I've said it before...fibromyalgia sucks

Another sunshiney day.  Another night without much sleep.  I was dealing with a situation with a very close family member who doesn't seem to understand that I am entitled to my own opinions on politics on my own facebook page and that it's not an assault on him if I point out inconsistencies and corrupt/dangerous behavior from the people making laws that are destructive to a large segment of the population.  Sadly, I was unfriended and I'm not sure the relationship can be fixed.  At this point I'm not willing to deal with his anger issues or his need to control me which has popped up frequently of late over many issues, not just politics and religion.

I'm still holding Professor to his diet although I give him one small steak bone treat at night to kick-start his appetite and then he wolfs down his real food.  But not at all during the day.  He was even worse today looking at me with those big brown eyes, waiting for his treats and then sulking when he didn't get anything.  He noses around licking the floor rather than eat the food right next to the spot he's licking.  I can only hope that this passes soon.  I'm a weak person.

And speaking of weak...the fatigue is really getting to me.  I have things to get done and it's taking all my energy to do them.  And I'm only doing the bare minimum.  I want to hang the clothes out on the line, but I have no energy to lug them up the steep basement stairs and hang them out.  I will barely make it down there later to wash another load.  Lots of sleep would help.  I was doing better energy-wise, even with the sinus infection, when I was getting more than 8 hours of sleep.  I just don't know how to do that again.  I try very hard to get to sleep but I don't stay asleep or I get woken up too early by a dog that needs to wee. 

I'm making progress on the sweater coat, albeit slow progress.  Mindless knitting of the seed stitch is soothing, though, so I am enjoying it.  I do need to get busy with other crafting projects as well and spend less time here and more time there getting it done.  I have many small projects I could start but the fatigue is affecting me there as well.  Fibromyalgia sucks!

Supper tonight is stir fry with leftover chicken from the other night and spaghetti noodles instead of rice with broccoli, cauliflower, sugar snap peas and stir fry sauce mix.  Then laundry and the litter box.  I made a deal with Zach to help him with it.  He pushes himself to the limit on it but his OCD really inteferes with his ability to get down there more regularly.  I volunteered to take half the duty on it so he could recover a few days before tackling it again.  OCD sucks, too!  And for those family members who think he should just suck it up and force himself to do it...well, I don't use that kind of language on this blog.

Tomorrow we have to do the things we didn't do today, namely get Zach a new driving permit and taking care of the title to the car and spending time on campus doing job-search-related stuff.  I'm planning on doing the library while he's there and then just reading while I wait for him.  That takes me back to the days when he was in college.  He's thinking of going back to school, to university this time, to get a degree in mathematics.  The computer degree is a bust really and he loves math so he's thinking that might be an option for him.  But until he gets a job he can't afford it so we're still in a holding pattern.

That is a ways off, though, and for now he's got to find a job that will let him pay off his student loan (not terribly high) and help out with his living expenses here.  We're easy going though and don't plan on charging him rent but he wants to help out a bit to cover his expenses and I'm not arguing.  We can use it.

I have to get my seeds planted this week or else.  I'm missing out on some lovely sunshine and warm weather that could be put to use growing these seeds.  Maybe I'll get some planted tonight. I hope so.  That might involve a nap first.

Off to get the laundry started and maybe some seeds planted.

TTFN

Everyone needs a Tardis

I'm so tired.  And tired of being tired.  And my head is stopped up again today.  With an accompanying headache.  And cough.  I'll be glad when I can open up the windows again.  I did manage to clean up some of the mold and mildew but we still have more than our fair share.  I ended up sleeping until noon after getting up to let Professor out at 9 to wee. 

Professor broke down and ate some of his food late last night but hasn't touched a bite today.  I'm hoping he'll eat again tonight but if he doesn't I'm still not feeding him treats.  I, on the other hand, haven't done too well with not eating.  But I'm not bingeing so that's a good thing.  And I'm not eating around the clock.  Just still eating too much.  I'll get there.

Tomorrow we go to town to take care of some business so I won't be able to get Professor out for a walk but I might take a walk while I'm waiting for Zach.  Parking at the campus is bad so I might just park at the mall a block away and walk the neighborhood.  Which is delightfully flat.  If I was in better shape I would walk to the library but I'm not and that's too far away.  Some day, though.

I found the sweater coat pattern and started it last night.  Unfortunately even the largest size is way too small so I went up a needle size and will try to go down a dress size or two.  It will take a while to finish so I do have time.  I hope.

I'm ready to go back to bed again.  I plan on taking a shower first as I'm really achy along with the headache and cough.  That has to do with the fibro, though, and not the allergies.  I was a bit active today, doing laundry and running up and down the stairs to the basement.  Well, when I say running...

I found a pattern at Ravelry that I must make even though it is another afghan.  It's a Tardis afghan.  I know I don't need another afghan but I could make this one out of...dare I say it?...Red Heart Supersaver.  Just because I can't afford the good stuff, you know.  But for now I'm on a yarn diet and am trying to use up my stash before the house explodes.  I really have bags of yarn and projects, WIPs, etc. shoved in every closet, dresser, end table and bin throughout the house.

But I will make that afghan before the year is out...(cackling an evil laugh right now).

Off to straighten up the kitchen, load the dishwasher and take a shower, then bed, dvr and knitting.

TTFN

Professor's dieting and I'm not

I wasn't going to go anywhere today but I wanted to get Zach out and about so we headed to Taco Bell, where I had a 2 for 1 coupon.  Then to StuffMart to get a couple of things and something for dinner.  I didn't have anything frozen and yes, I could have thawed something out but I didn't spend a lot of money and I didn't buy anything to just pop in the microwave or toaster oven.  I bought chickens, one of which is in the oven cooking with a lovely barbeque sauce covering it.  I'll need to reapply some in about a half hour but the smell is lovely.  Zach bought some noodles for his side dish and I'm making mashed potatoes for Tom and me.

I didn't do any knitting last night.  I read a book instead.  I think I'm going to take Artemis Fowl back as I just can't seem to get myself to sit in the living room and listen to it.  I could take the whole thing into the bedroom instead but I'm already at the wire and would have to do marathons on it to finish it in time.  If I could renew it, I might keep it but I doubt I could do that.  I'll try though.

I will try to knit tonight though.  Although I'm having second thoughts about the poncho.  I have a sweater coat pattern from a million years ago that I loved and I think I might dig that pattern out and make another one.  Especially as I've learned better how to make my cables tighter so I don't have that leading gap on them.  I love sweater coats and could use another one.  It's a lot of seed stitch knitting, which is fine because I could use some mindless knitting for a while.  My brain not working very well and all.

I also need to get back to the Navajo Coat because I'll forget how to do it if I postpone it much longer.  It's really pretty but I can't seem to make myself dig it out of my basket.  Must learn to push myself.

Especially with walking and exercising.  I need to walk Professor every day and just didn't get around to it today at all.  I'm so tired all the time yet I know that exercise will help the fatigue.  But making that first step is so difficult.  Professor didn't get his bologna today and kept sniffing around his food dishes.  Wouldn't touch anything though.  I'm trying to be firm.  He tried to wake me up last night wanting treats but I wouldn't give in.  It will take a few days before he learns he won't get treats anymore but in the meantime, he's annoying me to no end.  Not to mention those accusing brown eyes.

I also need to get busy outside digging up the garden and getting my seeds planted indoors as well.  I'm just dragging all the time and any effort ends up wearing me out so I save it for the things that have to be done, like laundry, cleaning and cooking.  Soon, I hope, I'll be able to do more in the course of a day.  Soon.

Well, off to finish up supper, get the potato flakes going and a veg of some kind.  Zach is fixing his own noodles so I don't have to fix that as well.  He can't stand the texture in potatoes.  Never has.  Even as a toddler he would throw them up.

