Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Good intentions

I got a package out today to Tana.  I don't know why but the post office and I have an aversion to each other in that I procrastinate to the nth degree mailing stuff.  Which bodes ill for me setting up an online store, doesn't it? 

I plan on tomorrow being an outdoor day, getting up and working in the garden first thing.  It's time to weed and plant lettuce and fertilize the tobacco plants.  I hope to get some branches burned for the tobacco as well.  They like ashes for some reason.

Today, however, will be an indoor, knitting and cleaning day...what's left of it anyway.  I have more energy today in part due to finding the errant earring.  In the car.  Under the seat.

I found the canvas bag I use for the library, too.  Of course, now that I've finished up the shopping bag. 

I started a shawl out of the brown yarn I got on sale.  I love the color and the texture even if it is cheap acrylic.  One of these days I'll move onto wool but for now my budget is acrylic.  It's Caron Simply Soft Eco and I do like it.  It's sturdy enough to withstand my endless frogging so it has to be pretty darned good.  I can't remember the name of the pattern but it's a scarf pattern knitted in sport yarn.  I figured knitting it in worsted would give me a shawl and I was right.  I love how it's turning out.  Pictures in a week or so on it.

I know I said we would be in tightwad mode but I had to buy a new tablecloth so I bought one to match one set of kitchen curtains.  I could have gotten the placemats in the design of the other curtain but I didn't like the quilting on them.  Besides, they were $2 more per placemat.  So I got some in the color of the other curtain.  The plastic tablecloth I have on there now is wearing out at the edges so bad that it will be worn through in a week's time.  Tom and his elbows, don't you know.

And now I really do have to go into tightwad mode.  Super tightwad mode.

Tom is going up north to the land he shares with his siblings this weekend to get away.  Probably taking the tent.  In a couple of weeks he's heading up to his brother's cabin.  He invited me along but I just don't sleep well away from home.  Plus I'm self-conscious about having one breast but I can't sleep in the prosthesis and wearing it all the time is torture.  Well, not torture, but very uncomfortable and sometimes painful.  He needs to get away from home though.  And it doesn't offend me at all that he needs time away from me.  I know what I'm like to live with.

I plan on getting the bathroom walls scrubbed this weekend and maybe even painted.  If not this weekend, I'll paint them when he goes to his brother's.  Then he can put the wainscotting on once I've accomplished that.  I'd love a new bathroom surround but that's out of reach for now.

Off to put my feet up for a bit before fixing supper.


Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Survived the company

The visit with the priest went well but as usual of late, everything exhausts me.  And I feel so guilty because with all the hours Tom puts in, I need to do more to make it easier for him.  I know my fatigue is very real but it's hard not to view his as earned and mine as laziness.  But truly if I could do more, I would. I hate feeling so inadequate like this.

I do hope to get some yard work done this week now that we don't have rain expected.  The garden is coming along but not gorgeous.  Something didn't come up but I can't for the life of me remember what it was.  The zucchini is looking great and I'm pretty sure the green beans and peas are growing.  I have something in the peppers that looks like a pepper plant but different.  I think I've cultivated a marvelous weed.  I'm going to fill in the gaps in the garden with lettuce.  Romaine, in fact.  We eat a lot of salads here so lettuce would be a good idea.

And I plan on getting the herbs in the pots this week as well.  The echinacea will go on the side of the hill, I hope and the flowers in the front garden.  I'll just let them winter over and if nothing else grows, I'll plant something hardier next spring.

And of course laundry.  I didn't get a load hung out today but I will as soon as Zach mows the yard tomorrow.  He's going to do it all by himself tomorrow, including the steep hill at the back.  He should be up to speed on it.

I haven't done any knitting today but I finished up the shopping bag (and will hopefully get a picture of it tomorrow) and worked on the Helm's Deep shawl until I fell asleep knitting on it.  Tonight I'd like to work on a pattern for my lovely brown yarn because I'm pretty sure it wants to be a shawl, too  I hate monogamy in knitting so I've got to come up with another project to work on.  Maybe I should do some dishcloths as I have some bits and bobs of cotton yarn.  More than enough for several of them.

I watched series one of Hamish Macbeth last night.  Now that I'm a huge fan of the books, the series isn't as exciting because it's nothing like the books.  On the other hand, Robert Carlyle is a great actor and I love the community in the show.  Makes you wish your community was as close and as oddball as theirs.  Of course, Ballykissangel's community is even better and I have season 2 of that waiting to be watched.

It was lovely today and I wish I had had the energy to work outside.  I hope it's as nice tomorrow, but for now I'm off to bed.


Monday, June 28, 2010

Company's coming

I'm nearly done with the shopping bag that is soon to be my new library bag.  I can't find the canvas bag I usually use.  I don't think I took it down to Indiana with me and I'm sure I didn't leave it since we went over the room we kept our stuff in and there was nothing left there.  It might be in the car but who would know under all the clutter left over from the trip.

At any rate, I need a new bag for my books so I'm delegating this one for it.  I'm even going to add a pocket specifically for my card so I don't have to dig it out of my wallet.

I'm trying to get the house cleaned up before tomorrow afternoon since the priest is coming over for a visit.  To be honest, I'm dreading it because I don't want to explain my reasons for not going to church anymore.  Tom asked me about it today and I finally fessed up that I don't intend to go to any church anymore.  I think it stunned him a bit as I haven't talked to him about it.

And so there is a pressing need to clean the house and no energy to do it.  I'm doing things in fits and starts but I'll have more energy first thing in the morning so I'll do the vacuuming and such after I wake up.  I only got one load of clothes out on the line but there is the chance I'll be able to get another load out.  If not, first thing tomorrow morning.  I hate this fatigue so much.  I have so many things I want to do and I can't do them.

I haven't been working on the Helm's Deep shawl for a while but I'd like to get back to it.  It's not terribly hot today so I might be able to get some inches added to it tonight.  I have all three seasons of Hamish Macbeth to watch and the second season of Ballykissangel.

