Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Getting better

I slept well last night, if not long enough.  Still, it was around 7 hours of nearly uninterrupted and nearly pain-free sleep.  I apparently slept in one position most of the night though.  Sleeping at the other end of the couch seems to help a lot as it takes the weight off my left side.  Plus I'm further away from the dining room and the television in there.  I put my tv on timer and fell immediately asleep, waking up around 5 for a potty trip and some ibuprofen as it was too soon to take a tramadol.  Then I ended up sleeping until 9:15 when Professor woke me up needing to go out.

The pain was down to a 6 (with 10 being the worst pain you can ever endure) so I took a tramadol and put the back support thingy on, which dropped the pain down to a five immediately.  The tramadol is helping finally so the pain is down to about 3 now.  Very endurable.  I had to watch myself because I felt so well that I started doing some cleaning and stuff.  Zach put the plastic on the last window while I just stood there and handed him the scissors.  Didn't need to advise him on it as he had watched me very closely the other day when I did it.  This is a huge help as he can do half of it next winter.

I took a nap around 11 a.m. and slept until Tom left for work at 1:20 and I'm still sleepy.  I know your body does it's healing during delta sleep so I'm assuming that's what's going on, but I want to sleep tonight so I'm holding off on more than one nap a day.

I've been talking to Tom about maybe knitting up an inventory of things to sell at a flea market or craft sale or something, plus working on becoming more proficient at spinning so I can either enjoy knitting with better yarn at a cheaper price or sell the yarn I dye and spin.  Either way I decide to go, I've got to treat it as a job and set aside the time for it rather than doing it after my day is over.  My biggest problem isn't setting aside time to do this; it's having any confidence that anyone would want to buy my products.  I have this fear that my stuff won't hold up or people will buy it and it won't meet their expectations and they'll want their money back and will give me horrible reviews and such.  It's not something I grabbed from thin air; I've seen people do that to online store owners, sometimes on a whim.  Which is one reason I'm not doing the online thing.  The other one is I'm not keen on dealing with the mail service.  I'd rather sell person to person.

So as soon as my back is better, I'm tackling the house to get it under some semblance of control, then setting up some structured time for both my crafts and the tightwadding I need to do in order to make this work out.  It helps that Tom is supportive and understanding.  For a long time I don't think he understood my limitations because invisible disabilities aren't...well...visible or apparent to anyone.  But after all these years he knows that it's very real (he's gotten up in the middle of the night to find me curled up in a ball on the bed or walking the floors because the pain is too bad to sleep) and tries very hard to be there for me.  But he is a human being and I know that at times it gets to him, too.  Fortunately he doesn't take it out on me.  Anymore, that is.  Before he really understood, he would get fed up with me and feel resentful.  Now things are better.

I need to learn to be disciplined about this, which isn't my strong suit.  I need to feel productive in whatever way I can.

But today and maybe tomorrow I'm going to focus on healing my back getting my selective shit back together again.  Another early night for me!



Carol said...

It's really difficult to understand the pain someone else might be going through. As you said, it's invisible, and if we haven't been there we cannot know. As to selling your crafts, do the ones you make for yourself hold up? If they do, why wouldn't the ones you sell do the same? It's finding the market that's so tough, I think.

Kathy said...

That's a good point, Carol. My biggest problem is my lack of confidence in myself which seems to paralyze me from succeeding. But your point is well-taken and gives me a bit of a boost.