Where did my energy come from and how do I get it to stay?

I have no idea what bit me but even with a late start, I got busy doing some deep cleaning and re-arranging. The previous arrangement wasn't working in the living room. Although it did open up the heating vent more, it made the room so crowded we were walking sideways through the room and you couldn't have more than one person walking through the room at a time. So I'm nearly done but I plan to get a load of clothes started in the wash so I can hang them out first thing tomorrow morning.

I'm hoping to get the kitchen and bathroom deep cleaned tomorrow. The kitchen sink is clogged and Tom needs to take the elbow out because we suspect something large got through the drain and don't want to try to flush it down where it might lodge even worse. As a result I can't use the kitchen sink or the dishwasher so I got stuff to eat that didn't involve either cooking or using dishes (I have some paper plates if needed.) Still, I could do better on the rest of the kitchen but I'm running out of steam and I still need to start that load of clothes and bring up two chairs for the card table/dining table.

I do plan on some more clearing off of flat spaces over the course of the next few weeks so I can put out Christmas decorations. Zach has asked if we could go all out this year so he could feel in a more festive mood. So instead of just the tree, I plan on using the rest of our decorations and lights and have some plans for Christmas day as well that involve family time together. He has asked if we could all play Monopoly. I need to locate the game and am desperately hoping I haven't gotten rid of it when I donated a lot of games to a teacher at our church. Fingers crossed.

I haven't done much knitting or crocheting today because I was either running errands or rearranging my room and the living/dining room/den. I do plan on working on the rasta hat and the snake before I crash for the night though.

And since I hear the siren song of the laundry I need to get busy so I can crawl into my pajamas and under the covers where it is warmer than it is here. Winter is fast approaching and I'm not completely done winterizing yet. Must accomplish more tomorrow.

TTFN

Mondays aren't so bad after all

Things are looking up here. At least I'm accomplishing more things. I've been walking Professor around the block and building up to add another block by next week. When I say a block, I mean one that goes steeply uphill no matter what direction I choose so I get a pretty decent workout in spite of it being a short one.

I'm hoping to continue with it this time. I have so many health issues that I need to do something because there is only so much medication I can take. I'm not so good on follow-through, however, so this is a definite discipline issue for me.

Fortunately Zach doesn't have class tomorrow morning so it won't be a long day. I stayed in the car tonight because it's only a 2 hour class and hardly worth dragging my stuff into the commons.

I spent the weekend doing tons of reading, both fiction and non-fiction. I finished The Reason Driven Life again and then started a book called Border Lands. It's a book of Celtic Christian prayers and some devotional materials as well. Very refreshing and very much a needed tool for me right now. I've been so spiritually devastated the past few years and had pretty much reached rock bottom so this book is like a long, tall drink of cool water after a trip across the desert. I started reading a book about Mystics and Miracles, too. I tend to be skeptical about some of the more "miraculous" aspects, especially when they happen over a thousand years ago but I still enjoy the character study parts of it. I like reading about people.

And I've got the rest of the Thrush Green series to read as well as starting on the Village School series. Sometimes the older stuff is more relevant to me than the more modern books. Plus I'm a major lover of all things British. Someday I hope to go there for an extended visit.

Church yesterday was really good. I can't put my finger on it but everything seemed better. I figure a lot had to do with my depression lifting and feeling more...um...friendly...toward spiritual things. I know I've been fighting a lot of bitterness and resentment since leaving fundamentalism. It's been so hard to try to separate God from fundamentalism but I think it's finally working. I woke up this morning feeling healed. Whether it lasts or not, I don't know, but I'm going to enjoy the feeling for now.

I'm hoping to rent a roto-tiller this week and turn the garden for next summer. I don't want to wait until next year to start on it. I know I'll have to do it again in the spring but it wouldn't be as hard to do if I could get the sod broken up now. I won't put the fence up until the spring though.

I finished knitting a neck warmer for myself and decided, since I have enough yarn, I'm going to knit a rasta hat from a Knitty Gritty pattern. I don't like my hair being flattened down so much so I thought that might be loose enough to wear. I need to get back to my sweater but I'm still crocheting snakes for the windows. Frantically. Before the cold weather comes back. And I did manage to work on my beaded scarf a bit. I'm savoring that so I can make it last. I don't ever get to knit yarn that nice.

