Saturday, April 30, 2011

There is some serious wind going on out there

For some reason it was Hannibal's turn to keep me awake last night.  He kept sitting on my chest digging his claw into my lip trying to get my attention.  And believe me, a claw in the lip in dead sleep really does get your attention.  I don't know if he was hungry or just wanted to cuddle but I didn't get up.  I just stuck him under the covers curled up in my arms and went back to sleep.  Until the next time I found him on my chest digging his claw in my nose.

Then Professor wanted out at 8:30 a.m.  I turned over and went back to sleep, ignoring the barking.  He eventually jumped back on the bed and slid under the covers until 10:30 when I finally got up.  Still sleepy.  And I've been fighting sleep all day.

I didn't get any laundry done at all.  That will have to wait for tomorrow.  I've got supper in the oven because Tom should be home from work any minute now and then I'm going to bed.  I don't care how early it is.  He and his sister are going to Madison tomorrow to look at kayaks so I'll have tomorrow to get some cleaning done.

I ended up frogging the medieval bag I was working on.  The pattern needs more contrast so I dug out some light green and white.  Works much better.  I think I'll make a pink one for my great-niece as it's small enough she can use one for her doll stuff.  I found my size 5 circulars but it meant frogging a poncho I had given up on anyway.  Which gave me more than enough yarn for the sweater coat I'm plugging away at.

My fleece shipped today.  I was surprised as most companies, especially small businesses, don't work on Saturdays.  But I've always been pleased with the Woolery so I'm pleased and will continue to buy from them.  When I can afford it.  I know a pound of fleece isn't much but since I'll be washing and carding it, it gives me many hours of enjoyment that I wouldn't have gotten if I had just got roving.  I'm really rustic here with hand carders and no swift or winders.  I use old prescription bottles and wind by hand.  And I use my arm and foot instead of a swift.  If I were going to make this a business, never know...I would buy them but as all I have is a kick spindle and only do this for my own usage, then it doesn't make sense for me to spend all that money right now.

Maybe next spring I'll get a whole fleece reserved.  I could get behind that.  It's just too late now to get one as they are all spoken for apparently.

Maybe some day I'll be good enough to sell my yarn but I'm still learning.  And have a long way to go.

It hasn't rained yet but it's been so terribly windy.  It catches the door when I let Professor out and if not for the spring on the top of the door, we'd have had it ripped out of the wood.  Which happened a while back when the paper boy didn't shut the door all the way.  We woke up to the actuator yanked out of the woodwork and the door banging against the porch rail.  We can't put another actuator in because the wood is missing.  We'd need a new piece of wood there and that's not going to happen any time soon.  So my dad, when they were up here a while back, put a spring on the top of the door.  That way it won't get yanked out of the door frame for some reason.  It has worked so I'm not complaining.

Professor's new lead is too short and he can't get around the yard for sniffing and pottying.  I might have to use the chain but not today.  Too windy and I'm too sleepy.

Well, I can smell the macaroni and cheese so I need to get it out of the oven and eat so I can go to bed. 


Friday, April 29, 2011

Blogging with a cat on my arms

It was a beautiful day today.  I should have hung some clothes out on the line but I got a late start trying to get enough sleep in.  I ended up  going to town...twice...for errands and library books.  The second time because Professor's lead broke while he was outside barking at a neighbor pulling into his driveway.  He took off but I was right by the door and got out there and shouted "stop!" to him.  For once, he listened to me and stopped, then came back to me and went inside.  I didn't let him know his leash was broken.

I ended up getting a cable instead of rope.  The rope rubs on the concrete steps several times a day so it's no wonder the leash broke.  This might be too lightweight though.  Not the cable, but the hardware.  So I got a sturdier one as well, but this one might be too heavy.  I just can't afford for him to get loose.  I don't think he would bite anyone but he might get scared into the street or might run off and we live down from the main highway through town.

I think I'll use the heavier one for the back yard.  That cotton rope has been in the snow and rain for a couple of years and I'm guessing is rotten, too.

I ordered a pound of fleece today.  This is what I ordered.  I won't need to dye this when I'm done spinning because I love the color already.  I got my kick spindle here although they don't sell them anymore.  They're great to work with and I tend to shop at the same places when I find someone who treats me well.  I'll need to clean it, I'm sure, so it will be a while before I'm ready to card and spin it.  But I have time.  I just bought 10 packages of black cherry kool-aid today.  I'll be reading tutorials all weekend setting things up to dye next week.  Hopefully there will be a nice sunshiney day so I can let them dry on the line instead of indoors.

And then the fun part...plying.  I'm not sure which way I want to ply.  I'd like to try Navajo plying but I'll probably just ply doubles instead.  I'm not really knowledgeable about all things spinning and dyeing, including the lingo, but I persevere and pick it up as I go.

I found a site today that doesn't like Game of Thrones either, for much of the same reason I don't like it.  You get invested in a character and the author kills them off.  I don't mind a dark theme, but I really hate one that is nothing but dark.  And so far that's what Game of Thrones is.  At least to me.  Plus apparently this series is much like Wheel of Time which seems to be neverending.  I quit that series after the 7th book. Paint dries faster than the plot moves along in those books.  Plus the author seems to think he's a fashion designer as he described what everyone is wearing in detail, as if it's critically important.

I decided to worm Hannibal to see if that is the problem, but if he still doesn't gain weight, I'm taking him to the vet.  We had to weigh him today to find out the dosage and he's not even underweight, but he feels skinny to me. But there are symptoms that fit in with worms so I'm going to try this.  If he doesn't have them, it won't hurt him to take the medicine so nothing is lost.

I started knitting another bag although this one is smaller and mostly just for small items, like I would take on a walk or something.  Still, it's a lovely design (when I find it online I'll post a link) sort of medievel and gives me yet another chance to work on my stranding and color work.  I'm doing it in red and black because that's the first bag of yarn I found.

I have a cat sleeping on my forearms while I try to type this and now he's trying to push my hands off the keyboard with his back feet.  So I guess I'm done for now and need to crawl into bed and knit some more.  I do plan on getting tons of things done tomorrow in spite of the bad weather so I need my sleep.


Thursday, April 28, 2011

Home is where the clutter is

I stayed home today but didn't get as much done as I should have.  Blame it on the eagles.  I found some videos on you tube of significant events in their lives and was watching on and off all day.  I've managed to get some laundry done and am working on the living/dining room right now.  I'm still dusting and I need to vacuum but the clutter is put up for now.  It won't take a day for it to get back to the way it was before though.

I've got potato/onion soup cooking.  I forgot to use the leeks so it's just potatoes and onions for now.  I can slice up the leeks and freeze them so they don't go bad.  I think tomorrow will be spent cleaning up the kitchen/pantry/refrigerator and mopping the floor in there.  That will most likely take all day, the way I move.

I dug through all my magazines and folders and such last night and found a few patterns I might like to work on now.  It's just a matter of finding the yarn and correct needles for it.  I hope to get started on the shawl tonight. I found my Icarus pattern and another lacy shawl pattern that might work as well.  It's a bit simpler so that might be a better pattern to start with.  I believe Icarus is complicated.  At least it looks complicated.

I can't remember what else I pulled out of the bin.  I have such a short memory, you know.  I'll figure it out later, when I settle down for the night.  I've got stuff to do after supper so I won't be able to crawl into bed right away, but in the long run that's better since I'll have a clean living room to wake up to.  Well, fairly clean.  Tom tends to just dump stuff on the dining table when he gets home.

I've got a book in at the library but I don't know if I want to go to pick it up tomorrow or wait until Saturday.  I'd like to get the kitchen done tomorrow but Tom is working Saturday and will be gone Sunday so I have those two days to work as well.  I'll see how I feel about it all tomorrow.  I'm still pretty achy from the change in my medication.  I'm guessing that I had kept a level of tramadol in my system and it built up so I wasn't in pain all the time.  Now I seem to be in pain all the time and any trudging up and down the stairs just exacerbates it.  I will never mess with the treatment of my fibromyalgia again.

