Three steps back

I'm not making anymore progress on this pneumonia so I'm heading to bed here in a few and staying there all weekend.  I have to make an appointment next week to see the dr again for a follow up so I hope 4 days in bed makes the difference.  I also got some Mucinex to break this shit up in my lungs so I can cough it up.  I'm just not coughing much at all.

Today was the day from hell unfortunately.  I had made an appointment with the vet on Monday to get the pets their rabies shots before the licenses were due on Friday.  I told the receptionist I needed it this week and she said, "How about Thursday at 2:30?"  I said, "Great!" and marked it on the calendar while I was talking to her.  Then I said, "This Thursday at 2:30."  And she said, "Yes."  So we got there today with two pets that really didn't like being in the car and especially didn't like being at the vets'.  So the receptionist says she can't find me and that my appointment is for NEXT Thursday.  I was firm that it was for today and they bitched and moaned about it but squeezed us in like they were doing us a huge favor.  Monday I had asked the receptionist what it was going to cost and she told me $19 each, which I thought was for all the shots.  No, today they charged us $28 EACH for just the rabies shot.  I am so pissed off.  I'm going to be finding a new vet pretty soon.  I really don't like being lied to and I don't like being overcharged.

So we raced  home through a detour (the only other bridge in town is out) put the pets in the house and then raced to city hall to pay the license and the water bill.  Then, because I really didn't want to go out again tomorrow, we headed back to town to do the shopping.  Most of it was me sitting on a bench while Zach attended to the list but it was still very exhausting.

Now I"m heading to bed where I will stay until I feel better.  I am so tired.

Feeling so much better

The breathing is easier and when I do get a bit winded, I recover so much more quickly.  I had felt a bit like despairing late last week because I felt like I was getting worse but after a weekend in bed, I'm on my way to recovery.  Mind, I'm not jumping up and tearing the house apart to spring clean, but I am working on my bedroom little by little today with Zach doing the laundry.  I anticipate having at least one clean room by tomorrow morning.

I'm also taking some of the blankets off the bed because I keep kicking the covers off at night.  Temps are rising although still below average but I'm used to sleeping very cold and the furnace doesn't seem to kick on at night much.  And we even raised the thermostat at night because of my pneumonia.  I am so ready for spring.

I've been knitting on the purse because it's mostly mindless knitting.  Not sure I like the pattern I came up with at all.  And in the long run the yarn costs more than any of the purses I've seen.  Not that I like anything in stores.  I don't know what it is but purses out right now are so ugly.  Not even close to being attractive.

I would like to get busy on other crafting ideas, like working with clay and back to drawing.  I would like to learn to paint as well.  I just need a bit of order amidst this chaos in order to do that though.  And it will take a few weeks for me to get that bit of order.  I don't have the stamina required to just tackle the house. 

I also need to get my garden started indoors.  I have what I need; I just need to get busy and start it.  Again...I need that bit of order going on so I have room to do it.

I didn't sleep much last night.  I woke up when Tom got home around 3:30 a.m. and didn't get back to sleep until nearly 6 a.m.  And then Professor had to go out 3 times between 7 and 11 a.m.  I'm so tired.  I think I'll get a nap in soon while Zach is doing laundry.

And now I need to go put some clutter away and then a nap.  I have to remind myself I'm not healed yet and need to rest often.

But at least I'm able to sleep without waking up needing to breathe.  And I can get some things done with only minor breathlessness.  Unless I do something too strenuous.  I'm trying very hard not to do that though.

Back to knitting

I'm not really resting as much as I should be but lying in bed is boring so I've been spending some time online reading stuff I haven't had a chance to read in the past week.  And to be honest, most of that is boring, too.  I must be getting better if I'm bored.

I was short of breath this morning when I woke up but that's to be expected since it had been about 10 hours since my last hit on the albuterol and symbicort.  After taking both of those, I was in pretty good shape.  Not ready to run a marathon but definitely able to walk around the house without feeling short of breath.  And what I'm coughing up is clear now so...

