Monday, April 23, 2012

Giving up chores for my health

Did the banking today so I could transfer money to Zach's account for his student loan payment.  Things are getting dire here with out account and our cushion is nearly gone.  The past few months have been brutal with unexpected expenses and next month doesn't look any better so I'm going to have to tighten the grip on the checkbook and wallet and try not to let anymore money escape.  Tightwad lockdown!

We'll get our tax refund soon but that must go into savings and stay there untouched in case Tom doesn't get a bonus this year.  I'll never trust in that again.  Ever.

I managed to finish the tarot bag.  It looks good although plain.  I'm nearly done with the remaining sock now.  I'm down to the toe decreases.  Nearly done with the black/gray/white shawl so I need to get back to other projects as well.  Before I start anything new.  I mean it this time.

At least I hope I do.

Although I did pick up two new knitting books at the library today.  sigh

I keep trying to catch up with the house but with no energy, I'm only marking time.  Making no progress and slipping backwards daily.  I've decided to take one chore a day and not do it.  Instead I will exercise for the amount of time it took to do the chore.  If I take the miniscule amount of energy I have each day and put it into working on chores and cooking, then I'm never going to get ahead.  I'll only always get done what I do each day.  Except each day I'll have less and less energy until I'm not even doing those chores.  If I take that time and put it toward fixing my health, then maybe I'll go forward instead of backward.

It's worth a try.  I've tried to talk to Tom about giving me some space to work on this and he said he understood but as he started complaining about certain things not getting done, I don't think he does.  I'll have to give up on trying to get him to understand.  It's hard when you've never experienced it.  He does get very tired from his schedule, but he has opportunities to rest and recuperate.  I never do.  Never.  My rest doesn't make me feel rested.  My sleep exhausts me.  I know he thinks he understands but he doesn't really.  I'm not wasting anymore energy trying to get anyone else to understand what I go through.  I just don't have any left.

I may start out with only five minutes of exercise a day but I hope, in time, that will increase and I will be able to do all my chores AND exercise.  Believe it or not, that will be a day of celebration because I'll have my life back at that point.

But for now...I used up all my energy running errands today and I still have laundry to fold and supper to cook.  Something frugal and easy to cook because I'm exhausted and would love to go back to bed.

Damned fibromyalgia!  If the pain doesn't get me, the fatigue does.


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