I watched Iron Man this weekend and really liked it.  I didn't think I would although I'm becoming quite attached to the comic book movies.  I especially like Hellboy and Watchmen.  I heard rumors of a Hellboy 3 in the planning process so I'm a bit excited about that.

I am liking video game movies more and more, too.  Not Silent Hill though.  Never Silent Hill.  But I loved Resident Evil and hope to see the last two movies of the series.

I get a lot of knitting done when I watch movies.

I also intend to set aside time for studying.  Tom is planning on going back to school and I hope he does it.  He deserves his chance.  But I'm not interested in a degree anymore.  I'd just like to improve myself for me and hope that opens up ways for me to make a living free-lancing or creating things for my online store that is yet a dream.

If he is going back to school, though, I need to make things easier for him to do it.  Not that I need to take over his chores or anything like that, but I need to make a place for him to study.  He needs a lot of quiet and I'm not known for being quiet.  I need to work on that or find other places to be while he's studying.  I really hope he does this.  I want this for him.

It's almost time to mow again and I still haven't finished up my fairy garden.  Hopefully this week I'll get 'er done.  I bought some barn paint for the furniture I've got out there.  But it's been raining nearly every day since we got home from Indiana painting.  Until now.  Starting tomorrow there will be dry days the rest of the week.  Much to do.  I must find the energy to do it all, too.

Well, off to finish up supper (roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy and stuffing with a salad) and then clean up the kitchen.


Friday, June 25, 2010

Hoping I can stay out of the car next week

I'm determined to get my errands down to one day a week because I'm getting nothing done but errands.  I do plan on finishing up the kitchen tonight.  I ran out of steam last night, ending up in bed by 9:30 with the lights out.  I fell asleep immediately but woke up about an hour later when Professor needed outside.  Zach was in bed himself or he would have let him out.  Zach's been running a fever the past couple of days and he rarely runs a fever.  Much like his mother.  It's ranged from 101.5 to around 99.5.  I have no idea what's going on with him but he feels lethargic and just generally crummy but no overt symptoms.

I get nervous about stuff like this because he has no medical insurance.

At any rate, I didn't get back to sleep for another hour or so and slept for a few more hours until Tom got home.  He's been working some outrageous hours, tons of overtime, which he doesn't get because he's salary.  And working at a 22% pay cut at that.  AND he has to work tomorrow as well.

I didn't get back to sleep until around 3 a.m. and woke up at 8 when Professor went into hysterics because his rat bastard chipmunk was outside the window taunting him.  I couldn't shut him up and had to get up to let him out.  I never got back to sleep.

I shouldn't complain though.  At least I can nap if I need to.  Tom has to work these insane hours with little sleep.  And it's not because he can't sleep.  It's because he's not home to sleep.

I love the curtains.  Tom likes them, too, but Zach doesn't get it.  I've got two different patterns in curtains.  One window has a tiny floral pattern in Tuscan colors.  The other is a bold check in Tuscan colors.  I told him that since it's a tiny kitchen, either pattern on both windows would overwhelm the room.  Having one of each seems to balance it out.  Now I just need to clean the kitchen so you'll notice the curtains and not the mess.

Not sure what to fix for supper.  Tom will want something light since he's going to go directly to bed so I'm thinking grilled ham and cheese sandwiches and tomato soup.  Not too heavy on the protein and not too burdensome on the stomach.  Easy to fix, too.

Tomorrow I hope to work outside and finish up my herbs and flowers planting and get some weeding done.  Full moon and lunar eclipse tomorrow night so I'd like to go out to enjoy it.  But tonight I'm intending to get caught up on some cleaning and maybe some television watching and knitting.


Thursday, June 24, 2010

I need some energy

Still lacking in sleep but I took a good-sized nap today before heading out to do the shopping and returning stuff to the store.  Tom put up some curtain rods for me in the kitchen and I bought some new curtains today.  I have been wanting new curtains since we moved here 12 years ago.  The yellow daisies are faded to a dark white and I need color in there.  I got some Tuscany-looking and gold colors...that I've been lusting over for a few months.  Now I need to scrub the kitchen down so they look good in there.  And add a curtain rod in addition to moving one down a bit.

Not sure I'll get it done tonight but I will at least finish up the dishes and clean the floor.  And maybe get rid of the clutter in there although that might have to wait until tomorrow.  I'm really tired right now.  I think a nap is in order before I fix supper.

I lost one of my favorite earrings.  Tom got them for me for Christmas and I love them.  I'm not sure where to look as I don't know where or when I lost it.  I'm hoping it came off during the night and slid down between the wall and the bed.  I'm hoping I lost it here at home.  Otherwise I'll never find it.

I still haven't gotten my flowers and herbs planted yet.  I must get that done this week, hopefully tomorrow.  I need to get to the library but I might wait until Saturday for that.  I've got a dvd due back then anyway.

I managed to start the shopping bag last night and plan on finishing it no matter if it's too big.  I can't find my library canvas bag I use so I need a new book bag.  Plus I did a bit on the Helm's Deep shawl and picked out a pattern for the brown yarn.  Maybe.  My heart's not sold on it though.

Off to nap before supper and hopefully I'll have some energy to scrub the kitchen while cooking supper.


Wednesday, June 23, 2010

A nothing much day

The fatigue is bad today.  I've taken probably three naps already and I'm still dragging.  I managed to finish a book though:  the latest Hamish Macbeth mystery.  I hope the author lives forever so I keep reading them.

I need to get out to work on the yard and get the house in better shape.  And I need to get some real sleep.  The problem I'm having this bout is not being able to stay asleep.  I keep waking up and eventually I wake up enough I can't get back to sleep.  I might have to take an OTC sleeping pill but I hate those because I feel dragged out for a couple of days afterward.

Maybe all the naps I've taken today will help my body restore what's been lost from the lack of sleep.

Aside from reading nothing much has been going on.  It's too hot and muggy to knit until late at night but with the fatigue I haven't felt like it.  I have to run errands tomorrow so I might look at the library for something to knit that is small or cotton.  I could do the shopping bag but I'm burned out on it having tried twice to get it right.