Only two antibiotics to go and another week of symbicort.  I have a couple of weeks left on the albuterol but I think I'll go back to the dr before I'm done with that.

I watched The Hobbit last night and worked on the purse.  I'm not terribly happy with my results but I can redo it to my satisfaction.  I just have to decide what I'm going to do.  I'm thinking maybe a fibonacci design.  I like the randomness of it but I'm only using 3 colors so I don't know how well that would work.  I might just write out some fibonacci numbers on a piece of paper and  pull them out of a bag or something.

I might do some knitting on the socks tonight as well.  I'm feeling better and able to stay up longer and even knit more.  I'm still sick...I have to remind myself of that.  Slowly but surely I'm getting back to normal though.  Zach is improving as well and able to do the laundry and cooking for me as I'm not going to attempt that tonight.

Tom is going to fix the truck this weekend so I can have the car next week.  I have some appointments that cannot wait any longer so I need transportation.  And not the truck either.  I just have to remind myself not to schedule everything on the same day so I don't get worn out.

I also want to get my plants started in the disposable greenhouse I got from the store.  I'm also planning on planting herbs and things in plastic cups.  I've run out of little pots.  But that takes some energy to do as well so I'm going to wait until next week for that.

And yikes!  I need to get the taxes done as well.  I don't have the book for the federal yet but I can find that online so I'm not worried about it.  I just don't want to wait too late to get it done so I'm frazzled on April 14th.

Well, off to bed and rest for a while.  Stephen has sold over 3000 books so far.  This is the last day the book is free if you're interested.  The book is Rosalind and while it's not an easy read because of the subject matter it's still pretty amazing. I'm very proud of my son.  Both of them actually, but this is Stephen's spotlight this time. :)

Too much, too soon

I did too much today but shopping had to happen and it would be Sunday before Tom could get to it so we went today.  Zach did all the lifting, heavy or not, and we walked at a snail's pace.  Sat down a time or two also.  As a reward, I got The Hobbit-2 disc set.  I will get the extended edition in December when it comes out but I really wanted to watch it again.  And again.

But it was still too much too early.  I didn't have much of a choice but it doesn't help matters any.

I also got some yarn to make a purse and maybe a matching sweater.  I found a purse online that I liked but even though it wasn't expensive, it wasn't exactly the size I wanted.  Plus I needed longer straps to it so I'm going to wing it and see what happens.  I'm going to line it this time so it doesn't stretch out or so I don't lose things through the stitches.  I'll be using a small needle so it will be as sturdy as possible.

I'm listening to some birds building a nest in my rolled up awning right outside the dining room window.  We keep the awnings rolled up in winter because of snow and wind.  I won't be opening it up until the little guys are out flying.  We won't really need it before June anyway.  I'm surprised they're building nests but I guess it is spring after all.  Even if it is bitterly cold out there with snow on the ground.

The dr's office called again this morning, but much too early for me.  Still, it's good to have a dr care about you like that.  I don't regret going to the hospital at all.  Not only would the expense have been more than we could manage, it would have made Tom's life so utterly impossible with me being in the hospital and him working 14 hour days.  He would literally burn himself out.  This is what happened when we first moved here and I ended up in the hospital with an emergency gall bladder operation. This was the right decision.  It's probably taking longer for me to heal but I am healing and that's the point.

But for now I'm going back to bed for the rest of the night and watch The Hobbit and maybe knit some on the socks.  I didn't knit last night because cleaning the kitchen and cooking supper wore me out.  I might get a row in tonight before I wear out.  Hope so, anyway.

Shameless promotion

Feeling much better today.  The junk in my lungs is looking more normal and my breathing is a lot better.  I'm still short of breath when I get up and putter around but I really do need to get up and get some things done.  In a measured amount, though.  I'm not overdoing it and I'm not letting myself get out of breath.  Just a few minutes here and there with long periods of rest in between.  I feel better accomplishing things.

