Tuesday, December 4, 2012

I"ve lost my mojo

Can't seem to want to knit right now.  I've picked up the needles a few times but lately have just done nothing while watching tv, which is a new experience for me.  I never do nothing while watching tv.  Knitting Daily is on and I'm enjoying that but still nothing in the way of knitting mojo.  Maybe I'm just bored with my projects.  Although it's not like I finish much anymore.  I'd rather do that than start a new project right now.

Still, I'm getting a few things done around the house.  Not a lot because the depression is still there although not as debilitating as it has been lately.  And fatigue...in spite of getting sleep most nights.  I'm starting to dream again, or at least remember my dreams.

It's been warm this week; tomorrow starts a cold spell again of temps in the 30s and 40s.  Still a bit warm for Wisconsin in December.  I wonder if we'll have a green Christmas this year.  I'd be okay with it.  Just this once.  I have no energy to shovel and Zach's been really down and fatigued this winter.  The dr won't put him on anti-depressants.  She wants him to see a psychiatrist.  I think we might be getting another doctor for Zach.  I've invested too much time in her but he hasn't.  She farms out nearly everything to specialists and we just can't afford to see specialists when a g.p. will do.  My rheumatologist can't figure out why my g.p. won't treat my arthritis and fibromyalgia.  There's not much to it, just prescribing my meds and checking for inflammation and stuff.  Plus I have to drive an hour away for the visit to the rheumie.  Zach won't go to a psychiatrist as he's had really bad experiences with the two he has seen in his life, with his OCD issues.

He might try a therapist but they can't prescribe anti-depressants.  Well, he'd try but we can't really afford the co-pay for it.

In the meantime I'm doing all I can for him.  But some of it he's going to have to do himself and I know from personal experience it's not that easy.  I've been told to just push myself or just get out more or just do whatever it is people think I should do that will magically fix my depression and he's heard the same shit.  It's just not easy.  Still, the fact that he's still hanging on means he's trying.

Well, I need to get some clothes out of the dryer and wash another load.  It was warm for a while but rainy so I got back to using the dryer and think I will continue with it.  It's time consuming and requires energy to hang clothes out and when you have a miniscule amount of energy using it for that means nothing else gets done.

I'm really tired of being tired all the time.



knittingdragonflies said...

I know, when the mojo goes, I don't think we can do anything until wait. I started thinking of it, like the seasons, sometimes we just need to rest and recoup. Then when it comes take advantage of it.
Take care

Kathy said...

Thanks, Vicki.

Must be what I needed then because I picked up the needles last night and knitted away until I looked at the clock and it was 2 a.m. I thought about my older son in Montana this winter and decided to knit him some mitts, flip-top mittens and a hat so now I'm knitting at a dead heat hoping to get it done before Christmas. :)