Ah, well.

TTFN

Back to normal...unfortunately

Back to not sleeping a whole lot.  Nothing new, just Professor waking up wanting outside 4 times a night.  He'll sleep for 10 hours during the day but needs to wee a dozen times at night.  This is not working for me.

Also, the little tub o' lard turns his nose up at all food now.  Except his morning bologna.  He stares me down at night or barks at me until I give in and give him jerky or steakbones (not real steak or bones) but no more.  I bought him some expensive dog food (a sample bag) that is supposed to be really healthy and by golly he'll eat it or go hungry.  He is seriously way too fat and waddles instead of walks.  Well, so do I but I'm going to work on that as well.  By not working on it actually.

So I expect to be treated to glares and lots of barking for a while but I'm not giving in.  Now if I can get the man to abide by my rules.  He's really good at slipping treats behind my back. 

Same with the cat.  I'm taking him off wet foods.  He either gorges himself on it then throws it back up or lets it rot on the plate until we throw it away.  Dry food is better for him anyway.  I also got him some more expensive food, too, that has health properties as well, that I'll use instead of the wet food and still give him his other dry food. 

I am putting my foot down.  No more Mrs. Nice Guy.  I do mean that.  I also need to start walking Professor, but if I do it at night, I'm wide awake the rest of the night so he'll get early afternoon walks, if possible.  Late afternoon if not.

I had to frog my poncho when the next stitch pattern didn't fit again.  Come to find out I was off by 100 stitches.  And a few.  So back to square one.  I was also using the wrong size needles.  I have no idea where my brain was, but I think it's back now.  I got some minerals at the store today that are for memory.  Now if I can remember to take them.

So I'm still on the border because I have an extra 100+ stitches per row to knit.  It's taking a lot longer, but I'll get there.  I just hope it's not too wide.

I'm cooking supper right now but I have no idea what I'm fixing.  I could use the hamburger that I'm thawing while cooking it and do something with it and the leftover risotto, but Zach really didn't like the risotto.  He can fix pizza bites or something for supper because I don't want all the risotto to go to waste.  Just not sure how to cook this.  Normally I would add a soup or something but with the creaminess of the risotto and the flavors already in it, I think I might just add some more spices and leave it without a sauce.  Tom will eat it up.  I'm not terribly hungry but I can eat a bit of it and then I won't have to throw the rice away.

What I really want to do is go to bed but it's much too early.  I might give in around 10 p.m. but not before that.  If I do I'll wake up when Tom gets home and be up until sunrise.  And be just as tired as I am now.

I've got to refill the bird feeders tomorrow and maybe even hang a load of clothes out.  I need to wash whites and light-colored clothes and the sun would bleach them nicely.  It's going to be warmer, too, with temps in the 50s on the weekend.  But I'm going to wait until tomorrow to wash them.  Just too tired tonight.  And so tired of being tired.

I hope tomorrow is a better day.  I'd like to get some things done.  And I need to finish up Artemis Fowl before it has to go back to the library.  I know I won't be able to renew it and it could take months before I get it back because it's in demand.

So many goals and so little ambition.

TTFN

Ch-ch-changes

I had been trying to change the template on this blog but couldn't figure out why it wouldn't let me.  Today I found out it was because my browser was out of date so I upgraded and have a spiffy new image.  I like it.  A lot.

I fixed salmon with rosemary and risotto for supper tonight.  Zach didn't like the risotto but everything else was fine.  Tom liked it better than regular rice and I had to agree, even though I'm not a huge fan of any kind of rice but breakfast rice.  I don't cook like that very often because my energy levels by night are in the red but I pushed through and did it anyway.  No energy to clean up and everyone scattered after supper so it can stay that way until either someone else cleans it up or I get up tomorrow morning with my energy meter at the halfway mark.

I had to rip out the poncho I started because I forgot to increase.  That explained how my pattern wasn't coming out right.  I completely missed the sentence that said to do that.  It's a nice pattern so far, but looks to get more complicated, which is fine with me.  I like a challenge as long as it's not over my head.

I had intended to do some reading today but spent the day getting the tax information together for Tom so he can do the returns and then I had to research some stuff I needed to buy and ended up spending too much time online...again.  I must get back to managing my time better.  I never seem to be able to start good habits, only reinforce the bad one.

And I didn't last long on the South Beach diet at all.  I ended up bingeing as usual.  I need to get back to not caring about food and not obsessing about it all day long like I do when I'm dieting or getting ready to diet.  I've spent most of my life doing that it seems.

Well, short and not too much information but I'm off to crawl into bed and read, knit and hopefully get to sleep early so I can get a start on a routine tomorrow.

TTFN

Winter isn't done with us yet

We've had snow two days in a row but zero accumulation.  It's like getting to watch the show without having to pay for it.  Well, it is March after all.  And we have had significant snow up until mid May so there is that.

I made a trip to the store today mostly because I wanted to get out of the house but partly because we did need a couple of things.  I'm always amazed at how somepeople are oblivious to the people around them.  I was going down an aisle and a woman pushed her cart into the intersection, blocking it, and then went back halfway down the aisle.  Completely oblivious.  Another couple were holding up traffic both ways in an aisle while deciding on which colored sugar water concoction they wanted.  Even after people made remarks to them...they still held up traffic by putting their cart in the middle and standing on either side of it.

There were a lot more incidents but you get the picture.

I finished up Salem's Lot this morning.  I've read it several times but it still gives me that delicious fear thrill, especially at night when no one is up and all the lights are off except for mine.  Started on The Kitchen God's Wife.  I don't think I've read this one.  It's not familiar to me, anyway.  And I have other non-fiction books sitting on my bed needing my attention.  Plus Artemis Fowl on cd that I need to get busy with as I'm positive I won't be able to renew it.  I won't be able to listen to it much this weekend because Tom is home and in and out of the living room, watching tv for a few minutes then heading back upstairs.

I'm making minor progress on the poncho, but it's wide so an inch is really a significant amount of time spent.  But as I am a process knitting, this is the perfect project for me.  It's a light blue and heavy enough to use during spring and fall, but not something to wear around the house because the sleeves (not really sleeves) will get caught on everything.

I'm not cooking supper tonight.  Everyone is fending for themselves with leftovers or sandwiches.  We're having salmon tomorrow night with risotto rice.  I got some arborio rice today.  Maybe a nice salad to go with it. 

It's early but I'm heading to bed soon anyway.  I'm a bit under the weather and want to nip it in the bud if I can, taking time to rest.  I've been irrigating my sinuses trying to fend off another sinus infection.  Apparently I have a deviated septum and that's why the frequent infections.  Hopefully the neti pot Tana graciously gave me will do the trick and I can avert another one.

So, off to grab a sandwich and then to bed.

TTFN

Errands are better than cleaning out the fridge

I woke up this morning feeling much better.  My left shoulder and neck area had minimal pain with free range of mobility.  I've no idea what happened but happily it was a one day event.  A little tramadol, ibuprofen and arthritis cream did the trick.  Actually the arthritis cream did more than the pain killers.

I had planned on staying home and cleaning the refrigerator but I had some meds come in at the pharmacy and, well, I was looking for a good reason not to clean the fridge so I went to town.  I also took care of the other errands as well, including the pet licenses.  I had forgotten it and the deadline was March 31.  As it was, the licenses are $10 each, doubling after the deadline.  All for pets I keep in my home who never bother anyone else or cost the city a dime.  It smells like a tax to me.