I've been watching Supernatural, the first season. I was on a news group several years ago and an actor named Jim Beaver was on there, too. Not that he knows me but we did talk a few times, particularly when his wife was so ill and when she died. So I knew he was in this series and since it's about the kinds of things I like to watch, thought I would pick it up. I've been on the waiting list for a few months so it's probably really popular. But the best part was during one of the episodes which was supposed to be in Southern Indiana and one of the brothers was looking for a missing couple and told one of the people in this fictional town that he had already asked around in Scottsburg and Salem. I nearly jumped off the bed. I was raised in Scottsburg! Lived there all my childhood and didn't leave it until I became and adult. It's such a small town and I've never heard it mentioned in any show before. Although I did enjoy reading the Friendly Persuasion books by Jessamyn West because the books are about the same area: Brown and Scott Counties. Only Scottsburg was called Centerville then.

Also, I love to watch movies that are filmed in locations I've been.

Anyway...it's time to fix Tom's supper and head off to bed and knit on the sweater a bit. I think this might be one of the last few nights before I have to use the furnace again.

TTFN

Just popping in...

Apparently my "recovery" on Monday was the eye of the Hurricane. By Monday night I was sick again with a headache and body aches. I dreaded all day at campus on Tuesday but I managed to doze a bit in the booth while Zach spent time on his laptop. I also got some snoozes in while he was in class. I'm friends with the cleaner and the security guards have seen me there for two years so no one bothers me and I can just snooze away.

By Wednesday I felt so stopped up that I was sure it was heading into a sinus infection. By today I was sure. Still taking the echinacea and blowing my nose frequently.

I did feel a lot better today. Took Professor walkies around the block and got some outdoor work done as well as a load of clothes on the line. I have another load in the washer that I will hang out tomorrow morning. I thought about it tonight but it's so windy out there I don't want to wake up and find half my clothes gone so I'll wait.

I'm making homemade macaroni and cheese for supper tonight. It's a favorite here especially in winter. Although it was not so cold today...just windy. I think I'll do some baking tomorrow.

I finally put plastic on the front door today and will get the bathroom done tomorrow. I've been crocheting snakes for the windows like mad the past two days. I've got two done. Crocheting moves faster than knitting so that's my choice for these. I think they used to call these "extruders" or something like that. They were also called "door sausages" I think.

I've been moving rapidly through the Thrush Green series. The library was only missing one book in the series and I found it in another library so I put an order in for it. I hope it comes in Monday because I have to go back to the library then. I'm trying to make fewer trips to Beaver Dam. Zach is going to drop his internship class because he just hasn't been able to find one. One guy wanted him to do his inventory for him (without salary), two of them kept him on the line while they were not bothering to get back with him and one guy held him up for 3 weeks with interviews and phone and email contact before letting him know that his company didn't have the resources to train someone. I suspect that is the biggest issue....the companies are expected to train new people and not for their own benefit.

At any rate, he won't be able to graduate until spring and has to spend even more money on a class he should never have had to take. They should have let the students know ahead of time they had to provide their own internships. There was nothing in the syllabus or the lesson plans or even the course description. It's not fair.

At any rate, I need to get busy with supper and back to crocheting more snakes so...

TTFN

Monday never felt so good

I made it through to the other side of this cold. I'm still a bit stopped up and coughing a bit but I feel so much better for having spent the past two and a half days in bed, sleeping and resting. I definitely recommend it for getting well. I even feel like functioning today, something I haven't felt like for months.

As a result, I'm doing laundry. I would prefer to dry the clothes on the line but they might end up in the next county with the wind as strong as it's been the past week. Zach is going to try raking leaves today but they might end up in the next county as well...which wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing, I'm thinking.

I did a lot of reading but not so much knitting. I did finish the socks I'm going to send to my sister and worked on my earth shawl but nothing that required any concentration. I started another sleeping hat last night and might start a balaclava for myself for the winter months so I can get outside more often.

I've been debating cutting my hair because it's so thin and ends up looking like straw from the dryness of it. But I hate the way I look in short hair so I might just try to figure out a way to pull it back throughout the winter months and deal with it more in the summer. I love the way the hair keeps my neck warm so I will have to knit a neck warmer for myself if I'm going to pull the hair off my neck. Which wouldn't bother me a bit, to tell you the truth. Something lacey would be nice.

I went to take some chicken leg quarters out of the bag I bought for supper tonight and it's one solid mass of chicken so I'm trying to thaw it out just enough to separate but not so much that I can't re-freeze the rest. Worst case scenario...I cook it all and freeze the cooked portions.

I must get back to strict tightwadding. We've spent way too much money in the past month to the degree I'm afraid to bring the checkbook up to date. But I must. I'm the one who has to face the hard things so I'd better get it over with.

