Sunday blahs

Not feeling perky today.  I had peanut butter toast for lunch and it's lying on my stomach like a rock so I'm not inclined to put anything else in there for a while.  Although Zach tempted me with an ice cream cone just a few minutes ago.  Not sure if I want to drive to McSnacky's but we'll see.

It occurred to me while knitting on Zach's v-neck that my length-gauge is off and that's why I knitted 12 rows per stripe.  The decreases will be off, too.  Not sure how to remedy it just yet but I'll figure it out somehow.  Nearing the shoulders the pattern calls for more rows between decreases so I might be able to make the adjustment there.  I just have to be aware of the length from the armholes up.

I had forgotten about the bathroom curtain I was knitting on so I need to pull that out as Tom is going to take vacation to work on the bathroom soon.  I'm still a ways off.  Maybe I should limit my works in progress from now on.

I went out this morning and pulled weeds in the garden but it was still pretty soggy so I only got what I could reach from the sides.  Tobacco needs to be picked again but I'm not up for it today.  I noticed while I was walking Professor around the yard that the weeds are winning the contest so I need to get out there this week and find my roses and re-plant the front flower garden.  I'm just not a gardener.

I noticed that StuffMart is carrying classic literature in the book section now.  They had Edith Hamilton's Mythology, which I forced myself to buy.  Okay, maybe forced is too strong a word.  I grabbed it off the shelf is what I did.  I found that book when I was in grade school (I was reading in the adult section from 3rd grade on) and checked it out so much throughout my school years that I practically had it memorized.  So now it's in my hot little hands.

Tom is cutting last year's tobacco right now.  I bought him a self-healing mat and rotary scissors to see if that worked out.  Cutting with a box cutter seemed to risky to me.

Well, I finished up Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone + movie so I've started Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.  It goes quickly at first because the books are mostly for children at first.  I love how the complexity of the novels grow as Harry does.

Off to lie down for a bit and see if I get my appetite back.

TTFN

Nothing like a gentle rain and a soft breeze

I slept late and did some errand-running and bill paying this afternoon but little else.  I'm cooking supper right now but as I had a late, late lunch, I'm not eating.  I need to stop just eating because it's mealtime.  It was overcast most of the day and right now a lovely rain is falling with a wondrous breeze coming in through the windows.  Because there is little wind, the awnings are keeping the rain out and the air movement in.  We've used the fans very little this week, thankfully.  In light of how much we used the air conditioner last month, it's a bonus.  Although with all the additional electricity used by the a/c we only increased the utility bill by about $30.  Not bad but if we had to use the a/c more regularly it would be way out of reach.

I'm thankful I don't have to water the garden today and that the bin is filling up with rainwater so I won't have to use anything from the tap but I have to get out there and pull weeds.  I have some in the garden taller than the tomato plants.  Which, by the way are laden with green tomatoes right now.  Won't be long before I'm making spaghetti sauce.

I worked on baby blankets last night as I was really tired and mentally wiped out from the movie and the driving.  I really do need to work steadily on them so I can finish them up.  I'm still trying to find a charity to deliver them to...possibly the food pantry but I'm going to check and see if the library does anything like that.

Tonight, however, I'm going to finish up the front of Zach's sweater...I hope.  I'm nearly to the place to divide for the v-neck.  Knitting is so much easier with 2-inch stripes to make measuring so much more visible.  I've looked over the front so far and found one fuzzy stitch where the yarn was just not as nice as the rest of it and while it's taking everything in me not to rip back and fix it, I'm leaving it in.  Nobody but me will notice it and I just want to move on so I can start more clothing projects instead of blankets.

I may go to sleep earlier tonight so I can start getting up sooner.  I feel like the day is over when I don't get up before noon and yet I do need the sleep because of all the years of 4-5 hours that I've been getting.  And I hope it's quieter tonight.  The big black dogs from up the street were in our yard last night about 2:30 a.m. and Professor went ape-shit barking and growling at them.  This is happening more and more often but my husband won't say anything to the guy about it.  sigh  And when I got home from the store today there was a huge (these are Rottweiler's after all) pile of dog shit right in front of the steps.  Between the guy who parks in front of the fire hydrant (at 3 in the morning with his noisy truck) and the dogs racing around our yard leaving deposits like that and causing our dog to get hysterical, I'm not a happy person.