While I was at StuffMart, I went to the book/magazine aisle to see if they had the magazine I had gotten Tom for Christmas.  If so, I was going to get the most recent issue, but I couldn't find it.  What I did find was a book on reversing diabetes so I started looking through it.  It was about $12 so I wasn't sure I wanted to put that much money into a book but after skimming (I read very fast) most of the book, I decided it looked a lot like the South Beach Diet book, which I already have.  So I bought some lean meats and decided I needed to do something to get off this sugar binge I can't seem to get off of.  This is supposed to help and it did the last time I was on it, but I'm not good at limiting myself for long.  So I thought I would use it to "detox" and then slide into a more reasonable, healthier way of eating.

Zach has said he'll do a modified diet with me so I won't be alone.  I just hope I can last the two weeks I need to and don't binge afterward.  I know losing weight is work but for me it's been torture.  I've been dieting on and off for 22 years and I mean really tried.  I don't know why some people can and I can't.  sigh

Anyway, I decided not to knit the sweater I posted about yesterday because it's got raglan sleeves and I have never been successful at getting them to gauge.  Even if my swatch is perfect, for some reason the raglan part is unfathomably long and doesn't fit.  So I found a poncho pattern in my stash of stuff from the internet and started it last night.  Unfortunately I fell asleep while casting on so I have no idea how many stitches I have on there.  I'll check later but I was afraid that counting the stitches last night would have woken me up.

My dvr inventory is getting full so I need to watch some of the documentaries I've got on there.  They're good, but as I haven't been knitting much lately, I haven't watched much tv.  I've been reading more than watching.  I guess I only use the tv for knitting or crafting purposes.  I do plan on getting some more spinning done tonight as well.

So, I can smell supper is ready so I'm off to eat, finish up the laundry for the day (I still have plenty to go as I only wash a load when I have two buckets of shower water from the tap to put in the washer) and then to bed to knit and watch tv.

TTFN

I knew I had done too much

I don't know what I did but I woke up this morning with my left shoulder muscle and neck stiff and so sore I can't turn my head very well.  I put a hot water bottle on it and took some tramadol after I got back from town but in a little bit, after I get the laundry started, I'm going to bed with my arthritis cream and another tramadol.

And I'm still pretty sore all over and moving pretty slowly...although I did move at a fast clip in the store today when I found out Jessica was there.  She was my son's best friend when he was in his high school years and has since married and moved to Norway with her husband.  She also has a gorgeous baby named Lydian, who was with her.  I left her parents, who were my best friends when we were going to that church, and Zach with the cart and got to see her.  We're going to get together some time while she's here.  And the best thing is...now she's a knitter!!  She's made the most darling clothes for her son.

But believe me, I'm not moving that fast now.  In fact, I'm thinking of soaking in the tub with some epsom salts.  It's that painful.

I don't need to leave the house until Friday for errands, but those are in town and no, I'm not walking.  Some day I hope to be that fit, but our town is very hilly and we're more than halfway up that hill.  So tomorrow I plan on working on the refrigerator.  I may just do it one shelf at a time.  Same with the pantry.  My mojo is leaving me along with my energy.  But I don't want to lose the momentum I've picked up cleaning so if I do a little bit each day, and keep up with what I've already got done, I'll feel pretty good about it.

I didn't plant seeds today.  Mostly from not feeling well, but also because it snowed last night.  Just enough to cover the ground but still...I knew winter wasn't done with us yet, darn it.

I've been looking at patterns for something new to knit.  I finished up the hat, but I don't like it.  My finishing is awful but mostly because my end of rows were so loose.  I'll keep it around and might use it but it's not that good.  I found a pattern for a sweater I think I'm going to knit.  I haven't knit a sweater in a long time and I have plenty of yarn so I might go for it.  I don't have the size 9 dpns so I might have to order some online but I do have everything else I need for it.  I might even knit it in a smaller size as incentive.

I really do need to get back on the eating better and exercising more train.  It's so hard to do when you don't feel well, but it is something that would make me feel better, even if marginally better.  Hopefully the snow will go away soon and I can walk the dog and get some sort of routine going.

Well, I have laundry yet to do and pajamas to crawl into and a sweater to start so I am off to get all that accomplished.  My bed is calling to me.

TTFN

Today was predictable

I knew I did too much yesterday but I couldn't stop with the living room unfinished.  In the end I don't regret it as the living/dining room looks nice and it's a restful room now.  I just didn't plan on doing much today except for keeping up with the work I've done the past couple of weeks.  I do plan on shifting the laundry...taking a load out of the dryer, putting one in, and starting another load.  That way the chore isn't overwhelming to me and I don't have to make a dozen trips up and down the steep stairs.

Zach and I watched tv in the living room together last night.  I had a vhs tape of Angela's Ashes that I put in the vcr to see if it still worked so we ended up watching that last night.  Now that I've got a working vcr in the living room, I intend to go through all my tapes to see what's still good and what needs to be trashed.  I had a huge bin full of old tapes upstairs that I emptied to use for Zach's school books and papers so I need to sort that out.  But not today.

I didn't do any knitting last night.  I finished supper shortly before Tom got home and I was barely able to stand up straight because of the back ache so I went straight to bed and fell right asleep.  For an hour.  After that it was dozing and waking...not Professor's fault this time.  I was just restless.  The pain wasn't so bad because the tramadol kicked in pretty well, but I have this problem whenever I work that hard too close to bedtime.  It's like I can't shut off the go button on my brain.

I do plan on knitting tonight while I listen to Artemis Fowl in the living room.  I bought a cheapo boom box because all our old ones crapped out ages ago.  I listened to the first disk while cleaning.  It's so great to be able to hear Nathaniel Parker again.  He's a voice artist genius!  I hope to listen to a disk a day but that might not be feasible on the weekends.  I figure Tom will claim the couch on the weekends for naps.  And that's okay, too.

I've been spinning as well, although not last night.  I'm not sure I really want a wheel because I'm really comfortable with the kick spindle.  Although it won't last forever and will need to be replaced eventually.  Still, I love the portability of it and because my back gives me fits if I sit on hard chairs or let my legs dangle too long, the kick spindle is perfect for me.  I spin with my hand so I'm not as fast but it's ever so much more comfortable.  And I'm not doing this for anyone but me so my time is my own.  I would love to be done with this Welsh top though so I can get down to dyeing and finding more wool to spin.

Not sure what I'm going to make from the Welsh top though.  It's a coarser wool so I don't think I want it next to me, but a nice cardigan, preferably a long one, would be nice.

I'm still doing a lot of reading.  My concentration is improving although still not as good as it was pre-chemo.  I'm getting there though.  Now I just need to set aside time to write on a daily basis.  I think I'm going to wait until next week because the house will distract me until I'm finished with the main parts of it.  Then I can focus on closets, the basement, drawers, etc.  But having entire rooms a mess leaves me nervous and unable to concentrate on the task at hand.

I also plan on sowing my seeds in my window garden tomorrow.  It will be messy and I had hoped to do it outdoors but it looks like a lot of rain so I might just do it in the kitchen before I clean it up.  I'd planned on mopping in there anyway. 

Actually the kitchen doesn't look too bad but the pantry needs to be sorted and the refrigerator desperately needs a cleaning in addition to a clean floor.  That will take some time so I might divide that up into two days:  pantry one day and refrigerator the next.

And then the bathroom.  I'm leaving it for last because I'll be getting it ready to paint.  Tom has offered to do it on his birthday weekend because he gets his birthday off, but I can't imagine that would be fun for him.  I thought we might go to the museum in Milwaukee that weekend.  I've never been.

So, the chili is almost done and I still have the laundry to shift and the dishes that won't get clean in the dishwasher to finish up.  Then it's Artemis Fowl and knitting.

TTFN

I may have done too much today

I managed to get some energy back, which makes me wonder if I had that sinus infection since last spring, because after the bout of flu I had, I've spent the last year barely able to do anything and have had very few bouts of energy.  I do feel better although not what it was like before fibromyalgia.