Zach isn't feeling well today: aching muscles and a headache.  I'm keeping an eye on him but I hope it's just a summer flu or something like it.  I get nervous because he has no insurance.

Since I have nothing to report and I'm sleepy again, I'm off to bed for the night.  I'm not even going to try to clean or do anything.  Just turn the lights off and watch tv until I doze off.  Or start another Kurt Wallander mystery.


Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Not loving these hot days.

Hot, hot, hot!  Okay, not as hot as it was in Indiana last week, but pretty darned hot.  And I"m irritable.  Not surprising, so is Zach and we are staying out of each other's way.  Love covers only so much.

I'm still not sleeping.  Last night I kept jerking back awake as if I were trying to keep from sleeping.  I finally went down solidly at around 5.  At least it was getting daylight, but Professor woke me up around 8 a.m.  I made him come back to bed but he only lasted until 9 a.m. when he insisted I get up.  I'm thinking of getting the bark collar out tonight.

It was too hot to work out in the yard but I did get 2 loads of clothes on the line and dried in no time.  The whites are still in the washer because I'd like to dry them in the dryer.  Cardboard socks aren't all that comfortable especially when two of you have plantars fasciitis and very tender feet.  So they will be softened up in the dryer tomorrow morning before it gets too hot.  I thought about doing it tonight but it's still too hot.

I'm peeling down to a tank top and my cutoff Danskin pants and sit in front of two fans and try to let myself sleep tonight.  I'm way overdue for a good night's sleep.  Since I still haven't put the echinacea in the ground, or the herbs or the dahlias I've got to get those done this week.  I hope it doesn't rain tomorrow as is promised.

I ordered some new lymphedema wrappings because I run out of clean ones before I can wash again and end up going without for a few days until I can get them clean.  So wrapping my arm just seems a futile exercise since I'm not consistent.  But I'll admit they hurt so much I often can't sleep in them and that's why I don't wear them.  My left arm is twice as big as my right one and I'm tired of being self-conscious about it.

And speaking of pain, last night I was really in pain.  Two ibuprofen and two tramadol and about 3 hours are what it took to get the pain down so I could sleep.  Except for the keep-waking-up thing.  Probably from helping mow the yard on Sunday.  And yet I must keep up the exercise.  My good, improving health demands it.

Off to bed with no knitting tonight.  It's too hot anyway.  Maybe I'll fall asleep to A Touch of Frost tonight.  I can always go back and watch what I missed tomorrow.  Pot pies for supper tonight because I didn't feel like heating up the kitchen.  No air conditioning, you know.


Monday, June 21, 2010

No more dieting...ever...I hope

We're in a tornado watch so I'm not doing much of anything beyond watching the radar and the lovely red and yellow colors.  Who knew storms were so colorful?

I mentioned before on this blog that I don't diet anymore.  Well, I had a relapse a few months ago due to the doctor threatening me with heart attacks and problems with my diabetes.  Sure enough, I've gained back the 10 pounds I lost and then some.  At least another ten pounds.  And of course my mother had a lot to say about dieting, particularly quoting Doctor Oz whoever the heck he is (I'm pretty sure he's the second coming the way she talked about him.)  I finally gave up defending myself and just sat there seething because nagging helps so much when you're trying to lose weight.

So I'm back to just trying to eat less and better and exercise.  Only today I was still so tired that I didn't do much of anything. I cleaned indoors and didn't do laundry because it was supposed to rain but I could have done a few loads before it finally did rain.  Maybe tomorrow.  I don't want to use the dryer or the dishwasher anymore.  I'm working on triple tightwad mode now, trying to recoup the money I spent on the trip to my parents' house.

Things are looking up inside and I'm calmer about it.  A cluttered and dirty house makes me unsettled to the degree that I'm nervous and edgy.  I got my stuff unpacked and put away and the bachelor mess cleaned up.  I won't get to vacuuming until tomorrow but at least it's cleaner and you can now walk through the living room.  Mostly.

Very soon I plan on crawling into bed and picking up my knitting again.  I'm going to frog the sweater as I really want to focus on shawls right now.  I'm going to go through my stash of patterns to find something as I don't feel like printing anything out tonight.  I'd love to do a triangular shawl but my circular needles aren't long enough.  I tried once before and ended up having to rip it all because I only got halfway before I ran out.  I do have several circular size 8s so it's possible I could work that way but we'll see what I can find out there.  Maybe there is a pattern out there that does half the triangle at a time and sew them together.

Or maybe I should get back to work on the shopping bag.  I ended up frogging the one I was knitting because, even though I cut the size back by half, it was still huge.  I can't remember how I knit the one I use.  Luckily I've got the time to figure it out.

I didn't do any reading or writing today.  Too much clutter in the house makes clutter in my brain and I can't concentrate.  And tonight I've got the storm in the forefront of my mind.  But maybe tomorrow I'll start managing my time better and be more productive.  And energetic.  I hate this fatigue so much!  I have so much I want to do and so little energy to do it.

Off to bed and knitting and A Touch of Frost.  I'm planning on keeping the tv on in the living room in case the storm veers our way.


Sunday, June 20, 2010

Seeing light at the end of a long, dark tunnel

The yard is shaping up and I'm seeing green things in the dirt so I must have planted them right.  The tobacco isn't looking good.  Pretty yellow.  It rained a lot while I was gone so I don't know if it's too much rain or not the right nutrients.  I have some tomato plant food that is supposed to be good for it so I'll try that next time they need watering.  The tomato and pepper plants look wonderful and the green beans, peas and zucchini are coming up.  I'm also seeing sunflowers peeking through the soil.  It feels good to grow things instead of killing everything I plant.

I'm recovering from the trip and the doctor's visit.  I'm still not sleeping much but more than I was.  And today I helped with the mowing, doing much better than I have been doing.  At least this time I could breathe (although I was gasping) and didn't have to stop.  In time I'll be stronger and have more stamina.

