Tuesday, September 30, 2008

I survived my annual physical

I don't know why I was so stressed.  Turns out I haven't gained as much as I thought I had.  In fact, it looks like I've lost a few pounds in the past month.  And she wasn't the least bit upset I had stopped taking some of my meds.  She gave me a list of prescriptions I can get a lot cheaper at Stuffmart.  I mean a LOT cheaper.

So as soon as my labs are back I'll be good to go.  My blood pressure was up though.  I don't know if it was the stress I felt from being there or if my lack of exercise is to blame.  So I only get those meds for 3 months.

She really is a nice doctor, so unlike the one in my imagination.

I woke up this morning with my right shoulder terribly sore.  I don't know if I slept wrong or what happened.  It matches my sore left neck though.  Now I'm symmetrically in pain.  I slept for a bit with the hot water bottle and that helped...not at all.  So I took some tylenol and if it doesn't ease up, I'll take a tramadol.

I did some knitting on the prayer shawl yesterday and made some progress.  I'm over halfway now.  I'll most likely work on it some more, too.  Along with the sweater coat I'm knitting.  I haven't done much on Zach's sweater so I should do that tonight instead of the socks I've been knitting.

I don't know why but I've been knitting my socks so they don't match.  On this pair, I've knitted one blue with a pink stripe, heel and toe.  On the second, it's blue with a green stripe, heel and toe.  I've other socks that are similar except they are mirror images of each other.  Ever since I knitted a pair of Dobby socks, I've been hooked.  I mean...who really sees them anyway?  But I should have several pair of worsted socks for this winter.  And they are so toasty warm.

I'm still not dieting (and I think that's why I've lost a few pounds) but I do need to start being more active.  That's just a common sense health thing.  I'm going to take my bicycle in the truck to other places so I can ride it.  Even the dr agreed that my city is bad for bike riding because of all the hills.  And I'm going to start taking the camera with me.  I wonder if I could be any good at photography.  I need to get some books from the library on it but it seems like it would be another good hobby and since it's digital, I don't need to waste money on film to see if the picture turned out.  I know my camera isn't great but maybe some day I'll have a decent camera.

Well, I'm off to fix supper.  Which is hard because I'm not hungry but we leave in a short while and I'm trying not to eat out, even on Zach's discount.


Monday, September 29, 2008

Sleep, blessed sleep

I had really intended pictures today but the day has been another long one and I have much housework to do yet in anticipation of being gone most of the week ahead.

I did get sleep, Ailsa.  Blessed sleep.  And I feel much better although I'm a bit peeved at Zach's Oral Communication teacher.  He failed to communicate the criteria for the test and 2/3 of the class failed it.  There were only two grades:  A & F.  I know I have to let him take care of this as he's an adult now, but I can still be pretty upset.  This teacher has been non-communicative and unavailable for consult, hasn't been prepared for the lesson and now this.  Zach is going to see about transferring to another class.  This is a young man with a 3.9 average and looking at flunking this class, along with 2/3 of the rest of them.  All this man seems to do is brag about the other classes he teaches and read from the book.  Not much else.

Whew...rant over.

As of now we are in super duper tightwad mode.  All dishes by hand and no more using the dryer.  No more junk food and no more eating out.  I just got the gas bill for the car and truck and it's almost double what it has been this summer.  No way can we afford $500 a month for transportation costs.  We just can't catch a break.  Ever.

Fortunately I've got lots of yarn to hold me over so I can make do with what I've got even if it's not very nice yarn.  I've got a lot of things made that I can give as Christmas gifts so I don't need to worry about that.  And I can drop the thermostat down another couple of degrees to 58 when the weather turns.  Not completely comfortable but tolerable.  And there's nothing like cozying up under the blankets while I knit and watch television.

I would cancel cable again but they just offered me a package for 2 years that would include telephone that is cheaper than what we're paying now for our cable, internet and telephone so I'm going to take them up on it.  We have to have the internet for Zach's school and the tv part is less than $30 a month so I think we can afford that.  The other option is to cancel the tv part and not be able to watch anything.  We get terrible reception here even with a powered antenna.

But I'm going to let the dr know tomorrow that I'm not running into her office 4 times a year for her to talk to me about my medications anymore and she can make do with one blood test a year.  I was going in 4 times a year for that as well.  And my insurance doesn't pay much anymore.

I don't know what to do about my mammogram though.  That will be close to $400 and that comes off the deductible and the hospital won't take payments longer than 3 months and I don't have that.  So it's either put it on the credit card or wait until next summer.  Because we have insurance we don't qualify for any of the free mammograms out there.  Catch 22, huh?

Bitter much?

Well, off to clean out the fridge and cook supper.  


Sunday, September 28, 2008

The day I crashed

Talk about a bad night. I didn't get any sleep and had to be at church this morning to finish setting up for communion. I didn't know who to call at that late date to replace me so I went ahead and went to church. But as I was sitting there waiting for church to start I began shaking, like I was weak, and my stomach felt upset. I knew it was from exhaustion and knew if I waited until after church I wouldn't be safe to drive. So I asked one of the other ladies to take care of the clean up after service and I would switch with her next week, then I drove home carefully (and with much babbling that kept me awake) and slept for about 4 hours.