I lit into the dining/living room today.  Took me about 9 hours so far of near-steady working.  I had to sort, clear move under furniture to kill those dust elephants (didn't find any mildew monkeys in here, but this room is on the south wall so it's warmer in here.) I got another load of clothes done and another put in the dryer and another load started.  I also had Zach take out two bags of trash.  I'm being merciless, but just with my stuff.  I don't throw out anyone else's unless they tell me to.

Tomorrow I hope to tackle the kitchen but if not, I'll get it Wednesday.  I didn't get the seeds planted today but they're in place (and I now have a place for them) so I can get to them tomorrow morning.  And I'll most likely put Zach to cleaning the bathroom...as much as he can handle with his OCD.  He really does try and can handle cleaning the bathroom more easily than the kitchen.  Dirty dishes just make him ill.

I'm just now fixing supper.  I had forgotten about it until my stomach started growling so it's just hamburgers and corn.  I'm too tired to do much else.  And I still have to straighten up my room from cleaning the living room.  Remember I told you that when I clean one room the rest get messed up?  Well, I've got things to put away and vacuum in there before bedtime.

And I'm sleeping in tomorrow.  Professor is driving me nuts again and won't let me sleep at night.  I had such a good couple of weeks of sleep for a while.  Now I'm back to sleeping in hour or half hour catches.  I've no idea what's on his mind but last night he wanted to play ball, go outside and stand on the porch several times but not potty, bark at me to get up (I didn't) so I could put him in bed with me because he gets scared on his stairs.

I'm totally ignoring him tonight.  I need sleep.

Supper is ready so I'm off to eat and then clean my room and to bed.

TTFN

Great sunshine, clear skies and supermoon tonight

I went to the thrift store today and found a tiny little ceramic spinning wheel that I had to have for only $1.25.  Not that I have a spinning wheel; I only have a kick spindle, but it's the thought that counts.  I also got a couple of books.  I don't normally buy books, especially from the thrift store but one was a book I used to own and got rid of in my fundamentalist days:  Needful Things by Stephen King ($.50).  I was always buying and then throwing out books like that because I'd feel guilty for reading them.  The other book was Glory and the Lightening by Taylor Caldwell.  I have loved her books since I was in grade school (and no, she's not a children's writer, but she writes historical fiction) although now, as an adult, I see how she inflicts Christian values on Greeks and Romans, as if before Christ they worshiped him.  This one is about Aspasia and Pericles.  Highly fictionalized to be sure, but I love books about ancient Rome and Greece.

I got some more candles as well but that was about it.  They did have a 5-inch television there for $3 but I had to wonder how well it worked for that cheap.  The sticker said it tested OK but I wasn't going to buy it.  It had RC cable ports so it's not ancient and I wouldn't mind having a tv in the kitchen but still...not going to buy it.

I'm winding down energy-wise.  I haven't done much besides washing one load of clothes.  I need to get the clothes out of the dryer and put that load in, but that involves stairs, and steep stairs at that, so I'm not doing a good job of convincing myself to get busy on this.  I need to get busy on the kitchen, too, but again...no energy, no motivation.  With all this sunshine, I might have to hang some clothes out on the line tomorrow.  I would do it tonight but again with the tired thing.

I also need to get outside and fertilize my fruit trees and bushes, but that won't be today.  It seems like lately full moons sap my energy.  That's the crazy I get from them anyway.

I didn't get around to knitting last night.  I was reading Amy Tan's The Joy Luck Club.  I always want to read books after I've seen the movies they're based on.  Plus her writing is so good and descriptive.  I love the word pictures in my head while reading her.

I'm thinking of running into the next town and stopping at the Pig to see what specials they have and grab a snack for tonight.  Tom is at his sister's so Zach is having French bread pizza and I'm fixing myself a hamburger so I might get some chips and dip to go with it.  I'm trying to stop the sugar binge as my sugar is a bit high and I have labs in a few weeks.  Not to mention it might have something to do with my fatigue.

Plus Zach and I intend to get some pictures of the moon tonight with his DSI.  The camera is toast but his DSI takes really good pictures.  If they come out, I'll put them on the blog tomorrow.  I still have to take a picture of my Greek afghan.  I've got it hanging up over the wall air conditioner instead of the ugly gray flannel cloth I had up there before.

I'm heading off to the store...it's closer than where I usually go...so I can come back, straighten up the kitchen and relax for the night.

TTFN

As the Friday turns

Today was unique in that I didn't wake up exhausted and unable to do anything.  While I didn't spring from the bed and jump into my chores, I did manage to get a lot accomplished before anyone else woke up:  a load of laundry (including taking a bucket of water from the shower downstairs) washing up the dishes from last night, making my bed and cleaning my room.  All before my first cup of coffee.

I had many errands today that took up all afternoon and I am pretty tired now from the walking and normal errand fatigue.  We did manage to find Zach a pair of comfortable shoes for a bit over $50 and I found the dvd Hot Fuzz for under $10 (it's one of my absolute favorite movies) and stopped by the campus to find out what has happened to Zach's diploma.  They told him it would take two months to issue it so he's got about 5 weeks left and they told him he can't consider himself graduated until he has the diploma in hand.  Crap.

Then I got the weekly shopping done which wasn't too expensive.  I only got what was on the list with 2 exceptions and tonight we're having hamburger stroganoff because I can't think of anything else right now.  Then we made it home and got all the groceries and packages in the house and put away.

Now, I'm tired.  I still have another load of laundry to get done and supper to cook.  I would like to work in the kitchen tonight but I am wiped out and don't want to push my luck.  I don't normally have two good days in a row so I'm knocking on wood and hoping my luck holds out a few more days at least.

Tom has to work tomorrow and is going to his sister's house afterward to play sheepshead so I've got the whole day to work on the kitchen and do more laundry.  And start tackling the living/dining room.  The bathroom will be last because I have to start getting it ready to paint.  The weather is almost warm enough for the paint to cure without using the space heater.  There are a lot of mildew monkeys to conquer in there, too. (I totally stole this expression from Debra because it's so cool.)  Not to mention paint to chip away.  And woodwork to rip off (it's the rubber kind and we're going to replace it with wood.)  And a door that needs to be sanded down.

Okay I'm worn out just thinking about it.

I'm making progress on my hat and have organized my projects a bit better so I can get back to my Navajo coat.  I was looking at lace shawl patterns today but I'm not seeing exactly what I want to make yet.  It will come to me, I'm sure.  Plus I have other works in progress I could dig out and return to as well.  And I have plenty of yarn to make a poncho or sweater.

But I have noticed if I put my knitting up early enough in the night, I get sleepy earlier so my knitting isn't progressing as fast as it used to.  Maybe once the house is completely done I'll have time in the afternoons to take a knitting break.  With gardening coming up, I hope to spend more time outdoors during the day but there's no reason I can't take my knitting out to my faery garden and knit there while I enjoy nature and the scent of my honeysuckle bushes.

Well, off to fix supper and do laundry while I'm doing that and then to bed.  Zach is going to load up the dishwasher for me tonight and take out the trash so all I have to do is fold the clothes and jump into my jammies.  Oh, fraptious day!  Or...rather...night.

TTFN

Energetic Thursday

I've been working like a woman possessed today.  Last night after supper I tackled my bedroom, sweeping, dusting, de-cluttering and re-arranging in a minor way to get things the way I wanted them.  Well, the way I have to settle for anyway.

Today we tackled Zach's room and got it looking really nice as well.  We removed his half-size bookcase and put it beside the foyer where Tom can set his thermos and lunch box and I can finally have a place for the books that are on the shelves where my plants will soon go.  Zach is pretty happy now that the mold and mildew is gone (from my room, too) and will most likely sleep better.