Of course the weather is crap here with lots of rain and cool weather and high winds so it might be connected to that, too.  I know my arthritic knees have been clamoring for my attention as well.

Well, I must go fold clothes and vacuum the living room.  It does feel good to make some progress no matter how slight it is.


Wednesday, April 27, 2011

The more I want to stay home, the more errands I seem to have to run

I had intended to stay home and get some things done today but no one told me the cat was out of  food so I had to run to the store to get him the kind of food he'll eat.  We let him eat as much as he will, hoping he'll gain back some of the weight he's lost.  So another afternoon wasted and I'm still so tired from that bout with Cymbalta that I'm doing well to stay out of bed all day.  I ended up falling asleep around 7 tonight and slept for half an hour.  I'll most likely be up until the wee hours now.

I got frustrated with the Pan amigurimi pattern as the pattern isn't for the picture.  There are huge differences, one being the Pan as crocheted is huge and the picture shows a tiny little guy.  Plus the proportions are way off with a tiny neck and huge round body with arms way too small.  I checked and double checked both the pattern, gauge and yarn and I'm not doing anything wrong.  I hate when the pattern is nothing like the picture.  I might try to make one on my own but I'm so disillusioned right now that I'm putting it aside.  Now I just need to figure out what to knit next. 

Maybe a small bag of some sort.  I've got a few patterns in my folders.  I should get my bin out and go through all my magazines and loose patterns there.  I would like to see if I could do Icarus, in one of my Interweave Knit magazines from a few years ago.  I'd like to do lace knitting for a while.  I've also got tons of cotton yarn to make dish cloths out of.  I could use some new ones.  My store-bought dishcloths are rags.

I am not going anywhere tomorrow so I hope to get some laundry and cleaning done.  Zach cleaned the kitchen today and did some other odd jobs for me.  He's been working on his resume and applying to some jobs online. Maybe next week we'll go to the temp agencies.

I saw the second episode of Game of Thrones on HBO and I probably won't finish it up.  Not because it's bad or anything, but because I don't like the way the story line is going (I peeked on Wikipedia).  I can't really explain it except to say I hate it when so many of the characters get killed off, especially the animals. It's still a marvelous production though for people who do like that sort of story line.

As it is, I have plenty to watch with my documentaries and all the dvds I own.  Not to mention the premium channels.  When our two year deal is up, I'm going to keep the digital channels and get rid of the premium channels because I can get most of the shows from the library free, plus I have my own collection.  It would save a chunk of change for sure.  But I would definitely keep the dvr box.

I had to replant my green peppers as none of them came up.  I used some old seeds so it's my fault.  My tomato plants are getting tall and the tobacco is taking over the little greenhouse I got for seedlings.  The seeds are so tiny that I have upwards of 20 in one little pod that I'll need to thin out soon enough.  Plus they're growing in between the pods, too.

I've got to figure out how to dye yarn so I can get my singles dyed before I ply them.  I've decided on kool-aid because it's easier, cheaper and I've got tutorials in abundance to choose from online.  I told someone today that I know it's colorfast because I've tried to get kool-aid out of carpet before and it's impossible.  I think I have everything I need except for a sunny day to hang them on the line.  I don't have room indoors.  Well, I need the kool-aid, but I can get that any time.

Well, time to crawl back into bed and maybe pick up some knitting on my sweater coat.  Or just look at patterns tonight.  Or maybe dig out old works in progress.  I know of one blanket I had started that I could finish up.  Or I could just frog it and find something else to do with it.  The latter is more likely.

Hope to accomplish something tomorrow.


Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The price for a good night's sleep

For every night I get good sleep, there are the subsequent nights when I get little to no sleep at all.  I finally dosed off at 6 a.m. this morning, woke up at 10:30 to let Professor out and never got back to sleep.  Although I could barely keep my eyes open at all.

I worked on the Pan amigurimi last night in addition to spinning but I put it up and went to sleep at about 1 a.m. almost immediately.  Unfortunately I woke up about 1:15 a.m. and never got back to sleep until morning.  Odd how that works.

I've been too tired to do much today although I went to the library for Tom since I wasn't getting anything done.  I have to fix supper but I think I'm going to bed after I get done with that.  I've noticed that my fatigue is worse and my pain is worse since that dose of Cymbalta.  Zach said yesterday that Cymbalta did indeed retrain my brain in the way it thinks about pain.  It now thinks that pain HURTS!!!!

Definitely not going anywhere tomorrow though, although I am going to make an appointment with the vet for Hannibal.  He's been losing weight and even though he eats a lot, he doesn't seem to gain it back.  Tom keeps telling me that he's fine, not too skinny and is gaining weight, but he's not.  I think Tom is in denial.  His hips are bony, his spine is bony and his face is gaunt.  That's not right.  So I'm taking him to the vet when I can get an appointment.  The problem is finding a vet we trust though.  The vet we've used since we moved here, sold his practice to someone else and the guy is a real jerk so we stopped going.  I think we'll take him to the one in the next town.  It's more expensive but I'd rather pay more and get quality care.  I just hope it's nothing more than his thyroid, like it was with Pearl.

It's been rainy again today although not as cold and with bits of sunshine, but it's not helping the garden dry out so we can turn it and dig up more.  Not that I have lots of energy to do that right now, but I can hope that by the time it's drier, I will have. 

Well, I must start supper so I can get it over with.  Chicken/rice casserole with salsa and tortillas tonight.  I was going to fix potato/leek soup but Zach won't eat potatoes.  It's a pretty quick meal and uses one skillet, which is always good and can be ready to eat in under a half hour.  Plus it's cheap. 

Then it's bed for me.  Or maybe a shower first.  I might be able to sleep after that.


Monday, April 25, 2011

Beautiful day

Gorgeous Monday!  Warm temps and lots of sunshine.  Errands done and I'm ready for a nap.  Unfortunately I need to fix supper soon so I guess I'll just wait until bedtime.

Tom got the oil changed in both vehicles yesterday but didn't have enough oil so I had to make a trip back to town.  And today I had a prescription run out so I had to get that refilled so I made another trip.  Then I forgot to pick up a book at the library that Tom was interested in reading.  But no, I'm not going back yet.  He won't read much during the week so I can wait until later in the week. 

I'm home for the week hopefully.  I have plans to get things done, like laundry...which I would love to hang out on the line but we're looking at rain intermittently this week.  I really need to get some cleaning done as well and I might as well dig out the summer stuff, too.  We'll be needing them soon enough.  But here we need to keep our winter stuff out as well because our weather pendulum swings from cold to hot during these months.

I did a lot of spinning last night.  I'm afraid my spindle will fill up before I finish, though, so I'll end up with a spindle that has a tiny amount of singles on it.  I am thinking of just taking off what I've got on there and washing and hanging it to dry since it's still a pretty good amount.  And then I still need to figure out how I'm going to dye all my yarn.  I want to dye before plying so the colors will be more varied.  I just need to figure out what colors and whether I want to do chemical dyes or kool-aid.  Not crazy about kool-aid colors though.  Although dark cherry would be nice.

I'm nearly done with the back of the sweater coat.  I was digging out the Navajo coat last night but I got distracted and forgot it so I might try to dig it out tonight.  I know where it is...underneath in the bottom of my basked of yarn and works in progress.  I still would like to find a smaller project to work on.  I have that lace-weight yarn that may or may not be acrylic but haven't decided on a pattern yet.  I've never worked with lace-weight before although I have knit with crochet cotton before, but I don't want a hard shawl pattern to start out with.  Something with easy repeats would be nice.  I have Icarus in my bin so I might dig that one out and work on it.  I did like the look of it but I don't remember how difficult it is to knit.