I know my work load looks like nothing. I mean, I sit in the car for hours. But I do a lot of work here at the house and put in more than 8 hours a day even if it's not hard labor. On the sleep front, not a lot of it going on. The dog keeps waking me up with hysterical barking and when I finally get to sleep, Tom wakes me up when he comes home because the door is right beside where I sleep and I'm a light sleeper.

Needless to say, I was averaging less than 4 hours a night of sleep last week and having a completely sleepness night just threw me over the edge and I had a mini breakdown of sorts.

I'm still groggy but I'll try to just tough it out and hopefully go to sleep early. My annual physical is Tuesday morning and I am really anxious about it because of all the weight gain and the fact I haven't been taking my cholesterol meds. I hope I sleep tomorrow night because I have to drive to Fond du Lac that afternoon. Zach fixed supper tonight so that was a huge help.

And what I want to know is who takes the last package of crackers out of the box and leaves the box in the pantry? Hmmmm?

I'm too tired to knit tonight and I hate that but I need to stop pushing myself and let myself get over these insomniac and fatigue spells.

I've also been doing a lot of soul searching and while that's not for this blog, it's been eye-opening how much I just accept about my life and how much I postpone fixing until I "lose this weight." I'm tired of waiting until I'm "perfect" to be the person I want to be. I hate how I look: I have one arm twice the size of the other due to lymphedema, one breast doesn't match the other because I gained weight since I got the prosthesis, and my stomach is bigger than it was when I delivered my last child. I feel like a freak and treat myself like one. I wear clothes that are shabby and stained all the time, except for church, and there I only have a couple of outfits to wear. And those don't really flatter me at all.

One thing I love about British television and movies is they don't have that impossible woman playing the starring role. She's sometimes a bit overweight...at least by Hollywood standards, her teeth aren't always white and impossibly straight, she's not always under 30 and she has obvious flaws that make her more human. As someone with crooked, yellowish teeth, I've been self-conscious my whole life and afraid to smile much because of Hollywood teeth. I never had the money to spend on my smile.

British television seems to value the older woman a lot more than Hollywood or American tv does. I mean...Diana Rigg is still HOT!!! Dame Judith Dench? Patricia Routledge? Sian Phillips? Julie Walters? And let's not forget Helen Mirren! These women are still getting some prime roles. Our country puts women out to pasture when they get past 40, unless they're good at not aging.

Well, enough self-pity for one post. It's time to go put my jammies on and put my feet up. And maybe dig my journal out and start writing in it again.

I hope to do a lot of knitting tomorrow.


Saturday, September 27, 2008

Goodbye, Miss Mouse

I caught her with a towel and let her go outside.  Hannibal was playing with her again without any intentions of putting her out of her misery so I decided enough was enough.  She didn't look damaged but she was walking a bit wonky so she may have broken a leg or something.  I looked for her this morning outside and she's nowhere to be seen so I hope she was able to make her escape. I put her in the long grasses so she had plenty of cover.

It's times like this that make me consider vegetarianism.  And I probably could stick with it if I didn't have to cook meat for the other people who live here.

Another day away from home and me a homebody!  I keep thinking that someday I will actually have a day off, but who am I kidding?  I managed to get some knitting and Harry Potter listening done while waiting in the car.  I had intended to just drop Zach off for his orientation but he forgot his phone and didn't know if he could use theirs so he asked me to wait thinking it would only be half an hour or so.  Instead it was an hour and a half.  But we got supper for half price so I'm not complaining.  Too much.

The temps are cooling today and will likely last throughout next week.  I love it because sitting in a hot car isn't fun.  I have found a shade tree at the back of the parking lot in FDL but it's still been warm.  There is a breeze just coming up outside right now and it feels ever so good.  

I did most of the work for the altar by myself today.  I was glad Betsy was there to answer my questions but I wanted to do it all by myself if possible.  That's how I learn best...by doing.  I really enjoy it but today I was a bit off spiritually.  I so desperately need some time by myself to sort some things out.  Not time in a parking lot with people walking around, but time in my room where I'm just left alone to think or read or pray or meditate.  Whatever it takes to heal these bruises in my soul.  And that's just never going to happen unless I make it happen.

I guess I'll have to find the time somehow.  If you want something badly enough you find the time for it.  I'll just have to start wanting it badly enough.

My annual physical is Tuesday and I've been having imaginary conversations with my doctor for a month now.  I've gained back nearly all the weight I took off and I've been off my cholesterol meds for a few months now.  I feel like I'm being sent to the principal's office.  Ack!  Why do I let people make me feel like this?  And I need to schedule my mammogram which I'm going to have to pay out of pocket because the insurance company doesn't give me a free one anymore.  It comes out of the deductible, which is high and going up the first of the year.  

Things aren't getting better as I get older.  We're just falling down deeper into the pit, it seems.

I think I'm off to do dishes and then slip into my pajamas for the night.  I've got tons of things to watch on dvd and Zach's sweater to work on.  I'm almost to the neck.


