Sunday, May 30, 2010

Too early Sunday

I helped Zach mow up on the back hill on Thursday, made numerous trips up and down the basement stairs on Friday and Saturday and now my knees scream at me every time I get up.  I hate being nagged like that.  I had hoped to get the garden tilled yesterday but it didn't happen.  I was going to just do the raised garden thing and Tom insisted that the ground has to be turned under it or the grass will grow through so I figured what's the point of doing the raised bed then?  So I'm still waiting for the tiller.

Hopefully it will happen today.  If not, I'm tempted to just forget the whole thing.  I have other things I want to plant in the pots so it's a bit frustrating not getting the garden going so I can free up those pots.  I also need to plant the front flower bed.  My knees aren't happy about that but it needs to be done.

Not to mention I'm so behind on the house cleaning.  Long weekends mean more work for me because it's hard to clean with people underfoot and I get behind with house work.  Although I did manage to get 4 loads of clothes washed and line-dried so far.  And a lot of reading done.

I wanted to sleep in today as I didn't get to bed until after 3 but Professor wanted outside in the worst way and not for a potty break.  No, he wanted to lounge on the steps and survey his domain so I'm up and still sleepy.  I'll probably nap a lot like I did yesterday. 

I completely wore out yesterday afternoon after working quite a while doing kitchen and laundry stuff.  I couldn't move.  I laid down on the bed and dozed a bit but it was late afternoon before the energy returned enough for me to finish up the laundry and set the borders for the garden.  It still was a lot more work than I'm used to but that midday loss of energy was so complete that I was helpless to do anything beyond lying on the bed.  I couldn't read, knit or even watch tv.  I just laid there.

I did manage to knit a few rows on February Lady Sweater but nothing on Helm's Deep.  I'm debating when to break off for the center and start the other half.  I think I'm at the halfway point but I'm not sure how I want to do the break.  Just stockinette or something fancy schmancy.  I should probably look at the pattern to see how they did it.

I'm hoping to get more stuff done today.  I'm trying to push myself to work past my fatigue and maybe build up some stamina.  I'm hoping to take Professor on a walk today.  Poor guy has gained so much weight over the winter because I didn't walk him and he's such a snack hound.  Won't eat dog food at all.  Although he's not getting the snacks right now, hoping he'll lose some of that poundage.  Me, I need to lose a lot of poundage and walking him would help that a bit.

Off to fix breakfast because my stomach is growling.  I've had one cup of coffee (decaf) but I need something substantial.


Friday, May 28, 2010

Can I borrow your energy?

All that energy I had yesterday is not only gone but I'm in the deficit again.  No energy. Nada.  Zip.  And so much to do.  I will try to get the kitchen finished tonight and tomorrow Tom is going to till the garden so I have to participate in that, getting the plants in the ground and new seeds planted.  I also have trimming to do after Zach mows.  And flowers and herbs to plant.  This is the best weekend to do it really. 

I had a book come in at the library and this being a holiday weekend I wouldn't be able to get there until Tuesday so I went ahead and picked it up along with the first 4 volumes of Monty Python because an MP marathon is good for a holiday weekend.  And then it hit me that the library would be open tomorrow.  Oh, well.  I'm not leaving the house for a few days.  I'm just so stinking tired.

I need to water the plants before long though as it's been dry the past couple of days.  And then there's supper to cook, which I have no idea what that will turn out to be as I'm not only tired but brain dead.  Something easy like chili or something.

I started the February Lady sweater which isn't on after all.  I'll find the link to it later.  And I think I worked one row on the Helm's Deep shawl.  Then straight to bed  only to wake up an hour later when Professor farted in my face.  So I took him out, which he apparently needed desperately but could perhaps let me know with his indoor bark next time, and then Tom got home a few minutes later.  It was a while before I got back to sleep. 

Tana and I talked a bit online today and that was great.  It's nice to stay in touch online but not as easy as it might seem.  Especially if you're a person who tends to withdraw frequently, as I am.  I'm trying to force myself into a regular routine but it's not the easiest thing in the world when the sleep schedule can't be regulated.  I'm wondering about taking an OTC sleeping pill tonight.  At the very least it might jump start a schedule I can live with. Until the next insomnia attack anyway.

Off to fix supper and water the plants.  Here's hoping for an early night.


Thursday, May 27, 2010

Not much sleep, but feeling much better

I went to town to get my meds yesterday and walked out without them so I had to go back today.  I swung past the library and picked up 2012 for Tom along with a book about a guy who lived with wolves for me.  It caught my attention so I took it home with me.

I need to get started on the garden but I'm waiting for it to cool off a bit.  I picked up a really ugly straw hat that is huge and will protect me from the sun as I'm not supposed to be out in it due to both having had cancer and being on medication that makes me burn really badly even with sunblock.  This thing is nearly an umbrella and I look crappy in it, but I'll be in the back yard so who will see me?  Oh, right...there is a public sidewalk that is used a lot elevated above the back yard.  Great.

I'm going to take the pickaxe to the sod and break it up and then lay the soil on top of it, fence it in and plant.  I think it will be okay that way.  I don't have the equipment to do raised bed and don't want to spend anymore money on the garden.  I have plenty of seeds and my tobacco, tomato and pepper plants are getting pretty big.  They're nearly as big as the tomato and pepper plants I saw in the store today.

I'm going to finish up the mowing.  Zach has problems with the back hill behind the pear tree so I'll finish that up for him.  He'll learn before long.  Then I need to set up my fairy garden area with my tiki torches and the solar lights.  I think it will be nice.  Tom already likes it and I  haven't really fixed it up yet.  I might be able to get some laundry on the line before I collapse, too.

Although I must clean up the kitchen before I got to bed.  I've been feeling so crappy this week that I've just managed to keep ahead of the dishes.  The floor is nasty and needs washing badly.  And since I've been working on doing that all week, the stuff from the kitchen is in the living room right now.  I think I'm bouncing back but I just can't work in the midday heat.  I need early morning or evening.  I can use the midday for projects and reading.