Unfortunately whenever you tear one room apart, the other rooms look like crap so the rest of the house is a mess.  Except the kitchen.  Zach straightened up in there, too.  Still, I've cleared a path and that's all I'm doing the rest of the night except for a load of clothes and a hot shower.

It's amazing to feel better and have energy.  But this must last because the living room is a disaster and I need to clean it tomorrow.  Actually it will probably take two days to clean it because I've got much de-cluttering to do in there.

Tomorrow we go to get Zach some new athletic shoes because the tread is gone on his.  He's had them for three years so I guess it's time.  We usually find him some at Shopko because they have a selection of name-brand shoes that are always on sale and are wide enough.  He's got EEE or EEEE width, depending on the style so we can't find him anything in cheaper brands.

I want to stop by the thrift store, too, but I could wait until Saturday to do that.  Tom is working weekends again and most likely will for several weeks, if not through the summer.  It's good that business has picked up but a little compensation would be nice as well.

I'm fixing pork chops, mashed potatoes, gravy and peas tonight.  I have some potato skins for Zach and a salad because he won't eat mashed potatoes or peas.  It's the texture and his OCD.  The potato skins aren't mushy so he can eat them.  And then on to laundry and a shower as soon as the washer is done. 

I also want to get busy outdoors and start chopping up the tobacco stalks and the tomato plants and turn the ground.  When Tom can he's going to go out and start turning more sod so we can enlarge the garden.  I also need to fertilize my fruit trees and bushes soon, too.  I have spikes that I use but I can't find them anymore so when these two bags are done, I'll have to look online for more.

Now I'm off to finish supper.  I think I might start a load of clothes now so I don't have to wait for that shower.

TTFN

Wider awake Wednesday

Oh my sweet Bob!  Fifty-five degrees F here and I was outside without a coat on.  I know it won't last but it was a sweet gift just the same.  I even forgot to turn the furnace on this morning and was walking around without my housecoat on.  I was also kicking the covers off and wondering if I needed to get the fan out.  I'm opting for fewer clothes tonight instead.

I'm feeling so much better, even with marginally more energy.  Tomorrow Zach and I have a plan of attack on cleaning house and getting him some new shoes.  I found some at StuffMart that fit well and feel good so I can start walking again. 

I'm debating turning my bedroom back into the living room because the crowded conditions of both rooms really bothers me.  On the other hand, I won't have a bedroom if I do that.  The little extra room upstairs smells too bad from Tom's smoking and I'm still not good on stairs so that's not an option.  I could go back to making up the couch every night but I'm sleeping so well right now I don't want to mess with that.  I know we'll never move from here so I just have to get used to the tiny-ness of it all.  I mean, we've been here for about 12 or 13 years as it is.

I would love to have a more open feel because this place makes me feel very claustrophobic with all the furniture we have.  I don't have many options though.

My birds are back eating at the feeder right now and I've seen the squirrels out and about.  And much to my dismay, so has Professor.  He's quite vocal about them being in his yard.  His yard being as far as his eye can see.  But it's sure nice to see the ground instead of all the white.  Another few days like this and it will almost be gone.

I'm going to stop taking my allergy medicine for a few days and see if I'm good without it.  I have no pain, no stuffiness and I just don't want to keep taking it if I don't need to.  If the headaches come back, I'll go back on it immediately but I'm feeling so much better that I don't want to keep on with it if I don't need to.

I'm off to go read for a while before I fix supper, which will be hamburgers and something else because I just got in from the store and I'm feeling very unimaginative.  Tomorrow I'll fix some pork chops I got on sale, but tonight is quick fix supper night.

TTFN

Sleepy Tuesday

Again, I got plenty of sleep last night and am still dragging my butt.  Plus a 1 hour nap today.  I'm attempting to do laundry but I forgot to add soap and put the lid down so that was delayed and I still have two loads to go that might not get done until tomorrow.  Supper is over and I'm ready to go to bed.  No knitting, just in bed with the lights off.

I have been doing some reading...finished two books this week and getting ready to start two more.  I know I desperately need to get outdoors and moving a bit.  That first step is so hard to do though.  Although tomorrow I do need to get out as Zach is going to the job center at school to do what he can to get on the treadmill they call job-hunting.  Still no diploma yet, which is frustrating.

My headache and face pain are nearly gone except for 6 p.m. every night they flare up.  Always a sign of an allergy, but I can't figure out why it's so punctual.  I've been saving my second spray for that time and just take some tylenol and that takes care of the bulk of it.  I did find massive mold on the front door behind the curtain that I need to tackle this week.  Probably tomorrow morning as that's the only time of day I have any semblance of energy.

I worked on my hat last night but made a mistake that I have to tink back four rows for since it's in the design.  I'm not sure I'll try that tonight.  I'm thinking of putting the clothes in the dryer, starting another load and then going to bed.  I can get the clothes out of the dryer tomorrow. 

Maybe I'm just catching up on 20 years of insomnia.  Seriously, I'm getting a minimum of 8 hours a night now.  But who knows how long that will last.  I'll just take what I get for now.

Off to do some laundry and then to bed.

TTFN

Sleepy Monday

Macaroni and cheese tonight because I'm just dragging.  Good to know I'm back to normal, eh?  The pain is nearly gone except for a brief period of time in the evening.  My allergies did that when I lived in California, too.  But no real pain during the day and the pain in the evening is less each day as well so we're making progress.  I'll give the dr a call next week to tell her it's working.  I want to give it more time in case of a relapse.  I've been known to go backward from time to time.

I"m sleeping so much lately.  About 8 or so hours a night and at least a 2 hour nap during the day.  Maybe I'm just getting caught up on back sleep because the meds are supposed to be non-drowsy.  I just wish I felt rested when I wake up.

Wednesday I'm going to drop Zach off at the job center at the campus so he can get busy getting a job.  Still no diploma.  He's emailed his adviser to find out what the hold up is, but he's still going on the assumption that he's graduated already.

It was nice today and some more snow melted.  I had filled the bird feeders yesterday but I only saw a bird or two today.  I guess they're looking at fresher food than I've put up for them and that's good.  I do hope they will look at the feeders and not my garden once that is in the ground.  Speaking of which, I need to get the seeds planted soon.  I just haven't had any energy to do much more than make my bed and cook supper.  I need to do a load of clothes but I might wait until tomorrow morning for that as that's the only time I have any energy to spare.  I'm also planning on starting some exercising in the morning to see if that will build up some energy levels. 

Hannibal had been sleeping on my Greek afghan and when I went to put it up this morning found several pulls on it that can't be fixed, although they can be hidden.  Darn it!  I guess I can't leave it out.  I thought about using it to hide the air conditioner in the wall and may yet go with that option as the gray flannel curtain I have up now looks awful.  Purple and off-white would put some color into my room.  Much needed color.

I didn't knit anything last night.  Went straight to bed and to sleep so I plan on hopping in bed earlier tonight so I can knit on the hat and the scarf.  I'll get back to the Navajo coat soon but it takes less energy for me to knit than to crochet.  Odd that.

Well, I need to put a veg on the stove to cook and then I'm crawling into bed after supper.  Zach is cleaning up for me, bless him.  Hopefully I'll be back to normal, or maybe even better, soon.  Without the headaches and the pain in my cheek and jaw, I'm able to function better.  Now if I can just stay awake long enough to get things accomplished.

TTFN

Sunday rambling

Tom and I went out to lunch today (just fast food) and I noticed midway that my jaw wasn't hurting.  When I went to press on the area that has been so tender, I came away with minimal pain.  So the medicine must be working.

Tom got his new glasses and some salt for the water softener (40lb bags so I don't get them unless he or Zach are with me.  I can get them into the cart but not out of it.) and then lunch.  We argued politics during the meal but fortunately didn't get loud or angry.  At least I can talk to him without him treating me like I'm an idiot or the enemy.  Not so with other people.