Friday, September 26, 2008

Another long week of days and nights

I was going to sleep in this morning as I haven't gotten a lot of sleep this week, but Professor was barking and whining to go out and Tom was sitting at the computer playing solitaire so I had to get up and let him out.  But what the hey...I had all of 4 hours of sleep so I guess it was time to get up.

I've been watching Wire in the Blood:season 2.  Love those British mysteries.  But I've not been doing a lot of knitting lately.  To be honest, I just don't have the energy to knit a lot.  It comes and goes and will come back for sure but I think instead of pushing myself, the sane thing to do is to just rest when I can.  I mean...I can watch television without knitting.  I know I can.

Tom liked the arrangement in the living room.  I knew he would but thought he might snipe about me rearranging the house again.  Still...I had to bring it up.  He never said a word about it. But that's going to be it for a while because I'm beat.  Got no energy.  And tomorrow I have to get up early to go to church for Altar Guild.

Zach has orientation at McSnacky after all.  He'll go tomorrow afternoon so I think I'll swing by Loose Ends to browse while he's there.  ETA:  they're not open when he has orientation so I'll have to browse some other day.  I might pick up some sock yarn because it's been a while since I've worked with it.  But I did find a pattern in Son of Stitch & Bitch for man socks using baby yarn.  I could use that for my older son's Christmas present.  I'd like to make him a sweater but at the rate I'm going it will be next year before it's done.

Still, I need to get myself back on track because Christmas is coming up.  I have lots of socks done already but no man gifts at all.  Yet so many projects in my queue.

I think I'll go take a brief nap and then just take the rest of the afternoon off.  I need some time alone in my room but it ain't gonna happen any time soon.  Not having a door, let alone a real wall, really puts a damper on trying for privacy.  And asking for it is like inviting people in.

Oh, and Miss Mouse was pretty active under my armoir in the wee hours this morning.  I'm just going to consider her a roommate and adopt her.

I'm taking suggestions for names.  I don't know the gender but since this household is Y-chromosome heavy, I think it's time we had another female in here.

Off to nap if Mr. Yappy Professor will let me.


Wednesday, September 24, 2008

She knits!

I did get some knitting done last night.  I cast on another pair of worsted socks.  This time in a heather blue color and I'm using some light green and pink to knit a swirl in it.  Just something different.  Next pair I'll do more with textures.

Bad night for sleeping.  The pain wouldn't let me stay asleep and I didn't want to max out on my pain pills so I just toughed it out.  I eventually got a hot water bottle for my back and that did the trick.  But I didn't think of that until about 5:30 a.m.

But we also had some barking and meowing going on.  Apparently the mouse is still alive and kicking because Hannibal woke me up from my first attempt at sleep making those strange mrowling noises.  I turned on the light and he came running in to my room searching for mousie. I think she got away again because no bits and pieces anywhere.

I'm going to have to name her.  Any suggestions?

Then there was an altercation of some kind down the street at the intersection on the highway which ended with cars peeling out and the Professor barking and growling.  He went nuts this morning because there were two squirrels in the yard and while Tom did attempt to keep him quiet so I could sleep he would not be calmed.

So, after 3 hours sleep, I decided to just get up.  I can sleep in the car once we get there.  

Oddly, I had an excess of energy today.  I not only rearranged the living room (and it looks darned good, if I do say so) but I scrubbed down the kitchen.  And I'm still not tired.  See?  It's the stupid fibromyalgia, not the lack of sleep.

Zach stopped in at McSnacky to grab a sandwich on the way to school yesterday and the asst manager asked him if he could make orientation on Saturday.  So...he's still got a job.  We might just make it this winter.  

I've got to break down and reprint Zach's sweater pattern.  I need to finish something besides socks.  Although I have made a lot of progess on the prayer shawl.  I'm over halfway now.

Well, off to cook supper to take along tonight.  My new eating plan is working very well.  I'm starting to think of food as food and not my enemy or my security blanket.  And I'm not thinking about food 24/7.  I let myself go nuts and eat whatever I wanted (except sugar...being diabetic and all) and now I'm tired of  that stuff and am craving healthy foods.  I sure hope this does the trick.

Have a great Wednesday.  Probably won't post tomorrow because that's the 13 hour day in Fond du Lac.


Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Will she ever knit again?

I am so tired.  I took a nap this afternoon, intending to just snooze for a few minutes.  It's a good thing I set the alarm because it woke me up an hour and a half later.  And I slept pretty good last night.  I feel like I could crawl into bed now and probably will after I finish this.

I got no knitting done again today.  I played Zach's DS games while waiting for him because it took too much effort to actually do any knitting.  Maybe I'm catching up on all that sleep I've missed out on the past few months.

I have a lot to do tomorrow because I'm going to shift the hutch and the entertainment center because you have to walk in front of the tv to get to the hutch to put the dishes away.  And it's awkward.  And the whole setup isn't very nice looking either.  Tom will not like it because he hates change and when I change anything he gets annoyed.  I moved a couple of things around in the kitchen today and he stood there with a big scowl on his face and in an accusatory tone said, "You rearranged the kitchen again."  Moving a shelf to the top of the microwave isn't rearranging.  Just wait until he sees the living room tomorrow (rubbing my hands together with an evil cackle.)