Time to get some stuff done.  I might at least get the living room straightened up while making supper.  I can do the deep cleaning on it tomorrow but after the weekend, the table gets awfully cluttered and makes the rest of the room seem messy as well.  And then an early night again.  I hope.


Saturday, April 23, 2011

Saturday errands

I wasn't going to go out today after braving the Good Friday crowd at Stuffmart but I needed to pick up a book at the library and decided I needed more staples for the week ahead so I don't go at all until next Friday.  With gas at nearly $4 a gallon, I need to stay home more.

Unfortunately they didn't have the book I wanted.  It was listed in the computer both online and the library's computer but the book is "missing."  I have noticed a lot of books missing from the library of late, mostly anti-right wing stuff and Pagan stuff.  How odd.  So I put it on hold and will get it from another library.

I really have to get some laundry done tonight because Zach's bed clothes are in the wash.  He's having such a hard time with his OCD and unclean sheets.  I'm going to have to wash them more often.  I thought about getting him another set because he only has this set but I forgot while I was there.  I knew I had forgotten something.

I ended up not knitting last night.  Or spinning.  I went right to bed and shut the lights off waiting for sleep.  I eventually got there but woke up when Tom got home.  Fortunately I went right back to sleep and slept until 8:30 a.m. when I got up to let Professor out.  But I crawled back into bed and slept until 11 a.m.  It felt good to get that much sleep, but I spent so much time at the library walking around looking for a different book to read that I'm stiff and terribly sore right now.  I haven't taken anything for pain yet.  I'll do that as soon as I get some laundry in the wash.  I hate having the washer and dryer in the basement.  Stairs and my achy joints and arthritic knees hate it, too.

I'm not cooking supper tonight.  Everyone had snacked by the time I got home so no one is hungry.  Suits me.  I can use a night off from cooking.

I plan on going back to bed very soon and hope to get some spinning done.  I didn't get my yarn organized today as I had hoped.  Maybe tomorrow.  I do have the sweater coat I can knit on and if I dig through, can find the Navajo coat I started a while back, which is crocheted.  But I'm antsy to start a smaller project I can finish in a week.  I just can't figure out what that would be though.  Maybe I should dig through my bin of books and magazines.

Well, sitting here isn't getting that laundry done so I should sign off and get busy.  Zach won't like sleeping on the mattress pad with no covers.  Plus, I'm out of clean sweatshirts and it is still sweatshirt weather for me.


Friday, April 22, 2011


Finally got the headlights in the car replaced for a mere $130.  We've had to do this every single year as they keep going out.  We had them look to see if there is a problem in the lamp itself but apparently we just keep getting crappy replacement bulbs.  Right.  Tom said next time the headlight goes out, we sell the car instead.  Stupid design idea to have to take off the front end of the car to replace the headlights.

Cold and rainy today and the store was packed with people who got off for Good Friday and worshiped at StuffMart instead.  I had to go pick up a prescription refill and get some calcium that didn't have vitamin D in it (only one brand was without D) but I had to wait forever for a guy who was taking down each bottle and comparing them to his enormous pouch of coupons.  Slowly taking them down, reading each bottle carefully and then putting them slowly back up on the shelf.  I went off and got some of the other stuff I needed and came back about 10 minutes later and he was still there.  Finally he moved off and I was able to get in there.

While I was waiting, I looked at multi-vitamins and discovered that the brand I take has 1000 I.U. of vitamin D in them.  No wonder my ionized calcium was high.  I was od'ing on the stuff.  So I'm going to forgo the vitamins for now to see if my calcium levels will go back to normal.

I'm feeling better today, not as depressed and feeling some relief from the pain.  I was so glad to get that Cymbalta out of my system.  It was frightening how badly I felt on just one pill.  I got some sleep last night although I woke up at 7 a.m. and couldn't get back to sleep.  That only gave me about 5 hours and it wasn't uninterrupted but it still felt better than the little sleep I was getting.  I took my first tramadol at about 10:30 p.m. and the second one at 1 a.m. and by 2 I felt it working well enough to doze off. I was really stiff and sore this morning, though, so I took another one after I'd been up and about for a while.  I managed to do some laundry and clean up the kitchen before anyone got up.  And I spun for about half an hour as well.  Then when Tom got up I got dressed and we went to pick up the car.

My green peppers haven't come up at all so I need to replant them, but the tomatoes look great.  Even the tobacco is coming up although I apparently have about 20 seeds in one of the peat pods.  Since a few of the pods didn't grow anything, I'll transfer some of them to the empty ones.  The seeds are really tiny, smaller than poppy seeds, so it's hard to plant just one seed.  I think it will be a while before they go in the ground.

I need to dig through all my yarn stash and figure out what to knit next.  My mother was telling me today that my aunt had taken a sweater of my grandmother's, unraveled it and knitted them some slippers out of it.  That was so sweet of her and it meant so much to my mother and my other aunt.  My mom does appreciate the things I knit for her and that makes me feel really good.

I think I'm going to spend the weekend working on cleaning my room and Zach's as I got him a carpet for his floor.  Which means moving furniture to get the carpet under it and that won't be fun.  We took the carpet out when we moved in because it was so stained, but I wish I had just covered up the stains with throw rugs instead because the wood flooring under it was so crappy and you can see where they knocked out the wall and moved the closet.  Little by little I plan on fixing this place up.  I haven't been able to do much with it because of money and the pain and fatigue I've been going through.  I hope that changes soon.  On both counts.

Well, time to fix supper and get some more laundry started.  Ghost Adventures tonight and more documentaries on dvr.  I've been getting interested in astronomy again and there are lots of docs out there on the subject.  I actually feel like knitting tonight so I must be improving.


Thursday, April 21, 2011


I didn't post yesterday because I was trying to survive one dose of Cymbalta for my depression/anxiety attacks/fibromyalgia.  I will not take a second pill.  Nope.  Initially I got a headache a couple of hours after taking my first dose with a very inconvenient attack of diarrhea, followed by a plummet into despair and abject hopelessness.  By evening I was writhing in pain from 2 days of no pain pills (I had to make sure the tramadol was out of my system before I took the Cymbalta), depressed to the point of tears with a touch of anxiety and a determination to survive this dosage and throw the pills out come morning.

I didn't throw the pills away...yet...and I'm still a bit down although my mood is lifting, but the headache is still there.  I'm hoping it goes away soon.  I checked the half-life of Cymbalta online at their website so by tonight I will have little enough of it in my system to be able to take a tramadol.

And that's the last time I mess with my treatment of fibromyalgia.  I'll work on the depression in a more holistic, natural way but I will never, ever take another anti-depressant again.  Ever.

We took the car into the shop this morning so they can replace the headlights and we'll be able to drive at night again.  Tom will start driving the car because gas is nearly $4 a gallon and I'll keep the truck for my jaunts into town, which will hopefully become less frequent...unless Zach gets a job.  They called an hour ago to ask how many lamps we wanted changing so I'm kind of hoping the car will be done before Tom goes to work, but as we didn't get it there very early I'm not counting on it.  It's across town but with my aching bones and muscles I don't want to try to walk that far in case I can't go further.  It would be uphill all the way home.  And I mean a steep uphill walk.

I tried to knit and spin a bit last night, thinking that would distract me from the pain and despair but it didn't work so I got nothing much done except for watching Ghost Hunters (boring) and Paranormal: Fact or Fiction (not much better.)  A couple of documentaries but as I was distracted, I don't even remember which ones.  Except for one about a little girl in Italy who had been perfectly embalmed and these scientists' efforts to keep her from deteriorating.