I got Watchmen, the graphic comic from the library.  Zach found it yesterday so I grabbed it.  I've never really read a graphic comic before.  Perused them, yes, but never read them.  I really like it.  It helps that I've seen the movie first though.

Plus I'm reading book one of The Dark Rising series.

And I frogged the Tree of Life blanket because I just didn't like the way it looked.  I was thinking of the February Lady sweater on but in a smaller size as an incentive to lose weight before winter.  And I need to get back to the Helm's Deep shawl.

I also need to sit down and draw up some designs for other projects now that my brain is functioning at near-normal levels again. 

Time to go fix supper and trot outside to work on the fairy garden.


Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Still warm but not smothering like it was

I slept for 13 hours last night with only minor interruptions, such as trips to the bathroom.  And I'm still tired.  I went to the store today to pick up my prescriptions and forgot to pick them up.  But I did make it to the library so I have some books to read that aren't boring.  And Blue Murder to watch as well.  I probably won't finish up Midsomer Murders set 12 and McLeod's Daughters before they're due back but I can get them again and just pick up where I left off.  Unless I can renew them.

I'm debating whether to go back to get my meds tonight or wait until tomorrow.  I have big plans for tomorrow and don't want to interrupt it, but I'm also pretty tired and don't want to go out again tonight.  In fact, I'm thinking of going to bed after supper, which I haven't started yet.

Okay, tomorrow it is.  I'll go in the afternoon so I can get my garden started in the cool of the morning.  I got some dirt but I think it will cost too much to have a raised bed garden.  I plan on using the soil to till into the clay to make it better for growing.  I just have to get a tiller first.  And that will probably have to wait until Saturday since Tom has been taking the truck to work now that it's fixed.  Dang.  I don't want to wait that long.  My fault though as Tom was willing to till it last weekend.

Actually I could wait until Friday to pick up my meds.  I'm not out yet.  I may do that one instead so I don't have to go anywhere tomorrow.

I've done next to no knitting the past couple of days and don't really feel like it tonight although I might after I crawl into bed.  I'll work on the Tree of Life blanket for a bit so I don't go too long in between times.  I tend to forget where I was and have a hard time picking it up again.  Then maybe I'll do a round or two on the shopping bag.  But definitely an early night tonight.

Tomorrow plotting the garden and maybe I can break it up enough to just put the soil on top, then laundry, unless it rains, and clean the kitchen.  If I can get all that done, it would be amazingly more than I've accomplished in a week.  I hate this damned fatigue.  I have so much I want to do.

I think I'll get Zach to mow tomorrow before I plot out the garden though and then I can work on my fairy garden, too.

But for now, supper needs to be cooked and then to bed.


Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Back to normal....I hope

I think the heat wave has ended.  The sky is dark with a promise of a thunderstorm.  But will it keep its promises?  I watered the plants anyway because if I didn't it would be sure not to rain.  I also got the screens on the back windows and door so there is a nice breeze flowing through the house. 

But today was miserable.  Because of the pain from my fibromyalgia I was still awake at 6 a.m. so I took Professor out to chase a squirrel up a tree. Then back in the house to start a load of clothes and wash up the dishes from last night that I was too tired to do last night.  About 9 a.m. I was so bleary-eyed that I had to go back to bed where I slept for a whole hour before Professor woke me up wanting to go outside.  He stayed out for a half hour before I could coax him back in.  For the rest of the day I tried to sleep but every time I dozed off, Professor woke me up wanting out or barking at that rat bastard squirrel in the tree out front.

I'm beyond miserable right now.  I fixed supper and loaded the dishwasher but I probably won't get the floor mopped.  I'm heading for a shower and then to bed.  I don't care if I wake up at 3 a.m.  It will be better than feeling like this for another five hours.

I am going to have the garden after all.  My plants are really taking off in the pots and will very soon be much too big for them.  I'm undecided between a raised bed or tilled garden.  Each choice will have a price to it.  I'm leaning toward a raised bed because our soil isn't great being mostly clay, but that involves buying a lot of dirt, which means loading and unloading a lot of dirt.

I'm not sure if Tom will be here this weekend.  He might go up north to his brother's cabin.  They have a great relationship and he's been wanting to get away.  But he might work on the truck instead.  He fixed the light (so he took the truck to work tonight since it had a full tank of gas) but wants to fix the corner panel and light assembly.  He has priced the parts from the salvage yard and it's doable, although a bit pricey.  Still not nearly as pricey as if we took it into the body shop.

He's pretty handy to have around the house.

So while he's doing that I could be setting up the raised bed garden and planting the seeds I've got and transplanting what I've got in pots.  I can still use the pots for my flowers and herbs. Most of them don't winter over well and have to be brought indoors so it would be better to have them in pots than to have to dig them up.

At any rate, I'm off to bed.  I finished up Wallander, which is fantastic.  It really brought it to my attention how little I know about other countries.  I'll be reading up on Sweden in the next month or so.  Then I plan on picking another country and learning about it.  But I'm going to read the whole Wallander series as soon as I've thinned out the selection I've already got from the library.  I may not finish up the John Nash biography.  It's pretty dry and not holding my attention at all.  Not that I have much of an attention span these days.

Tomorrow looks to be cooler with some rain (we've just had a light sprinkling already.)


Monday, May 24, 2010

I'm definitely not going to move to the Sahara

Heat again today.  I think it's hotter but I'm afraid to look at the thermometer.  I'm just not ready for heat like this yet.  The pets are miserable.  Hannibal has spent the day under my bed on the wood floors, coming out only when we coaxed him with food.  We wanted to make sure he wasn't sick or anything.  He's been "talking" from under there and it's so out of character that we had to make sure.  He's fine.  In fact, overly affectionate.  And sweat mixed with cat hair isn't fun.