A bit of shameless promotion for my older son:  he has written a book and published in on Amazon.com.  It's free for the next couple of days on Kindle or you can set up a Kindle Cloud for pc if you want to read it on your computer.  The book is Rosalind and while I haven't read it in full yet, I saw most of it in its raw form.  It's pretty darned good if I do say so...as a proud mother.

I did some knitting last night but it wore me out so I only got a couple of inches knitted on the jaywalker sock I planned for my niece.  Talked to my mother a bit today but it was muddled and confusing.  Still I loved hearing from her.  She's doing pretty well considering and has recovered very well from her stroke.  Haven't talked to my dad in a few days but I will call him tomorrow.  He was going to visit her today so I didn't want to wear him out before that.

Off to fix supper now.  A one skillet thing:  pizza casserole...very simple and easy to fix.  I wanted to clean my room today but the kitchen was screaming more loudly.

Not a fan of pneumonia

I'm much better than I was over the weekend although I still get out of breath walking across the room.  Still better than bent over gasping for breath like I was Thursday and Friday.  I'm taking albuterol, Symbicort and an antibiotic and sleeping a whole lot.  I've been up as much as I've been in bed today although I probably should have stayed in bed more.  Truthfully, I'm bored and sitting at the computer isn't all that tiring.

I am fixing supper tonight though.  Nothing stressful or complicated:  corned beef and cabbage and mashed potatoes.  I'll fix something else for Zach as he won't eat potatoes or cabbage.  Something like corn.

I haven't knitted in a week or so...just been too tired.  I've been in contact with my dad and my sisters but my mother's condition remains the same.  She has chosen to just keep going on until she dies, which is what I told my sisters earlier.  She doesn't want to opt for hospice and end her dialysis.  No matter how much she would like to go home.  Still, the toll on everyone is tremendous and it's hard being up here...and sick...unable to do anything to help down there.

I had a nice nap this afternoon and have been taking my meds faithfully.  The dr's nurse called today to see how I was doing.  I haven't had another dr ever do that with me before.  And this isn't the first time she's done something like this.  She called me one evening after my mastectomy to see how I was doing.  I'm to go in after all my meds have been taken to see if the pneumonia has cleared.  She did say it could take months to get rid of it all.

For now though, I think I'm going back to bed while supper cooks.  I have watched most of my dvr inventory and I'm a bit bored but reclining is better than sitting up after all.

Pneumonia

I managed to talk the dr into letting me ride this out at home after two breathing treatments in her office and two inhalers plus antibiotics.  Obviously I'm not getting any knitting done but I'm trying to rest and stay in bed as much as possible.  I'm supposed to get up and move around every couple of hours but my time online has been seriously curtailed. 

This isn't fun but as I just got some books from amazon.com, I'm going back to bed to read for a while.  In between naps.  After not sleeping but an hour a night for nearly 2 weeks, I'm trying to catch up.

Three steps forward, two steps back

Last night was miserable again.  Up all night coughing and until about 5 a.m. it was totally unproductive.  Tom didn't get home until around 4:30 a.m. so worry was part of the reason I was still awake.  But I was able to sleep for 2 and a half hours straight, without waking up so that helped a lot.  Even if it's nearly all the sleep I got.

The breathlessness was bad earlier on today but I helped Zach take the trash out and got the truck started since it had been dry a couple of days (most likely a distributor cap problem) and with all the walking around the store, I think I built up some stamina I had lost during this cold, or whatever it is.  Most likely bordering on bronchitis if not fallen inside the fence.  I'm feeling a bit stronger tonight so if I get some sleep tonight I won't call the dr.  But if I have another night of non-stop coughing, I'm calling for an appointment.  Most likely I will be calling for an appointment.

Still no knitting, no reading and tv bores me when I'm sick so not much watching of the things on dvr.  I'm going to take a shower tonight as the steam really helps break up what's in my chest.  I've been doing okay in that department today but for some reason, when 8 p.m. comes around, everything tightens up and I can't cough anything up until near morning.

