Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Whine Fest

Note to self: steal camera back from Zach.

Not that there is anything to take a picture of.

I did get a lot of work done yesterday. I actually woke up feeling refreshed. That only happens a couple of times a year. So I was industrious and scrubbed down the bathroom, worked on organizing the pantry, did laundry, cooked and baked and got some knitting done.

I didn't get anything planted though and it's a good thing since the temps will dive into the low 30's today. I think I should stick to my original plan not to plant before June 1.

I haven't started Pomotamus yet. I decided instead to knit a baby sweater with all the Bernat baby sport yarn I've got on hand. This is just a bobble pattern from an old booklet I've had for nearly 20 years. It's frail and I need to make copies of it before it disintegrates. I think I have enough yarn to make the bonnet and booties as well. Not the bloomers though. Although I could buy some extra to make it but that would kind of defeat the purpose of knitting up my stash.

Zach frogged his hat and gave me the yarn. I have 7 ounces of Cascade 220 and would love to knit a shawl but I don't think that's nearly enough yarn. I wonder if I can get close to the dye lot if I went back to the lys. Again...not knitting from the stash though.

Good news though. Tom's work gave him a $15 gas card and the guy he gives a ride to has agreed to pay a gallon of gas a day. It's been costing us between $60-75 a month to give this guy a ride but Tom wouldn't ask him to pony up any money. Until I showed him how much it was costing us. I get tired of being accused of spending too much money when he won't acknowledge how much he spends each week.

And believe me, I don't "blow" money at all. On the rare occasion I go to the movies, I go to the matinee, don't buy any snacks and pack a lunch to eat in the car afterwards. Rarely I will buy a $5-7.50 dvd from the bin in the center aisle. I haven't bought yarn in months. He griped because Zach took the money he made from saving cans to buy himself a desk chair. He's been doing his school work on a folding chair for years and really wanted a new, comfortable chair to sit in. This one was on sale, $30 off. Tom was annoyed that he "blew" his money on that. And a pair of new shoes. His shoes had holes in them. I paid Zach back for the shoes.

Tom complained that Zach spent his money on video games (one or two a year at most) so when he spends his money on reasonable things, he still complains.

I've stopped buying snacks and am cooking and baking from scratch, using about 3 ounces of meat in the casseroles I've been making. I make a meal out of one chicken breast.

Yet, he spends money to take vacations up north or go down to Kentucky to babysit his brother after his surgery. He spends money on hunting and fishing stuff, including the week he spends up north at Thanksgiving.

He won't let me spend any money on the upkeep and decorating of the house. The water heater is leaking in the basement (he insists it's the roof that's leaking since the chimney is next to the water heater, but since we went through a long dry spell last summer it was hard for him to explain the puddle of water on the floor around the water heater.) I have to spend money on stuff and he gets mad saying that we spend too much money. By "we" he means "me."

And last night he whined that we don't have any company and never go anywhere or do anything. I used to beg him to do things with us. He couldn't be bothered. He didn't want to go to church events with us...never mind going to church, he still could have attended picnics and stuff. The only people he has even wanted to socialize with for the past 10 years has been his family. And no one else. I just don't invite him to go with us anymore. But he's mad because I won't go to family functions with him. I really don't enjoy them at all.

Okay this has become a whine fest so I'll quit. But I won't erase. I just don't care anymore.

I'm off to Beaver Dam (the big city) to return library books, buy milk and put some money in the bank. I know we have a library here and it may come to having to use it but it's not as user friendly as the one in BD and not open as much. The hours for it aren't really convenient for me. Even if I were up to riding my bike, there's no place around here to ride it. This town is set up around one major road, which divides into two major roads in the middle of town. And on our side of town none of the side streets go all the way through town. Eventually you have to get on the highway. And we have a lot of truck traffic so it's dangerous to try to ride your bike in town.

And riding it on HWY 33 is definitely not safe. Someone wrote a letter in the BD paper talking about the number of bicyclists who have been hit or nearly hit riding there.

I know I can barely drive from point A to point B without a close call because of people crossing the center line or coming up on me like I was sitting still (and me wondering if they were going to notice the car in front of them). In many cases these people are on cell phones or are digging into something on the seat next to them, or talking to someone else in the car.

No wonder Zach can't conquer his fears and get his license.

Speaking of which, Stephen isn't speaking to me over our disagreement on the nature of OCD. He doesn't believe it's a mental illness. He thinks people with OCD can just get over their fears and that I'm babying Zach by not forcing him to get his license. Never mind what the psychiatric community thinks. He knows better.

This is the kind of prejudice we've had to overcome with other family members as well.

Well, I'm off for sure this time.

TTFN

2 comments:

Mad about Craft said...

I am really sorry life isn't getting any easier for you but I am so glad you are posting again!!

Kathy said...

It's okay, Ailsa. It's like a chronic condition you just get used to living with. I tell myself I should do better to live within my circumstances without so much bitterness. If I could just catch a break now and then, I'm sure it would be easier.

Of course, I do need to lean more on God and not try to carry all this on my own shoulders.

It's hard to do that though.