Professor has been panting very hard since yesterday afternoon.  I'm keeping him hydrated and in front of the fan but he's still very unhappy.  We all need to lose a bit of weight or this summer will be totally miserable.

Zach and I went to town to get two more fans today.  The air conditioner wouldn't work.  It's an old, crappy one and we do have a newer one but it's only for a small room and won't cool down the whole house.  Tom needs to put it in his window or he'll be miserable this summer trying to sleep.  Last summer was so mild we didn't need it but I think we will this summer.

I'm not buying another a/c for the downstairs though.  We have other things we need to use the money on.  And speaking of money, I've got to get busy with the frugal thing because we're not saving any money right now and we need to.  I think we've got another day of heat before we get back to seasonable temps.  Then I've got to get super busy.  I just hope I've got energy by then. I'm so tired today that I can't function.  We're having tuna salad sandwiches tonight because I'm not heating up the house and I'm too tired to cook.

I might knit later on the shopping bag but it's too hot for acrylic.  I could spend the day reading except I'm too tired to concentrate.  I haven't slept well the past two days.  Not that that's any surprise to anyone who has been reading this blog for longer than a month.  Not sleeping happens more than sleeping does.

Well, I'm off to collapse on the bed between the two fans and hopefully grab a nap before I fix supper.  I didn't see this heat wave coming.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Insomnia is a group sport

It got hot today!  I think it was over 90F but it felt hotter because last weekend we were so cold.  Having the new ceiling fan in the common room (for lack of a better word to describe the tiny room that houses the dining table, couch and computer desk as well as the small tv) makes a huge difference.  I had always hated the chandelier. 

I gave Professor a bath today after I brushed him.  I got a huge handful of fur from the brush and then after he dried from the bath, got another huge handful.  He wasn't keen on the bath.  It always amazes me how he knows what I've got planned without me saying a word.  It's like he's psychic or something.  But I did catch him before he got in his bed.  Bed is his sanctuary and we don't bother him when he's in it so if he got there first, I'd have to wait until he got out again.

I re-started the Tree of Life pattern after I realized where I made my mistake.  I hope it turns out better this time.  Sometimes it takes me a few tries before I get the hang of something new.  I crocheted a small amulet bag for Zach's necklace but I didn't like it so I'm going to figure out a knitted design instead.  And I did manage a few rounds on the shopping bag before crashing for the night.

Only it wasn't for the night as it turned out.  I slept for a good solid hour/hour and a half and was up until after 5 a.m. waiting to get sleepy again.  I wasn't alone.  Everyone in the house was still awake at 5 a.m.  Except for the pets.  And we were all awake at 10 a.m. or so.  Needless to say we've been dragging all day.  I had one short nap but woke myself up snoring after about 10 minutes.  I think it was just too hot last night and we didn't have the fans set up yet.

I could go back to bed right now except I'd be up at 10 p.m. wide awake.  Trying to make it to bedtime.


Saturday, May 22, 2010

Making decisions

I changed my mind about the garden this year.  When it came time to commit I just couldn't do it.  With so little energy and the seedlings looking so pathetic, I had to decide not to follow through this year.  I've got some things in pots and will keep them there but I'm not going to shell out the money for the roto-tiller when I most likely won't get back the initial investment. 

So tomorrow I'm going to plant my flowers and herbs, put them in my fairy garden and keep up with them.  If I need to re-pot them into bigger pots, I'll deal with that when needs must.  I'm going to focus this summer on cleaning house, garage and basement, getting rid of a lot of stuff we don't need and fixing up the bathroom.

Plus it's time to stop dreaming about growing a business and start doing it.  I have been working on designs today along with some small projects.  I also plan to get busy with drawing and painting.  Who knows where my path will wend?

I do feel like a failure though, that I can't even grow plants successfully or that I don't have the energy to do my part here.  I know that feeling is defeating in itself and I am working to overcome it but to anyone out there reading who scoffs at someone with a chronic illness that causes debilitating fatigue, just hope you never have to walk an inch in our shoes. 

I started McLeod's Daughters last night (I spelled it right finally) and really like it.  But there are a lot of episodes to it so I'm watching Wallander today because it will have to go back to the library first.  And I really like Wallander.  It's going to be on the rotation for Masterpiece Mystery so I needed to catch up on it.

And I finally got around to watching Resident Evil last night.  I know my tastes in movies and books really have a bizarre range but I really liked it.  Now I have to order the other RE movies from the library.  Plus I'm really itching for the El Mariachi trilogy as well.  I love Robert Rodriguez...and Quintin Tarantino.  I know, weird tastes.

Off to work on the kitchen and make up a pot of potato/leek soup to go with the salmon patties for supper tonight.


Friday, May 21, 2010

Bigger baby steps

I slept last night.  A long time...maybe even 8 hours.  Uninterrupted.  Kick me next time I try to move my bed again.

That didn't mean I was bouncing off the walls with energy though but I am feeling better emotionally at any rate.  And shopping, while it did wear me out, didn't wear me down.  I'm not exhausted like I usually am.

Tomorrow will be a busy day for the whole family.  Tom is going to till the garden and set up the fence.  I plan on attacking the garage and throwing out as much as I can in order to make more room in there.  Plus I've got stuff to plant in pots in addition to the stuff that will go in the ground.  And I should finish up the trimming.  Zach will mow the yard but as he's still a bit off from the flu, I'll let him do it in stages.  Half tomorrow, the other half Sunday.  At least until we both get back up to speed.

Tonight will be for knitting.  I frogged the blanket I was doing because I just couldn't get the tree design to look good.  I'm not sure I'm an intermediate knitter anymore.  So much technical knitting has happened and I haven't kept up so I think I got left behind.  So back to the afghan squares but I'm going to take some scrap yarn I have and work on the tree design until I've got it down.  And I'm going to do that with other things I see out there that I've avoided until now.