It is so good to be home.  I can't stress enough what a homebody I am.  I do not like being away from home for any length of time.  I'm not a hermit but I'm just not a traveler anymore.  I haven't looked to see if Miss Marple is on tonight so I should check that out.  Otherwise I'll be watching True Blood...both episodes since I missed the first one this season.  And we've got Epix this week as a preview with tons of movies on there I'd like to see.  Plus what I've got from the library.  Much knitting will be done here this week.  Plus I'm planning on setting aside time to write, work on my drawing and painting and maybe even some other crafts I'd like to work on.  Shhhh....secret.

I plan on planting the echinacea on the side of the hill by the fairy garden and I bought some barn paint to paint the table and chair out there.  I think I already told you this but my mind is a  I'm planting the dahlia's out front.  Then I'm putting herbs in my containers to line my fairy garden.  It will be so nice out there, especially after I put up the tiki torches so the mosquitoes don't eat us alive.

Zach and I are planning on taking walks daily and bike rides weekly.  I'd like to walk in the marsh sometime this week but mostly we'll be in the neighborhood, which is pretty boring but will have to do.  We want to do one nature walk a week though...just for pleasure. 

I do need to tackle the inside and clean it up.  I'm way behind on cleaning.  And laundry.  It's good that my energy is coming back but it's still less than I would like it to be.  I'm trying to take advantage of the fatigue and use that time for those creative moments like knitting, drawing, writing, etc.  I'm trying to be optimistic and see if that helps my depression a bit.  I don't mean that I can just make myself not depressed but I'm going to try to see the glass half-full.

I saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull last night.  Harrison Ford is in such good shape for his age.  There's no reason I can't get in better shape than I'm in now.  I know he's got the money for gyms and trainers and such but there is still a lot I can do on my own.

It was so good seeing Stephen and his daughter (Kelcey, my granddaughter!) while we were down there.  He looks so good, has lost so much weight and has reversed his diabetes.  He called me last night to tell me he's walking in a Walk for Life thing for cancer.  He's walking for me!  He was supposed to walk at 9 p.m. and 4 a.m.  Wow!  What a son!  He got a 4.0 in school last semester.  Both my boys are fantastic, aren't they?

Well, off to fix a sumptuous supper for Tom for Father's Day.


Friday, June 18, 2010

Debriefing myself

Today wasn't a laid back day as I had hoped. Not long after I woke up this morning I received a phone call from Tana and we talked until we were hoarse.  It was a great way to wake up.  I tend to withdraw and she draws me out of my shell and brings me back into the real world.

Then I had a doctor's appointment which made me nervous but it was only a new medication she wanted to try me on and some labs.  This will help both my blood pressure and my diabetes and is the same price as the med it's replacing so I was okay with it.  But it's time for some of my other labs so I went ahead and scheduled them. And this all meant that I had to go to StuffMart to pick up my prescription when all I wanted was to go back to bed.

I've been knitting and watching Blue Murder but had to get up and walk around a bit and saw the computer just sitting there so I thought I would add a few lines to the blog, even if it's all gibberish.  Zach is fixing supper so at least I don't have to do that.  I didn't stop at the library because I was too tired but A Touch of Frost is in.  I'll go tomorrow.

The trip down to see my parents was exhausting both physically and emotionally.  I'm not going into details but the dynamics between me and my parents are totally different from the one my sisters have with them and they can't understand it at all.  To them it should be like the one they have with Mom and Dad.  They think I should react the way they do so they take me to task for not having the relationship they have, for not responding to our parents the way they do.  It has begun to put a strain on our relationship to the degree that I need some space from them.  Unfortunately one of them is coming up this way in a few weeks and I'm not ready for it.  I'm still angry.  I avoid confrontation because I could write the script.  Nothing good could come of it because I know exactly what she will say and it won't be pretty.

I don't know why some adults can't let other adults make their own decisions without trying to influence them, manipulate them and make them feel small about themselves.  I'm coasting toward 60 and still get treated like I'm in my 20s and can't make the right decisions.  I'm seriously considering how to avoid contact with them from now on.  I'm already looked at as the bad seed or prodigal daughter no matter how many years it's been since I was a wayward youth.

All I know is it's killing me.  It's affecting my physical and mental/emotional well-being and something has to give.  But I have no answers because they would never let it go.  They are relentless when it comes to them trying to get me have the relationship they think I should have with my parents.

I don't know when I get to be the grown up.  When I'm 80?

But now it's time for me to get busy with my home and garden and get down to business with taking care of my family.  I noticed the tobacco is looking yellow and has been eaten in places.  It's been so wet since we've been gone that I'm thinking that's the reason for the yellow leaves.  The tomato and pepper plants look fantastic and I've got several sunflowers coming up.  And they haven't been eaten yet.  Nothing so far on the zucchini or the green beans and peas.  It's early days yet.

I didn't get much sleep this week so I'm hoping that when I do catch up a bit I'll be in better shape.  My energy levels have been returning.  Slowly, but they are returning.  I have high hopes for next week and plan to implement several changes to my schedule.  But I'll reveal those at a later time when I've had a chance to organize better.

Time to crawl back into bed and watch another episode.  I hope I can stay awake that long.  We have another premium channel for preview and there are several movies I'd like to see but Blue Murder is due back to the library soon so it takes priority.


Thursday, June 17, 2010

Just a short note

We ended up going down there Sunday, driving straight through.  It was 12:30 a.m. their time when we got there.  I didn't sleep much at all because I just don't sleep well away from home.  I'll detail the trip more later but I'm dead tired and plan on falling into bed here momentarily.  I fell asleep earlier and when the phone rang I had no idea where I was.  But I'm still very, very tired so I don't anticipate having difficulty sleeping tonight.

We installed wireless at my parents' house so all the siblings, nieces and nephews can take their laptops and not have to bump Daddy off the computer anymore.