And I'll be spending less time online, too. I realized these past two days that I really didn't miss the internet and that I got so much other things done instead so I'll be limiting myself to an hour or so online, which doesn't get me far with the things I used to read, but I'm going to limit Ravelry and Facebook as I don't want to pass on the blogs I read.

In the meantime, laundry is beckoning to me and I must respond.

TTFN

Sick Day

Even stay at home people need sick days and I'm taking one. I've spent most of the day in bed (with absolutely no sympathy from a certain someone) and have slept off and on all day. I started feeling crummy last night and didn't sleep much due to a huge headache that I suspect is because of my head cold.

I've done some reading in between slumbers and just managed to get online about an hour ago. Not much knitting but tons of reading.

I've been so achy and the tramadol has been a godsend because ibuprofen does okay for the headaches but nothing for the joint aches.

But...I'm getting sleepy again so it's back to bed. More when I recover.

TTFN

Wednesday is Recovery Day

I think I'm finally coming out of the depression...well, as much as I can without medication, that is. I slept until noon today. I just forced myself to go back to sleep until I felt at least a little bit rested. And I'm taking it easy today although later on I'll get busy and get some cleaning done along with some baking, I hope. I'll be glad when this semester is over and we don't have these marathon days that need another few days to recover from.

Unfortunately it doesn't look like Zach will be graduating after this semester after all. He's been unable to find an internship. He finally got an interview but the man led him on for another two weeks waiting for a board meeting only to tell him they weren't set up to provide internships. I guess in this economy even unpaid internships cost a company too much.

So he's going to drop the class and take another one next semester only he's going with the portfolio instead. I'm really concerned though. If he can't get an unpaid job how on earth will he get a paid one?

He's been stressing out over this so much that he's lost sleep and isn't feeling well now with a head cold. I told him not to worry about it but to look at getting a job as soon as he can since he'll need to pay for his cobra once his insurance runs out after the first of the year. The class is online so we won't need to drive anywhere except to get us both to work somewhere. Me, likely to a fast food place since I'm virtually unemployable anywhere else, and him hopefully to a better paying job than the last one he had at McSnacky's, with more hours.

It's so hard when you try to do the right things and they still end up biting you in the ass.

I've been getting some knitting done but I've started another couple of projects so I don't appear to be making any progress toward a result any time soon. Zach wanted a neckwarmer with a specific look to it so I'm sort of hit and miss knitting right now with that. And still working on the socks for my sister and my own cardigan based on Oblique. I'd like to work more on designing some amulet bag necklaces but can't seem to get myself to work with the cotton thread again. I might just use my leftover sock yarn. I don't know how a wool necklace would feel though.

I've also been doing a lot of reading. I read The Magnificent Ambersons last week. I had wanted to read it before since it's supposed to take place in Indianapolis (Midland in the book) and finally got around to it. Then, coincidentally (?) the movie was on television just after I started the book. What a depressing book and movie though! So I moved onto the Miss Read Thrush Green series. Much lighter and brighter.

Well, off to clean up the kitchen so I can get some baking done before supper. Pizza Casserole tonight, I think. And maybe some muffins. I have some blackberries in the freezer that I might just use in the muffins. I should be putting more plastic on the windows since it's going to get cold again soon but today I just need to take it a bit easier.

TTFN

Still here and still boring

I've been taking a break from the internet hoping it might kick start my brain a bit and I might actually get some things done. Unfortunately it coincided with a pretty good fibromyalgia flare up and so I've been doing what I need to do to take care of that. Yesterday was the worst with deep depression setting in and me keeping to my bed for most of the day. But I did get a lot of reading done and managed to not give in to the pity party invitation so by bed time I was feeling a lot better. I'm taking my pain pills instead of hoarding them the way I usually do so pain is managed and that helps my state of mind a lot.

I used the down time to finish up my water shawl, which is a feather and fan pattern but the colors are a blue/purple and the waviness of the pattern makes the colors look alive and flowing so I think of water when I wear it. I started my earth shawl but am having trouble deciding on a pattern I like. I need to get back to the socks and the sweater and maybe some more sleep hats that I might be able to sell around Christmas time.

Zach is going to have to rake leaves today as the sidewalk is covered and the city gives tickets out for that. He hates the metal rake so I might pick up a plastic one when I go get my prescription today. He hasn't heard anything back from the interview for an internship. I don't understand why people don't do that anymore. They seem to keep you on the hook forever because they can't be bothered to call or email back to say no thanks or we're still deciding. Time is ticking away and we're at the midway point of the semester and still no internship. He's going to send out more feelers on Monday but I'm feeling a bit uneasy about it all. If it's this hard to get an unpaid internship, what will it take to get a paid job?