This morning Professor started barking while he was on the couch, looking out the window so I looked up and there was a crow chasing a squirrel around our tree.  Around and around.  I love crows for some reason but I wasn't going to watch carnage in my front yard so I raced outside with Professor, put him on his leash and then took him and the leash to the tree.  The crow barely moved out of Professor's way but when he saw we were going to stay out, moved across the street to another tree.  After Professor marked the tree, we went back inside, but as soon as I closed the door, the crow came back after the squirrel, who by this time was higher up in the tree.  I stayed below the tree until the crow went back across the street and then went indoors again.  I watched for a while through the window but then got distracted for a moment.  When I looked back the crow was gone.  I have no idea if the squirrel left the tree or not, but I'm pretty sure the crow didn't get the squirrel.  At least not in my yard.

I've never seen a crow do that before.  I thought they were scavengers and I would think a squirrel would be too big for them to carry off.  I'm planning on looking it up later.

The pain is really bothering me so I'm going to go lie down again.  I didn't sleep much last night between the writhing and Hannibal digging at my face for some reason and had to get up to pick Tom up at the mechanic's.  One thing I've learned from this is that I really do have pain.  I know that sounds bizarre, but I keep thinking that most people with fibromyalgia have it much worse than me, that I'm a wimp for not doing/being more and even wondering if I needed the tramadol.  The answer to that is hell, yes! I'm in pain and need the tramadol.  Zach went to hug me last night and it hurt so bad.  I felt sorry for him because he was trying to be helpful but squeezing me around my shoulders was really painful.  I won't underestimate my pain again.


Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Passed another physical

I had an early morning for my yearly physical so I didn't sleep much at all, anticipating the alarm and all.  What I woke up to really made me want to crawl back into bed and only the knowledge that I would have to pay for the appointment out of my own money if I skipped it, got me showered, dressed and out of there.

Snow.  Lots and lots of slushy snow.  By the time I got out of my appointment, visibility was really bad.

The appointment went well.  The dr told me about Cymbalta which apparently trains your brain to think differently about pain so I agreed to give up the tramadol in order to see if this will work on my fibromyalgia and my depression/anxiety attacks.  Although I'm not feeling too down right now, I do know that my brain chemicals are scrambled and don't know which way is up.  Eventually I'll crash again, which I seem to do weekly of late.  I go back in a couple of weeks and if the pain is manageable with tylenol, I'll stay on the anti-depressants.  If I'm writhing in bed after a week, I'm to quit the Cymbalta and wait a few days and go back on the tramadol, then call her to let her know.  And still keep my appointment.

I just wish I could get Zach to a dr for his depression, poor guy.

It was a good physical aside from the pap, which is always embarrassing, uncomfortable and a bit painful.  My labs weren't a disaster although I agreed to up my dosage of metformin for a while to give me some time to get control of my sugar.  I usually just tell her I'll take care of it with diet and exercise and then don't.  This time I acknowledged that I needed help with that.  Hopefully my outlook on life will improve a bit and I'll get more energy and concentration going and maybe improve the quality of my life.

I got pizzas for supper tonight because I am sleepy and could go to bed right now.  I won't, but I could easily do that.  I'm also betting that when it is late enough to go to bed, I'll be wide awake.  Oh, and the Cymbalta is supposed to help with the insomnia, too.  I start on a lower dosage and then build up.  And then she's hoping that the dosage I build up to is going to do it for me.

I doubt I will do any knitting tonight because that will help keep me awake, but I would like to get a bit more organized with my knitting and actually work on my projects instead of hiding them in bags under the table.

It's raining now.  I just heard some thunder.  And when I say it's raining, I mean it's sleeting.  Hard.

Time to go put the pizza in the oven, get the laundry out of the dryer, put another load in, start another load of wash, fold the clothes, clean out the cat box because it's my turn, and then crawl into bed to watch tv and read a bit.  Hopefully tomorrow I'll feel more like getting things done.


Monday, April 18, 2011

Survived the weekend

I took the weekend off from blogging because I was stinking tired and couldn't formulate a coherent thought.  Not that anything has changed today.

Tom and I went to his sister's surprise party and she was surprised, which was good.  A lot of people there I didn't know from her husband's side of the family.  He was married before and had grown children when he and my sister-in-law married so many of them were there with their children and grandchildren.  A few of Tom and Jan's siblings showed up so I had someone besides Tom to talk to.  I hate crowds.  I really, really hate crowds, especially when I don't know very many people, so it was very stressful for me.  I didn't eat much because to get to the food you had to brave the crowds so I just took what was on the stove and dove in for a few raw veggies.

It was fun seeing his family again.  Things have changed since I saw them last, me having the most changes.  So it was more conversational, less ridiculing and mocking and very pleasant.  I might do this again sometime even if it does take a full day to recover from it. 

Jan loved her boa and tiara and wore them the whole time, getting her picture taken in them a lot.  She squealed with delight when she opened the tiara so I felt a lot of relief.  I had been second-guessing myself, thinking that it was a dumb idea that no one would get.  But she did.

But as I said, it was stressful and I ended up sleeping nearly all day yesterday and all last night.  Which apparently was a good thing as I do feel a bit better today...aside from the minor panic attack I had when I woke up this morning and remembered that my physical is tomorrow morning.  I absolutely hate them, but wouldn't miss them for the world.

I finished up the gansey scarf and hope to get a picture of it after I've blocked it.  I have just a smidgen of wool left over so I might put fringe on the scarf.  Or not, seeing as how it's my handspun and not spun very tightly.  And speaking of spinning, I'm nearly done with my pound of Welsh top.  I had to take the singles off the spindle as it was coming up over the top when I tried to spin.  My kick spindle doesn't have a spins off the top, which I love, but it does mean that when the spindle gets full, it tends to keep sliding up and off.  So I went ahead and soaked and hung the singles to dry.  Which they should be by now.  I have the rest of my single spun in the closet on hangars awaiting dyeing.

I went upstairs looking for The Hobbit for Zach to read and found a bin that I wasn't sure what was in it.  Upon opening it I found bags of that crappy fleece I had scoured and dried, just waiting hand.  I don't know if it's worth it to me to do it.  The wool didn't feel bad when I spun the last bunch, which is probably lost by now, but it's not a good quality of wool and I really would like to spin something soft and pretty.  On the other hand...waste not, want not. 

I also found, in the bin, tons of cheap acrylic yarn that I should either donate to the thrift store, throw away or use.  Most of it is stuff that was given to me and without labels so I'm inclined to give that away.  Some I know is wool and would like to keep but there's not enough of to make anything of significance.  The rest I'll just have to sort out.

I'm down to working on just the sweater coat so I dug out a couple of patterns last night.  One is a shawl for the lace weight I got at the thrift store.  I can't find my size 6 circulars so I might have to resort to my straight needles.  I really need to get some more of the 5 & 6 circulars since I use them the most.  I'm sure both of them are with projects right now but I haven't a clue where they are.  Next time I go to Hobby Lobby or Banner Crafts I might do that.

Zach is going to the campus today to investigate the Job Center while I either read in the parking lot or trot off to the library.  I charged up both phones in case I'm not there when he's done.  He's getting really serious about finding a job.  And is absolutely terrified.  I don't blame him.

Well, off to eat breakfast before we go.  I think I'm going to pack a lunch to take with us instead of grabbing something off the dollar menu.  At the very least, we'll take our own drinks because that's what really costs the most at fast food restaurants when you're trying to eat cheap.


Friday, April 15, 2011

At least he's older than I am

I'm married to an old man.  He turned 59 today, although he says he'll never be able to retire because we won't be able to afford it.  We got him a sling shot and pellets because what else do you get someone who turns 59?  He was like a kid with a new, wait...he was a kid with a new toy.