Heard from my dad today.  He sounds so weak and sad.  Said he hadn't been visiting my mom much but wanted to do more of that.  She misses him but it's so hard for him to see the woman he's loved for over 62 years deteriorating before his eyes.  And she refuses to give up, insists on taking dialysis.  I tried to explain to my sisters what Mom's thinking is but I don't think they see it the same way.  I think Mom is waiting for her body to shut itself down.  She doesn't want to stop it herself by entering hospice.  She wants to hang onto every vestige of life left to her, no matter how miserable it is.  I think the dr scared her when he talked about what would happen if she quit dialysis, how the toxins would build up in her brain and she would go into a coma and just slip away.  She doesn't like that scenario at all.  She wants to go on until her body stops.  She can't bring herself to throw in the towel.

I did tell Daddy that today and I think he agrees with me to a point.  He thinks she's just not done yet, that she has things she needs to finish up first.  Tom thinks she might be waiting for Daddy to go first, as that was the most likely scenario we lived with for the past few decades.

I don't know.  I just know she's not ready to quit and I hope no one down there is trying to talk her into it.  No one wants to see her so miserable and suffering like this but neither should we try to force an end on her.  She knows it's inevitable.  She's just waiting for it to happen; she doesn't want to make it happen herself.

Well, I've got to clean up the kitchen a bit and then off to shower and then bed.  I really would like some sleep tonight but I suspect it will be another all-nighter with a phone call in to the dr for an appointment.

Still sick although I think I'm getting better

I had a setback last night after venturing out to pick up some much needed supplies and regular prescriptions.  Standing in line at the pharmacy and again at the checkout was brutal for me.  Plus all the benches were full of people already sitting in them so I couldn't just sit for a while to rest.  I felt really weak so I crashed when I got home but by night I was back to a tight, constant cough.  And when I say constant, I mean there weren't 2 minutes in between coughing spasm all evening.  I had to sit up in bed slightly forward, leaning against a pillow to keep myself from leaning back on the pillows in order to get any kind of productive cough at all.

I bought a humidifier/vaporizer and used just the humidifier and that made things much worse.  After shutting it off, within a half hour the cough was loosening up and continued that way up to now with my coughing massively productive and up to an hour or two in between coughing spasms.  I only got an hour here and an hour there of sleep last night but I managed to get 3 hours in this afternoon.  I feel much better although I still feel like crap.

Unfortunately the product is back to indicating infection so if it hasn't cleared up at all by Monday I'll call for an appointment and see if I can get some antibiotics.

Obviously still no knitting and won't be tonight either.  As soon as I got home last night, the pharmacy robo-called to tell me I had two more prescriptions in so I'm going back to get those shortly.  I might wait until Tom gets home if he gets home soon.  He went in at 8 this morning after working from noon to 11 p.m. last night.  The other tube laser operator is on vacation so he's picking up some overtime to help us catch up a bit.  I hate to see him work this many hours and I wish I felt well enough to take care of him when he gets home.  I haven't even got the laundry done this week.

Maybe I'm on the downhill side of this now and can look forward to doing my part.  For some reason our water bill went up $10 last month so I need to work on getting that down.  I have some tricks I can do but obviously we can't stop showering to cut the bills a bit.

My older sister called today to tell me that our mother continues to fade but still insists on dialysis although with her dementia, no one is sure if she's really capable of making decisions anymore.  No one is going to force her to stop, of course, but she doesn't even know a dialysis day from a non-dialysis day so it's hard to say what the right answer is.  But the outcome is certain, even if the date isn't.  She's got blockage in her carotid artery and is a major stroke waiting to happen.  She didn't bounce back from the minor one last week.  Plus she still has an infection raging in her somewhere.  Two in fact.  And the cancer.  Yet she hangs on.  She only has weeks left and if she stopped dialysis, she could go home and spend her last days there until she slips into a coma and just moves on.  She hates the nursing home and hates being so dependent on everyone for everything from eating (she can't feed herself, has difficulty swallowing, and can't even go to the bathroom without two people helping her) and misses her home.  And Daddy.  He's not well and can't go to visit her as much as he would like.  Plus he's suffering from depression for all the pressure that's on him.