We haven't used the furnace for a week, thankfully. It's damp and cold today but the furnace hasn't kicked on yet. Apparently the house is staying pretty warm and I don't even have all the winterizing done. I must finish that soon though.

I have a puppy in my lap which makes it hard to type but with the weather a bit cooler, he tends to snuggle a bit more. He likes to hide in my housecoat like it's a kangaroo pouch with his face sticking out and his body nestled in on the belted part, with me supporting him. It limits me to one arm though so for now he's just sitting on my lap using his telepathy to try to force me to stop typing so he can snuggle.

No chance.

Well, time to get some things done before I leave for the store.

TTFN

Today he is a man

Well, I thought he was a pretty good one before today but officially he became an adult today. Twenty-one years old. He had an interview with a computer company for an internship which hopefully he will get. The man who interviewed him has to talk to the board of directors but will let him know by Monday. I sure hope this pans out as time is ticking away and before long it will be impossible to make the hours he needs for his internship.

I'm reading a really good book called The Body Sacred by Dianne Sylvan. She makes a lot of sense about how skewed society is toward the beautiful and the skinny and that historically the pleasingly plumb have been favored more. Okay I'm not pleasingly plump but it would be nice to stop putting my life on hold until I can lose this weight. Get healthy? Yeah. But that's not what my mindset is. Women need to learn to love themselves as they are and society teaches them the opposite...to love the standard that is impossible to meet. 'Twill be a hard lesson but I'm game. Anything is better than all this self-hatred.

I got some fixings for the birthday party after church...a cheese plate and nuts, cake and ice cream, paper plates and cups, etc. Unfortunately we will be dipping into savings again. And yet, you only turn 21 once in your life. How could I not give him at least a small party?

I looked at patterns to make Professor a new sweater since he's...ahem...outgrown his old one. I didn't really see one I liked so I thought I would just buy one but they're twice as much as they were last year. Ten dollars!! Last year they were five. So...back to my pattern search.

I cast on the left front of Oblique last night but it was late and my bedroom dark and I'm knitting with black yarn so I put it off until today or even tomorrow. I need to work on socks anyway so I can get them to my sister in time for her to give the men's pair to her new beloved. The socks I'm knitting now are for her since all she's gotten from me are the worsted weight socks that don't fit in her shoes. I'm knitting Jaywalkers and I think she'll like the colors: purple and teal. Perfect colors for the mature woman.

I have more windows to put plastic on tonight but I think I'll limit myself to the window on the north wall of my bedroom because I'm going to push the bed back up against the wall so I've got room to walk around in my room. As it stands now I am walking sideways through the room. Six inches could make a lot of difference. Plus I want to vacuum and do a cleansing in there as well. I need to change my altar for Samhain. Tom made a big production of announcing that he doesn't like Halloween for religious reasons. I remained silent but I think I'll take a walk that night and do what I can in my own way. I still don't have my fairy garden set up. I hope to have that done before Samhain and maybe I can circle back around after my walk on the 31st and light a candle on my outdoor altar without him noticing. It's behind the garage but from the upstairs window you can see where I will be putting things so it's impossible to do if he happens to look outside.

Well, I must get moving or nothing will happen beyond me falling asleep by 7 p.m. tonight. The pets were a pain last night so I didn't get a lot of sleep. This time the cat kept waking me up wanting to cuddle under the covers and kept digging his claws into my face to wake me up. At least he didn't hook a claw in my nose this time. Ouch!!

And just for the record, I have the best two sons anyone would ever want.

TTFN

Duct tape and the boob blowout

Duct tape is a pretty versatile tool when working around the house. As I mentioned in a previous post, the front storm door window is only held in by one screw and should that fall out, the glass would break and we would be up that proverbial stream sans paddle, if you get my drift. So I taped all the way around it using duct tape. Tom wasn't happy as it will leave a "residue." Who cares? It's better than trying to buy a new door because we wouldn't be able to replace the glass window.

Duct tape is also good for keeping plastic on the windows when said plastic won't stick to the blasted tape that comes with the kit. I used it to seal up those areas that were pulling away and now it's as good as new.

I also used it on the section on the back hallway where the floor is separating. Actually I used it to tape the cardboard down to cover it. Underneath that floor is the patio that the previous owner built this addition over...without any foundation or anything...just planted a small room over the patio. And since the patio is settling into the ground, guess what happens to the addition...you guessed it...it's pulling away. Come January we won't even be able to shut the back door unless we stop using it now and seal it off. Hey! Another good use for duct tape.