I'm off to bed.  Too tired to talk.  I hope I'm better tomorrow.  Darned fatigue.


Monday, September 22, 2008

Happy Buffyday to me....

Yes, I finally got Buffy the Vampire Slayer even if it isn't the season I asked for. It only took two years of asking so I'm not complaining. It's the thought that counts. Okay, maybe it's not really since I did have to beg, but I still got what I wanted so I win after all.

And I have a car that starts all the time now. Didn't fix the power steering pump so that will probably go out when the temps are sub-zero, but hey...at least the car will start even if I can't steer it.

Again...not complaining.

Zach got me Stardust, which is a funny movie. My collection is definitely growing.

I'm feeling all the work I did all weekend. I can barely move. I had to rest after every row on the Invisibility Shawl, the worsted edition. I'm thinking of going to bed early tonight although I have to stay up for Paranormal State.

I hope to have some pictures tomorrow since I'll have more time at home. I don't have to leave until 4:30 now that the car starts every time (had to allow for changing vehicles if it didn't.) I still have a ton of housework to do but Tom did try to vacuum today and informed me that the vacuum wasn't working well so he cleaned it.

Thanks for all the birthday greetings. It means a lot to be remembered. It really does. My sisters are good at that, bless them. They are great sisters to have.

Ailsa suggested autumn colors for the mouse's jumper/sweater. I can do that. I'm thinking he's still around since I haven't seen any mouse parts anywhere and I haven't heard anymore weird noises coming from Hannibal. I wonder if there are any real mouse patterns out there.

Thanks to Jan, Blogless Barbara, Kay, Brandy, Vicki N, and Ailsa for the recent comments.

Now, I'm off to relax for a while but I have some work to do on Ravelry later on so I guess I won't get to bed early after all.


Sunday, September 21, 2008

More Sunday blatherings

It looks like I'm going to have a car to drive tomorrow if the mosquitoes don't drain Tom's blood tonight.  Apparently Chryslers now are manufactured so you can't really work on them without removing the engine first so I've heard a lot of strange sounds coming from the driveway today.

Maniacal laughter being one of them.

No kidding.

Today is my dad's birthday so I called him to wish him many more.  But I interrupted the golf tournament so it was short and sweet.  No matter.  It's the thought that counts.

Tomorrow is mine:  number 55.  I'll finally be a senior citizen.  Even though I still feel a bit like a kid at times.  But that's okay.  I won't say no to those discounts.

I've done no knitting today although I worked on socks yesterday.  Today I've been cleaning, doing laundry and reading.  I'm reading a book called Selling Satan about Mike Warnke, who was a pretty famous Christian comedian in the 80's.  Turns out it was all a bunch of hooey.  He never was a Satanic high priest after all.  Made it all up.  Hmmmm....just like someone else I know of on Ravelry.

'Nuff said.

I did a lot of work on my bedroom yesterday.  I had been using the bottom of the armoir for my dresser and had the television on it but I desperately needed more storage room because I had stacks and stacks of books and magazines and music, and my yarn was in plastic bins under the bed and in corners.  I hated it.  

So I brought the top of the armoir from the basement (no small task), which meant I had to bring up an extra table for my tv.  I mused about it until Zach said that it was my bedroom, not an extension of the living room and I should have it the way I wanted it.  Besides, it turned out the armoir was sitting in a damp spot and would soon have become unusable.

Now it's good.  Crowded, but good.  And the television is closer to my bed without obstructing the heating vent (winter is coming up, after all) so I don't have to turn it up as loud.  But best of all, no stacks of anything and my knitting is all hidden in the armoir.  It actually looks like a bedroom now...aside from the piano in it.  Which I really need to get back to playing.

Oh, and I managed to sort through and find a big bag full of SuperSaver yarn to send to the thrift store tomorrow.  It wasn't the least bit painful after all.  And I have even more to sort through upstairs.  But that's for another weekend.

I'm itching to start many projects at once.  I'm almost done with a pair of worsted socks but nowhere near finishing anything else.  I'm thinking of knitting a balaclava for those nights of sitting in the car waiting for Zach.  I've got that Cascade 220 that would be toasty warm and would keep my neck warm without the bulkiness of a scarf.

I want to knit a scarf from my dorset handspun but I want something lacy and narrow.  And maybe a new pair of fingerless mitts so I can knit in the car.  The ones I have are acrylic.  I need wool.

I looked through my drawer and found a bunch of sock yarn leftover but nothing matches enough to use in a sock so I'm thinking of making baby socks for the food pantry.  I think I have enough and it's machine-washable.

I have all these ambitions but not a lot of follow-through.  I must work on that.

Well, off to watch Midsomer Murders (because everything came in to the library at once and I've got tons of things to watch this week) and work on my socks and Zach's sweater (which I need to download again because I lost it.)

And...I think the mouse is still around.  I didn't find any bits anywhere.  I have to admit I was rooting for the mouse.