Ear plugs wouldn't help. Professor's shrill yappiness would pierce right through them.  Plus I cannot sleep with ear plugs in.  I tried that when after years of sharing a bedroom with the snoring champion of the world I finally decided sleep was more important than togetherness.

Well, supper is nearly ready so I'm off to turn on the tv and gather up my knitting and get to it.  Plus I'm reading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone as well.  I do wish I could read the original versions instead of the dumbed down American version.  Stupid idea to Americanize the books when the story is obviously taking place in England.  I mean...missed opportunity here for the kids to learn about the customs and vernacular of other countries.

TTFN

Finally....Harry Potter

We finally got there, to the movies to see Deathly Hallows, pt 2.  We even had a private viewing which is what you get when you wait out the crowds and go to the matinees.  Not to mention half the price.  It was amazing!  I'm not a purist in that I don't need the movie to be a copy of the book.  I understand compilations have to happen or the movie would be long and boring so I was just fine with all the changes made.  Not to mention J. K. Rowling had script approval so if it was okay with her, it was okay with me.

We stopped at Pizza Hut as we are accustomed to for a bite and then home.  Before we got here we decided to go into town for an ice cream so this turned out to be a 5 hour endeavor.

I can hardly wait for the dvd to come out now.  I'm going to bide my time by re-reading all the books and watching all the movies, including the documentaries. I just wish they had commentaries, too.  Normally I start my annual trek through the LOTR extended edition dvds, including all docs and all commentaries.  It usually takes me until around January to finish them up so I might skip a year and do them every other year now.

I have a dvd from the library I have to finish up soon, maybe tonight so I can get it back.  There's a waiting list so I hate to keep it the full length of time.  It's a knitting dvd by Vicki Square and even though it's a very basic course, I've picked up a few good tips.  Not to mention the motivation to do something more than blankets.

Well, I need to clean the kitchen before I hit the bed.  Fortunately I had half my P-zone leftover and Zach had a couple of slices of his pizza left so that will be Tom's supper tonight.  No cooking!  Yay!

Off to finish up my meager chores and then to bed.

TTFN

Moving on

I fasted last night, actually for about 15 hours, for my labs only to find out I didn't need to fast.  But on the other hand I slept pretty good so maybe no food after a certain hour is a good idea for sleep.  The tech was brilliant and, while she struggled to find a vein, didn't hurt me a bit.  I asked her to take extra blood just in case because I didn't want to come back if they needed to retest the calcium.  She did.

I had determined to ignore firstborn on fb for now but it became difficult when he started ranting on a couple of my links about how awful I was and how I was persecuting Christians and such.  So I made the decision to end the relationship.  I know that sounds cold-blooded but how much shit do you have to take from someone, even your own son, before you just walk away from it.  If he had been unrelated to me, I would have ended the relationship years ago.  I won't say never because I don't predict the future very well but right now I am ending our connection.  From this moment on I can say what I want without fear of his retaliation or his "lecturing" me as if I were an idiot or a child.  Maybe I contributed to this by not speaking up but I'm just not good with confrontation and especially verbal abuse, which is what he's done to me over the years.  So it's done.  Should he call, I won't talk to him.  Should he email me, I won't respond.  I am done being treated this way.

I talked to my mother yesterday and the dress I would like to knit my great-niece would be too small by the time I finished it.  She's already in that size.  That's a shame because it's such a cute dress.  I'll keep an eye out.  I have lots of other nieces and a nephew that I could knit for.  And my mother loves my stuff.

In the meantime, I'm plugging along on Zach's sweater front.  I'm just a few rows away from starting the shoulders and then the V-neck.  When I finish I have to unravel the back so it will be the same length but that's not a huge problem.  It helps that each stripe is 2 inches exactly.  Measuring is a breeze this way.

I also worked on the blue and white baby blanket which has become boring beyond words.  But it's also mindless knitting I can do when I need to put my attention elsewhere.  Like late at night.

I have my "studio" set up and ready to go but probably won't get to it today as it's almost time to start supper.  I need to start getting up sooner but I really do enjoy getting 7-8 hours of sleep, which isn't something I have done much of the past 24 years.  If I could figure out a way to get up early AND get that sleep I would go for it.

Tomorrow we're going to see Harry Potter, finally.  We always wait until the crowds thin out because I am just nervous as can be in crowds.  And we always go to the matinee because it's half-price.  We intended to go a week or so ago and things got in the way so we will definitely go tomorrow.  Barring any other kind of hurdle.

