So much for my diabolical plan to combat the pain and fatigue

My clever plan didn't work at all.  I missed the threshold of pain and took the tramadol a bit late which left me tossing and turning in pain for another hour.  But then again, it's usually a few hours until I can get hold of the pain.  But...within a few hours the pain was back and I kept waking up every 20 minutes or so.  I just said the heck with it and got up around 8 a.m.

I tried to take a nap at noon but Tom woke me up to ask me a question and I never got back to sleep.

I asked him to call the garage earlier to see when the truck would be done so he could just drop me off there and I could wait for it, even if it took a couple of hours since it's a couple of miles from here and there are some wondrous hills to conquer with my dodgy hip, but he didn't call until right before he left for work so there was no time for them to get back with him.  They called an hour after he left and Zach and I walked it to pick up the truck.  It took a little over an hour, because I have a really bad hip and had to stop frequently.  Even sat down for a bit on a bench at the veteran's memorial...about the halfway point.

We went to town and got the cash he needs for his trip and then did a bit of shopping after stopping for a sandwich and a soda.  We took an hour to recover at the restaurant but my legs are still very wobbly.  Not to mention achy. I took some ibuprofen before we left, hoping that would dull the pain a bit.  If it helped, I would hate to feel what it was like without it because that was a lot of pain.  Still doesn't feel at all good.

So he's getting pizza tonight because I'm going to bed.  I got little sleep last night, he woke me up less than half an hour into my nap, and I've walked further than my arthritic hip is happy with.  I'm taking the two tramadol in just a few minutes and then crashing for the night.  No knitting.  No reading.  Just sleep.  I'll probably wake up around midnight.  Or 3 or so, when he gets home.  I'm too cranky to be conversation tonight and it's best if I just kept my opinions to myself lest I say something that would start an argument.  He's off tomorrow afternoon for ice fishing (good luck finding ice in this weather) but I'll be cooled off by the time I wake up.  I don't stay mad for long.  And I'm not really mad, just annoyed.

My wobbly legs are shaking and telling me they want to go to bed.  And I think right now, they're the boss of me.

TTFN

Hoping that getting control of the pain will help get control of the fatigue

It was a lazy weekend for me.  The guys fixed supper last night and everyone fended for themselves on Saturday so you'd think I'd be ready to go, getting tons of things done today.  Nope.  I slept long last night but woke up several times.  Not in pain.  Just woke up.  So this afternoon I took a 2 hour nap.  And I'm still very tired.

Damned fatigue.

I've got supper in the crock pot though.  We haven't had a roast in ages so I bought one.  I can get two meals out of it but they're still expensive.  I've got potatoes in with it but I'll fix noodles for Zach since he can't stand potatoes.  And a veg of some kind.  Then I'm going back to bed, I think.

No word yet on the truck.  I hope they call tomorrow because Tom wants to leave on Wednesday afternoon for ice fishing.  I told them it wasn't urgent but that was before I realized this was the week he was going.  I'll call tomorrow afternoon if I don't hear anything.  Just to get an estimate on the time. 

I haven't done much knitting over the weekend.  In fact, not much at all over the past few weeks.  Again with the fatigue.  I hope as the sun shines more and temperatures rise I'll be able to get out more and maybe that will perk me up a bit.  Right now I feel like I could crawl into bed and sleep for a week.

Not that the dog would let me.

Hopefully once we're back to two vehicles and I can get my errands done, I'll find the motivation to do more. I must say, though, that taking two tramadol for the pain is working wonders.  I've had 3 nights in a row without being woke up due to the pain and when I do wake up, I'm able to get back to sleep with few problems.  Having lived with chronic pain for over 23 years, I can say it's nice to have those nights when I'm not writhing in the bed, waiting for the pain meds to kick in.  Chronic pain wears you out, causes depression, insomnia and many other debilitating things.  I'm sure three nights without pain isn't going to solve all my problems but it's a start.

