said that could have caused nerve damage to his spine that recent trauma (i.e. the dog in the yard chasing him and him perhaps turning around too abruptly) or it could be a torn ligament.  She said his knee appears to be "blown."  Any way you look at it, if the anti-inflammatories don't fix it in the next week, surgery is in the works.  And one of the options we may have to consider is amputation.

The minimum amount I'll have to spend is $800.  The maximum is $2000.  Amputation being the cheapest.  Torn ligament can cost from $800-$1000.  More surgery on different ligaments...ka-ching!  She said that even if it's the ligament (and she's hoping, although not optimistic, that it's just inflammation) they tend to re-injure frequently and we could end up with several surgeries.

Damn!  I hate being in this position.  But more importantly I hate for Professor to be in this position.

In the meantime, he's on bed rest.  What that means for a dog is no jumping, running or playing. I'll have to take him with me to Fond du Lac next week because he can't be alone for any significant time.  Trips outside have to be on a short leash.  She says that because he occasionally uses it, she's somewhat hopeful that it can be fixed, but with him acting like his back leg isn't there or he doesn't know where it is, makes her cautious.

Oh, lord!  I'm thinking this cancels my trip down to Indiana now.  If he needs surgery I won't be able to afford the trip as well, not to mention he'll need someone to stay home with him and Tom wouldn't be able to because of work.  I'm not going to commit to anything until next Thursday though.

He was in great spirits when we got home though.  I'm sure it was relief to be away from the wicked vet lady.  She was so great, so gentle and so understanding.  It cost a touch more to go there but it was worth it.  It's just that Professor isn't well socialized.  And he's not fond of vets.

Well, I need to get some shopping done and errands run.  I can leave him that long but I'll make it quick.

I'm a bit bummed about all of this but still clinging to the hope that the meds will fix the problem.


Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Maybe I should be a weather-spotter

We had a major thunderstorm tonight.  While I was sitting in the parking lot of Moraine Park, the tornado warning siren went off.  I thought about going inside but to be honest, the sky just didn't look like one was in the area.  I'm not an expert but the clouds were nearly still, not rotating at all. The sky wasn't green or showing any kind of activity.  And I really thought it would be more dangerous to walk across the wet parking lot and the lawn while the lightening was flashing constantly.  Zach, of course, was very worried about me (and the tornado).  Apparently one was sighted south of Fond du Lac.  Maybe I should have gone inside but we get so many warnings that never amount to anything.

School is almost over.  One week to go.  Zach is taking the summer off but Tom wants him to sign up for some online classes.  Where I have no idea.  It wouldn't count toward his degree and he wouldn't get what he needs anyway.  I don't have a problem with him working and taking the summer off.  He's worked steadily for two solid years with school and work, summers included. Since next summer he'll be out there, hopefully, starting out in the world of adult employment, he won't get summers off anymore.  Let him have one last one.

I'm sure looking forward to the summer off.  I have plans for making our yard look better.  We're the people everyone complains about...the ones who are driving the property values down.  I'm going to try to change that.  Tom is obsessing about the bathroom, wanting to fix it up. Personally I think the leaking water heater of the leaking roof might take priority over a bathroom that needs cosmetic help, but what do I know?

It's hard to type with a puppy lying on my arms.  Professor won't let me out of his sight whenever we get home.  Although after tomorrow he might not be speaking to me anymore. I've got an appointment with the vet to see about his leg.  Everytime I mentioned wanting to take him, Tom would be real negative about it, saying that he was getting better, walking on it, playing on it, etc.  Professor was fine. 

So when I called the vet the other day to set up an appointment, he told me he was surprised I hadn't taken him sooner.  He would have.

I must repeat to myself over and over again:  thou shalt not kill.

I got a book from the library today that I thought I hadn't read before but just a few pages into it, I realized I had.  But I can't for the life of me think when I would have since it's not at our library and I would have had to use the SHARE system.  Oh, well.  It's a quick read and funny so I'll finish it.  I also got the wrong book.  I had intended to get a book by Neil Boyd about the Papacy and got one by Peter DeRosa instead.  They had the exact same title.  I'll read it though. It does look good although not a very favorable view. 

I tried to get some knitting done last night but spent more time frogging back than knitting.  Both projects had some very sloppy knitting from the night before last.  I must have been very tired.  And I had trouble with dropped stitches on my beaded lace scarf project.  I'm really looking lovingly at the drawer the sock yarn is in.  I'm so fickle.

Speaking of sock yarn, Loose Ends (look to the left under Shopping) is having a sale on sock yarn. Dare I?  With money being so tight right now and me needing to spend money on a trip?

Tom' s supper is nearly ready and I'm ready to get into my pajamas and curl under the covers to knit and watch dvds.  My energy level is nearly back to normal (which isn't actually normal at all, but is better than what I have been dealing with) so I'm looking forward to putting some time in outdoors.  Our neighbors must hate us.


