Friday, February 13, 2009

In which I go on a killing spree

I really wanted to post yesterday but I was worn out, physically and mentally.  I don't think I could have strung three words together in a sentence and have them make sense.  Not that I can do that today, however.

The drive to Fond du Lac and back yesterday wasn't uneventful at all.  On the way there, two does ran across the road in front of me, but far enough away all I had to do was slow down a bit and just enjoy the beauty of it.  Saw the flashing red and blue lights just once on the way up and it was for a car stalled and not a ticket this time.

On the way back, things were a bit more tense.  The dash lights went out so I couldn't tell how fast I was driving and had to keep switching the overhead light on until I could set the cruise control. On back county highways...dark, back county highways...this can get a bit dicey.  But I made it okay until I saw something like a bag in the middle of the road.  Unfortunately that bag moved and I didn't see that it was a raccoon until I was just a couple of feet away from him.  It occurred to me that I could have swerved to avoid him but at 55 mph, I didn't think I wanted to risk swerving and losing control of the car so...I hit him.  My car sits very low to the ground and if I had been driving the truck, I would have just gone over him, no harm done.  But the car sits extremely low and I smacked him.

I hate killing creatures.  I'm not sure why I can't seem to go vegetarian unless it's because I'm not killing my own meat.  Or maybe because I have eaten meat my whole life and I really like the taste of it.  I'm sure part of it has to do with having to cook it for everyone else.  Maybe if it wasn't in the house, I wouldn't miss it.

But I digress.  I was worried about Zach's reaction because one of his OCD issues is that he believes he will hurt someone or some animal when he drives.  Me killing a raccoon, I thought, would upset him.  But surprisingly, he found he didn't feel so bad about it.  I mean...yeah...he was upset because the raccoon was dead, but he completely felt that I had no choice and that choosing the hit the raccoon over crashing the car made sense to him.  It's  a big step toward him getting his permit renewed.

I had a doctor appointment yesterday because my cholesterol medication wasn't being as effective as it should.  And with the diabetes, it's imperative that my cholesterol be much lower than is acceptable in non-diabetics.  So I spent a lot of time prior to the visit anguishing over it, having imaginary conversations in which I was defensive and she was obnoxious.  Reality is so much better.  I don't know why I let myself get so upset over these things.  She was, as usual, great about the whole thing.  She doubled my Crestor dosage, increased my diuretic and encouraged me to go back on metformin.  I know she wants the best for me.

But it's also an urgency that I get control of my eating and get some exercise in my schedule.  It's just not that easy to do that.

I've been knitting on the new shawl, which is a variation on a dish cloth pattern.  I'll try to find the pattern and link to it and let you know what my modifications were but it will have to wait.

I'm still battling fatigue to the degree that I'm not accomplishing anything at home.  I'm barely keeping up with the dishes and the clutter in the house is exacerbating my anxiety issues.  I can't relax in a dirty house.  Tom will leave for work in a few minutes and Zach is at work so I'm going to try to get some cleaning done...at my own pace.  I find that if I work for a few minutes and then go sit down and do something mindless for a while, and establish that routine, I can accomplish quite a bit.  But if I try to just work non-stop until a task is complete, then the next day, I'm worthless.

I really hate fibromyalgia.

The pain has been tolerable of late though.  I realized Wednesday night, when I reached to take a tramadol, that I hadn't taken one for at least three days.  Unfortunately I needed one again last night.  But still, that's better than the two a night I usually need.

I'm sure there was more I was going to blog about but my mind is still on hiatus so this will have to be it.  I'm so dull of late that I am knitting monogamously.  And that bores me to tears normally.  I'll try to come up with something more interesting by tomorrow.

TTFN

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