He gets his birthday off at work if he goes a year without a work-related accident, which he's never had the whole time he's worked there.   Not to mention perfect attendance the first 10 years he worked there.  Not that he got anything for that.

So he's spent the day sleeping mostly, which is good.  He works long, long hours on second shift, which screws up his sleep schedule and has for the past several years.

I didn't get much sleep last night, though, due to a headache that didn't go away until about 7:30 a.m.  I finally got up and ate some almonds because I just couldn't think of anything else and the headache when away.  I don't know why it went away after eating almonds but I'm going to try that again next time.  I suspect it was allergies and I should have taken an allergy pill but that involved getting up out of bed and I was too tired to do that.  I'll take one tonight though, because I feel the pressure building up.  The house is closed up again due to cold temps and rainy, windy weather so the mold and mildew spores have no place to go but in my nose.  Maybe use the neti pot again, too.

I cheated today and bought a lavender plant instead of growing them from seeds.  I've never been successful in getting anything from lavender seeds so this seemed like a good option.  I have some tomato plants growing but nothing else.  I should have started these a month ago, but fortunately the tobacco has enough time to grow before the season is over.  It's just the tomatoes and peppers will be a bit delayed although they, too, will have enough time.  I just need to get more tomato cages.  I used to have 6 of them, but they don't seem to be in the garage anymore and I'm down to one.  I used poles and yarn to tie them up last year so I'll probably do that and just pick up one or two each year until I have enough cages for the peppers and tomatoes.

I'm also planning on putting strawberries in this year and the echinacea if I can find where I put it, and if it's still good.  Plus corn, pole beans, romaine lettuce, and whatever else I can think of.  I still have to put the fertilizer spikes in the ground on my fruit trees and bushes.

I have my annual physical on Tuesday, which I'm not looking forward to.  I hate them but I won't ever skip them with my terrible health history.  Fortunately all my labs are already done so I don't have to fast and the appointment isn't at the crack of dawn but I know I won't sleep the night before.  I never do.

I finished up the boa and have been working on the gansey scarf and the sweater coat.  I've gotten past the 25 inches of seed stitch and am working on the design with is just a two row pattern, easily memorized.  I'm just going to have to lose weight before I can wear it next winter.

I found a black cardigan sweater on the clearance rack for $3 today to wear tomorrow.  I look awful in clothes.  There just isn't a single style out there that doesn't emphasize my enormous stomach and unmatched boobs...even if I stuff the prosthesis cover with cotton batting.

Well, I'm going to go lie down again as the headache is back.  I just took an allergy pill and need to use the steroid spray so I can't do the neti pot until tonight.


Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Stop me before I rearrange again

It was another gorgeous day but I spent it dragging around getting a few things done, like laundry and the kitchen, meals, etc.  Spent less time online but I still need to cut a chunk of that out of my life.  I'm getting antsy to rearrange everything in the's how I clean best, but I have no place to put anything unless I give up my "bedroom" and turn it back into a living room.  It's a possibility but involves me making up the couch each night and putting everything away again in the morning.  It also means Tom sleeping on the couch all weekend and no place for me to sit besides the dining table.  So that's probably not going to happen again.  Insanity means doing the same things over and expecting different results, after all.

I would love to have a bigger place but we would have to put a large chunk of change into this house to get what we owe on it, let along make a profit.  It's not a seller's market out there.  Plus, I really do hate the idea of packing anything up.  I'm prepared to live here until they carry me out feet first in order to avoid that.

Unless I just run away from home with a suitcase or two.

Tacos tonight for supper.  Zach's request and since I had all the ingredients and it's a quick meal, I'm up for it, too.  I'm browning the hamburger now, having chopped up all the veg.  I had already made my own taco seasoning and we have picante so it should be a good meal.  I usually keep a can of refried beans around but I don't have any.  It will still be a great meal though. 

I slept a lot last night but I slept late this morning...well...noon...but I still feel like I haven't gotten any rest.  I need some kind of energy to start making changes in my eating and exercise but I won't have that until I make changes in my eating and exercise.  I hate this.

Makes me wish I had a reset button so I could just start over and not make the same mistakes I've made in the past.

Still knitting happily on the boa.  I also did some knitting on the gansey scarf, which is fun, especially since I spun the wool for it.  I think it's Dorset but I'm not sure.  I'm making great progress on the Welsh top, too.  I usually only spin a half hour or so a night, but the other night I spun for 3 straight hours.  I could keep doing that, too.  I'm about ready to start dyeing my singles but I'm not sure what method I want to use.  I could do koolaid, which is the cheapest but I'm not crazy about the colors.  I'm not a primary color type of person.  But buying the dyes also involves buying equipment to use only for dyeing.  And I don't have an extra stove anywhere around to use just for that either.  My kitchen has to double as my work space.  Maybe I could just stop cooking. 

But I do need to start researching it because it won't be long before I need to start that process.  And then I'll need to find more fiber to spin.  I'm debating getting a fleece and doing it from scratch.  I've done it before with crap fleece a guy gave me to get rid of because he usually just burned it.  I learned on it, but it's a lot of hard work.  Still...being a process knitting, I'm also a process spinner as well.  I'll weigh all that out as well.

I'm not sure what to make out of my Welsh top though.  It's a sturdier product so not something that lies next to the skin.  I haven't found anything out there to make knitting mojo being low these days.  I'm sure something will come to me.  I'd love to be doing socks again but I don't know how Welsh top would wear on the feet.  I'm ready to buy some sock yarn though so I've got something portable to knit on when I go places.  But I've also got to get busy on the frugality aspect of my life again and get some money in savings or we're toast next year come property tax time.

I need a vacation from my life, but I'd settle for a room with a door that locked.

Well, supper is ready and I'm hungry so I'm off to eat, put the laundry in the dryer and head for bed to knit and watch Farscape and some documentaries I've dvr'd.


Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Beyond boring

Got Zach's permit renewed but I forgot to take the title for the car with me to get a clear title from the credit union.  It's been paid off for over a year.  I just haven't made it to DMV before this...and then forgot all the paperwork.  But Zach is psyching himself up to get behind the wheel of the car.  As long as no one pressures him, I can see him driving within 6 months.  And maybe ready to take his test.

My sister-in-law, who shares a birthday with her brother (my husband) is having a surprise party this Saturday night.  I have been thinking and thinking what to get her as it's her 60th, a very special one.  She's very young and very active so I wanted to do something to celebrate that.  She doesn't read this blog so I feel safe in saying that I ended up getting her a tiara and I'm going to knit her a red boa.  She will totally get it. And I really hope this isn't the first time she decides to read my blog.  Maybe if I give it a really boring title she won't be intrigued.  Or maybe no one else will read it either.  LOL

I've wanted a tiara for years know...wear around the house.  While in bed knitting, washing the dishes, vacuuming, sitting at the computer, reading a book.  Not for outdoor work, certainly, but I've hinted around for years to the men in my life.  So I figured Jan needed one, too.  She knows how to party so this will complete her party gear.  I'm thinking we'll have her close her eyes and put them on her with a mirror in hand so she can see herself in all her queenly glory.

We got Tom a sling shot and ammunition because he loved Zach's and talked about borrowing it for hunting.  Now he's got his own.  We'll give it to him Friday.  Homemade pizza for supper.  He loves my homemade pizza. 

It was another lovely day today but I didn't get anything done again.  I was waking up nearly every hour last night and never getting into deep sleep.  That's two nights in a row.  I wonder if it's because of the heat.  I'm not used to sleeping in 60F temps.  I ended up turning the fan on again but I think the noise of the fan kept me awake, too.

Just fixing hamburgers tonight because I'm feeling really tired and ready for bed.  If I go down now, I'll be awake at 9 p.m. and up all night so I'm putting it off until at least 10 p.m.  I'd love to start getting up early so I've got time alone in the morning but that's not going to happen unless I start getting sleep.