I started knitting a hat for Beltane.  I know...knitting a hat this late in the season?  But it will still be pretty cool here in May so a hat will be necessary.  And I can wear it next winter, too.  I need more than one project going, though, so I picked up the gansey scarf I was knitting with my first handspun (which doesn't look all that great, I admit) and did some spinning, too.  But I still need a different project to work on.  I should dig out the Navajo coat as well.  That would be the right weight to wear in April or May.  I found some wooden toggle buttons at the thrift store for it so I should just get busy on it as well.  And then I still have two blankets I started that I might just frog.  I don't need anymore blankets.

I'm planning on working outdoors next week as long as the sun is shining.  And I need to get my seeds started, too.  It's just the right time for them.  We can't really get anything in the ground until around the end of May or beginning of June without fear of frost so this gives me enough time, I think. 

And the house needs cleaning desperately now that I'm feeling better.  Although there is that darned fatigue still going on.  Still, I can start small and maybe work up to it.  I need to start walking Professor as he has gotten so round this winter.  Well, so have I, but walking him doesn't do anything for that as he has to stop at every tree or post we walk past.  Zach and I plan on going to the marsh or maybe Wild Goose Trail for walking.  Or maybe someplace in Beaver Dam.  Crystal Lake park has a walking track there.

But today I'm taking it easy and plan on reading this afternoon and knitting this evening.  And who knows what else.  I've got so much I'm behind on.

TTFN

Crawling toward the finish line

I'm not necessarily feeling better, but I am draining like crazy from my sinuses so I'm guessing that will relieve a lot of the pressure.  I looked up sphenoid sinus and jaw pain and there is a connection there so I'm going to give this a week (that's how long the dr said it would take to be effective) before I call the specialist for an appointment.  Believe me, I won't mess around if it's not better or improving.

Our snow is melting fast.  I have portions of my yard visible (and muddy) so there is the hope of Spring, at least.  I got the tobacco seeds today so I'll be planting tomorrow.  I haven't looked at the almanac yet but I will to see what weather to look for and how long until I can set stuff outdoors, at least for a portion of the day. 

I need to refill the bird feeder.  I haven't seen any birds there for a long time, but as there are patches of grass and some of the trees are budding, they aren't starving.  I need to get busy outside soon, getting my garden ready.  Especially as we're planning on increasing the size of the garden and I'm guessing that will be by hand like Tom did last summer.

I'm still unsettled with my knitting.  Can't find a project and don't have one already going that interests me.  I can't remember the last time I went this long without knitting.  My mojo has disappeared, it seems.  Maybe when I finally feel better and have my brain back...

Supper tonight is kielbasa, sauerkraut and baked beans.  I made potato-leek soup last night with bacon crumbles and cheese.  I did it differently, cooking the potatoes and leeks in the bacon grease and then steaming them by putting the lid on.  Then I added the milk, not as much as normal) and cooked until heated through.  It had a different flavor that was much better.  Tonight though is just like fast food.  Throw things on the stove and heat it.

And another early night.  I went down at 9:30 p.m. and went to sleep almost immediately and woke up again at 7:30 a.m. to let Professor out.  I didn't sleep all the way through but I didn't stay awake either.  I could get used to this.  And my medicine is supposed to be non-drowsy.  I'd hate to see what I'm like if it wasn't.

Off to fix supper and then into bed for reading and sleep.

TTFN

Dark Mother made me go to the doctor

As I suspected, it's allergies, but the membranes are badly swollen so I got some Claritin and steroid spray to reduce the swelling.  I was going to say if I started growing a beard, I was going to quit taking them, but since I do have to pluck weekly, how would I know?

And apparently I have a deviated septum and that is why I have frequent sinus infections on the right.  She thought the neti pot was a good idea so when I'm out of saline spray, I'll invest in one.

However, as much as I love my dr, she's nuts on sending people to specialists.  Nearly every time I go to see her she wants me to make an appointment with a specialist.  I don't know if this is a CYA thing or what, but I don't do it.  Her reason for wanting me to go see an ENT is because I've had breast cancer and any bone pain (my jaw is sore...just where the sphenoid sinus is) is suspect so she wants me to see an ENT to determine if I need an MRI.  Well, I'm going to wait and see if the medicine clears up the pain first before I go spending money I don't have with a dr and an expensive test.  She's used to me saying no at this stage so she doesn't go ape-crap anymore.

If the pain doesn't go away, then I'll see the ENT guy but not before.  I suspect it will as it's already not as painful as it was a couple of weeks ago and the pain in my cheek bone is gone permanently now.

Plus, I found out it's not antihistimines I can't take...it's decongestants.  Which I've been eating like candy for about a month.  My pulse was 125 so I had to have an EKG to make sure my heart wasn't damaged.  From now on, only the good stuff  for me.

Hopefully, soon, I'll be back to bitching about being too tired to do anything instead of hurting too bad to do anything.  Well, I see the distinction.

I'm having a hard time deciding what to knit next.  I tried the shawl but I'm not steady enough with my hands right now to deal with lace-weight yarn.  I need a small project so I can finish something soon.  But I don't need anything and I don't know anyone who does need something so I'm at a loss right now.  I'll spend some time drooling over patterns on Ravelry later and see if anything makes my eyes light up.

It's sunny today and the snow is melting.  If I felt better and had started earlier, I would be hanging a load of clothes outdoors but that's not going to happen today.  I'll check the weather for tomorrow and if it's nice, I might hang a load out tonight.  I love it when the morning dew softens them.  Of course, here, the morning dew will make them rock solid until the sun comes up but...whatever.  I'm anxious to get my seedlings started, too.  Maybe tomorrow I can get that done.  And I need to take a picture of the Greek afghan I finished.

And clean the kitchen and the bathroom and work on the basement and the living room.  That's wearing me out.  I think I'll go back to bed now.  I woke up at 4 a.m. so I'd be up long enough to see if I still felt bad at 8 a.m.  My problem has been that I wake up feeling okay and miss the window to call the dr for a same-day appointment.  By 8 I was feeling really crummy so I called in.  Now I'm just tired and sleepy.  And a bit sore in the jaw.

Off to nap a bit.

TTFN

One excuse after another

I woke up reluctantly to the alarm this morning and let Professor out for a morning wee only to see a snow storm going on outside.  So I didn't make an appointment.  I couldn't see across the street so I figured driving to the next town wouldn't be a lot of fun either.  I'll try again tomorrow, but in the meantime, I took an antihistimine and the pressure in my ears and head have lessened to a huge degree.  I'm thinking this might be allergies after all.  I'll know more after I see the dr tomorrow.  I hope.  She's not in on Fridays so...

I had medicine in at the pharmacy and books due back tomorrow so I decided to take care of all of that today in case I get an appointment tomorrow and don't feel like doing it all then.  It it's allergies all she'll give me is steroid spray like the last time.  Still, maybe it's all I need.  I'm not thinking infection anymore because of the way it's behaving.  It's behaving more like when I had allergies back in California.  It was eucalyptus then.  I think it's mold and mildew now.  I need to scrub my house down.

I didn't start the shawl last night because I started reading and lost track of time. I might start it tonight but I might just pick up the Navajo coat again.  I won't know until I crawl into bed. 

We got about 4 inches of heavy wet snow that is melting (although Zach had to shovel the sidewalk and driveway anyway since it would take a few days for that snow to melt.)   I sure hope this is the last of it, but I'm not betting on it.  I suspect we still have more snow in store for us.  Darn it.

Well, off to lie down for a bit. Supper is in a can tonight because I'm going to bed in a little bit and don't plan on getting up again until tomorrow.  Aside from bathroom trips, that is.

