Thursday, May 16, 2013

I"m still here

It's frustrating waiting for news.  Especially when that news is about your health but apparently they're not going to tell me until my appointment in June.  So I guess I should stop waiting for the phone to ring.

I'm not doing all I should do to take better care of myself.  The diet was so restrictive I couldn't stay on it.  I was hungry and thirsty 24/7.  I need to find something more doable because this, like every other diet I've been on, has made me gain weight instead.

Today I'm not feeling well, a bit short of breath and just so very tired.  I forget that I still have the symptoms of this illness and think that since I have a diagnosis, I am on my way to being fixed.  In reality nothing has changed.  I still have the debilitating fatigue and everything I do is a supreme effort.

Last night we kept hearing sirens which is nothing unusual as we live on a major highway but these sirens kept stopping a short distance away.  Within a half hour I could smell smoke so I looked outside and there was a haze in the air.  The streetlight in front of our house had a gray halo around it and the car driving up the street had wisps of smoke in front of the headlights.  The apartment complex a block and a half west of us was on fire.  No one was killed and 2 people had smoke inhalation but Professor really suffered from the smoke in the air.  He laid down in the grass and just went limp.  I had to carry him inside and set him in front of the fan before he would respond.

I"m nearly done with Steph's socks.  Robyn's are finished but I'm going to send them together since it's cheaper that way.  I also started on a girl's sweater, using the yarn from the shawl I was knitting for my mom and didn't get done before she passed away.  I've got 2 more sweaters to donate to the library's drive for winter clothing next winter.  And a couple of baby blankets.  I'm also considering frogging the fair isle sweater I was knitting for myself.  I found a couple of other sweaters I like better.

I've been doing some reading although the library pile doesn't seem to be getting any smaller.  I keep adding to it.  I have moments when I can't seem to concentrate to read and the internet hasn't been on my mind a lot lately.  I'm sure I'm depressed by the diagnosis and inability to stay on a diet to save my life.  If dieting were that simple, no one would be overweight but it's not and I do wish people would understand that just eating less isn't necessarily the answer.  I had reached a point where I was gaining weight on 1200 calories a day.  That always happens to me...I reach a point where no matter how few calories I eat, my body starts hoarding the weight I already have.  I've tried eating even less and still can't lose.  A lot of exercise isn't an option for me right now.

Plus the overwhelming fatigue is a pain in the ass. 

And now it's hot.  We went from cold to hot with nothing in between.

Well, I'm going back to bed to lie down for a bit.  I'm supposed to rest every afternoon.

1 comment:

Anne said...

Are you waiting for test results? If you have questions or a problem,you deserve answers and help...not the stress of waiting for the dr. to call. Shoulde't you pick up the phone and let someone know what is going on?