I also plan on doing some designing this weekend and making lists (yes, I know I said I wouldn't do lists anymore but I must or I will forget things) of things I plan to accomplish in the next week.

Can you tell I feel better?

Pizza for supper tonight because I've got to tackle the kitchen and clean it.  I've let it go far too long.  Plus I need to organize things in there better because sometime in the future I'm going to be doing craft stuff in there, like dyeing yarn and making candles.  Right now there is no counter space to even cook much so I need to come up with a better system. 

It's been threatening rain all day so it's a bit muggy but sometimes it's good to have the gray skies.  All sunshine all the time gets boring.  I lived in the desert before so I know that.

Off to knit and watch McCleod's Daughters before I pop the pizzas in the oven.


Thursday, May 20, 2010

Two nights in a row would be nice

Crap!  I got the one night's sleep at least but last night was one good hour and then fits and starts of sleep up until daylight.  I didn't bother to look at the clock because I thought it would depress me too much.  I slept until 10:30 a.m. and accomplished some outdoor stuff this morning but afternoon I was dragging again.

I rearranged my room again. I have only two options for my bed and since I've gotten little sleep since I moved it last time, it's back where it used to be.  Plus I can open the northern window now and since it's going to be hot tonight I'm all for that.  The room is more crowded this way but it's crowded anyway so one way isn't really better than another.  Here's hoping I can sleep tonight.  Although I might need to get the bark collar out since that window's open now.  There is a chipmunk that lives in the next door neighbor's underground drain pipe and comes out to harrass Professor.

I started knitting on the Tree of Life pattern, but I'm not actually sure I've got enough yarn to finish it.  Worse case scenario, I'll rip it out and remove one repeat.  It will be narrower but still be nice to put over my legs while I knit during the winter months.  Plus it will still look good, I think.

Now that I've dug out some of my yarn and thread, I plan on crocheting some amulet bags for both Zach and me.  He wants blue but I want black, which is hard to work with at night.  Or maybe black and red.  I'm a girl of the night, I think.  I tried to knit them but I'd rather crochet the thread than knit it.  It's too slippery.  I've also got a lot of sock yarn remnants that I can use to knit tarot bags and stuff like that.  I just need to get busy with it.

And I need to get busy with my pencils and oils.  I set up the garden area a bit better as I found another bungee cord so the tablecloth will stay on now.  Doesn't look great but it will take a tornado to rip it off of there.  Or I can set up in the living room but it's a bit tight in here.  I'll figure something out.  I just don't want to get paint on the new dining room set. 

Tonight is for Ballykissangel and knitting and maybe an early night, if I'm lucky.


Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Feeling more like myself

What a difference 8 hours of sleep makes!  I wasn't bouncing off the walls, but I did have energy to accomplish some things today.  I had things in at the library (Ballykissangel) so I made a trip and picked up some things from StuffMart while I was at it.  I got two molded plastic chairs in an ecru color for the back yard area I'm setting up.  I didn't want white because it would look too stark but ecru was a good choice.  No pictures because I'm not done yet.  It won't look like something that belongs in a magazine but it will still be a nice place.

I had picked up some bungi cords to wrap around the table to keep the tablecloth on but it's not long enough so I need to grab another one next time I go.  No special trip though. 

I did some more work with the weed eater although there is still a bit to go.  I need to work on cleaning up the compost area.  The lid broke off during the winter so I've got a plywood sheet over it but it's warped and bowing now so I need to figure out something else to cover it with.

Tomorrow I plan on doing some cooking and baking.  I haven't felt like doing anything for so long I've got to be sure I don't overdo it and end up back where I started.  But staying in and baking sounds like something I can accomplish.

I'm thinking of working on this Tree of Life blanket instead of the afghan squares. I'm pretty sure I have enough and it would look good on my bed so I can curl up under it while knitting and watching tv or reading.  Of course I'll have to fight the pets for it, but I am bigger than they are so I should win.  At least I would if they would fight fair but their soulful eyes always seem to defeat me.

Sweet and Sour chicken tonight...from a box.  I'm not that back in shape yet.  Zach and I did have a good talk today about getting in shape and eating better so I got healthful snacks and plan on cooking better.  Hence the notion about baking tomorrow.  I thought maybe bread sticks.  Or flat bread.  Something along those lines.

I came home weighed down with library books and dvds.  I got A Beautiful Mind about John Nash.  The movie is on one of the premium channels right now but I'd rather read the biography first.  I got a book on drawing and painting, a Stephen Lawhead book (Patrick) and another Ehrman book. Should keep me busy for a few days.  The dvds are Midsomer Murders, set 12 because it's been a while (Monday) since I've seen any, McCleod's Daughters (I've been wanting to see it but they didn't have season 1) and of course, Ballykissangel, season 1.  I should get a lot of knitting done in the next two weeks.

Off to eat supper and then crawl into bed.


Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Teeny weeny baby steps

I got some things done outside but not as much as I wanted to.  I did get the back patio cleaned off a bit and some trimming done but my back started hurting a lot so I quit for the day.  I did some work on the kitchen but it's such a pain that I'm so weak still.  I guess when you get older you don't bounce back as well. 

Not that I'm older or anything.

It would help if I could get more than 4-5 hours of sleep a night.  Still, I did more today than I've done in a while.  Baby steps.

I printed out the Yggsdrail pattern but I'm not sure I can do it.  I'm an intermediate knitter and this is advanced but there are so many techniques in it that I just don't know.  So I think I'm going to print out some afghan squares patterns out and work on those.  They're intermediate to advanced and I can get some skills that way.

Tonight is a short night because I'm definitely going to bed early.  I took some valerian last night and that might be why I've been so sleepy today so I'm not going to take anything tonight aside from my regular meds.

I finished up with all my library stuff, including the books so I'm watching Farscape, season 2 with all the commentaries and deleted scenes.  Zach and I watched The Incredibles again last night.  Quality work there.

Well, off to print off a pattern or two and then to bed.