Making my way through season 3 of Farscape.  When I'm done with that I'll have to get Peacekeeper's Wars from the library before moving on to Earth: Final Conflict.  They finally cataloged the copy I bought the library.  And it was checked out that day.  The other seasons of E:FC are really expensive so I don't anticipate the library buying them or me being able to afford them.  I just got a really good deal at StuffMart.  The store price was $10 for the season but in their online selection it was $40.  And that's all they had, was the first season. has them for a little more than that.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, pt 1 comes out on Friday.  We're not getting The Voyage of the Dawn Treader.  Liked it but not enough to pay $20 for it.  We can get it from the library or it will be on one of the premium channels or OnDemand.  But HP, we've got to own.  I'm pondering buying an extra copy for the library since their waiting list will be so long.  I don't donate often and aside from E:FC, haven't donated anything for a few years.

I'm going to start walking Professor tomorrow.  I keep meaning to but errands and lack of sleep keep interfering with my desire.  Tomorrow, since I have no place to go and much to do at home, I'll just take him walkies around the block.  Which is strenuous enough for someone with jelly for muscles. (Me, not Professor) It being uphill either on the way there or on the way back.  Zach and I are going to start taking our bikes in the truck to Wild Goose Trail and ride there since it's paved and nearly flat.  I just can't make any progress living in a town that is either uphill or downhill.  I barely make it a block before my heart is pounding in my chest.

I also want to start spending some walking time alone, too, for listening to podcasts or just viewing nature.  It's beautiful here this time of year.  I also need to get some flowers in the ground and some fertilizer spikes around my fruit trees and bushes.

Well, I'm off to fix the burgers and then crawl into bed to knit the boa while watching Farscape.


Monday, April 11, 2011

I could have stayed in bed all day

I hardly ever wake up needing a pain pill in the morning, but this morning I did.  I suspect it was because I was dealing with pain all night but didn't wake up enough to actually grab the bottle and pop it open.  I did a lot of tossing and turning for no apparent reason (aside from it being hot, but I had the fan on me).  But as the day has progressed, I'm feeling like I need another one.  Could be the change in weather...lots of storms in the area.  We were under a tornado warning last night but it went to the north of us so we got only rain.  Not even thunder.

As a result I've gotten little done today aside from dropping in at Wendy's for a soda and a sandwich and conversation.  I realized today that my only friends here are the people who work at Wendy's.  I talked to the manager (a young guy but very personable) about gardening and fruit trees.  I really enjoyed myself actually.  But I think from now on, it will just be a soda and maybe a side salad as I've got to get busy on losing weight.  I have a physical and pap in a week. 

Not that I intend to try losing weight between now and then, but I need to regain my health because I'm so tired and achy, I'm not productive at all anymore.  And I don't want to lose the weight so I'll look better or so people will stop nagging me, but because it's so hard to carry all this extra weight around and because I'm so tired of being tired.  But whatever I do can't involve deprivation in any form because that's what gets me every time.  Hunger.  I've lost nearly all the weight before but I was so hungry that all I could think about was food all the time.  I'm not looking to get skinny.  I'll settle for being able to walk up and down the stairs without feeling like I'm carrying a 100-pound backpack.

I sent the taxes off today but as I was putting them in the envelopes (and triple checking everything, including the W-2s and addresses) I discovered that I didn't have a copy B of the W-2.  I had two copy Cs though so I sent a employee's copy along with the state forms.  I didn't really have a choice.

I worked on the sweater coat some last night and I'm almost to the cable pattern.  Just another inch because I'm shortening it by 2 inches.  The last one I made ended up being ankle length, which is nice but I'll trip on it if I don't shorten it.  Being short myself.  I also finished up the head and neck of the dragon. Having a dickens of a time on the legs though.  It's hard to see and I end up with 8 stitches in the round instead of 6 every time.  I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong so I'm going to turn my gooseneck lamp on tonight when I work on it.  I also got my gansey scarf out and am ready to dig the Navajo coat out again, too.  That gives me lots of projects to work on so I won't be bored.  Well...much.

Tomorrow I'm taking Zach to get his permit and drop him off at the campus for job hunting stuff at the job center there.  I'm taking books to work on since whenever I sit down to study anything here at home the pets start demanding attention or need out or need fed and I get up 5 times in 20 minutes.  I have no idea what sets them off, but the minute I sit down to do something on my own, they are front and center.

I should do a load of laundry tonight but that might wait until tomorrow.  The stairs don't look too tempting today with my aching body.  Tomorrow for sure, though.

I also need to get back to deep cleaning not to mention yard and garden work.  We need to start turning the garden and digging up the part we're enlarging.  I'm thinking with 60 tobacco plants I'm going to need to double the garden space instead of digging half again as much.  I'd rather have too much than too little.

Well, time to fix spaghetti and then crawl into bed.  I got Heritage from the library today.  It's Celtic Thunder's latest PBS concert...without all the donation interruptions.  Then I can delete it from my dvr since it's so easy to get from the library.  Been working through season 3 of Farscape over the weekend.  I definitely need to spend less time online and more time working on the house and crafts.  I can watch some of my dvr stuff while working on the crafts and listen to my podcasts while cleaning and working out in the yard.  Plus I've got to start some kind of exercise regimen to bring life back into these useless muscles I've got.


Sunday, April 10, 2011

Not my favorite time of the year

Taxes are done and I still have hair left.  Although I got royally pissed when I did a free online tax return only to be told when I got done that I didn't qualify and it would cost me close to $40 for the return.  Twice that if you include the state return.  So I went back to the booklets I picked up at the library and did them by hand.  We're really missing Zach as a dependent this year.  Getting very little back although enough to pay the second installment on the property taxes.

But I'm stressed out so I'm not cooking tonight.  I had a pot-pie from the freezer.  There's another one in there or Tom can fix whatever he wants.  I'm just not doing it.

We had temps in the 80s today and the sky is getting very dark so I anticipate a thunderstorm coming our way.  It was in the forecast.  We'll just have to wait and see.  We get lots of them up here but for some reason the tornadoes head north toward the marsh.  There has been one across town before but it didn't touch down.  It did enough damage without it, taking siding off my brother-in-law's house.  I guess the water attracts them.  We have at least 3 tornado warnings a year.

The weather will be cooler tomorrow but still warm enough I don't need to use the furnace.  I've got it shut off, hoping I won't need it anymore.  We've had to deal with cooler temps in the winter so I don't anticipate it getting too cold, although I suspect winter isn't done with us yet.

Short pickings today as I'm still stressed out from the taxes so I'm off for a hot shower and to bed.


Friday, April 8, 2011

Never know when you're going to see a farm animal

I was up and about today after 9...count 'em 9...hours of uninterrupted sleep.  And yet I'm still so tired.  I imagine it will take many nights of uninterrupted sleep to regain any energy lost over the past 23 years of chronic insomnia.  I still have hopes that this insomnia might end some day.

I have to get my seeds planted tonight or I just won't get them done.  I'm starting to run out of time before they go into the ground.  Zach and I plan on going outside next week to till up the garden from last year and start digging the new part.  I figure if we do it little by little it won't hurt so bad.

I also need to get Professor up and moving.  Lately he's back to licking the floor rather than eat his food.  Tom gave him table scraps the other day in spite of me telling him not to so we're starting over again.  Maybe if I get him moving more, he'll be so hungry he'll eat dog food instead of waiting for treats and people food.  I also had to get some ear wash for him.  He's been shaking his head and scratching at his left ear.  I finally got a look in it (he's not keen on that) and it was dirty in there.  Not massively dirty, but I'm going to clean it out and see if that helps.  Plus I need to trim his front claws.  He's going to hate me by tomorrow night.