And he's doing great!  Still a bit frail but building strength, as much as he is capable since he's not going to get "well" but he is getting better.  I saw my uncle and aunt while I was down there as well.  They are the best people!


Saturday, June 12, 2010

Do I stay or do I go?

I was too tired to post last night.  My mother called while I was out getting supper from McSnacky's because I was too tired to cook.  Zach offered to cook but I wasn't up for it.  Darn it, I just wanted a Bacon Ranch salad with crispy chicken and nothing else would satisfy.

Mom said Daddy is improving and will come home Monday.  Peg said on her facebook page that they're worried about his heart.  I'm wondering if I should head down there tomorrow instead of waiting until Monday. I'd have to wait until after noon as I forgot to get a refill on my bp meds and that would put me in Scottsburg way late, but I could get a room for the night and be there when Daddy gets home from the hospital.  Plus it would give me some breathing space if I decide I can't drive anymore and need to stop.  It's about a 10 hour trip the route I'm planning on taking but that's not including stops for food and naps.  I'm guessing it would take about 12 hours to get there.  Crap!  I just remembered the time change.  They're an hour ahead of us.

I slept pretty well last night but woke up way too early when Tom's supervisor called him to tell him he didn't have to come in today.  Then Professor decided to bark at something outside and when I went to nudge him with my foot, ended up knocking him off the bed.  I was worried I had hurt him but he survived it albeit humbled about barking.  At that stage, I was awake so I got up and loaded and ran the dishwasher...which is having problems.  It gets stuck on one part of the cycle and won't move on.  I figured that out when I checked it because it had been running too long and it was still in the first cycle.  I am not replacing it.

I need to get up and get packing and get the car cleaned out (Zach's job) and hopefully my bp meds will get filled early so I can leave tomorrow if I decide to.  That leaves a lot to get done today though. 

Off to try to get as much done as possible.


Thursday, June 10, 2010

If you're squeamish, stop reading now

Zach and I were settling in last night to watch 9, which I was going to have to take back to the library today because of that whole getting ready for a 4 day trip thing.  I got up to get something and just as I was ready to hop back into bed, I looked down and some some white crawly things all over my sheets.  Maggots.  Eeewwww!  I picked them off with tissues and went looking for the source.  My purple blanket seemed to be teeming with them so it went into the laundry basket by itself while I continued to pick up maggots with tissues.

Zach got off the bed quicker than a human being ought to be able to move and got a flashlight for me while I continued to pick up maggots with tissues.  He looked down and saw a swarm of them on the floor in front of the bed so I moved my efforts to that.  Finally I sent him to the closet to get the vacuum because I was going to run out of tissues before I ran out of maggots.

The whole time I'm collecting these...ew...creatures, I'm wracking my brain trying to figure out where they are coming from.  A few days before that Hannibal had been playing under the covers at the bottom of the bed so I thought he might have killed a mouse or some other critter.  Otherwise, I hadn't a clue.

So I started stripping the bed clothes and got them down to the basement to wash.  I was already washing clothes so I had to wait for the clothes in the dryer and the load in the washer to be done.  And it was already after 9 p.m.

The mattress pad looked clean so I just ran the vacuum over it and pulled the bed out of the way so I could look under it for something dead and rotting.  My bedroom is tiny and the bed isn't so moving it was a monumental task.  I was sweating bullets by the time I got it out of the corner and tried to maneuver it so I could see under it.  Finally I found the culprit.

An open and rotting can of cat food.

I've got no idea which pet decided to take a can of cat food under the bed but I suspect it was in the bedroom and got kicked or pushed under the bed without me knowing it was there.  I also have no idea when this took place.  But it was the birthplace of at least a hundred maggots.  And I do not exaggerate.

I vacuumed like crazy, flashlight in one hand, vacuum hose in another and I think I got them all.  But it was after midnight before I got the sheets washed.  The comforter didn't dry in time so I grabbed a blanket that smelled very mustily of dog and/or cat as it is their favorite blanket.  And mine.  But musty was better than maggoty and I was tired.

Too tired to sleep as it were.  It was 4 a.m. before I finally dozed off.  I read nearly half of the Henning Mankell book I was reading so I had to get another one to take down to Indiana with me next week.

And speaking of the trip.  I'm still nowhere close to being ready.  I didn't make it to the bank today because Zach and I were outside finishing up the planting and clearing up the yard.  I decided not to put a fence up.  On the way home from the store today I noticed that none of the vegetable gardens on the farms had any fences.  We can let Hannibal out at night on his leash and he should leave his odor in the garden and maybe that will be enough.  The fence won't stop the chipmunks so it would be only for the rabbits.  Plus it will make mowing so much easier and Hannibal won't get tangled up every 2 minutes.

I tried to finish up the laundry today but it seems to be multiplying in the basement so I'm only on the second to the next to the last load.  If I don't wash the blanket that smells like the pets.  If I do, I've got three more loads to go so I think we'll sleep musty again tonight.

I put the comforter on the bed just a few minutes ago and there is still a wet place but I'm hoping it will dry before I go to bed because I'm not putting it through another dryer cycle.

Tomorrow I go to the bank for traveling money and I start packing, paying the bills ahead, making lists and cleaning out the car.  Tom is going to change the oil for me before I leave and make sure the tires are up to speed with air.  I'm still debating which route to take as all of them have serious disadvantages.  Truthfully Wisconsin sucks when it comes to finding a road that isn't a pain in the butt.  My best route involves a toll road but the windows don't roll down.  The next one involves Chicago and I don't travel through major cities except for Indy.  The third route consists of secondary highways all the way but is less stressful.

I'm going to try the first route but see if I can get around the toll road and just go through town and come out the other side, hopefully finding I51 south.  Worst case scenario, I'll pull over, roll the window down, go through the toll booth (unattended) and then pull over and try to roll it back up again.  It takes two people to do it.  Worst case scenario though.  The secondary highway route adds about 3 hours to the trip and it's already a 9 hour trip.

And I'm sure I'll need to stop for a nap since I can't make it through the day without one.