P is heading down that way this week to help out and my aunt is there off and on.  I mostly just listen whenever I talk to my sisters.  My only concern has been that no one "talk" my mother into something she doesn't really want but at this stage she doesn't know what she wants.  She doesn't really understand that death is inevitable and that there are two ways to do this:  peacefully and with great discomfort and pain.  It's hard to play the waiting game where you stop at just the right moment but not a second too soon.  I really think she's passed that right moment because her discomfort grows with every hour. 

Well, Tom should be home soon and I should probably stick the clothes in the dryer before I have to wash them again.  It would be nice to have socks that match but it's not a necessity.

Sucks to be sick

This damned cold won't let me sleep.  Neither will the dog.  I cough every few minutes and the gag reflex kicks in and it takes all I can do not to throw up.  I'm not eating a lot because my stomach is upset from all the coughing.  I take cough medicine, cold capsules and echinacea.  And cough drops when the tickle becomes too much to deal with but I'm still coughing every few minutes.

Obviously no knitting going on with this.  I never get the kind of sick where you languish in bed watching tv and knitting but unable to get up and work.  No, I'm the one in bed miserable and not capable of functioning on any level.

Back to bed in just a few.

My mother had a stroke, which was mild but still in her condition it's very serious.  They're going to continue the dialysis for now but we're still on a countdown.  She's just not ready to throw in the towel.  I think my dad is though.  He's not trying to get better.  He's just gasping for breath and watching his feet swell up with fluids.  Bless his heart I don't think he wants to outlive Mom.

The truck started right up.  Obviously just wet from the storm but Tom was concerned that it lagged a bit on the way home.  Makes me nervous about driving it until he finds his cell phone.  Yes, he's lost it.

I'm off to bed.  I hate being sick.

I'm really tired of all this bad luck

I've finally succumbed to whatever this nasty cold/virus is.  My head is pounding, my throat is sore and swollen and I'm coughing.  Plus my muscles and joints are screaming at me in spite of taking all that is allowable for pain.  Wonder what it would feel like if I hadn't taken anything.  OUCH!

I haven't done any knitting lately because I've been going to bed around 6 p.m. drifting in and out of sleep until I finally stay there...until Professor needs out.  At least 4 times a night.  The house is a disaster but I'll worry about that when I feel better.

The night of the winter storm I had to go pick Tom up because the truck wouldn't start.  What is normally an hour roundtrip turned into a 3 hour trip.  It was pretty scary at times.  I was going about 25 mph the whole way but in one spot the snow had drifted across the road to a depth of around 3 inches and with the wind I started sliding off the road toward a ditch.  Of course there was a car coming from the opposite direction so I couldn't shift over to the other, less snowy lane.

No idea why the truck won't start.  We've spent a small fortune on that truck in the past 2 years...well over $1500.  I'm just hoping we can get it home without having to tow it.  We're going to try a couple of things but I feel too crappy to be optimistic about it all.  After all, we have the worst luck when it comes to our finances.  Whenever we start to catch a break, something happens like this to use up whatever money we had stashed for emergencies.

No word on my parents.  I haven't called in a few days, mostly because I was really down about the truck and tired from little sleep thanks to a dog with a bladder the size of a thimble.  I was going to call yesterday but my throat hurt and I spent part of the day in bed.  I'm going to spend it in bed again today.  And as it hurts to talk, I don't think I'll call today either.  No news seems to be good news in our family.

Off to take another nap if the dog will let me.  I'm almost out of cold medicine unfortunately and no car to go get it.  We might end up with one vehicle for a while if we can't figure out what is wrong with the truck.  Can't afford to put it in the shop and just hope they don't charge us another $600 to fix it.