TTFN

Paying the price

We are really grateful the rod broke in front of the house instead of on the way to work or me driving to the next town.  Having the steering go out at 55 mph is scary to think about. The estimate for the truck is around $1000, which considering how bad it could have been, is an acceptable price to pay.  Our garage people are the best.  I'm beginning to think we should have them on speed-dial, though.

Tom was going to give up his ice fishing trip but I talked him into going.  It's a set-back but last year something happened and he canceled his ice-fishing trip so I don't want him doing it again.  He really needs these trips because he works so hard.

Not keeping the car but we are going to be more vigilant about preventive maintenance and getting the cars into the shop at the first sign of trouble instead of waiting to see if he has a day off so he can work on it. 

Everyone is on their own for supper tonight as I'm taking the night off.  Sandwiches all around and I'm going to crawl into bed, knit, read or watch tv as the mood strikes me.

TTFN

Another from the "we can't win" millstone

Tom left for work today and made it out of the driveway.  Just.  He came back in and asked me to call the tow truck because the truck threw a tire rod or something.  At any rate we had to maneuver it in front of the house because it was blocking the driveway and then he left for work in the minivan.  We just spent $900 on the truck in November.  I can't imagine this will be any cheaper.

I'm beginning to think we need to keep the car instead of selling it so we can have two vehicles running at all times.  We never have both vehicles up and running at the same time for long.  Ever.  If Zach had had a job in the past he would have lost it for sure on account of the number of times we've abruptly been down to one vehicle. Seriously.

So I'm waiting for the garage to call back and let me know just how expensive it's going to be this time.  Then I'm going to get a license for the car when I've got transportation and insure it and hope Tom will use it to drive back and forth to work in order to save on gas.  Because our auto gas bill is creeping up to around $350 a month.  And I only go to town a few times a week.  It's not like that's far away.

I've got medical appointments coming up so I need reliable transportation.  And Zach needs to either find a job or go back to school  In both cases we need reliable transportation.

I think I'm going to just go into my bedroom and cry for a bit.  We never get a chance to get ahead.  No idea what the truck will cost but we'll have to pay for Zach's ingrown toenail situation in full because of the deductible. 

Just wondering when we'll catch a break.

Oh, and the roof is leaking.

TTFN

I lied

I wanted to get Zach out of the house because he's been hiding in his room (not literally) for a while so I treated him to a dollar milkshake at Culver's.  I wasn't going to go out again but he needed a boost so we went.  But that's the only place we went; then we came home.

And good news!  The podiatrist is in our network and is only about 20 minutes away, including the time it takes to park and walk to the office.  He has an appointment in two weeks and then we will get him back on his feet.  He doesn't complain about the pain unless I ask but I know he's in a great deal of pain most of the time and has a hard time walking.  This will fix the problem, I hope.

I need to do laundry today.  I must do laundry today.  But just one load.  It's all I can manage on the steps.  I do have a load of white/light colored clothes in the dryer that I need to fluff up a bit.  So that will actually be two loads of laundry finished today.  It's not really cheating.

I took the two tramadols before bed last night and the pain didn't wake me up.  Much.  I did wake up a bit and change positions but went right back to sleep.  Most of the time I can't find another position that doesn't hurt as bad and end up waking up for an hour or so before I finally fall back asleep in exhaustion.  I hate the thought of taking 2 every night but I will for a few nights and then give it a rest.  I don't always have pain at night, but the nights I don't are rare.  Still, I'm always shooting for that rare night, which is why I don't take the pain pills until the pain is making its presence known.

I knitted on the socks for a bit, then on the dvd case.  I should work on Zach's sweater but I'm at the neck and hate the whole dividing thing.  Once I've started it, I'm fine, but I'm just not fond of setting it all up.  But tonight I should push myself to do it.  After laundry.  And supper.

It was warmer today, enough that the sidewalks are clear and the driveway is getting clear.  But when the temps go down tonight the driveway will be a bit slick in spots.  Putting out salt right now seems pointless but I might send Zach out later, after it cools off some.

I guess I should tackle that load of laundry.  Hauling it all downstairs isn't fun.  How I wish I had everything on one floor.  Oh, well...I must do what I can with what I have.