I am so stressing out over this trip.

Anyway...I got the library dvds today and one set is for 2 weeks and the other is for 1 week.  I'm going to try to renew it tomorrow so I'll have it another few days or I'll just take it back Saturday, largely unwatched.

I'm off to finish up laundry, cook supper and clean the kitchen.  Hopefully I'll be able to watch some of the dvd tonight before bed.  I'm so tired.  I really want to see my parents but I'll be so glad when I'm on the other side of this trip.  I'm really such a homebody.  I hate to leave home for any length of time.


Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Some pg rated stuff and preparations for the journey

You can't just pick up and go anymore when you're on 2 million different medications.  Your whole life is based on when this medication is due for refill and what hoops you have to jump through to get the refill.  Unfortunately my doctor won't organize my refills so I'm getting the labs at the same time or have my refills due at the same time. matter how many times I ask her I seem to be trotting to the doctor's office every month for new labs for each prescription. Even when I tell her I have to pay a $25 copay each and every time.

I wonder if she owns stock in the lab.

So I'm in a particularly difficult time with one prescription.  I've never had any issues refilling this one before in the mumbly years I've been on it, but this time...this particular time...I need labs and a bp check before she'll refill it.  I get this information from the pharmacist because she won't tell me.  She tells them when I call to have it refilled.  And that time will be while I"m gone.  I could get the labs and bp this week but they wouldn't be able to refill it until I get home because it takes them three freakin' days to get results back from the lab which is in house.  Or I could wait until next weekend when I get back.  The bad thing about this week is I know my bp is through the roof right now because of my dad and the impending trip down to the old burg.

So I'm still undecided.  Either way I go my numbers are going to be crap.  Which means a lecture about diet and exercise and if I don't care if I drop dead from a heart attack then she doesn't know what else she can do to impress upon me the importance of losing weight.  Except...I was losing weight until she impressed upon me the importance of losing weight.  Since then I've gained 10 pounds.  Because diets don't work.  They make me think of food 24/7 and I obsess about it.

But it's hard to get back to the place where I'm not thinking about food, especially when I've got all these blinking labs to do every month.

So I bought a hula hoop.

You heard me.  It's supposed to be good exercise except there isn't an area big enough in the house and if you think I'm going to do the hula hoop in my back yard, which is overlooked by a major highway, you need more medication than I do.

I'll figure something out.

This would have been a good day to hang laundry out because of the strong winds but I am still struggling to get out of bed and get anything done and I had shopping to do because Tom was out of bread.  So I got the regular shopping done as I needed a med refilled anyway.  This is the one from the surgeon for my cancer not coming back.  I see him once a year and he gives me a prescription for a whole year without making me travel to see him every freaking month.  He's a good guy even if he is a hottie.

Now I'm doing laundry but I'll stick it in the dryer because I've got too much going on to try to deal with the clothesline this weekend.  I need to get the suitcases out, start making lists because if I don't I'll leave something down there, something I can't afford to leave down there.  Or I'll forget to take something with me that I desperately need.  Of course, remembering the list will take monumental thought control as well.

I've also got to get the bills paid ahead of time and bring the check book up to date, get money to take with me, clean the car out, hit the library to take back books that will be due before I return from Indiana, and hope that the holds that came in are mine for two weeks instead of one.  Maybe if I explain it to them...

I also have to take Tom's dvd player down there because I have to have the television on to sleep at night and will most likely be sleeping in the recliner.  It's only for 3 nights.  Or the couch because they only have one guest room and Zach needs privacy more than I do.

Nope.  You just can't pick up and go anymore.

At least Tom will be home with Professor most of the time since he's taking a few vacation days to work on the truck.

I finally broke down and bought myself a new bra today.  Find a comfortable bra is a herculean task at the best of times but trying to find one that fits when you've only got one breast is harder.  My mastectomy bras are ancient and don't fit anymore because I obsess about food and gain weight so instead of plopping down $50 apiece for them, I just get things off the rack.  My prosthesis is too small, too, since said breast that remains has also gained weight and I found a silicon thing that girls use to stuff in their bras because they're not big enough and stuffed it in the cover of my prosthesis to add some boobage.  So anyway  I found a bra that seemed the right size which is also up there with the tasks Hercules had to perform since it's a weird size...large bra band, tiny cup.  But there it was so I took it home and tried it on.  I have a horror of being naked with one breast in public dressing rooms so I don't try them on at the store.  It fits and even feels okay if a bra can feel okay.  I looked at the old bra and it was like 4 inches smaller than the one I bought.  No wonder I was in pain all the time.

So...I still need to lose weight, get my lab numbers down and try to get some energy back.  I'm going to start walking and using the step that I have but I'm starting out small because I tend to have a lot of pain after any exercise session and I hate using my pain pills during the day.  But I still need to function so I'll start slow.

And endure the lecture from the doctor about how I don't care about my life.  If she only knew.

Well, off to fix supper and check on the washer as it was making some very loud noises just a minute ago.


Monday, June 7, 2010

Crappy day

One of the reasons I started this blog was to keep in touch with my family so that they could see what my daily, mundane life was like.  Only they won't read it.  Can't be bothered.

So they don't know about my pain and fatigue and the financial problems.  They just see that I won't come down to visit.

My dad is in the hospital with pneumonia.  I'm trying to figure out how to get down there and when.  It's a 12 hour drive in a car with no a/c and front windows that don't roll down.

I'm a bit of a mess right now and not good company.

I did some knitting on the shopping bag and the Helm's Deep shawl but haven't done more on designing the other shawl yet.  Depression makes me unproductive and since I live with untreated clinical depression...yep, my life is mostly unproductive.

I got the garden planted this morning but haven't gotten the fence up.  I need to add beans and peas to the garden and get my flowers planted, but I can only work for about an hour to an hour and a half a day without just winding down to zero energy.

I have much to decide and plan for so I probably won't get anything done tonight.  I could go to bed right now though.  And sleep.