Time to cook so I'm off to fix supper and then cozy up on the couch and knit.  The weather has been lovely lately with temps in the low 70s, not at all usual for August, but I'm not complaining.

TTFN

Bearing up

Physically things are much better today.  I'm slowly doing some cleaning, nothing heavy but much needed vacuuming and dusting.  I set aside a small area for a mini-art studio, in front of the window with a portable table and a lamp.  I can use my computer desk chair so I don't need to sit on a hard wooden chair.  Now to get the motivation to actually get back to drawing.  I also would like to start working with paints as well.  I've got acrylic, water colors, oils and pastels and no real experience with anything but oils.  The area is good as it doesn't have carpet under it in case I spill something.  I can get a plastic cloth for the table or just let it get painted.  It might add to its charm, who knows?

Emotionally I'm still very drained, very angry still and incredibly hurt.  The fact that firstborn thought I was being territorial and thought it funny added to my pain not a little. He was busy this morning attacking my political perspectives, which I'm sure his new mommy and daddy don't share.  It sounds as if they are lining up with him politically and religiously.  My husband thinks this will all blow over and I'll get over it and firstborn and I will just be buddy-buddy in a short amount of time, but I think this one crossed a line for me that won't be forgotten soon.  I really don't hold grudges but at times I think you need to hold onto the things that hurt you in order to prevent the same people from doing it over and over again.  I had to do that with other family members and I think this is another situation that needs to be held onto as well.

Zach did a bang up job on the rest of the house today without being asked.  He cleaned the kitchen, which for him with his OCD is near-miraculous.  He does try to push past his comfort zone.  The fact that he was shaking like a leaf afterwards really meant that he was incredibly uneasy with the germs and such involved in washing dishes.  Even with the rubber gloves on.  I'm so proud of him.

I would very much like to get back to the frugality mindset we used to be on, especially as we need a new car and soon.  I'm trying to hold out until October because we will have just one payment left on the truck then.  I hate having two vehicle payments going on.  I'm going for more practical this time, with a car whose windows roll down, air conditioning and an engine you can work on, including replacing the headlights without having to put it in the shop.  And no leather seats.  I have burned my thighs too many times in the summer on these seats.

I am thinking of subscribing to a knitting magazine.  I don't knit enough clothes and I don't push myself to knit complicated patterns so I'd like to start doing that.  I got a trial copy of Creative Knitting.  I've bought a copy before and I do like that they use yarns I can afford instead of the pricey brands I have no chance of using... ever.  I've got a few copies of Interweave and Vogue but their patterns are more trendy and expensive to knit so I think I'm going to go with this mag.  They've got Knit 'n Style at StuffMart but it costs a bit more and I don't see as many patterns in there that I like.

There is a pattern in Creative Knitting July 2011 of a girl's dress that I would love to knit for my great-niece but I hesitate to as I have no idea what she likes.  Even with inexpensive yarn it would still cost a bit and the time element involved would also add to the emotional value of it.  To put that much effort into it and have her turn her nose up would put me in a down mood.  Still, I love the dress and would love to knit it.  sigh

It's about time to gather up sock yarn for the winter.  I don't need any thin socks but I might knit a couple of pairs so I can keep some gifts on hand.   And I definitely need more bulky socks but I don't want to use Wool Ease again.  I might just go with wool this time.  The wool socks I knit several years ago don't have a single thin place on them and have never needed darning.  It's getting to be a pain spending all winter darning socks.  Superwash is more expensive though so I might just stick with regular wool.

I got my spun singles out so I will remember that I need to dye them.  I didn't get to them today but I will tomorrow if I can.  I do need to weed the garden tomorrow but that won't take all day and I don't have to get it done all in one day anyway.  I'd love to get it done so I can get back to spinning.  And I need to scour my fleece so I can card and spin it, too.  I just found out that there is a knitting shop out in the country on the way to town and they have their own sheep so I might look into whether they sell fleeces or not.  Or even roving.  It would be nice to have some local wool to wear.

Well, I need to finish up the living room and start supper.  It's later than I thought.  I have labs tomorrow afternoon.  I don't know if they are fasting but I haven't been getting up until noon lately so it won't matter.  I won't have eaten anything by then anyway.

TTFN

Get me off this roller coaster!