Friday, September 19, 2008


Aye, it be International Talk Like a Pirate Day.  But we won't be a doin' what we did last year when we tried to get our booty prescriptions from the pharmacy in Pirate talk.  It be too hard to try to get your pain pills from people who look at you like you be needin' detox instead.


Hurts my throat to talk like that.

Last night we got home around 11 p.m., unloaded the car and settled in for the night.  As I was shutting down the computer and straightening up the living room a bit, I heard Hannibal (the cat) scrambling around in the back hallway.  Seconds later he comes trotting into the living room with something gray and furry in his mouth.  Which he proceeded to let go in the living room where it ran under the desk, the couch and behind the entertainment center.

And the cat looks at me like I stole his favorite toy.

I was too tired to worry about it too much so I went to bed (my bedroom is off the living room and doesn't have a door to it...just curtains.

About 3 a.m. I heard Hannibal making some of the strangest meowing sounds so I turned on my light, and sat up in bed.  Professor, who was sleeping at the foot of my bed, perked up, hopped off the bed and walked over to the curtain, where he peered out into the darkness and then ran back to the bed and hopped up on it (well, he has an ottoman he uses to get up on the bed because he's so little he can't always hop up on the bed.)  Now this is the aggressive attack dog (part chihuahua/part pomeranian) who goes ballistic when a squirrel is anywhere in his line of vision and acts like he could take down a 600 pound bear by himself. 

Yes, Hannibal had found the mouse and was growling at something while holding it in his mouth. Then...history repeating itself...he let it go so he could chase it and...you guessed it...it got away again.  This time under my bed.  Where I store bins of yarn and knitting books and my drawing/art supplies.  No way the cat could get under there even if he knew that's where the mouse went.

It was 6:30 before I got back to sleep.

Oh, and Professor just watched while the mouse ran under the bed.  Then he looked at me like he expected me to do something about it.

So I'm tired and cranky today and I have all the errands (banking, library, shopping, etc.) to do today in addition to cleaning house.  Tom managed to start the dishwasher once this week but there is a sinkful of dishes to load back up and some to wash by hand, the living room to clean, bathroom to scrub and laundry to do.  Not to mention the yard work.

I never actually get a day off.  Not in 22 years of marriage.  Never had one.  His idea of vacations is to go camping where I cook on a campstove, wash dishes in a pan and clear away the leftovers and store the food so critters can't get it.

And he goes fishing or just sleeps all day.

Needless to say we haven't been on vacation together since we lived in California, over 12 years ago.

Anyway...I did manage to finish one sock of the generic worsted.  I have tons of bits and pieces off Woolease that I plan on using to make a bunch of mismatched looking socks because I like to wear them.  Maybe I'm related to Dobby or something (you know...house elf...Harry Potter.)  I did knit myself some Dobby socks two winters ago and they're still in good shape.  The difference in Cascade versus Woolease.

I got some more knitted on the Invisibility Shawl (worsted weight version) but I can't find the pattern for Zach's sweater so I may end up having to print it out again.

It's probably under the bed with the mouse though.

Maybe I should knit the mouse a little sweater to wear this winter.  I've got some sock yarn left over that would work.

Off to plow through the fatigue because I have no other choice.


Thursday, September 18, 2008

Just a short note

For some bizarre reason the car is starting perfectly now.

Of course.  Tom will be working on the car tomorrow so now it's running great.

I think the car is sentient.  Stuff like this happens to me when I have to go to the doctor.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Just like Christmas

I went digging in my nightstand the other day and found these treasures.  They belonged to my late mother-in-law, who also knitted.  Probably much better than I did, but by the time I met her she only knitted garter-stitch slippers so I only got to hear of her wonderful accomplishments from her children.

I hope someday to knit out of them because they do seem like terrific patterns, especially the socks.  I've never knit argyles but I hope to.  Someday.  By the way, some of those booklets are from 1947.  I love it.

This is the Invisibility Shawl from Charmed Knits.  Only in worsted weight.  I'm using a Hobby Lobby yarn.  Can't think of the name of it and the labels are long gone.  But it's soft and will work well for the lady-in-mind's needs.  Not a great picture, I know but I didn't have a good place to lay it out flat.  The color is right on though.  At least on my computer.

You probably won't hear from me until the weekend because of my schedule.  I'll be spending 12+ hour days up in Fond du Lac Wednesday and Thursday and Friday is my day of many errands.  I hope to write Friday night but it depends on how tired I am.

The fibromyalgia has the fatigue factor that is always there even when the pain isn't.  I'm not sure which is worse.  I can take pain pills but can't take anything for that boost of energy.  At least nothing legal.  I'm still struggling to get out of the diet mentality.  I still feel guilty every time I eat anything, even the good stuff, and I still want to binge because I feel deprived.  I've got 20 years of brainwashing to rid myself of so I'm sure it will take time.  In the meantime I'm trying not to stress out about my upcoming physical and what the dr might say.  Or might not say.

