I'm pretty down today. Actually, that's an understatement. The drama with the bio dad is a gift that just keeps giving. After telling me that he was going to go slow, firstborn informed me that his step-siblings were friending him on fb and that for the first time in 39 years, he finally has family who are seeking him out. What a kick in the teeth, that these people he hasn't even met yet are now his family and his own brother and sister don't and have never mattered because they don't seek him out. Hyperbole much?
After a bitter conversation with him in which he told me that neither his brother or sister have EVER done anything for him, we signed off on a semi-friendly tone and I left it there. Except now he's announcing on fb that he's found his bio dad and has a new family and how happy he is.
Going slow? Riiiiight. That's why he assigned this new stepmom the role of mother on his family page. And his step sibling is his sister. No mention of his biological brother and sister. And no mention of me.
I have to say that it took my breath away when I saw that. All the nights I spent losing sleep over his troubles, all the times he woke me up to talk in the wee hours of the night when life was kicking him down. All the times we gave him money to bail him out of his financial difficulties, gave him a place to live. Supported him emotionally. Took his crap when he decided it was his duty to "fix" me and tell me everything that was wrong with me. Well, that's never going to happen again.
I can only imagine what his dad is thinking right now. He was by far the better parent and did all I did and more.
I'm just a bit shell-shocked today and can't find anything to divert my attention from this. I'm pretty sure he will have something charming to say and tell me how idiotic I'm being, that of course I'm his mother and he's just trying to make up for the "lost" years. But I can tell you right now it's all bullshit. I'm through. Yes, I will always love him but my days of being there for him are over. He's made his choice and next time he needs a shoulder to cry on or a lap to dump his problems into, it won't be mine. And next time he needs money he can ask his new mother. And I most definitely won't be available to listen to his litany of all that's wrong with me.
I can't even knit today...that's how upset I am.
TTFN
After a bitter conversation with him in which he told me that neither his brother or sister have EVER done anything for him, we signed off on a semi-friendly tone and I left it there. Except now he's announcing on fb that he's found his bio dad and has a new family and how happy he is.
Going slow? Riiiiight. That's why he assigned this new stepmom the role of mother on his family page. And his step sibling is his sister. No mention of his biological brother and sister. And no mention of me.
I have to say that it took my breath away when I saw that. All the nights I spent losing sleep over his troubles, all the times he woke me up to talk in the wee hours of the night when life was kicking him down. All the times we gave him money to bail him out of his financial difficulties, gave him a place to live. Supported him emotionally. Took his crap when he decided it was his duty to "fix" me and tell me everything that was wrong with me. Well, that's never going to happen again.
I can only imagine what his dad is thinking right now. He was by far the better parent and did all I did and more.
I'm just a bit shell-shocked today and can't find anything to divert my attention from this. I'm pretty sure he will have something charming to say and tell me how idiotic I'm being, that of course I'm his mother and he's just trying to make up for the "lost" years. But I can tell you right now it's all bullshit. I'm through. Yes, I will always love him but my days of being there for him are over. He's made his choice and next time he needs a shoulder to cry on or a lap to dump his problems into, it won't be mine. And next time he needs money he can ask his new mother. And I most definitely won't be available to listen to his litany of all that's wrong with me.
I can't even knit today...that's how upset I am.
TTFN
2 comments:
There are times in all relationships that cause pain and anguish. There are times in all relationships of unfairness. There are times in all relationships when distance, emotional or physical, may be the only answer. Sometimes we need to close doors for awhile before we can open a new door and allow a fresh breeze to blow through. I hope that you will soon be able to let this roll away from you and enjoy the good in your life. And get back to knitting!
I know what you mean and a line was crossed here that can't be uncrossed, especially in light of his need to make fun of me for "being territorial." My husband is being sanguine that this will pass and I will just forgive and forget and we will be all cozy and friendly again, but sometimes you do have to close a door in order to maintain your own mental health.
And by bedtime, I was able to pick up some knitting only to find that I had dropped a stitch in baby boucle and had to rip back to the offending stitch. But at least it was cathartic. Destroying something was just what I needed last night. LOL
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