TTFN

Don't make me leave home for a while

I am not leaving the house for a few days no matter what.  Okay if Zach has a dr appointment I will but other than that...no.  I got a call last night to change my next week appointment to today so I went with it just to get it over with.  It was snowing like crazy when I woke up, which made me nervous but it stopped and cleared up before I had to leave and the roads were very nice so it was no big deal.

Except it was a late appointment and by the time I got to StuffMart in the next town to us (my appointment was up in Fond du Lac) it was late and I was hungry.  So I stopped and grabbed a bite to eat while reading Triumph of the Moon by Professor Ronald Hill and then went to StuffMart to get my prescriptions.  In a very cleverly disguised plan to get me to spend more money, they told me my prescription wasn't ready yet and to come back in 15 minutes.  Several dollars later, I went back only to be told that it would be just a few more minutes.  Still more dollars later, I came back in another ten minutes to hear that it still wasn't ready and to wait a few more minutes.  I was tired of spending money so I went to the bathroom and then wandered back.  Still not ready.  But they got it ready while I waited.  I'm not upset because I hadn't really counted on that particular prescription but had come for 2 others that were ready.  I just didn't want to come back any time soon so I waited for the one my dr had just called in.

So I stopped at Subway, which is located in StuffMart, and got some sandwiches for the guys and came home.  The dog was happy to see me only because he wanted to go out so I let him out and sat down.  Only to get back up immediately because he was having a conversation with Tank next door as only a Chihuahua and Rottweiler can.  Each one insisting on getting the last word.  Then my mother called so I talked to her for a while.  It was a fun conversation so I really enjoyed it.  But I really wanted to finish up my online stuff and go to bed.  Which I'm working on now.

For some reason the cat has decided to wake me up several times a night by sitting on my chest and putting his nose in front of my face, tickling me with his whiskers.  When I turn my face away, he moves his in the same direction.  I move the other way; he does, too.  As Bob is my witness, I didn't know cats couldn't fly.

No, I didn't.  But I did think about it.

So lack of sleep has hounded me all week because of appointments and cats.  And the dog, because he prefers to potty outdoors instead of his papers, which is good.  Except he wants out 3 or 4 times a night.  Except when it's snowing.  Then he miraculously manages to hold it all night long.

Zach and I watched Despicable Me.  I'd seen it before but he hadn't.  He's so much fun to watch movies with because he has the best laugh.  And he laughed all the way through it.  But I didn't get much knitting done.  A few rows on the bamboo patterned sock but that was it.

Tonight...not so much either.  I'm going to crawl into bed, turn the lights out and watch something that doesn't require any thinking.  If I fall asleep, I fall asleep.  If I don't...well, I will eventually.

Oh, and the dr told me I'm waiting too long to start my meds when the pains starts up and that's why it's not working as well.  She also said if the sciatica comes back of the pain is excruciating (never happens with the fibromyalgia, but with the sciatica...you betcha) I can take up to 8 a day without harm.  Just not for many days in a row.  That was good to know because one pill every 4 hours wasn't even touching the pain from the sciatica.

Now...finish up the internet and go to bed!

TTFN

So much accomplished

I am seriously going to bed before 7 p.m. Thanks to Hannibal I got next to no sleep because he kept waking me up...deliberately.  Four times he did that.  Got right in my face and woke me up.  Then ignored me once I was awake.

But Zach survived his dr appointment and even managed to remain conscious while having his blood drawn.  Fortunately he got the phlebotomist who usually draws blood from my crappy veins and is a wonder at it. He hardly felt any pain at all.  She didn't put him on anti-depressants though.  Instead she referred him to a psychiatrist.  I would love for Zach to get better but we flat out can't afford to see a psychiatrist on a regular basis, plus afford the anti-depressants.  I don't know why she did it that way when all she ever does with me is offer me the meds.

So we are going to try a strict regimen of diet and exercise and if he's not showing some minimal improvement in a month, we'll find the money somehow.  But I just don't know where it's going to come from.  We wouldn't have a co-pay; we'd have to pay most of the bill on our own.