But the best use for it came the other night when I was getting ready for bed. (This part might be a bit TMI but there's no way to tell the story without all the information so let's just get on with it.) I took my bra off and pulled my prosthesis out of the cup and noticed a sticky subtance on the outer cover for it. Sure enough, when I pulled it out the whole prosthesis was split up the back and the silicone gel was oozing out everywhere. Now...it's not like you can go to the boob store and get a new one. And it's not like I wanted to be seen out in public with only one boob so I duct-taped that puppy like there was no tomorrow. Next week I'll see about getting a prescription from the doctor and making an appointment to replace it but for now it will do. Unfortunately it's like having a solid rock in my bra...not soft and squooshy anymore. I tried to make a prosthesis using a pattern from knitty.com, but I needed three rocks in it to get the "hang" I needed to match the real one and you talk about hard and uncomfortable...eeek.

It's been 8 years so I'm pretty sure the insurance company will replace it. At least I hope they will. I sure can't afford to replace it on my own. Plus, I intend to get some new mastectomy bras as well since those are 8 years old, too.

Now I'm off to finish winterizing the back hallway and call it a day. I'm sure more duct tape will be called for before the project is complete.

TTFN

Still here

Yes, I'm still around. I've been sleeping more and better and my energy levels are creeping back up again.

Feeling more energetic means getting more stuff done but less time on the computer. And this really is a good thing but I must budget the time for this blog. I write in my head a dozen times a day but nothing gets written down so I lose it somewhere in the vacuum that exists in my mind.

I took Zach out to Pizza Hut Saturday night as an early birthday present. He turns 21 on Friday, which is boggling my mind. I had taken me out on my birthday (and Zach of course) and he started getting a picture of what women sometimes go through in this modern world. On my birthday the waitress, fairly young, came to take our order and never once looked at me, even while I was telling her what I wanted. If he needed a refill on soda she was right there. I had to ask for it and she looked at me like I had three heads.

Saturday night, the waitress did acknowledge me while taking my order but I never got a refill although they fell all over themselves to get Zach one. We talked on the way home about how the world has traditionally treated women and how I used to view it as okay when I was a fundamentalist. Zach is now officially a feminist. That's my boy!

I haven't gotten the plastic on the windows yet. Tom went hunting this weekend and I lazed around most of the weekend just enjoying doing much of nothing. I woke almost refreshed this morning and have accomplished a lot so far. Three loads of clothes, cleaning the kitchen, doing some minor winterizing. I got the blanket up to the basement/back hall area but it's really an afghan and so has an open weave effect. I have a sheet in the wash right now that I'll pin to the back of it and that should work okay. I'll get the plastic on the windows day by day as I've still got tons of things to do otherwise.

I was watching Pasion de Gavilanes again last night, wishing I spoke Spanish. Maybe I'll look into it again. I've got textbooks and dictionaries and the library has several courses. One more thing to add to my list

My sister called me 30 seconds after the alarm went off this morning wanting to know if I would be able to knit a man's sweater by Christmas for a special friend of hers. She's settling for socks since there is no way I could accomplish that by that deadline. Next year, I told her. The socks are already done and for good measure I'll send her the pair I'm working on now for herself. All she has are worsted socks I've knitted and she can't wear them with her shoes so she needs some she can wear to work. These are multicolored striping with teals, purples and I can't remember what other colors. I need to switch to it so I can get it done in time to send it her way.

I had to redo the back of the Oblique sweater since the raglan part is way too long. I don't get it since I'm right on gauge-wise. I made some modifications and narrowed it a bit before the armhole bind-off and hopefully it will be the right length. I love the pattern (with my middle panel modification) and I love it in black. I just hope I can make the adjustments for the raglan sections on the fronts and sleeves.

I started working on Tom's orange (well...melon, actually) hat for gun-hunting season. I had to make some adjustments to it because I don't have size 7 circular (16 inch) or double pointed needles. I'm using size 6 and added some stitches. I tried size 8 but it was too loose-woven and I didn't like it that way. I'm not crazy about 16 inch circulars because it's hard on my hands to knit that way, but I just switch to another project when it gets too bad.

Well, off to get some more work done. I'm fixing supper way early so we don't have to take it with us and we'll just grab a sandwich when we get home. Maybe tuna salad or something like that. With the costs of Tom's hunting trip (I nearly fainted when I tallied it up) and the upcoming heating season (I've cut the heat back to 55 again...sigh) I've got to be more diligent about frugality.

At least we don't have snow like they do in Minnesota. We had flurries on Saturday but no accumulation.

TTFN