Monday, October 24, 2011

I want off this merry-go-roller-coaster

I paid dearly for my burst of energy and cleaning binge.  Saturday I spent on the couch, wrapped up in the blanket waiting for my next pain pill and lecturing myself on moderation.  Again.  By Saturday night I was feeling better so I headed to the store because we were out of bread.  Apparently the last loaf in the freezer got used without anyone mentioning it, or writing it on the blackboard.  I was moving slowly, but I was moving so I wasn't going to complain about it.

Until I got in bed and laid there until nearly dawn waiting for sleep to come.  My nocturnal-ness is messed up with my diurnal-ness and I'm sleeping until around 1 p.m. now.  But I'm sleeping so I'm not going to complain.  Okay, I'm complaining because it's not uninterrupted sleep.  Between the dog needing to go out three times a night and Tom getting up and making noise in the kitchen and turning the tv on in the dining room, I'm not getting uninterrupted sleep.  I can't tell the dog to hold it and I can't tell Tom not to get up in the mornings so I'll have to figure something else out.

I've not got a lot of knitting done.  Or reading.  I keep trying but my brain won't cooperate.  Nor will my hands.  I just get tired so easily.  So...I'm going to try once again to change my eating and exercise habits and hope I can find some energy in there to work harder on getting healthy.  I've got to stop being so self-destructive and start caring about myself.

I did work a bit on a necklace for my crystals.  It's just a little lace pouch with an I-cord chain.  Working on the I-cord now.  Zach wants a bigger bag for his crystals so that's another project added to my lengthy list.  I need to work on my dad's socks so they'll get to him before New Year's.  Christmas would be nice but I'm not kidding myself.

And I have Bowser to get back to, the two sweaters and Zach's pair of socks.  I'm just ready to turn the heel on the second sock so making progress there.

Plus I got out all my Tightwad Gazette books to motivate me to save more money and be more frugal.  Not to mention the books on spirituality and my journals.  And the library books.  The book about the African vet looks really good but I haven't gotten around to it yet.

Oh, and did I mention that depression sucks?  Chronic pain really kicks in the clinical depression so it's hard to sort out your life when you're dealing with a neverending cycle.

The heck with it.  Tom's pizza is in the oven on the timer.  I'm going to bed.



Anonymous said...

Kathy I am so sorry this depression and pain cycle are beating you down. Just living with these migraines since June has been a lesson in giving in, slowing down and going with the flow. I'm still learning.

As for the health, how about that one thing a month?

Kathy said...

It's hard to do a one thing a month when you're an all-or-nothing type of person, but I am working on it. Right now my focus is on getting enough sleep since lack of determines the rest of my health issues. Sleep does help but it's not consistent and seems an uphill battle, but until I'm getting regular sleep, nothing else I try to fix will work.

I hope you get to feeling better and kick Fred's ass once and for all.