And...he's got to find a podiatrist because he's got two ingrown toenails that need to be operated on.  There are no podiatrists in our network so we'll be paying the out-of-network fees of nearly 50%.  What good is insurance if you can't afford to use it?  This one we'll have to bite the bullet on because he is in a lot of pain and can't walk for long periods of time.  I'll pick the one in the next town instead of driving up to Fond du Lac though.  Why are the podiatrists, all of them, out of the networks?  WTF??

I had tons of errands today besides the dr appointment but we got the taxes paid, the pets licensed, the water bill and Culligan bill paid and the car gassed up.  Plus I picked up some stuff to help us with our diet and exercise.  I'm going to count calories because that's the only way I know of to lose weight.  It's the keeping it off part that I suck at.  But I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

So...Tom is getting pizza tonight.  I'm going to stick it in the oven now and he can heat it up when he gets home.  Me, I'm going to bed.  And probably to sleep.  If I wake up at midnight, so be it.  I've been fighting this all day and I'm worn out from it.

TTFN

I really, really am not a morning person

Depression day again today so I haven't gotten much of anything done.  Supper and some dishes washed and that's it.  I have to hit the shower in a bit because Zach's physical is tomorrow morning.  He's so anxious about it.  Notwithstanding his fear of needles (OCD fear, not rational fear) he's anxious about what all the doctor will actually touch and what she will say to him.  He's not comfortable being touched (more OCD) and he already knows he's overweight.  I assured him the dr won't nag him about that but the big thing is, she'll take his depression seriously.  And since she's been his dr since he was 9, she knows all about the Tourette's and OCD.  So she won't treat those as non-issues, either.

Me, I'm anxious, too, but not for anything the doctor will say or do.  I'm just friggin' allergic to 8 a.m.   If I have to get up early, I don't sleep at all the night before because I'm too busy counting the hours of sleep I'm not getting.  I've tried everything except the little blue sleeping pill to get to sleep but nothing works.  And taking the little blue sleeping pill gives me a sleeping pill hangover that is worse than not getting any sleep.  So I've resigned myself to not getting much sleep and taking a nap before we head out for errands.

I got some knitting done last night but not when I first slid under the covers to watch tv.  I was achy and tired so I just turned the lights out and watched tv waiting for the tramadol to kick in.  Tom watched part of The A-Team with me (the movie) then went to bed.  I dozed off during Knit and Crochet Today but woke up before it was over so I could rewind it and watch the whole thing.  Then I couldn't get back to sleep so, after tossing and turning, I just turned the light back on and picked up the sweater.  Unfortunately I chose to watch A Clockwork Orange while knitting and couldn't stop until I saw the whole movie.  It was nearly daylight before I finally got to sleep.  It was an incredible movie.  I'm not a fan of Stanley Kubrick at all but I did love this.  Although it was very disturbing.  But what's not to like about a young Malcolm McDowell.  The acting was extraordinary.

And I can't get it out of my head.  I should watch something light tonight and just not plan on knitting so I can maybe get to sleep before the sun comes up.  I hope so anyway.

The weather wasn't too bad today and I possibly could have driven up north to my dr appointment but our road was a bit slick from frozen slush so I'm guessing the side roads in Fond du Lac were the same.  They're saving money by not plowing as often or salting as often so our road has stayed pretty slick so far. 

Since supper is over and most of the dishes are done up, I'm going to hop in the shower and go to bed now, while I'm so tired.  Even if I don't sleep all the way through, at least I'll have gotten some sleep.

Damned insomnia!

TTFN

I know you don't have to shovel freezing rain, but...still not a fan

The guy never showed up to look at the car but I wasn't surprised at all.  I knew the price was too high for what he wanted to do but as we haven't advertised the car yet, I'm also not disappointed at all.  We did waste time waiting for him to not show up but made it to the store anyway.

Unfortunately the freezing rain had started by the time we headed home.  It was more of a mist, really, but the roads were slick so we bought extra sidewalk salt and put a layer down when we got home.  Hopefully the salt trucks will go through and the main thoroughfares will be a bit drier.