Saturday, June 5, 2010

Lovely rain

It's been raining all day off and on and the air has been so cool.  It's been like having a fan on me.  I've spent most of the day in bed because I got about 1 hour of sleep last night.  Then another 2.  Then that was it.  I get so frustrated with these nights of no sleep and no rest.

I still don't have the garden planted.  I'm going to go ahead and plant the garden and worry about the fence later.  I've got to get this stuff in the ground.  Some of the tobacco is huge and much too big for the pots.  It's more of an experiment this year to see if it's feasible to grow Tom's supply instead of buying at exorbitant prices.  Not to mention how many additives are in cigarettes.

Zach and I are going somewhere for a walk tomorrow.  I hate just walking around the neighborhood.  It's hilly and not much to see except the busy highway.  I'll walk Professor later in the evening but I'd like to go on a nature walk so we might hit the Marsh or maybe one of the nature trails in the area.  I'll take the camera and a water bottle (I bought Zach and I stainless bottles last summer) and just enjoy the morning.  We're both down lately and need something in our lives to perk us up.

I'm off to bed again but it will most likely be another intermittent night. 


Friday, June 4, 2010

Making least in my planning

It rained last night and really cooled the house off.  Professor crawled under the covers toward morning.  I woke up about 4 a.m. to the rain and it was so gentle and soothing that I went right back to sleep.  And would have slept in late if Professor hadn't crawled onto my chest with his nose inches away from mine.  It's hard to sleep with someone staring you awake.

Today was errand day.  I'm definitely going to have to limit trips to town to one a week if I intend to get anything done this summer.  I'm making progress on my knitting but not my designing.  I'm too tired when I crawl into bed at night so I need to set aside time during the day for knitting and projects.  Which means I have to limit my time online better.  I got caught today talking to my older son on facebook which was great but it took up a lot of time.  I'll be needing to be outdoors at least an hour or two every day from now on, making the yard look better, taking care of the garden and herbs and cleaning out the garage.

But it was too muggy today.  The temperature climbed up to nearly 80 but it was steamy because of all the rain we got.  I hope tomorrow will be easier as we have to get the fence up so I can get these plants and seeds into the ground.  It's hard to push myself when I have no energy but since these things have to be done, I don't have a choice.  It must be done and there is no one but me (and Zach) to do it.

I got some dvds from the library today.  I was watching Touching Evil on PBS last night and thought about Robson Green and how I haven't seen any of his shows lately.  I did a search on the library website and found some movies of his I'd never seen so I have a couple of them in hand to watch this week.  I've also got Red Dwarf, season 1 to watch.  The British version.  And I was having some Phantom of the Opera withdrawal so I got that as well.

Still reading Henning Mankell and loving it.  I'm reading his short stories about Wallander right now.  It's like a prequel of sorts.  I found out that Mankell was on one of the ships trying to get through the barricade into Israel.  Not going to go into it on this blog though.  My only response...other than no it's complicated.  That's the best I can do.

I just noticed I forgot to bring my clothespin bag in so it got a soaking last night.  I need to do some laundry but the weather for the next couple of days is threatening rain so I should probably wait.  We found a rack at StuffMart today with tshirts for a dollar each.  Yes, one dollar.  I got three.  One for me and two for Zach.  I didn't see any Tom would like but he's got tons of tshirts anyway.  Maybe I can get by with waiting until Sunday to do laundry since I'm not going anywhere before then anyway.  I have clean bloomers and socks so who needs more than that?

Supper needs my attention so I'm off to stick the french fries in the toaster oven and take the chicken thighs out.  I'm such a good cook.  LOL


Thursday, June 3, 2010

Working outdoors again

I got the front flower beds weeded although the northern one needs to be turned because the grass has grown over.  I have a bush of some kind that I found in the weeds that will probably grow better since it can see the sun now.  I had forgotten about it.  I'm going to plant the echinacea there.  It can tolerate some shade and since both beds get early afternoon to evening sun that should be enough.  I want color out front.  Plus I'd like to cultivate the echinacea since we use it a lot here.  I've got a border to put up but it needs stakes or something.  I might have to raid the wire coat hangers in Tom's closet and make some.

The dahlias I'll put in a pot once they're free.  I should be planting tomorrow or Saturday.  The garden is nearly ready for planting but I want the fence up first.  I was going to do it today but I've run out of steam.  And I need to add soil to the dirt first so it will be a better quality.  I'm going to need more potting soil for the front beds and the pots but it's not that expensive and I don't need much in the way of groceries this week. 

I just wish I had more energy and stamina.  I'm doing more than I'm used to doing but it's still not much.  I ate better today and plan on taking Professor on a walk later but I don't want to do too much because I end up down for the count for days afterward when I do that.  I'll just have to be the turtle in this race.

I started a new shawl last night.  It's just a pattern I found in my knitting dictionary so I thought I would use the brown yarn for that.  I thought about making a blanket but I'd just have to put it away soon enough because of the heat.  I'll save the blankets for cooler weather.  I might start some scarves, too, to sell once I open up my shop.  The shopping bag is looking better now that it's smaller.  I've got enough cotton to make two of them.  I thought about dish cloths but I don't see how I could sell those for what I would need for them.  Maybe I could use them as gifts to add to purchases.

I want to start looking into designing jewelry, too.  Organic types along with amulet bags and bags for tarot cards and things along those lines.  I just need to get busy doing it.  Not to mention working on my pencils and oils.  Soon I hope to have the energy to do all the things I want to do in the course of a day.  I am sleeping better although not consistently better so I'm still playing catch up all the time.

Not sure what to fix for supper.  I might make Impossible Pie for the guys.  I have a vegetarian dinner in the freezer.  Or I could have some butternut squash soup.  Or both.  Tomorrow is shopping day but I might go later and work out in the yard early since that's when I seem to have the most energy.

Well, the dishes are screaming for me to stick them in the dishwasher.  I don't have the energy to do them by hand today.  Although it's my goal to stop using the dishwasher since I think it's starting to go out anyway.  Then I plan on an early night for knitting, 9 (the movie,) finishing up the Monty Python dvds I got and maybe some reading.  I'm reading the Wallander series by Mankell and love them.  I have a new favorite author.