Monday, May 17, 2010

Monday turned out to be a disappointment after all

Monday didn't work out as well for me as I hoped it would.  Last night I fell asleep immediately at around 11, slept deeply for about an hour and was up until after 5 a.m.  I ended up sleeping until noon but I feel so tired today that I haven't gotten anything done yet.  I do intend to vacuum and make some necessary de-cluttering attempts in addition to fixing supper and doing up the dishes, of course.  I filled up the dishwasher, though, as I have limited energy today and washing dishes will take a considerable amount of that.  What a wasted day!

I probably won't do a lot of knitting tonight because I'm just that drained of energy.  Hopefully I'll fall asleep around 9 and sleep until 9 tomorrow.  I know you can't catch up but I can sure give it a try.

I don't want to resort to taking an over the counter sleeping pill but I will if I have to.  I need the sleep.

I might have to give one to Zach, too.  He's not slept much the past week and he was still awake at 10:30 this morning.  He took a two hour nap but that's not enough to rest him.  I don't sleep restoratively during the day and I suspect he doesn't either.

Short entry today as nothing much happened and I need to get busy with supper.


Sunday, May 16, 2010

Almost glad to see Monday

It was a beautiful day today but I didn't go to church.  I got to sleep about 4 a.m and woke up at 7:10 a.m. in pain.  I tried to just ignore it and go back to sleep but I ended up having to take a pain pill.  By that time I was awake and couldn't get back to sleep.  I did try to nap in the afternoon but only got minutes instead of hours so no real rest.

I made Zach go shopping with me today so I wouldn't have to interrupt the week ahead with errands.  I did pretty well money wise.  The cost was about half what it usually is and since I have stocked up so well, I shouldn't need to go back until next weekend.  I will have to make a library trip sometime this week, I'm sure but I don't need to swing by the store.  I can just go there and come straight home.

I have tons that I want to get accomplished this week, mostly yard work.  I desperately need to do some cleaning inside but I need to be outside more.  Besides, I can clean when it's dark or when it's nasty out so I'll put my priorities on what shows outside.

Now I just need to find the energy.  It's been years since my energy levels have been this low.  I think we were in San Diego the last time I felt like this.  And Tom was out to sea a lot during that time so it was totally miserable.  I had no one to help me as the people in our church at the time weren't overly interested in my life.  In fact I got the flu once and if it hadn't been for Stephen, I probably would have been much sicker.  He did the shopping and brought home stuff to eat because I couldn't stand up long enough to cook.  Zach was about 6 or so and not much help in the cooking department.  I was away from church for about 3 weeks and not one person even called to see how I was.  Now this was a time when I never missed a single Sunday at church so disappearing for a few weeks seemed to me to be a bit of a red flag.

It seems to me that my huge fatigue flare up was after that flu.  Hmmmmm....

Zach and I are taking a break from church for a while.  I'm so tired of stressing out on Saturday nights wondering if I'm able to get some sleep so I can go and if I have something special going on, like altar guild or he is reader or something, then we have to go whether I've had sleep or not.  I am just tired of having to face that every week.  I emailed the priest to tell her I was resigning from altar guild but I haven't heard back from her.  I'm supposed to have it next week so if my partner calls, I'll just have to tell her I've resigned.  I don't feel too badly about it since I did it all by myself for nearly 3 months because of things going on in her life.  Not that I begrudge her the need for it, but just that I have a need right now and I'm not going to feel guilty about it.

To be honest, though, there is more going on than just me not feeling well.  There are spiritual things going on, both with me and Zach, but I'm not going to go into it on this blog.  I talk about that elsewhere.

On a more positive note, I started knitting a shopping bag that I might put in my inventory to sell.  I designed the pattern myself although there are so many shopping bags out there that look nearly identical I'm not going to publish the pattern.  It's one of those things like a garter-stitch scarf.  I can't imagine anyone actually paying for a pattern like that but they are out there.

I'm nearly halfway done with the Helm's Deep shawl although I did modify it to use just the mountain-style pattern rather than the lattice that went with it.  I didn't care for the way it looked.  Once I get to the halfway point on any project I need to take a break from it though. 

I have some beautiful Caron Eco yarn that is a light brown but I'm not sure what I want to turn it into.  I was thinking of something in the way of a small throw with Celtic cables and such.  I know the pattern I would love to use but I don't want it as big as that.  Not to mention I don't have enough  yarn.  But since my yarn is a thinner gauge I think I might be able to adapt the pattern a bit.  I'll just have to print it out and study it a bit.

Of course, I couldn't sell the item but it would be good practice in designing something of my own that I could sell.  I've used to design most of what I crocheted but that's been years and knitting is so different from crocheting.  I've got books that will help and the library has even more.

I'm hoping to start setting aside a specific amount of time each day for working on crafts: educating myself, practicing, pushing my boundaries, etc.  I have so much housework to catch up on but I should still be able to set aside time for that.  I figure it will take me a couple of years before I have enough skills and inventory to set up shop.  But I can be very patient at times.

Well, my head is pounding so I'm off to take some ibuprofen (tylenol has a potentially bad interaction with my tramadol so I can't take it anymore.)  And then off to bed to watch tv and go to sleep.  I managed to get some spinning done this weekend, some knitting, laundry (hung out on the line) and some minor cleaning done, so it wasn't a total waste.

Plus Hellboy was on tv twice!  Not to mention Foyle's War.  It wasn't a bad tv weekend.


Friday, May 14, 2010

Very happy it's Friday

I seem to be coming back to life little by little.  I hung two loads of clothes out on the clothesline and there are two more loads awaiting the same fate tomorrow.  I didn't do as much with the cleaning as I had hoped but at least I'm not incapacitated by the depression, fatigue and pain anymore.  Or at least not as much.  I do still have moments when I feel incapable of doing things again.