I also need to get busy indoors cleaning this mold and mildew up.  I only have a few allergy pills left and I have an appointment with the dr in a couple of weeks so I'm going to wait until then to talk to her about whether I need a regular supply of them.  Until then I'll just muddle through.

I went to sleep pretty early last night but woke up at 11:30 p.m. and couldn't get back to sleep.  I finally got back down at around 2 a.m. and woke at 11-ish this morning.  I need more nights when I can sleep through.  I've tried ear plugs but they bug me so much I can't sleep and white noise isn't loud enough to cover the dog barking or Tom coming into my room and talking and playing with the dog.

I bought more yarn today.  Yes, I know.  I said I wasn't going to do that but I found a pattern for Zach of a dragon and since I have most of the colors I need already, I just went ahead and got the remaining colors.  It's crocheted and I know I need to get back to work on the Navajo coat, too, but this is quicker and more interesting.  Right now I need interesting.

While at StuffMart today we say the most unusual thing in the parking lot.  We pulled in and Zach said, "Is that a goat?"  I looked around but didn't see one until he pointed out a mini-van a few rows over and sure enough...there was a goat in the front seat eating papers from the dashboard.  And I didn't have a camera with me.  I love how unpredictable life is!

Well, I need to get busy playing urban farmer so I'm off to get my seeds planted and set up so they get sun first thing tomorrow morning.  If we have sun tomorrow.  We're looking at thunderstorms this weekend, but with temps in the 70s.


Thursday, April 7, 2011

Miniscule progress

I got about 10 hours of sleep last night, although not uninterrupted.  Tom woke me up when he came home by coming into my room and playing with Professor who was sitting on top of me.  Then Professor needed to go out this morning, earlier than I wanted to get up.  So I feel better, but still not energetic.  I did get some things done today though, that I had been putting off.  Planting seeds wasn't one of them, but I do hope to get to that very soon.

Errands tomorrow but no real shopping.  Just picking up some prescriptions and a couple of other items.  I don't really need more groceries.  Although Professor has been scratching his right ear and when I looked in, saw that he could use a cleaning so I'm getting ear cleaner as well.  One more reason for him to love me.

The weather has been lovely.  Temps in the 70s are predicted for Sunday along with thunderstorms.  I went ahead and took the plastic off some of the windows because I'm hoping not to use the furnace anymore.  I'm sure the nights will be cold enough but aside from a quick run of it to warm the place up, I don't anticipate using it regularly anymore.

I hope, anyway.

I should get started on supper:  pork chops, boiled potatoes and a veg.  Hash browns for Zach.  Nothing terribly exciting.  I would fix noodles but I forgot to get more and I don't feel like making any right now.  Maybe this weekend I can get some made.  I don't have a pasta machine so I do it all by hand and rolling pin.  Still pretty good.

I think I'm going to start going to bed earlier and instead of knitting until I get sleepy, just quit at a certain time and turn the lights off.  I can't get to sleep in silence because my brain chooses that time to bring up all the stuff that stresses me out, so I generally watch something I've seen before so I'm not glued to the tv waiting for the ending.  I went right to sleep last night...until I got woke up.  Then it took me a while to get back to bed.

Off to fix supper and do other boring things.


Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Motivation isn't enough and neither is will-power

I survived my labs and the tech was amazing.  I have crappy veins after chemo so she's the only one who has ever been able to get any blood from my veins without trying three or four times, leaving pools of blood under my skin.  I look like a junkie when I get home.  But today she got it in one...not even a pinch of pain did I feel.

Now I have to get the labs back and get scolded for eating so badly.  I always imagine the conversations with the dr as being much worse than they actually are.  She's really very nice and supportive.  I know she'll try to talk me into anti-depressants again but I just can't give up the pain meds.  Not because I'm addicted, but because I had to live without pain meds for over 10 years of chronic, keep-me-awake or wake-me-up pain and I just won't go back there.  It wore me out so much that I couldn't function.  I'll try to find other, more natural ways.

And as the spa just isn't going to happen, I need to figure out how to eat differently without dieting because dieting is the reason I gained weight in the first place and the reason I started gaining again after over a year of minor weight loss.  If all I think about is food, all I want to do is eat.

I didn't get much sleep last night because I knew I had to get up for those labs.  I managed about 2 hours and haven't even taken a nap.  But I'm pretty sure by bedtime, I'll be wired again and wide awake.  I had watched some Destination: Truth while trying to get sleepy, two episodes that took place in jungles.  Just as I dozed off, my long hair fell across my face and I nearly fell out of bed trying to get away from the snake or spider or large insect I though was crawling on my face.  I should start tying my hair back when I sleep.  I end up sleeping on it or putting my elbow down on it when I turn over.  And you can bet that wakes me up.  My hair is thin enough.  I don't need to pull it out.

I just put supper in the oven so I'm waiting for Professor to go hide out in Zach's room.  A while back the smoke alarm went off when the oven was on...not because of a fire but because I had a smoke alarm in the basement next to the kitchen and it got a bit warm there.  It was terribly sensitive to any heat from the stove.  So Professor panicked and tried to get outside, crying and scratching at the door.  I had to take him around the block before I could get him back in.  So now when I use the oven and he feels any heat no matter how small, he makes a beeline for Zach's room.  We have a bet going on right now how long it will take.  I've got 5 minutes, Zach has 2.

I"ve got laundry going again.  Zach's OCD is acting  up and his sheets are making his skin crawl at night so he can't sleep.  I'm washing them again to see if softening them will help any.  I didn't use fabric softener sheets last time.  I will this time.  His tics are really bad these days but he won't go back on his haldol because of the side effects.  I just hope his Tourette's doesn't affect his job interviews.  I know the ADA says they can't refuse to hire him because of a disability but in this state you don't need a reason not to hire or fire a worker.  Hard to prove he didn't get a job because of a disability if all they say is he wasn't right for the job.  I haven't said anything to him about this because I don't want to add anymore stress to his life.  His confidence level is in the basement as it is.  Next week he goes job hunting and is going to get his new driving permit.

It's hard to have disabilities that people won't acknowledge or have problems that people won't admit are problems.  Sometimes I want to wield a large club when I go out and smack idiots upside the head when they insist all our problems can be fixed by trusting God or just doing it.  I do a lot of teeth gritting when talking to people these days.

But tonight is not a night for teeth-gritting.  The elections are over and no more robo-calls.  But I'm betting the nurse will all first thing tomorrow morning because they always do, to give me my lab results.  It's a couple of weeks before my physical and I don't need refills except for my metformin, which she's sure to increase the dosage of because of all the carbs I've eaten that have raised my A1C...yeah, betting that one is high, too.

If only there was a will-power pill, because I've used all I've got and it doesn't work.

Finishing up Destination: Truth on the dvr and I also dvr'd Zorro: The Gay Blade last night, too.  One of my favorite movies EVER.  I got it from the library so Zach could watch it a few months ago and he laughed until he cried.  Plus Toy Story 3 is OnDemand.  We'll get to that one tomorrow.  I hope.  I also hope to get busy on the house soon.  I'm still managing to keep up with what I got done on my last energy attack, although it's taken all I've had in me to do it, but I would love to make progress again.

Stop kicking yourself, Kathy!

I win the bet.  Professor is still out here.  Not that I win anything.  I just get to be right.

Well, off to do a sinkful of dishes before supper is ready and then get the dishwasher started.


Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The unanswerable question: why do I do this to myself?

After today no more robocalls until the next election.  Maybe I'll actually get some sleep for a while.

