I've decided to stop stressing out over labs and medical appointments and just do the best I can. While I can do a better job of choosing good foods and exercising more, I just can't do the diet thing or worry about losing weight. Yes, my body shape is one of the worst health-wise, but worrying about it hasn't done any good the past 10 years so worrying about it now isn't changing anything. I'm tired of the focus of my life being on food: what I eat, when I eat it and how much of it I eat. If I diet, I'm constantly thinking about when I can eat again, how much of it I can eat and why I'm hungry all the time. And then I get so hungry I go on a binge and eat everything in sight because, damn it! I'm hungry.
If I think about dieting, I'm always planning one last binge before I start dieting and and since that day keeps getting postponed, I'm on a constant binge.
No more! I did it before and I can do it again. I stopped obsessing about food, just ate and focused on other things. I lost a few pounds but I stopped gaining for a year. Now if I just focus on eating healthy foods and not worrying about quantity or times or how much, just focus on eating, being satisfied and feeling better about myself, I can do this. All I need to do is add exercise. It's the getting healthy that's important, not losing weight.
I weeded the garden a bit this morning but it needs hoeing badly. And the yard needs trimming as well but today was another errand day, tomorrow is medical appointment day so it will be Wednesday before I can get a good day's work done. I really want to tackle the house, clean it and de-clutter it because I'm feeling claustrophobic with all the stuff we've got here. I've got to figure out a way to make the living/dining room more efficient because you can't move through here without turning sideways. I could give up my bedroom and go back to sleeping on the couch, except I'm sleeping so well lately and it would limit other family members from using the couch when they would like to. Plus I would be without a bedroom again.
The basement isn't an option because it leaks and is dank and smelly down there. The room off the upstairs bedroom won't work because of the stairs and my knees and because Tom smokes up there and I just can't handle cigarette smoke anymore. So...my bedroom has to stay where it is.
I'll have to think about this for a while before I get to moving heavy pieces of furniture around.
The green Sweeping Statement is no more because I thought I had another skein of yarn and there is no way I can make it our of what I've got. So I'm back to blue but the center section will have a waterfall stitch instead of leaves. Horizontal wasn't working for me anyway. I like a vertical stitch in that center.
I have a hankering to knit a shawl. I'm not sure what color I want to use, but the brown yarn would give me an earth shawl with the earthy autumn holidays coming up. I just need to come up with a pattern I like. And I need to work on something small so I feel like I'm finishing something, too. Either a dishcloth of that amulet bag I've been thinking about designing.
I had planned on tackling the kitchen tonight though but I have to fast after midnight, which isn't normally a problem, but it would help if I was asleep by then so I don't want to get too stimulated with activity. Cleaning binges generally keep me up all night. Maybe tomorrow night when it doesn't matter when I get to sleep.
I need to start supper after which I'd like to take a walk. Walking is doing my blood sugar a world of good so I want to keep it up. Then I plan on crawling into bed and knitting and watching my annual Lord of the Rings extended edition marathon in which I watch all the movies, commentaries and documentaries. I'm overdue in fact. I'll adjust if any movies come in at the library but for now I'm going to binge on LOTR. I find it very motivating creatively.
But now I'm off to get things done.
TTFN
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