I've not been on Ravelry as much lately (which doesn't mean I haven't been there...just not as much as I was before) and there is something on my mind that I just have to speak about.  Back when I was on AOL's message boards, I was young and naive about people.  I generally believed everything they said about themselves.  Then, a woman on my email loop turned out to be a complete fraud.  She had invented a persona that everyone believed in and loved.  I felt so betrayed when I found out she wasn't who she said she was.

As a result, I tend to view people on Ravelry with a skewed eye.  Most people, I'm okay with. It's the ones with outlandish histories that I scoff at.  One in particular has done everything, had every experience you can imagine, is an expert on all issues to do with Christianity, ghost-hunting, demonology, motherhood, marriage, the military, you-name-it.  And she's not yet 30.  I want to follow her around and tell people not to believe her but I'm pretty sure that would be stalking.  It's so frustrating to see people adore this woman when I'm almost certain she's nothing but an attention-seeker who is succeeding at getting that attention.  

If you did a timeline on all she's said, it wouldn't add up at all.  But no one ever bothers to.

I'm just saying that people should be circumspect about those they meet online.  It's pretty hard to check someone's credibility when you don't know them in person.  Or don't know their real names.

I'm also leery of jumping on bandwagons (which is why I rarely get on while it's still moving.)I'm not much into the cult of personality.  Some of the weirdest battles ensue on Ravelry over someone saying something uncomplimentary about someone's knitting heroine.  Or hero.  Or a particular pattern that person has designed.

I'll admit.  I'm a closet member of the Rubbernecker's Group.  I think they are a bit too irreverent at times, but I knew who they were when I signed on.  And I'm a firm believer in letting them be who they want to be.  It's not about me and what I want.  I think a few Ravelers need to get a grip on that.  

Besides...the Rubberneckers were there for me when I was being stabbed in the back and kicked while I was down.  They can be as irreverent as they want.

Not to mention they are hilariously funny.

Enough blathering.  I need to fix supper so we can get to FDL for Zach's class.  Here's keeping my fingers crossed so the car will start.  It's going to be a nerve-wracking week wondering about that.


Monday, September 15, 2008

It's only Monday

Beautiful cool day today with a low of 43 expected tonight.  Time to get the blankets out!

Zach's teacher canceled class today so there was no school and no apparent reason to get out but I did anyway because I had to go to the library and stop by the grocery.  Gas jumped 12 cents before I could get home.  I want to cry.

This week we have two full days in Fond du Lac because there is a student function going on Wednesday and Zach wants to go so I have four meals to pack.  Well three because he's going to eat in the cafeteria and I'm getting a bean burrito from Taco Bell.  So I've got lots of cooking to do tomorrow before we leave.

I have gotten no knitting done today but I will as soon as I eat supper and stuff all the dirty dishes in the dishwasher.  I can get the sock nearly done and work more on the sweater coat but I'm going to save Zach's sweater and the prayer shawl for Fond du Lac.  They both require more attention to what I'm doing than a seed stitch rectangle that will be the back of the sweater up to the cabling (which is still a long way off.)

I must be off and get things done before I cozy up under the blankets.


Sunday, September 14, 2008

As the mind rambles

I'm still pretty tired but the pain is under control.

It's dark and dreary today. My kind of day actually. Or would be if the house were cleaner. It's hard for me to sit cozy when there is work to be done. And I will get it done before I cozy up under a throw and knit while watching Black Books, season 2.

Yes, it's cool enough to sit under a light throw today. Winter approaches!

I started a pair of worsted weight socks: just generic socks to wear this winter. It had been too long since I had a pair on the needles. And I plan on getting some sock yarn from Loose Ends for my birthday since I never seem to get anything for that. Well, Tom is talking about fixing the car since the starter is going out fast. I hold my breath when I try to start it and I usually can after about 5 or 6 tries. Usually. I sit in anticipation for the day when we're stuck in Fond du Lac and it won't start at all.

But you know...poker parties take precedence and since he's taking time off next weekend for my birthday, he said he would replace the starter (and the power steering pump? too much to ask?) then. All I have to do is coax the car to start a few more times.

I also started the sweater coat from the pattern I used many years ago. It's been a while since I've knitted with Red Heart and I don't think I'll ever go back after this. I picked the softest color I could find (black is like rope) and I know it will soften up after washing but it's not as pleasant as I used to find it.

And I have some Cascade 220 to do something with. And my handspun in a denim color, which might make a nice scarf, if I needed another worsted weight scarf. I guess I could make it a gift for someone. But something challenging. And narrow. I don't have a lot of it. About 8 oz.

I haven't been spinning much lately. I don't know why. Just not in the mood I guess. I should get back to it.

Zach's sweater is coming along nicely. I'm almost to the neckline, but the shawl is still sitting in the bag eyeing me pitifully for neglecting it. Maybe if I just knit a few rows a day, it will grow faster than pushing the bag into the corner and promising myself I'll knit on it tomorrow (you know...that fictional tomorrow we all fantasize about.)

I've been spending the past few days really thinking about myself and my life. I get so tired of worrying about my weight and am convinced that I never really had a weight problem until I started dieting. I haven't dieted for over a month now and I haven't gained a single pound. Before that I was gaining steadily in spite of all the feast and famine days.