TTFN

This has beaten me; I'm giving in

My mind is a blank.  Isn't that how it goes when you sit down to write.  I have ideas...until I get the pencil in my hand and that pristine sheet of college-ruled in front of me.  Plus it's hard to concentrate with a headache.  I'm getting up early tomorrow to make an appointment with the dr.  My sinus problems are back and I am crying uncle.  Even with the irrigation it keeps coming back.

Hopefully I'll be on my way to feeling better soon and can actually think and function again.  I don't remember how that feels but I'm eager to find out.

I didn't do any knitting last night because I looked at the instructions for the lace-weight shawl and got overwhelmed.  I tried to pre-read it but I was tired and had Graham Norton on the dvr.  Taking a night off from knitting seemed the thing to do.  And now with this headache, I'm taking another night off.  Hopefully I'll get to sleep early and won't hit the snooze button and miss calling in.

TTFN

I fall out of love so easily

It was another down day today.  Tom ended up spending over $200 for a pair of bifocals that are nothing more than reading glasses he could get off the rack for $30.  And yet I didn't hear him whine about needing a new stove first, but then it wasn't me wanting to spend money.

Yes, I'm a bitch.  He says they're safety glasses.  My prescription, with seamless trifocals, cost only $75 more.  Which I can't afford right now.  I'm holding out for fall to get a new pair because Zach and I both need new shoes and with both of us having wide feet (Zach is 4E) ours cost more money.  But we get them on sale at Shopko for around $40 each so we're not really breaking the bank.

I'm beginning to hate the new stove we need.

I had to get out of the house so after supper I took off and ended up at StuffMart so I took a book to read and thought I would just grab some chocolate milk and sit in the truck and read.  I do that.  I use the parking lot as a place to be alone and think.  But it started snowing when I came out so I just came home.

I need a life outside this house.

The laptop was back on display without a price on it.  I caught the person working in electronics and she put her password in so I could look around but nothing would open up.  The bloom is off the rose.  All I need is a word processor, although research on the internet would be good as well.  But this behaved badly and I don't like badly behaving computers.  Just as well I went there tonight so I could fall out of love with it.  Now I will be happy with my notebook and Ticonderoga number 2 pencils.

I still would like a door though.

I might knit tonight.  I found a shawl pattern in laceweight that I like and even if the laceweight I've got is acrylic, it wouldn't look bad at all so I might give it a go.  I'm not in the mood for the Navajo coat just yet.  I need something light to work on.

I've been spinning every night lately.  I moved my kick spindle into my bedroom where I can see it and reach it from my bed so I've done about an hour a night.  Even though I've still got a ways to go before I'm done with the Welsh top,  I'm closer than I was.  And getting better all the time.  I don't break my singles very much anymore.  I need to look at Vicki's tutorials on dyeing pretty soon though because I have a lot of singles to dye.  And I want to dye them as singles before I ply.  I think they would look better that way.

Tomorrow I plan on starting to set aside time for writing, time for crafting, time for cleaning and cooking, and time for reading/studying.  I also need to get back to spending less time online.  It's like the Sirens' call for me, unfortunately.  I plan on closing my curtains with a clothes pin (don't laugh...it's all I've got) and letting everyone in the family know my room is off limits when I've got the Do Not Disturb sign up.  I hope it works.  It will with Zach.

Off to get ready for bed and get started on the shawl and maybe read a bit before bedtime.

TTFN

Sometimes the bubble bursts

When I get depressed, I don't often think of myself as sad, but today was different.  Today I felt really sad.  It started out with a phone call from my mother to tell me a classmate had died on Friday.  I haven't seen him in 30 years but in junior high we were best buddies.  I didn't really feel sad about it.  Well, maybe a little.  Then she told me about another classmate who has colon cancer.  Yeah, a little bit sadder, I guess.  But what made me hit bottom was unexpected and surprising.

A little background:  all my life I had wanted to write.  I wrote in grade school, having written the world's worst novel in 3rd grade.  I asked my mom to type it up for me since I didn't know how to type and found it in the trash 2 days later.  I didn't question it; I just felt gut-punched and went on with my life.  I continued writing all through school...stories, poems, etc.  I was a good student and did well on all my essays and reports, but I mostly liked writing fiction.

I had an opportunity to become yearbook editor if I took Journalism in my junior year but my mom (who worked as a secretary at the school, and let me tell you how much fun that was) refused to let me take the class.  She told me it wasn't a career choice for me, that I had to take college courses that would result in a job and that wouldn't.  So no journalism, writing or anything that wasn't nursing, teaching or even being a doctor.

I caved.  It was all I knew how to do.  That's one of the characteristics of a sexually abused child, by the way.  They don't know how to say no.  And no, my parents weren't the abusers, but they also refused to listen to me when I said I had been abused.

I ended up getting pregnant before college and getting married (huge mistake) and after a messy divorce and a rebound marriage, I continued to write.  I had such confidence in spite of having no support.  Then, we moved back from Germany and I found out my then-husband had thrown out all my stories and writings.  It was just trash to him.  But still I tried to write.  Single parenthood and bitterness eventually shut my creative door and I just lost interest.

I know that had I wanted it bad enough, nothing would have stopped me, but I was never good at pushing past barriers.  Still, there was always something internally that tried to light that fire again.  I did try after chemo but my brain didn't work well and in this tiny house, I had no place to write privately.  Maybe those are excuses.  I don't know.  I just know that having something very similar to adult-onset ADD makes it difficult to shut the world out when I'm out in the middle of it.

My husband told me a couple of months ago he thought I should write, that I was good at it and that I obviously still wanted to write because I did it every day on my blogs.  That really surprised me because that's the first time he had ever encouraged me.  (Snarky moment...my mother told me a few years ago that she thought I should try writing because I was always so good at it.  It took everything I had to keep my mouth shut!  What I wanted to say was, "Then why the hell did you do everything you could to stop me all those years!)

So I've been reading books about writing, trying to put things on the computer, but the computer is in the living/dining room right next to the kitchen and I can't concentrate for long.  I'm never, ever alone in the house so I never have the living room to myself.  My "bedroom" is the former living room separated from the now-living room by a couple of sheets that act as curtains so there is no privacy there.  Zach will knock before entering but Tom just pops in.  Plus there is the noise from the tv in the living room.  Zach rarely watches it but Tom does when he's home and has the volume up so loud I can't hear my tv and have to resort to reading the closed captioning.

But I thought I could at least try to shut out the world.  I used to write long-hand, which was messy and difficult to sort through when re-writing.  It will have to suffice, though, because there is no room in my bedroom for the computer and my room is all I've got even without a door.

Then I fell in love with a tiny little laptop at StuffMart.  It was way out of reach (I just mentioned this situation to Tom and his immediate response was, "We need a new stove first."  I did tell you the other day that this is his standard response, didn't I?  I wasn't going to buy it, but it was there for me to dream about.  Was being the operative word.  I went to visit it today and it was gone.  The display model...gone.  Nothing in the locked cabinet underneat.  And no way, shape or form could I afford any of the other laptops in a million years.

I cried.  Silly, I know.  I wasn't going to buy the blamed thing anyway, but now my opportunity was gone.

As I said, I'm not good with obstacles.

I know there are writers out there who have had worse conditions than I've had.  I know Stephen King wrote Carrie in a laundry room in a double-wide mobile home.  I know J. K. Rowling wrote in a coffee shop.   My older son bitches at me for making excuses because in his eyes all it takes is the desire to do something.  Very easy to say to someone else, of course.

And he has a door to his room.

It sounds silly written down and it's hard to fight back the tears now.  Maybe I'm just a dreamer and not a doer and maybe I do just make excuses so I don't have a reason to try.  But I do have those moments when I try to escape the dream and put it into action.

