Wednesday, February 29, 2012

More last

I've often told Zach that being in depression is like living in a world with only shades of gray.  Same when I was on anti-depressants.  I wasn't depressed when I was on them, but the world was still colorless, which I'm sure is affecting my position on him taking them.  I'm finally starting to see color in the world so the depression must be lifting, at last.  This was a long haul.

I'm also feeling a bit better although still running a fever.  Last night was the worst, though.  My temp was near 100F, which for me is the equivalent of nearly 101 because my normal temp is around 97.2.  I felt so crummy with throbbing aches in my leg muscles and a pounding headache that showed up abruptly. Plus the sore throat and stuffiness. aching, no headache and just a bit of a sore throat.

But joy of joys!  I have my brain back.  My concentration is so much improved that I'm able to read and retain.  Somewhat.  Not like it used to be, of course, but better than reading the same paragraph fifteen times.  Plus, I got some cleaning done today.  Tom made a remark about the state of things which always makes me feel terrible.  I know he doesn't mean to put pressure on me but it does because I don't necessarily hear what he might mean.   I'm hearing that I'm not doing my job and why not?   I beat myself up regularly about my limitations with the fibromyalgia.  I think we all do.

After supper tonight I've got to finish up the load of laundry in the dryer, wash up the dishes, start the dishwasher and then crawl into bed, which I haven't put up for the past week.  I thought my energy was better spent on finding the kitchen and dining room than putting the couch back up.  I hope to read and knit tonight.  I'm a bit excited about it, to be honest.  I have missed both so much.

I also need to get some things done outside as well, including the bird feeders.  I've neglected them this winter although, it being mild, I don't think they suffered much.  Still, I wouldn't want the cardinals to move house to another location.

I got my artist corner set up today, too, although I need to organize it a bit better as it is holding my herbs and plants right now until I find a better place for them.  Tomorrow probably.  I only had so much energy today.  I hope to start putting in time every day from now on, training those hand muscles and working on hand-eye coordination so I can draw what I see.  I used to have it but lost it when I put it aside for a few years.  I really would like to be more committed to things I enjoy.

Well, supper is nearly ready so I'm off to eat and finish up my work for the day.


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