Thursday, April 18, 2013

Dealing with the aftermath of all this

I'm trying to find the positive in all this but I admit it's a hard search.  Yesterday there didn't seem to be any improvement.  The diuretics weren't working the way everyone said they would.  I wasn't in the bathroom every few minutes and my mouth felt dry all the time because I'm limited in the amount of fluids I can take in. Although I did have more output than input, I didn't lose an ounce yesterday. 

No more bacon, chips, french fries, canned soups, lunch meat, cheese...the list goes on and on.  I did have a half cup of diet soda yesterday because, damn it!  I miss it.  I miss coffee in the morning even if it is decaf.  I just don't have the amount of fluids to spare on coffee when I need it to keep my mouth wet.  I did go a bit over what the internet recommended but as I haven't had any specific instructions from any doctor yet, I don't know exactly how much I'm allowed.  Just to reduce my fluid intake and cut way back on sodium.

So far no side effects from the new meds, which is good but I'm bored and have cabin fever. I miss getting out...which isn't because of the congestive heart failure but because the truck still hasn't been fixed.  We were a little busy with emergency room visits. 

So I'm feeling a little pouty today, a lot lonely and extremely dependent on Tom.  I never liked that feeling at all. 

I did find something to do yesterday. I found two sweaters I never finished so I frogged them, well, one of them completely...the other down to just above the ribbing.  It looked like Hannibal had gotten in there to sleep and had kneaded the sweaters, breaking down the yarn a bit so I'm starting over. 

I also found Ballykissangel on Amazon prime to watch for free.  I love that show but as I can't walk from the parking lot to the library without gasping for breath, I can't get them from there so getting them from the internet is great!  I watched 3 episodes while ripping back on the sweaters.  I'll watch a few more today.  But  I keep falling asleep during the day.  I did sleep well last night but it was 4 a.m. before I got sleepy.  Up until then I just did some cat-napping.  Dozing and waking up 20 minutes later.

It's at times like this that I really miss my Mom.  I would have called her up and talked to her about this diagnosis and she would have told me of others she knows that have it and how well they're doing and some tips to get me through.  There's no one to talk to about this now.  No one.  Tom doesn't need it on top of all he's got going on...back to working 14 hour days and his very good friend lost his wife to cancer over the weekend and he couldn't get to the visitation or the funeral because of, 

I haven't properly grieved for my mother yet.  I'm sure I will someday but for now my present health crisis is overwhelming anything else going on in the world.  At least for me.  


Anne said...

Hang in there...I got the same diagnosis a year ago. Came home from the hospital in a wheel chair,hooked up to oxygen 24 hrs a day. Could not walk the length of my apt. without having to sit down and rest. Went from chair to walker to cane.Can walk in the house without walker or cane. Live on 2nd floor;climb the 14 stairs just once a day. Free advice is worth what you pay for it,but I suggest you get more advice from your dr as to diet and exercise(walking) And don't be so hard on yourself! You can do it.

Kathy said...

Thanks so much, Anne. They let me walk out of the hospital but they haven't really told me anything yet. Just what I have, to restrict my fluids and cut down on sodium. I thought I would hear about an appointment to the cardiologist today but I haven't. I just want to know something.

The pulmonologist was fantastic and positive though. Just feeling a bit of self pitying today.

Glad you're improving. That does give me hope for the future. :)