I bought some yoga stuff today to help us on our journey toward health.  I thought it might help with the stress levels and help deal with this depression that I can't take anything for.  I only have room in any one room in the house for one person at a time to use the dvd and mat but that's okay, too.  We'll work around that.  It's a tiny house, I keep telling y'all.

I've also decided not to focus on a gimmick but just cook well and eat less and see if that helps at all.  I'm not sure what to do about the emotional eating but at least I can take care of the day-to-day stuff first.  Hopefully Zach will start on anti-depressants after his physical on Tuesday and that will be one of us getting help for our depression.  It is much harder to deal with mine when I have to deal with his, too.

I haven't knitted much this week but I do plan on crawling into bed in a little bit.  And I'm taking my knitting with me.  Tom is fixing supper tonight so I don't have to cook.  Just crawl into bed.  And tomorrow I don't have to go anywhere because we got groceries tonight.  And I can pay the bills on Tuesday after Zach's appointment since we'll probably have to go get a prescription for him anyway.

But I plan on staying home more, getting more done here and focusing more on getting healthy. 

Depression really, really sucks because it puts up those barriers that keep out the mechanisms you might find to help you get healthy.  It's so hard to work around that.  But I just have to keep trying.  Even if this doesn't work either.  I've got to keep trying.

TTFN

Braved the elements

I was a bit uneasy about venturing out today to the DMV but the minivan drives beautifully on snow and we were careful to take only main thoroughfares that were already plowed.  Aside from our street, of course.  I thought it would be a bit dicey getting out on the highway from our street but we made it with minimal slippage.

The whole title clearing took about 5 minutes and cost $10 for both vehicles.  What a relief.  So we have the titles and they're ours.

We did stop off at McSnacky's because I was suffering from stress overload.  The anticipation far exceeded the actual events, but the stress was there anyway.  Just a soda and a snack and we sat there figuring up a game plan for getting our lives back healthwise.  I'm not going to divulge anything yet because I want to see if it will work first.  Then after a while, if it's working, I'll talk more about it.

I did reschedule my dr appointment on Monday because we're expecting more snow and I don't want to drive all the way to Fond du Lac in snow if I don't have to.  And I don't have to.  My new appointment is in two weeks.  I hope the weather is better then.

I turned the heat on in Tom's bedroom last night.  We don't have heat upstairs...or at least in the bedroom.  The outer area has a vent but hardly anything comes up through it so it's closed off.  He has an oil-filled radiator that works wonderfully but he won't use it because he's a tough guy.  But last night the temps were below zero without including the wind chill so I warmed his room up for him.  There's no time to do that once he's home.  I might do it again tonight since it never got above 5F today.  I've got the space heater in the foyer again because the whole bottom of the door and the lower hinges are white with frost.  The storm door doesn't do anything because it's warped (thanks to a paper carrier who didn't latch the door in a wind storm and it blew open and took a chunk of the door frame with it.)  This summer we will replace both but we don't want to do it now because it would require having the door wide open for a period of time in order to install it and drill new holes for the storm door since there is nothing but wood putty for this door.

A guy is coming to look at the car on Sunday but as his business is to fix up cars and sell them, I'm afraid he might try to low-ball us on the car.  Fortunately we don't have to sell it right now so we don't have to take a low offer.  The car is worth every bit of $800 although I am willing to negotiate a bit.  But not a lot.  We just spent over $400 getting the linkage fixed before we beached it.

I didn't knit last night.  I crawled into bed and turned the light off, dozed a bit and then woke up off and on until Tom got home. After that I was awake for a few hours.  But aside from many interruptions from a cat who shall remain nameless but who kept touching my face every other second all night long, I slept pretty well.  Except when I got a phone call from the 85th final call about wanting to offer me a lower rate on my credit card.  And we're on a no-call list, too.  Not that it seems to matter to them.

I should get off and start supper.  I really wish I had my own cook so I didn't have to.  Not my favorite thing in the universe.

I do like eating though.

TTFN