Tuesday, May 5, 2009

She's back!

I'm feeling much better today.  Not tons of energy but I actually felt like staying out of bed today. Which was good since I had to spend the day in the car up in Fond du Lac.  I did manage to take a nap because I couldn't keep my eyes open which probably looked a bit weird to anyone walking by the car but I didn't really care.  To be honest I suspect several students do that in between classes.

I didn't do a lot while I was waiting.  Read a book, looked over an art book on the history of painting.  Played a little video games on the DS.  Considering I was there all day it's surprising the day went by so quickly.  I'm frustrated with my drawing.  I can't seem to get back to where I was. I'm not sure why.  I know I should be more patient, but I'm not.  It's a problem I've had all my life. I guess I need to conquer things more quickly than I actually can.

Tom has said he's going to get the roto-tiller this weekend and get the ground ready.  I'm not sure what he's going to do with the rain barrel.  I'm not going to die on that hill though. Wherever it goes is fine with me as long as the bush gets re-planted somewhere else.  I'm hoping my energy levels will be high enough I can get some yard work done this weekend. There is so much to do.

Zach and I are going to get our bikes out this weekend and take them someplace where it's flatter so we can build up our stamina on them.  Here it's hilly.  Our house is on the side of a hill, near the top and no matter where we go from here we've got lots of hills to deal with.  I'm so out of shape that we ended up walking our bikes everywhere we went last summer.  So I figure we'll go somewhere there are, at the least, gentle slopes instead of steep hills.

I've been watching The Royal on PBS this past winter and I guess the latest season started a couple of weeks ago.  They killed off two of the main characters.  Dang it!  It's a good thing they weren't my favorites though.  It does make you think that no one is expendable on those shows though.

Lately I've been going through my LOTR dvds.  I'm finally to the cast commentaries.  I haven't been interested in getting anything from the library lately.  Just want to watch what I've got. I'm going to do Pirates of the Caribbean next...full making of and commentaries as well.  I love the behind-the-scenes stuff.  I've also been watching Any Dream Will Do on BBCA.  I think it's much better than American Idol.  Much better.  Even though I know the outcome (since it's from two years ago) I still like it.  Of course, my choice won so that's even better.  And of course, I've been watching the re-runs of Torchwood in preparation for season three.  It sounds like they changed the format a lot for season three because of American audiences.  Argh!  One of the reasons it's so good is because it doesn't cater to the American audience.

In the world of bizarre...I got an email from an old boyfriend from over 23 years ago.  Out of the blue.  I guess he just found out who I was married to (they knew and disliked each other) and apparently googled me, found my blog and email address.  I didn't respond for a number of reasons, one being that it was a very painful experience for me and I didn't want to go back there.  Another reason was that I just didn't care.  I mean...not at all.  I haven't been curious about his life or what happened to him.  I haven't even thought of him in a zillion years.

So when I didn't respond to him he emailed again with a snarky remark.  Which made me laugh. I mean it's still all about him apparently.  But seriously...he told me he'd been sober since '88 but has an email name with a reference to marijuana in it.  Riiiight.  

Well, I'm off to bring Professor inside, straighten up the kitchen and get ready for bed.  I've got knitting to do (I'm interested again!) and one of my favorite things is the end of the day when I can shut the curtains and shut out the world so I can live in my own.

Thanks to everyone for sticking with me while I went through that awful fatigue cycle.  I sure hope I don't have to go through it again anytime soon.


Monday, May 4, 2009

Just checking in

I'm sorry for not posting sooner.  This fatigue has been kicking my posterior and I've barely been out of bed except for the necessary things that have to be done, like getting Zach to school and church, shopping, meals...stuff like that.

But not much cleaning, little knitting and almost no internet at all.  I'm way behind on my email and only went to Ravelry for a while this morning.  

I'm hoping my energy is coming back.  I was able to get out of bed for a while today although I wish I could have worked outside.  It was so beautiful out there.  But I know that I don't have the energy to dig up the ground and plant anything, let alone mow and trim the yard.  I still don't have the ground ready for planting and I doubt Tom is going to lend a hand.

We got a rain barrel finally.  It cost a bit more than I would have liked and Tom won't put it where I want it.  He wants to take out a bush I like and put it there so it doesn't show from the road.  I don't care if it shows.  My concern is that the hole for the spigot is about a third of the way up and not near the bottom.  What am I supposed to do with the bottom third of water?

I have an appointment with the vet on Thursday.  Professor has days when he will stand on the leg but most of the time he favors it and won't use it.  I was checking again today, feeling the bones for a sore spot and found an area near his hip on the inside of his leg that feels like a hernia.  So off to the vet we go.  I found an animal hospital nearby so I'm going to try them.  I just can't go back to our old vet.

Anyway, my energy is about used up and supper is ready so this is short and not sweet at all.  Just wanted to check in.