But lest I forget there is always my husband to remind me that we need a damned stove first.

TTFN

I think I got it right today

I think I have my mind back.  I'm not sure but at least I'm on the right blog tonight.

Yes, I double-checked.

I didn't finish the Greek afghan last night but I'm nearly done weaving the ends in.  That's all that's left and then tomorrow I'll have pictures.  I have to take them with Zach's DSI since the camera has crapped out.  It doesn't recognize batteries anymore.  Old age, I suspect.  You know how the memory goes when you get old.  I hope to get a new camera but if I bring it up, Tom will say we need a new stove first.  It's the answer I get any time I want something.  When he wants something, he just gets it.  For some reason, then the stove isn't as high on his priority.  I'm guessing this is a man thing.

Yes, I would say this to his face.  But with a smile.

I'm feeling so much better in spite of a dog who shall remain nameless who woke me up every single hour last night wanting out so he could just walk around and sniff the ground.  Every single hour.  I kid you not.  By 11 a.m. I was not his friend anymore but I got up anyway because it was just pointless.  Apparently we had rabbits in the front yard last night and he loves rabbits.  Well, maybe love isn't the correct word.

So in spite of being tired, I'm feeling so much better without the headache.  My jaw still hurts a bit but not nearly as much and I haven't even taken an ibuprofen today for it.  But if this ever comes back, I'm camping on the doctor's doorstep to get an appointment because I don't want to go through it again.

Got the utility bill today and our payment is under $130, even after turning the daytime temps up to 60F.  I'm seriously considering turning it up to 62F now.  Except we're pretty used to it by now.  And I would turn the nighttime temps down to 50F even if we could afford more because I love sleeping cold like that.  I had trouble when our outside temps went up and the thermostat stayed above 55F all night for a few nights.  I was kicking the covers off.

Most of the low costs come from putting plastic on the windows, using thermal curtains and covering the doors at night.  That makes all the difference, I think.

I'm going to tackle the living room tonight and tomorrow so I can start my seeds on Monday.  Tom is off that day so he can go get his eyes checked.  Unfortunately he has to take vacation days to make any appointments with his schedule.  His glasses broke but it's been  3 years since he got them so it's time to make a new appointment.  I'll make one sometime this summer because mine are more expensive (my vision sucks...legally blind without glasses.)

Then of course, Zach and I both need new shoes.  It's always something.

Off to tackle my bedroom and start on the living room before I crash for the night and watch A Touch of Frost. 

TTFN

Idiot!

Well, I hosed up and wrote this entry on my spiritual blog.  I'm such a doofus.  Especially since I really had nothing to write on my other blog so...I'm not going to repeat myself.  Just click on the other blog for today's entry and I'll try not to have so many windows open up again on the computer that I can't keep track of them.

Maybe I should just go back to staying off the computer more.  Hmmm...that's an idea.

Don't yell at me

At the risk of being yelled at, I will confess that I didn't go to the doctor today.  I took an antihistimine last night and woke up this morning at 7:30 with my no sinus pressure.  I've been running clear for over a week now so I'm thinking it's not infection but just swelling.  The pain has gone down considerably and I can bend over without feeling a tidal wave in my forehead.  I'll take another one tonight but I also got some sinus spray to deal with swelling.  My face is no longer hot to touch; in fact, it's been pretty cool today.  If I still have pain in my jaw next week, I'll make an appointment with the doctor, but as it seems to be getting better, I'm optimistic I won't have to.

But I did some research on chronic sinus infections and I'm investing in a neti pot when I'm out of my saline spray.  According to many sources, using it a few times a week keeps the infections away.  And I'm all for that.

Last night I went to sleep before Tom got home but I kept waking up waiting for the alarm to go off.  When it finally did I was awake and walked around a bit and did things waiting to see if I needed to call in.  Most times I go see the doctor my symptoms disappear the day I get the appointment so I was hesitant to make an appointment when I felt fine.  In the course of the day my head did start hurting a bit but tylenol (I can take them during the day...just not at night with my tramadol) got rid of it and it hasn't come back.

I will keep an eye on things, though and go to the dr if it doesn't improve further.

I realized last night I haven't knit a stitch for a week or so.  That's how bad I've been feeling.  Tonight I intend to do a lot of knitting while watching Inspector Frost.  I have 4 seasons that came in all at once and they're due back on Saturday.  I doubt I can renew them, although I will try.  In the meantime, I'll go blind having a Frost marathon.  As my dvr inventory gets full, no doubt.

I'm hoping to catch up a bit on the house tomorrow now that I'm feeling a bit better.  It's really gotten away from me, although I've kept up with the dishes and the laundry.  Those evil dust elephants keep coming around though so I have to dispatch them before they take over.  Plus I hope to get back to spending time doing productive things, like my crafts and writing and getting my seeds ready.

Being sick sucks.

Off to fix supper and then to bed to watch Frost and knit.

TTFN

You know I don't feel good if I talk about seeing the doctor

Not a good day at all.  If I don't feel better by tomorrow morning (8 a.m., to be exact) I'm calling for an appointment.  The sinus infection appears to still be residing in my upper sinuses and is affecting the bones on the right side of my face.  I've been hanging my head over the bed while misting my sinus with sterile saline and that has offered me a lot of reduced pressure and the area isn't as hot as it was earlier, but I'm not taking any chances.  Getting in to see the doctor is a crap shoot at best so I plan on setting the alarm for 7:30 to give me time to get an appointment before they're all gone.

I was getting better but today it all just blew up in my face...so to speak.  It's possible it's peaking but I'm not going to risk the weekend coming up and still feeling like this.

On the plus side, I can feel the sinus draining as we speak.

Zach and I went to the thrift store today to look for a jacket for him to wear for interviews.  He's got a fancy, schmancy suit that is way too nice for interviews but none of the coats fit him in the shoulders.  He's got very broad shoulders.  But I did find a tiny statue of two owls for my altar.  They look brass but I'm sure they're not.  They feel too light to be metal.  Zach found a crystal bell for his altar.  All told, we spent $3.  Not bad at all.

He should be getting his diploma this week and is busy updating his resume and scouting out various places to apply.  You don't apply at the companies anymore but at agencies so he's trying to figure out where they are.  We're starting in Beaver Dam because there is nothing in our town.  Aside from John Deere, but they go through the same agencies.

I'm nearly through with my Greek afghan.  Once I'm done I will take a picture.  I'll try to get one anyway.  It was lovely and sunny today and I probably should have hung some clothes out on the line but my headache said no so they went in the dryer.  I think it might rain tomorrow so I'll have to dry another load in the dryer.  But it's getting close to the time I can hang them out.

Also this week I plan on getting some seeds started.  I can't find the tobacco seeds so I'm going to order some more.  They're not expensive and if I find the old ones, I can still use them next year.  I'll just keep them in a dark, dry place.  Like where they probably are now.

Supper tonight was macaroni and cheese.  Fast food for us.  I made a few changes that really improved the taste.  I didn't cook the macaroni much at all before putting it in the pan, and mixed some sharp cheddar in with the mild, mixed it up more instead of layering and made less but put it in a bigger pan so there was more crustiness.  I know it sounds so simple, but it's not rocket surgery, after all.

Early bed tonight and I'm taking an antihistime to help dry up my upper sinus.  I normally don't take them as they cause heart palpitations but the dr has said I can take one on occasion.  I think this is the occasion.  And as it will make me very sleepy, I'm planning on turning the lights off and calling it a night.  Just as soon as it's late enough.  If I go to bed now, I'll be up at 3 a.m.  Just 'cause my body works that way.

Hopefully I'll be better tomorrow or the dr can fix me up.  Either way I'm not going to feel like this for much longer.

TTFN