I resisted taking a pain pill today.  To be honest I'm not totally sure why not except maybe I was tired enough and didn't want to be tireder.  I managed to walk Professor around the block today.  The steep incline back up the hill had us both slowing down a bit.  I think he wanted me to carry him but I made him walk the whole way.  Need to get this routine established for both of us.

I didn't work outdoors like I wanted to though.  Maybe soon I'll have the energy to keep busy all day.  I've been saying that for several years now, but I always think it might happen so I keep hoping. 

I'm resisting going shopping until next week.  We're not actually low on anything so there's no need but not going was a bit of a struggle.  It felt nearly like withdrawal.  I'm so used to shopping on Friday that it was hard to focus on other things and not go.  I need to get back to cooking more from scratch, too.  The depression/fatigue left me using easier, more expensive choices when it came to cooking so I'm hoping (there's that word again) to get back into the swing of things.  Chili and cornbread tonight, which is like comfort food to me anyway.

I'm going to try to limit all trips to town to one day a week, including the library.  That may or may not work out depending on when things come in but I'm going to try.  Every little bit will help.  I'm also back to washing dishes by hand.  I think in the long run it saves money.  Plus I have the pots and pans I need when I need them rather than waiting for the dishwasher to be full.

Well, supper needs my attention now so I'm off to get some cooking and baking done.


Thursday, May 13, 2010

Coming back from the dark

After a fairly good night's sleep I managed to accomplish a lot today.  I got caught up with the check book and the bills, cleaned out some junk that needed cleaning out, worked in the kitchen a bit, and am cooking supper right now.Not much else but for me this is a lot.

I had hoped to start working on some projects but that will wait until tomorrow.  At least I hope I can start on them tomorrow.

Still gloomy and incredibly windy again.  Supposedly warmth and the sun are coming back.  Then I'll need to get outside and attack the yard and garden.

I'm not happy with myself after catching up with the checkbook.  During my down period and the flu, I wasn't as thrifty as I needed to be.  I can only hope to be more vigorous about it in the future.  Maybe I can catch up to where I was before this all happened.

This will have to be a bit short as I'm hoping to get some vacuuming done as well tonight.  I'm crawling into bed after supper (and the dishes are done) and get to work on the shawl.  I need more daylight to work on other projects right now but at least I can work on that.  Then I might start a cotton grocery back, too.  It's hard to work on one thing at a time.


Wednesday, May 12, 2010

More not getting anything done

Still cold and gloomy with promises of warmer temperatures in the future.  I'm back to using the furnace intermittently because somehow the cooler temps feel colder after having that delicious warmth.

Yesterday, minutes after I went through the main intersection in town, coming home from errands and shopping, a semi hit and killed a man.  I have no idea what happened or what the order of events were, but that intersection can get a bit scary, especially for pedestrians.  I might have to get the town paper next week to see what happened.  Unfortunately there are limited options to get through town except for that intersection. 

I'm back to not sleeping well which means I'm dragging my butt instead of being productive.  It really makes me feel lousy about myself when I'm not doing what I want and need to do.  Last night I went to sleep all right but woke up a few hours later and couldn't get back to sleep so I got up and cleaned up the kitchen a bit and went online for a short while.  I got sleepy enough to go back to sleep and slept until noon but I'm totally without any energy and will have to push myself to fix supper. 

I'll try again tomorrow.

I worked a bit on the Helm's Deep shawl last night while watching Waking the Dead, season 4, which is cool and probably the only episodes I actually saw on BBCA a few years back.  I got A Touch of Frost season 5 yesterday so that should get me through the week.  In between times I'm watching Farscape with all the documentaries and commentaries.  I love that show.  Eventually I'll get Peacekeeper's Wars but for now, I'll have to get that from the library when I get to that.

I had planned on working with my pencils today but my brain is toast again due to lack of sleep so I'll try that again tomorrow as well.

My re-potted plants are still looking good but they will need water tomorrow.  And I hope to finish re-potting the rest tomorrow as well.

Part of me just wants to stay in bed for a week.  I'm still coughing although not nearly as much.  No fever though and no difficulty breathing so I guess this just takes a while to get over.  We should make it to church this Sunday.  Unless I'm up all night in which case no way will I try to drive without sleep. 

I'd love to take a nap before supper but I suspect that will mean I'll be up until dawn waiting to get sleepy again.  Something has to give and soon.


Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Gray skies and winter coats

Another gloomy day.  And cold. 

But my seedlings look pretty good in the pots, although I still need to re-pot about 10 more tobacco plants.  As soon as I find the pots to put them in.  And not today because it's wet and cold out there.

I got a refill on one of my meds today and the dr only gave me enough for one month saying I needed to come in for labs.  This really cheeses me off as I just had labs 3 weeks ago so why can't they schedule my labs all at once instead of me having to pay a co-pay every time they think I need it.  Thing is I've never needed labs for this med before so why now?  Unless they've just come up with one more way to make money.  Sheesh.  I'm sure my bp and labs will be skewed after dealing with 5 weeks of flu.

I had errands today but I did enough of them that I shouldn't have to go back until next week.  And I won't, not even if the library calls with something coming in.  I'm not getting anything done because I'm on the road all the time.

Not to mention it uses up what little energy I have.

I didn't catch up on sleep last night but I did get at least 5 hours uninterrupted, which is almost as good.  I had planned on walking the dog today but he's cowering under my blanket and I can barely get him outside to take care of business.  It should warm up soon and I can start taking baby steps in the exercise department.

Off to work on a design for an amulet bag and maybe knit on my Helm's Deep shawl.  Then fixing supper and to bed!


Monday, May 10, 2010

Happy Belated Mother's Day!

Mother's Day was pretty darned good.  I slept in, skipping church another Sunday (I've been advised by the vest recipient that it's been over a month since we've been there) because I'm still so very tired all the time.  Everyone slept in so we were noonish or so before anyone started moving around.  Tom made scrambled eggs and pancakes for breakfast.  The gifts were amazing:  oil paints! new brushes and a tabletop easel.  I'm excited to start but I haven't a clue what to paint just now.  Maybe my muse will return to me along with my energy (which is still eluding me.)