I'm pretty down today.  Actually, that's an understatement.  The drama with the bio dad is a gift that just keeps giving.  After telling me that he was going to go slow, firstborn informed me that his step-siblings were friending him on fb and that for the first time in 39 years, he finally has family who are seeking him out.  What a kick in the teeth, that these people he hasn't even met yet are now his family and his own brother and sister don't and have never mattered because they don't seek him out.  Hyperbole much?

After a bitter conversation with him in which he told me that neither his brother or sister have EVER done anything for him, we signed off on a semi-friendly tone and I left it there.  Except now he's announcing on fb that he's found his bio dad and has a new family and how happy he is.

Going slow?  Riiiiight.  That's why he assigned this new stepmom the role of mother on his family page.  And his step sibling is his sister.  No mention of his biological brother and sister.  And no mention of me.

I have to say that it took my breath away when I saw that.  All the nights I spent losing sleep over his troubles, all the times he woke me up to talk in the wee hours of the night when life was kicking him down.  All the times we gave him money to bail him out of his financial difficulties, gave him a place to live.  Supported him emotionally.  Took his crap when he decided it was his duty to "fix" me and tell me everything that was wrong with me.  Well, that's never going to happen again.

I can only imagine what his dad is thinking right now.  He was by far the better parent and did all I did and more. 

I'm just a bit shell-shocked today and can't find anything to divert my attention from this.  I'm pretty sure he will have something charming to say and tell me how idiotic I'm being, that of course I'm his mother and he's just trying to make up for the "lost" years.  But I can tell you right now it's all bullshit.  I'm through.  Yes, I will always love him but my days of being there for him are over.  He's made his choice and next time he needs a shoulder to cry on or a lap to dump his problems into, it won't be mine.  And next time he needs money he can ask his new mother.  And I most definitely won't be available to listen to his litany of all that's wrong with me.

I can't even knit today...that's how upset I am.

TTFN

The back is back

The back pain is...well...back.  I had trouble getting to sleep last night because I couldn't find a position that didn't hurt in spite of taking all the pain meds I'm allowed.  Today I'm walking slowly and gingerly.  And not doing anything beyond a trip to the store and bringing home Subway sandwiches for the guys.  I stopped and got a cup of chili at Wendy's.

So I'm not sure I've hit bottom but I do know that with my weight being carried in the front and in my stomach, it's pulling on those back muscles and my only option to stopping this is to lose the weight.  I guess I'm going back to counting calories as that's the one method that doesn't limit me on certain types of food.  And I'm going to start with slow walking...in the house...rather than trying the hills in the neighborhood.  Well, hell, the whole county is full of hills and aside from driving to the mall to walk in the wee hours of the morning, there isn't any place flat to walk.

Maybe putting myself out here publicly will be the impetus I need to get going with this.  I'm not going to start until Monday since Tom is here and I've got tobacco to pick tomorrow.  I figure I can just sit and scoot around the garden.  I've got an old rug I can sit on.  It will kill my knees but maybe won't hurt my back so much.  Zach was mowing tonight but the neighbor is having a party in his backyard and since Zach would be mowing inches away from his party, we decided to finish up the back yard tomorrow.  Plus I have so many weeds to pull around the house.  And weedeating.

And vacuuming.  I dare not use it, light as it is, until my back is feeling better. I suspect I didn't let my back heal properly before getting back into heavy lifting and such.  I'll have to get someone to help me with the couch for a week or so.  It's hard for me to rely on someone else.

Stephen posted his final grades and gpa on his facebook page and his bio dad's wife told him that "dad and I are so proud of you."  Pissed me off.  Stephen calls him by his name, not "dad."  Seems a bit presumptuous to me, but it's their relationship.  Hard as it is for me, I have to stay out of it. 

I'm thinking of crawling into my jammies and getting Zach to help me make up my bed and just calling it a night.  I have plenty to watch on dvr and I can do some knitting if I don't try to knit on anything heavy.  Like the mitered squares.  And if I fall asleep early, I fall asleep.  At this stage I don't care when I sleep as long as I do.

Off to impose on the boy and sit in front of the fans while enjoying a night of doing nothing.

TTFN

nuclear blast from the past

Been a couple of days, I know, but I had some personal stuff to sort out...blasts from the past sort of things. Definitely not something I wanted back in my life but something that I knew eventually would happen.  My son got in contact with his biological father and I tried very hard to be supportive even in light of the ex's inability to "remember" beating me or that he had done anything to hurt me.  And the "if" apology (you know, if I did anything to hurt you, etc.) was no apology at all.  Ironically, his present wife bragged to my son that bio dad had "rescued" her from an abusive situation. 