I just need to get a bit more physical activity in there and with all the time I've got to sit in the car, I could walk a bit. I could take my portable cd player (yes, I'm still back in the olden days) and listen to music while I walk. I don't care to waste my audio books on walking and don't listen to music as much as I would like to so there is my opportunity.

I've just got to get the diet mentality out of my brain because I still obsess about it and that makes me binge. Seriously. On the rare day when I don't think about it, I don't snack at all.

Go figure.

I also need to banish anxiety from my vocabulary. I'm so stressing out about my upcoming physical because I haven't been taking all my meds and I know the doctor will say something about it but I need to let her know that if she will continue to prescribe high cost medications to me I won't be taking them so she needs to find affordable prescriptions.

I mean...she works for me, right? She's not the boss of me. We all know that Professor has that job.

Speaking of the little boy, he's been suffering some separation anxiety of late and is stuck like glue to me when I'm home. Generally in my arms while on the computer or in my lap or next to me while I'm watching television. If I'm in the kitchen he's in the doorway, with his face between his paws looking sadly up at me. And I never get to go to the bathroom by myself.

I know I'm gone more hours than before so I try to spend more time with him but he doesn't like it much when I knit and will try to push my current project out of my hands so I can use that hand to pet him. And he was waking me up frequently to snuggle him.

See? Totally the boss of me.

Off to turn on some lights and watch tv. I have no idea what's on anymore now that the new season is coming up and new channels are coming into our lineup.


Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Short and not so sweet

What a bad night!  I was up until 5 a.m. with pain from the fibromyalgia.  For the first time, I took 3 pain pills plus the tylenol I always start out with.  To be frank, the time between the first and the third was about 4 hours, but still...it's never taken that many to dull the pain before.  It's not a sharp, intense pain, but a dull ache that goes to the bone.  Plus the Restless Leg Syndrome in there makes for a miserable experience.

As a result, I'm dragging today.  I took one mini-nap earlier but I'm ready to go down again.  If I could just keep Professor quiet enough.  He keeps waking me up barking at the kids out there.  Ooops.  Just looked at the clock and I don't have time.  I have to get ready to take Zach to school.

Well, maybe just a quick snooze.


Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Cranky me and the burden of fibromyalgia

This is one of my fatigue days. I mean the kind of fatigue where you can't move from the chair without a supreme effort of will. Not the kind where you're tired from mowing the yard or painting the house. The kind that saps your will in addition to all your energy.

And it's invisible, of course, so no one really knows that you just can't do anything. They assume you're either lazy or just don't want to do anything. And while they might say the right things, their body language and their attitudes broadcast loudly that they are just placating you and don't believe a word of what they're saying.

I hate fibromyaglia. I really do.

I saw today while I was out back with Professor that the shingles on the roof are loose and we most likely have a leak in that area. I'm grateful we haven't had more rain this summer; otherwise, we'd have rotting wood about now. I'm nervous about telling Tom since he has the car to fix yet.

Anyway...I had to stop on the sweater last night to knit up a pair of slippers because I couldn't find mine and it's getting a wee bit chilly at night so I need them. I've just got the cuff to finish on one and they'll be wearable tonight when I get home.

But I'll knit on the sweater at Fond du Lac tonight while waiting for Zach. Truthfully, the time spent waiting for him is some of the best moments of my day. I'm comfortable in the car, with a blanket or pillow (it's cool at night), listening to my favorite audio books, knitting away. Or snoozing. I don't get strange looks anymore. I think both campuses are used to me by now. I know the office at Beaver Dam knows I'm there because someone there reads my blog occasionally.

We're going to be heating stuff up on Thursdays in the commons area because eating out just wasn't that satisfactory, especially considering how much we spent, even while economizing. So I got some Lean Cuisine stuff and Zach got some hot pockets and that should do us. That way I don't have to spend money on gas in addition to money on food. This is the hard part for me, figuring out meals to go. Zach has to eat on the way up there because we leave a bit too soon for him to eat supper but there's no time once we get there. So it has to be portable. Neither of us likes cold sandwiches much so I cook, put it in containers and he eats once we get to the halfway point. It's a 45-60 minute drive because of the rural highways and traffic so you can see that a half-hour or more makes a difference in meal times.

Tonight it's Chicken Helper. Tomorrow Hamburger Helper. Cheap meals, believe me, since I don't use a pound of meat in them, but about a quarter pound. It works out well though.

I'm off to begin supper now. Then all the packing up. I'm going to take a walk around the parking lot tonight, which is about a quarter mile. I'm working up to more laps. I don't like to just sit for 3 hours at a time. It aggravates my fibromyalgia to do that. I can avoid pain pills if I get up and walk when the pain gets bad. Except at night. I don't want to get up out of bed and take a walk at 3 a.m. so I do take the pain pills then.

I guess I'll be shingling the roof this weekend. What fun.

Cranky me is off to cook.


Monday, September 8, 2008

Dr. Seuss and the gloomy peaceful day

The sun did not shine; it was too wet to play. So we sat in the house  car all that cold, cold wet day.