I re-potted the tomato and pepper plants and some of the tobacco plants but ran out of pots so the remaining tobacco plants will have to wait.  I was going to finish them up today but, well, more about that later.

Zach took me to Appleby's where we had some amazing burgers and strawberry shortcake shooters.  Wow!  I only ate half my sandwich and fries so I brought the rest home to Tom.  Huge sandwiches!

I settled in to watch Larkrise to Candleford, Foyle's War, and Doc Martin and worked on my Helm's Deep shawl.  I decided to just stick with the main pattern rather than use the lattice for the center because I'm not sure I have enough yarn and I'd rather have a shorter yarn with one pattern than have to rip out and start over again because I can't finish up the mid section.  But I started getting tired so I put my knitting away and got out my kick spindle and watched an episode of Waking the Dead, season 4.

By that time I was so tired I couldn't stay awake so I fell into bed and fell immediately asleep...for about 5 minutes.  All night long 5 or 10 minutes was all I could stay asleep at a time.  I finally crashed about 9 a.m. but Professor needed out and woke me up about 10.  I've been up ever since but dragging with no energy at all.

I did manage to put together some homemade macaroni and cheese and Zach is taking care of the veg and plates and such and will do the clean up for me, but I'm going to hit the pillows as soon as it's dark because I'm barely functioning.  No way can I knit or spin tonight.  Or even read.

Then tomorrow I hope to start fresh and work outside trimming the yard (Tom mowed yesterday, bless his heart) and get caught up in the kitchen with some baking.

I also intend to start walking the dog around the block and try to build up my stamina little by little.  This fatigue is debilitating beyond anything I've experienced before, aside from chemo.  I'm just glad Tom is so patient with me.

We supposedly got frost last night (which I knew nothing about, darn it...I need to keep a better eye on the forecast) but the plants look okay in their pots.  Maybe next weekend I can get the garden mapped out and get it tilled.  I decided the raised beds were going to cost too much this year.  Maybe next year I can afford to do it but for now, we'll use the earth that is already there and maybe add some of the compost to it. 

Tom is going to head up north to his brother's cabin sometime this month for much needed R & R and hopefully will bring home some fish.  At the least he'll have some time to chill out and relax. 

I can smell the macaroni and cheese so I'm off to eat my comfort food. 


Saturday, May 8, 2010

Midspring winter

Brrrrr...I have the furnace on.  And I think I lost the tomato seedlings, all of them.  The green pepper seedlings are doing okay and so are the remnants of the tobacco, but the tomatoes...not so good.  I guess I'll have to go with plants from the store after all. 

I've been thinking of doing a raised bed as we're under deluge right now and no telling when the ground would be dry enough to till.  But buying dirt isn't inexpensive.  And I would need something to bolster up the sides.  I've got some 2 x 2s but I'm not sure they are tall enough.  We do have fencing but I still need something to border all the dirt.  I'm sure concrete blocks are expensive, too.  Time is ticking away and I have to decide soon.

I finished up the vest for Bette.  I hate the neckline but at this stage, I also hate the whole vest anyway and can't care enough to redo it.  She wants it tomorrow so she can take her Mother's Day pictures in it.  I suspect she'll be disappointed in it.  I know I was.

I'm working on the Helm's Deep shawl and really liking it, except I'm using acrylic which won't block so the lacey parts look a bit wavy but I think the weight of it will hold them open enough when on my shoulders.  I think I gave up on the christening dress.  It's not like I was knitting it for anyone...just a way to improve my skills.  I also got my pencils out this weekend and am working on some basic stuff.  I might get my acrylics out next week but it's too dark and damp right now.

I also got my kick spindle out last night and did some spinning.  I had forgotten how relaxing that is.  I must take the time each day to work on that. Although it's taken me about a year, I'm almost done with the Welsh Top which I plan on dyeing.  It's a sturdy yarn so probably not good for anything next to the skin, but maybe an open-weave jacket or something.  Maybe something crocheted.  Something to think about anyway.  Then I might look at getting something softer to spin next time.

I've got laundry to do today in addition to cleaning.  I got behind because of the flu/bronchitis so right now the work load seems so overwhelming.  If I can handle it one step at a time, maybe I won't get so stressed out. 

Off to make my bed and get the clothes out of the dryer.


Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Auntie Em! Auntie Em!

We get some very strong winds here but today is the strongest I've seen here (I'm sure I'm wrong but I love to exaggerate.)  I had to go to Stuffmart to get some dirt and more pots and I couldn't get the truck door open initially because of the wind.  Once I did manage to open it, the wind shut it on my leg.  Oh, joy!  Not to worry.  I didn't even bruise but I did limp for a while.

I found some peat moss at the store so I didn't get the pine shavings.  I thought the peat moss would be better, plus we have plenty of coffee grounds.  I'm not going to put it on the blueberry bushes until tomorrow though.  It would probably all blow away.

I got sick again last night, coughing and headache.  Maybe it's allergies instead of the flu.  I can feel the headache coming on again right now so I'm going to take some ibuprofen and lie down for a bit, see if that helps stave off the worse headache I'm bound to get later.

I'm thinking of doing raised beds instead of tilling the ground, especially as we've got so much clay in the soil.  Or rather we have so little soil in our clay.  Hopefully tomorrow I'll get things in the pots and then do the raised beds this weekend.  At least get the fence up...otherwise all we're doing is feeding the rabbits.  They're cute to watch out in the yard as long as they aren't eating my plants.

I'm going to go put my feet up and close my eyes for a bit before I fix supper.  I feel like I need a nap every 4 hours or so.


Tuesday, May 4, 2010

A little closer to feeling better

I'm trying to get things done today but whenever I exert myself I have a coughing spell.  But I am nearly there.  I did some research on some of the things I want to plant and I'm glad I did because they won't do well in our ground so I'll have to use containers.  Plus nearly everything won't winter over well so they'll need to be brought inside.  Good thing I checked.