I'm better now.  Firstborn is taking it slow and although not convinced his bio dad doesn't remember (there is a history of drug usage), knows how badly I was hurt.

As a result I had a bit of an emotional meltdown and got next to nothing done the past two days.  My back is still sore so I haven't gone out to harvest the tobacco yet but the whole garden looks abandoned because of the weeds.  I'll get out tomorrow when Zach mows the yard and get it done.

I've been knitting mitered squares out of sock yarn and worsted yarn as well.  I'm thinking of making a patchwork jacket out of the worsted weight.  The sock yarn will just accumulate until I have enough for a blanket.  Which will probably be when I'm reaching triple digits on my age.

Otherwise absolutely nothing is going on here so there's nothing much to write about.  I slept 14 hours last night which doesn't make up for the two previous nights of 3-4 hours of sleep each night, but it's certainly better than a third night running.

Well, off to make some lunch and get the inside cleaned up so I can work outside this weekend.

TTFN

On the mend

Feeling much better today in spite of a bad night.  I couldn't find a position that didn't hurt in one form or another, maxed out the pain pills and even dipped into the "extra" pill I'm allowed occasionally.  But as the day wore on, the pain in my back lessened to the degree that it's just a tiny bit sore.  I'm able to bend down and even carry stuff now.  Which is good as I just got back from the library and store.

Zach is cooking supper tonight because I just don't feel like it and he needs the practice anyway.  He had anticipated it, fortunately and volunteered.  Just because I'm feeling less pain doesn't mean I'm ready to bounce off the walls any time soon. 

I caved in and used the air conditioner today...again.  I woke up to Tom turning off the window fan, removing it from the window and shutting the window.  It was the only one open and it was already getting muggy out there.  But I was afraid we were getting too used to it so I shut it off when he went to work and left it off until 5 p.m. when I just had to turn it back on again.  It's not very high...the temp is still about 80 in here but it's a drier heat and not so miserable.  The humidity is so high outside that the heat index is about 10 degrees above the ambient temperature.  We had some mild storms today that added to the moisture in the air.

I've been knitting mitered squares lately. I initially planned on using my scrap fingering sock yarn to make candle coasters so the wax doesn't get all over my altar cloth but I really loved how they turned out so I decided to use the squares for a blanket instead and use worsted yarn for the candle coasters.  I love them, too, but since I have tons of worsted yarn, I can spare enough for the coasters and still make something out of them...like maybe a cardigan.  I've seen patterns out there made out of mitered squares.

I also worked a lot on the sweater front.  I really do need some new needles and had planned to pick some up when we go see Harry Potter since there's a Banner Crafts in that town, but chances of us making it there before closing, after the movie, are slim to none, so I think I might just order some from Lion Brand and go ahead and get my winter sock yarn from them.  I knit myself worsted socks out of Wool Ease because they feel so darned good but most of my socks wore out last spring.  They were a few years old and I wear them all the time so it's not surprising.  A trip to Hartford would use up the gas for shipping and handling anyway and I can have more color choices this way so next month, or the end of this month, I'll send out an order.

Otherwise I'm slowing down on yarn purchases.  I do plan on getting some new fingering weight sock yarn for gifts for my family, especially my dad, but aside from that, not getting any new yarn.  But I'm not going to promise in case I have to renege. 

I'm pretty sleepy so I think I'll crawl into my pajamas, which is just a tank top and a pair of knit shorts, make up the bed and let myself sleep early if I need to.  It was daylight before I finally closed my eyes last night...or I mean, this morning.

TTFN

Down in the back

Not much of a post today.  Saturday night I was making up the couch/futon and pulled something in my lower left back and it's no better today.  In fact, might be a bit more sore.  Just a pulled muscle, no nerve damage.  I've done this before and heat and rest are all that will fix it.  Unfortunately I continued to make the couch back up and didn't help my back at all.  From now on someone else will be doing the bed for me.

I've gotten some knitting done and some tv watching but little else.  Tom took care of the kitchen and Zach is taking care of everything else  I'm maxing out on pain pills and it's not helping a lot.  We've put off Harry Potter until I can sit without fidgeting.

The computer chair isn't comfortable so I'm heading back to the couch.  Hope to be back in a few days.s

TTFN