I may take some pictures as soon as I have something accomplished enough to show.  I know I'm teasing but I will want to show off once I've got things going in the yard.


Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Deliciously cool in spite of no rain

We were supposed to get a thunderstorm last night and most of today but I watched the radar as the front dissipated just when it got to Beaver Dam.  The storm seems to have gone around us.  Or to the north at least.  So the ground is still dry and Zach will head out there in a bit to tackle the remaining sods.  I don't want to plant until I have the fence up though because I don't want to end up losing everything to the critters.

And speaking of critters, I'm still upset about the bunnies.  I saw their mother on the afternoon of the full moon when she hopped through the yard and sat for a spell not far from me, watching both me and the neighbor who was working in his yard.  I keep thinking about her going back to the nest and finding only the remnants of the massacre.  And yet...we really don't need more rabbits in the yard.  I hate the whole circle of life thing sometimes.

I was so productive on Sunday and still can barely move.  I'm in slow motion even at my best.  I find I'm taking pain pills during the day which I normally don't do.  I use them at night when I have nothing to keep my mind off the pain.  I should be planting my flowers in the front yard but I just can't do it.  I'll do well to get supper fixed and the house straightened up.

I will have to go out and water the blueberry bushes and the stuff I have in pots...which are doing spectacularly well and will very soon outgrow the pots.  I need to re-pot the new grapevine sprouts because I think the soil is too sterile.  I used an old pot of dirt that I had grown herbs in.  I'll need to start fresh I think.  One sprout is doing really well though.

I frogged the sweater last night and re-started the shopping bag.  I'm also at the halfway point on the Helm's Deep shawl.  Progress is being made albeit slowly.

I only got a few hours sleep last night and tried to nap today but distractions kept waking me up so I gave up.  Still not feeling like doing anything though.  I'm still not eating well.  It's like a Catch-22:  I don't have the energy to cook well and exercise but I need to eat well and exercise in order to have the energy to cook well and exercise.  I need a personal cook.  Which is never going to happen.

I also need more money as the leaner cuts of meat and fresh veg and fruits cost more money than the cheap cuts and the meat that comes in tubes that are so vilified on another board I used to read.  No longer.  It was an anti-fundamentalist board but some of the people there are worse than the people they talk about.  The last straw for me was yet the third attempt to discredit a former fundamentalist girl who blogs anonymously.  These people are determined that since they don't trust her, no one should and make attempt after attempt to demonstrate (thinly, I might add) how she's not who she says she is.  I trust her because she's not given me any reason not to and she's not being cagey or asking for anything.

Plus they decided they wanted to ban someone and I let them know I was out of there because they were starting to act like "them" with the selective membership thing.

I did the same for another site where there were people going after those who weren't as conservative about things as they were.  I think there is a fine line between the fundies they write about and the fundies they are.

On the plus side, I've freed up more time so I'm not online as much.

I've been watching the Monty Python dvds I got from the library.  That stuff never gets old.  That's why I got so much knitting done last night.  That and being up until 4 a.m.  I had gotten to sleep early but woke up when Tom got home and then twice more due to various noises.  It's hard having a bedroom (of sorts) off the living room, separated only by a curtain.  I'm more cautious about making noise when someone is sleeping, I guess.

Zach and I got 9 from the library yesterday.  We'll probably watch that tonight.  I don't even have a clue what it's about but I've heard it was good so that's enough for me.

I think I'll try a nap now that Zach is outside and Professor is sleeping.  Until the mail carrier comes, though.  He hates the mail man and isn't shy about letting him know it.


Tuesday, June 1, 2010

This isn't Monday but it feels like it is

I fell into bed early last night and slept through until morning.  And still didn't want to get up.  I was outside working most of the day..weeding, cleaning up the yard and handing glasses of water to Tom who was turning the garden by hand.  Zach fixed supper because I was way too tired but today he'll be outside with me doing more clearing up and trying to break down the garden enough to plant things in it.  Right now it's clumps of sod.  I have some potting soil we can add to it but it's not enough to cover the whole thing.

This morning I let Professor outside on the leash and when I went to check on him discovered that he had found a rabbit's nest and killed all four babies.  It makes me sad but we just don't need more rabbits.  He's a killer, for sure.  He doesn't play around with his prey like Hannibal does.  He goes for the kill and moves on.  At least they don't suffer.  Well, I'm sure they suffer but not for long.

I found three new growths on the grapevine that I am trying to propagate into three new grapevines.  I'm doing what the website says to do but we'll see what happens.  I might put them in a better pot today as I was rushing about doing so many other things yesterday.

Of course I'm barely able to move today.  Or at least I'm moving in slow motion.  I had taken Professor on a walk yesterday because both of us need to lose weight in the worst way but this morning I didn't.  I'll try to do it tonight when I'm maybe a bit more limber and get my second wind but this morning I have to save back for the yard work.

I knitted on the sweater and the shawl last night but only for a little while as I was struggling to keep my eyes open at 8:30.  I managed to stay awake until 10 and then packed it in.  I slept until 8:30 a.m. and was pretty bleary-eyed but got up, made the bed, dressed and took Professor on a tour of the yard so he could sniff out his favorite chipmunk spots.  Then back inside for breakfast and coffee (decaf) and time on the computer.  Soon I've got to tackle the kitchen and then the yard.  I hope it doesn't get too hot today.

I'm losing interest in the sweater, mostly because I can't see myself wearing it.  I think I'll just put the yarn away until I know for sure what it wants to be.  In the meantime I've got the shawl and the shopping bag (which I frogged because it was way too big) and other projects to make.  Plus I want to get my pencils out again and get back to drawing and maybe even painting.  I've got to learn to follow through on things instead of giving up when I don't progress as quickly as I think I should.

For now, time to finish up computer time and get outside before it gets too hot.