But now I need to go buy some potting soil and dirt and a couple more pots.

I know what to do to fix the blueberry bushes.  Coffee grounds and pine shavings.  I can get the pine shavings tomorrow but we've already got the coffee grounds in containers for the compost.  I just have to make sure it's nothing but coffee grounds though.

My head is also pounding so I think I'll get things tidied up, slap some supper on the stove for Tom and go to bed.  I will beat this thing.


Monday, May 3, 2010

Flu free at last

I made it through the weekend, the coughing is nearly gone and I'm sleeping through the night...however short that night seems to be.  Zach is about midway in his flu-crisis.  Which means I get to mow the yard again this week.

I'm still dragging my butt though.  Absolutely no energy and I get tired after working just a short while.  Something has to give and soon.

My seedlings are outdoors full time now, up on our old dining table that is now covered with a tarp to protect it from the elements.  Not sure what we're going to do with it though.  Something will come to me.

I hope to get some other things planted into pots tomorrow.  I'm not going to put my prairie garden stuff directly into the ground as I think our backyard menagerie will munch them down before they have a chance to grow much.  So I'll put them in pots and wait until they're grown up enough not to need babysitters anymore.  I'm going to try lavender again this year.  I've tried for at least 3 years to grow it and can't even get anything green to pop up out of the ground.  This time I intend to research a bit better.

The new season of Foyle's War was on last night and it was as good, if not better, than the other six seasons.  I look forward to the next several Sunday nights of Masterpiece Theater.  I'm also watching season 3 of Waking the Dead, most of which I haven't seen, courtesy of the library.  I've also got Blue Murder, season one waiting in the wings.

I've got just a bit to finish on Bette's sweater and then I'll sew the seams and finish it.  I started a shawl last night, this time for me.  I ended up giving away my fire shawl so I'm back to being shawl-less.  I had started a cabled pullover last winter but I put it away to do my Lenten knitting and just couldn't figure out where I was.  There were 3 different cables on it so I had to determine where I was in 4 different patterns, actually, counting the uncabled portion.  So I ripped it all back and am using it to make a shawl.  It's a dark, sage green and I'm using a Helm's Deep pattern on Ravelry.  Easy pattern to memorize and lovely to look at.

I'm also knitting a christening dress out of the leftover white sport yarn I used to make baby blankets during Lent.  I'm pushing myself to work past my comfort zone on different projects in order to improve my knitting skills.  I bought Barbara Walker's Stitch Dictionary because I need to start designing my own things possibly to sell in an online store or something like that.

I've also got my pencils and sketch pads out to brush up on those skills as well.  I'd love to have oils to work with.  Maybe I can find a place in the budget for those.  I had gotten acrylics thinking they would work as well for me, but I had never worked with acrylics before and didn't find them as user friendly as oils.

I'm trying to get some reading done, too, although my brain is still pretty mushy, mostly from the fatigue and inability to concentrate that is part and parcel of fibromyalgia.

Well, off to fix supper and then crawl into my jammies and work on the shawl.  I'll finish up the vest tomorrow.


Sunday, May 2, 2010

May Day

I think I am going to make it through this flu but I'm not going to make it to church tomorrow.  I had an incredibly busy day with errands and shopping and stuff that I didn't really get a chance to rest so I'm taking tomorrow off.  Plus I didn't finish Bette's sweater yet and I'm a bloody coward.

When we got home this afternoon from getting Zach's new glasses, a trip to the library and a stop off at our church's rummage sale, one of the remaining two dining room chairs was upended with one of the legs obviously broken off.  We got the set over 20 years ago and by means of attrition were down to just two chairs left.  So we headed to town to look at tables.  Shopko was having a huge sale on furniture so we got a farm table with the height taller than a dining room table, shorter than an espresso table and four chairs for almost $200 off.

Now I'm rethinking the stove because I don't want to use up all the tax refund.  I have to save back a large portion to pay the second installment on the property taxes.  And we really need a new front door as this one won't stay latched.  The paper boy, many years ago, didn't shut it one morning when he put the paper in the door and the wind caught it and ripped it out of the frame and warped it.  We have very strong winds in this neck of the woods.

Tom really wants a kayak but it might come to a choice between the two.  To be honest, I've lived with the stove like this for a couple of years so I think he should get the kayak.  The stove still works hinge on the door is broken.  I rarely need to use the oven because I have the toaster oven so I think he should get the kayak and we'll get the stove next year.

I didn't get anything planted today and I'm not sure I will tomorrow as the house has gotten away from me these past few flu-ridden weeks and now with putting the old dining table outside, I need to do some cleaning up out there as well.  We're going to use the dining table to put my seedlings on until I can get them in the ground (they start their lives completely outside tomorrow) and I have some herbs to start in big pots that would do well to remain out of reach of our many small furry creatures that roam our yard at night.  I'll give you a hint...they hop a lot.

I picked up just a few things at the rummage sale.  Two very small dreamcatchers and a gold foil engraving picture kit that Tom likes to do.  And two Jerusalem star plants for my prairie garden.  I think I'm going to plant the echniacea bulbs in the prairie garden as well, but I'm going to plant my flowers in some window boxes and keep them in Zach's old wagon that has been inhabiting in the garage lo, these past 11 years.  I'm also putting the remaining dining room chair in the front yard and will put the bird feeder on it with some potted plants around the bottom of it.  The wagon will go next to it to hide the area in front of my bedroom window that refuses to grow anything.

I've also been digging through my art supplies and hope to get back to that along with some other projects I'm thinking of spending my time on.  But first I have to get organized, clean the house and start making room in the garage for a workshop for Tom.

Tonight, however, is for Waking the Dead until I can fall asleep.  And since I've seem to have stopped all this coughing, maybe a full night's sleep as well.