--with apologies to Dr. Seuss

I do love it though.  The rain on the roof of the car put me to sleep and I had a lovely nap while waiting for Zach.  Not the whole time though.  I listened to Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban while knitting on Zach's sweater.  I got quite a bit done.

No pictures because I wasn't home much during the daylight hours and it's too dark now.  I do hope to get some up soon of all the socks I knit this summer.  And I'd love to show you Zach's sweater and the prayer shawl so far.  My intentions are always good, if not terribly misplaced.

Not much to say today.  I have much knitting and spinning to do and I haven't really done any cleaning at all today (and probably won't do much beyond keeping up in the kitchen) so I'm not going to spend much time online.  I haven't even been to Ravelry much lately.  That is such a time devourer for me that I've had to discipline myself not to go there every day.

I'm weak, but getting stronger.

I'm off to watch Midsomer Murders (fresh from the library) and knit on the sweater some more.


Sunday, September 7, 2008

My weekend marathon


I got Pasion de Gavilanes Friday and did a marathon, finishing up last night.  As I said, an abbreviated version of it but it was fun nonetheless.  I did pretty good figuring out what was going on.  I was only wrong on one thing and it was a very minor thing.  I think my two years of high school Latin and one year of college Latin helped immensely.  But I do have a Spanish textbook on hand along with a dictionary and that helped, too.

I loved the ending and since I'm almost there in the daily version of it, it will be so much better seeing all the missing bits.  I do think they rushed the ending a lot.

And the extra stuff was great...bloopers, interviews, behind-the-scenes stuff.  Great.

And so I got a lot of knitting done.  I finished the back of Zach's sweater and started the front. Worked on the market bag until I ran out of the colorway I was working with.  Now I'm just adding odd ends that I have left over from other projects.  I'll work some more on the prayer shawl now that it's cooler and I have Midsomer Murders to watch (3 episodes.)

We had a progressive dinner today at church but I wasn't up to it.  It was in the Madison area and I've had a sinus headache for two days (allergies and unable to take allergy medicine) so we didn't go.  I sometimes wonder about my lack of sociability.  Zach says I'm just an introvert and not to worry about it, that some people just don't need a lot of people around them, but Tom criticizes me about it and makes me think it's a failing of mine.  I really do just prefer to be at my home rather than a party.  I don't like travel much because I prefer to sleep in my own bed.  And I hate crowds.

Speaking of crowds, I missed the Wisconsin Sheep & Wool festival this year.  I really didn't have the money to spend on it but I also didn't want to go with Tom and he would have insisted on coming along with me.  Maybe next year.

Great news!!  Zach got his financial aid packet and got two grants and a federal loan that covers all of it.  Such a relief.  He's going to come out of two years of school with very little to pay back. Now if he could just get a job.  McSnacky didn't call back about the orientation so I don't know if it's still on or not.  They scheduled his first one when he had to be in class and said they would reschedule him but it's been two weeks...

I've been  thinking of knitting a sweater coat from a pattern I used about 14 years ago.  I really liked it and since my skills have improved since then, I thought I'd give it a go.  Plus, I can make it out of Red Heart yarn (don't stone me!) and it will be manageable financially.  The last one I made out of it was nice and soft and very comfortable to wear.  I wore it to death, in fact. It lasted about 7 years, to be honest.

But for now, I have a lot on my needles and need to finish something.  Although I am thinking of giving myself some sock yarn for my birthday.  And I'd love to start knitting some lace in laceweight yarn.  

But projects need to be finished and the Welsh top needs to be spun (fun!)  But it's still nice to have a queue.  Something to look forward to, for sure.

Hope everyone has a pleasant Sunday.  Mine has been so far.


Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Wednesday's blatherings

I meant to take pictures today.  I really did.  But the kitchen floor was calling me along with the dirty dishes and I couldn't resist the siren call.

So kitchen is clean.  Living room is clean.  Bedroom is clean.

Kathy is tired.

I've been working on a market bag while sitting in the car waiting for Zach.  It has been too hot the past couple of days for anything but cotton although today was a lot cooler.  Trouble  is, I really like working on the market bag and don't want to knit on the sweater or the prayer shawl.

I seem to have problems finishing what I start.

I need therapy.

I felt better today.  I have these meltdowns occasionally when I feel pressured.  I've made sure the past few days I spent little time in his company and that helps.  Until the next time.

Did I mention that I ordered Pasion de Gavilanes from Amazon.com?  It's a very edited version and was on sale at $14 and some change.  English subtitles.  Yeah.  I love it.  Now I can find out just what the heck they've been talking about.  I can get the basic premise but I miss the nuances.  And the nuances are what make a show fun.  Otherwise it's just a book report.

And Mario is hot.  Even if he is a year older than my oldest child.

I'm just sayin'.

Supposedly we will be getting rain tonight.  Last week when I was being deluged in Fond du Lac, I think Horicon was getting...not much.  The sidewalk was wet but my grass is still crunchy and brown and I've had to water my flowers every day.  But they're talking four inches of rain and if we get that all at once, it will just run off to the river and not stop to play.

Or end up in my basement.

Off to knit on the sweater and watch Ghost Hunters before I fall asleep.