I woke up this morning having an anxiety attack.  I get them now and then ever since my dr put me on phen-fen, way back when we lived in San Diego, and didn't bother to tell me all the nasty side effects until after I'd been on them for a while.  Ever since then, I've had the occasional attack of heart racing and inability to draw a deep breath.  I woke up like that this morning over my idiotic eating and not taking care of my diabetes.  So, belatedly, I'm working on it.  I have labs tomorrow for everything under the sun and the dr's office called back to tell me my physical is overdue because the dr didn't count my last one as a physical.  She put it down as a medication evaluation (which was a lot cheaper, let me tell you) but I didn't have a pap so I'm going to just go ahead and have the whole shebang done.  The bonus is, I'll be able to have another med eval, too, because I'm getting all my labs done tomorrow and they'll be back by then.

Bad news being all my labs will come back lousy because of the way I've been eating.  And not exercising.

I've done pretty well so far, today, in spite of the box of candy sitting on the dining table that Tom left there.  I've kept off the carbs and plan on working the South Beach diet as long as I can stand it.  I'm such a self-destructive person when it comes to eating habits.  But it doesn't help that I've been on every diet under the sun and have failed at all of them.  There comes a point when self-control and will-power aren't enough.  Thin people don't seem to understand that because all I get from them is that I just have to make myself do it, as if making myself do something hasn't occurred to me before.

Zach and I went to lunch today to celebrate voting an I got a salad with chicken, which is still not terribly low calorie, but it was in keeping with the SB plan so I was good...well, except for the dressing, but I can't stand oil and vinegar and that was my only other choice.  And we ran into someone from our old church, a thin person, who upon seeing me for the first time in 4 years proceeded to tell me about this amazing diet she's on that anyone can do.  Ha!  It is in fact, one of those liquid/protein shake diets that cost an arm and a leg, but sure, anyone can do it.  And why the heck is that the first thing she wanted to say to me after 4 years?  I'm terribly suspicious of anyone who wants to tell me about amazing new diets "they're" on.  As if.

So I will endure listening to the dr tell me how self-destructive I am because she's right and she knows me well enough to know I know she's right.  But I have two weeks to figure out how to get myself under control because I can't keep on this way.  It's like the fork I'm using is a shovel that is digging my grave with every bite I take.  Honestly, if my family weren't as long-lived as we are, I probably wouldn't be here now.  I need to take advantage of those genes and fight back.

Especially if I want to outlive certain people.  Isn't revenge a good enough motive?

I put clean, cotton sheets on the bed last night and exhausted myself doing it because my bed is in such a position that I can't walk around it and part of it is under a waterbed headboard so I've got to tug and pull and make my bed from the middle of it.  With a dog on it who goes wherever I point him to because he's such a genius.  The sheets felt marvelous but the dog was sleeping smack in the middle of the bed under my blanket so I had to sleep with my legs on either side of him because waking him up meant I would have to take him outside, which would wake me up again.  So I managed to make do until Tom got home.  Tom always takes him on a run around the house so I was able to reclaim the bed at that time.  And I kept it the rest of the night.  Until this morning when I woke up having an anxiety attack.

I'm resisting the urge to push myself to do some cleaning because I need to focus on consistent levels of energy instead of bursts that leave me in bed for a day or two.  I've got some laundry to finish up, supper to cook and I might sweep the living room and hallway, but that's all.  Then I'm going to bed.  Tomorrow I have labs and Zach has errands in town but I hope to get my seeds planted, if I don't get that done tonight.

Did I mention I'm having an anxiety attack now?  Ever since the dr's office called to make my appt for the physical and pap.  I'm a mess.

So I'm off to start supper, which is something in the way of a casserole for Tom and Zach and leftover chicken breast and a salad for me.  With sugar free pudding for dessert.

I got some knitting done on the endless seed stitch back of the sweater coat.  It's big enough now that turning it involves flipping it around instead of just turning the needle around.  Well, I think it's progress, anyway.

Off to finish up the laundry and start supper.


Monday, April 4, 2011

In which our heroine gets just a bit political

Although the Nature is changing into her spring wardrobe she's still wearing a coat over her dotted swiss frock.  Supposedly it will be warmer tomorrow but we've had some hellacious thunderstorms with hail and rain over the weekend.  I said Winter wasn't done with us yet.

I am putting my cotton sheets back on the bed because I'm tired of waking up sweating and needing to throw the covers off.  I'm used to 50F sleeping temps and it's as high as 55F lately so I'm going with cotton sheets.  I also need to catch up on laundry and clean house.  I desperately need to go safari hunting to kill those dust elephants again.  How they seem to gravitate toward the climate in my house!

Tomorrow is voting day for State Supreme Court Justice.  I'm sick to death of the auto calls from the Republicans telling me this is a non-partisan race and that I should vote for Prosser and his conservative values.  Non-partisan.  Right.  Not that I was going to vote that way, but waking me up three mornings running with their flat out lies (Democrats are spending huge sums of money so Kloppenburg can "steal" the if) didn't warm me to their side of the aisle.  Not to mention I have had no less that 5 auto calls per day for a week.

I normally don't get political on this blog but of late I'm getting so disgusted with people and their contempt for the poor, their justification that social programs enable people to be lazy and their outright lack of empathy for people who haven't succeeded the way they have that I'm ready to explode.  I put this up on my facebook page only to have a tea party devotee respond about how proud she was for her callous attitudes toward the poor (because, see, they're only poor because they're ignorant or lazy...or both).  Makes me seethe.  It's also the quotation that was part of the reason a family member unfriended me.

"If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are or we have to acknowledge that he commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition, and then admit that we just don't want to." Stephen Colbert
And that's all I'll say about it because if I keep going my blood pressure will rise and I'll have to delete the whole post.

At any rate, tomorrow will be a day of voting and errands.  As gas is climbing up to $4 a gallon again, trips to town will need to be cut down to weekly trips, if possible.  Probably save money if I stop going to town so often.

I only did a couple of rows on the sweater coat but as I can knit this and read at the same time, I'm going to try to read more and get more knitting done.  I'd like to have something more complicated going on.  I could go back to working on the Navajo coat.  I should go back to working on the Navajo coat.  I must go back to working on the Navajo coat.

That felt like a grammar lesson.

And speaking of lessons.  I got a Gaelic course from the library today.  I've not had a lot of luck learning a foreign language and part of me thinks I should pick a language that I can use in every day life, like maybe Spanish...I mean I have Telemundo on cable (and Pasion de Gavilanes...deep sigh...on dvd...Mario is hot!)  And I might end up in that direction if this doesn't work out.  I'd just like to learn a language of my ancestors, even if I'm never fluent in it.

Well, time to fix supper, get a load of laundry out of the dryer, start another, make my bed and then shut it down for the night.


Saturday, April 2, 2011

This is the dawning of the age of allergies

I didn't post last night because the computer was running so slow that I could barely shut it down and I  had a headache that was trying to shut me down.  So I finally got it shut down after a disk clean up and went to bed.  And to sleep.  I'm so tired of all the night interruptions with Professor wanting outside.  Twice last night he woke me up to go out.  How come he can sleep on the couch for 10 hours during the day without needing out?

It's nice outside but I still haven't gotten any seeds planted.  I must do it tomorrow, headache or not.  I'm going to start using the neti pot tomorrow as well.  I'm all out of the saline spray so I'll see if I can shake this.  I'm not sure it's a sinus infection and I'm still on the allergy meds but with the air heating up, that means outside allergens are making their way to my home by special delivery and I'm sure that's contributing.  Plus I need to scrub down some spots of mold and mildew in the house.  When I get some energy.

Which is sorely lacking.  I'm so tired of being so tired all the time.  It's like trying to work underwater...that's how slow I feel most of the time.  I've done next to nothing today, focusing on reading and resting.  I've got some burgers on the stove but they require little attention.  And some seasoned potatoes in the toaster oven that require less.

Then I'm climbing into bed not to knit or read, but to watch tv until I fall asleep.  I don't care if it is still light outside.