Thursday, March 13, 2014


I keep meaning to write more often but I have to admit that this winter has been especially hard on me...both physically and emotionally.  The depression sometimes is as debilitating as the fatigue.  And so I withdraw into my shell further and further.  I'm hoping that with the return of the sun and tolerable temperatures, I'll be more excited about life and knitting.

Not that I haven't been knitting.  I've been doing a lot of that...just not a lot of result from it.  I did finish Stephen's sweater and got it out to him yesterday along with some dvds I had that I thought he would like, but I didn't get a picture of it.  I had no place to lay it out to take a picture.  This house is so full of stuff that there are no flat spaces.  So dark that there is no place to take pictures.

Damn, damn, damn depression.

I'm working on two baby blankets...different patterns...trying to use up my stash.  I'm also knitting up a pair of socks for Zach.  Finished his other pair, which he wears a lot.  I'm thinking of frogging his sweater since winter is almost over and hopefully we will both lose weight before next winter.  In which case he'll need a smaller size.  Also started crocheting a purse for myself.  I get so tired of not being able to find a purse I like out there so I'm designing my own.  I thought about lining it with material but I couldn't find any I liked and anyway, material has gotten so expensive I didn't want to bother.  So I crocheted an insert for the purse that will slide into it after I finish up the outside.  Then I'll crochet them together at the top.  I might still line it with material if I can find a remnant that I like.

Won't be long before I can hang clothes out again.  I need to get back to the rigid frugality I used to practice.  Otherwise things will get pretty bleak pretty fast.  I can't count on the overtime regularly.  And those months without it were painful, especially in light of the high heating bills from the sub-zero temps we had this winter.  I don't know what we're going to do with the especially hot summer we're expecting.

Yeah, I know...pretty glum here.  I'm off track with my health as well.  I've regained way too much weight and I've got to start over again.  I couldn't lose weight on 1200 calories and got so tired of being hungry 24/7.  I did find out that lack of iodine in the diet can suppress your metabolism.  I'm pissed that no health professional told me I needed to watch my iodine levels when I gave up salt.  They just kept telling me not to salt my food anymore.  So where was the iodine going to come from?  And why did they just keep telling me to exercise more when I would tell them that I was gaining weight on 1200 calories a day and 40 minutes of exercise?

I got a bit demoralized after all that work, doing things right and still gaining weight.  Plus my cholesterol went up instead of down.  I admit I just fell apart and went back to old habits.  But I can't keep doing that.  I've got to figure out a way to get back on track or I really won't have but a year or so left.  In light of all the facts, it's still hard to feel hungry all the time.  My biological imperative to eat just takes over.

Enough whining.  I've got laundry to do and try to find the dining room floor.  Not to mention all the other cleaning I'm behind on.

Some days I just want to stay in bed, hide from the world and wish someone would take care of me for a change.