Good bye but not farewell

I've decided to stop posting to both my blogs.  The nature of the blogs no longer represent me so I'm going to start up one that covers my life and my spirituality in a more journal-like way.  I hope to have more pictures and post more often.  I haven't decided on a name or even if I will stay with blogspot so I'll have to provide that information later.

I loved doing this but the last year...not so much.  Thanks to everyone for hanging in there with me.  Hope to see you in the new blog but if not, have a really wonderful life.  Hugs!

Me...whining

I keep meaning to write more often but I have to admit that this winter has been especially hard on me...both physically and emotionally.  The depression sometimes is as debilitating as the fatigue.  And so I withdraw into my shell further and further.  I'm hoping that with the return of the sun and tolerable temperatures, I'll be more excited about life and knitting.

Not that I haven't been knitting.  I've been doing a lot of that...just not a lot of result from it.  I did finish Stephen's sweater and got it out to him yesterday along with some dvds I had that I thought he would like, but I didn't get a picture of it.  I had no place to lay it out to take a picture.  This house is so full of stuff that there are no flat spaces.  So dark that there is no place to take pictures.

Damn, damn, damn depression.

I'm working on two baby blankets...different patterns...trying to use up my stash.  I'm also knitting up a pair of socks for Zach.  Finished his other pair, which he wears a lot.  I'm thinking of frogging his sweater since winter is almost over and hopefully we will both lose weight before next winter.  In which case he'll need a smaller size.  Also started crocheting a purse for myself.  I get so tired of not being able to find a purse I like out there so I'm designing my own.  I thought about lining it with material but I couldn't find any I liked and anyway, material has gotten so expensive I didn't want to bother.  So I crocheted an insert for the purse that will slide into it after I finish up the outside.  Then I'll crochet them together at the top.  I might still line it with material if I can find a remnant that I like.

Won't be long before I can hang clothes out again.  I need to get back to the rigid frugality I used to practice.  Otherwise things will get pretty bleak pretty fast.  I can't count on the overtime regularly.  And those months without it were painful, especially in light of the high heating bills from the sub-zero temps we had this winter.  I don't know what we're going to do with the especially hot summer we're expecting.

Yeah, I know...pretty glum here.  I'm off track with my health as well.  I've regained way too much weight and I've got to start over again.  I couldn't lose weight on 1200 calories and got so tired of being hungry 24/7.  I did find out that lack of iodine in the diet can suppress your metabolism.  I'm pissed that no health professional told me I needed to watch my iodine levels when I gave up salt.  They just kept telling me not to salt my food anymore.  So where was the iodine going to come from?  And why did they just keep telling me to exercise more when I would tell them that I was gaining weight on 1200 calories a day and 40 minutes of exercise?

I got a bit demoralized after all that work, doing things right and still gaining weight.  Plus my cholesterol went up instead of down.  I admit I just fell apart and went back to old habits.  But I can't keep doing that.  I've got to figure out a way to get back on track or I really won't have but a year or so left.  In light of all the facts, it's still hard to feel hungry all the time.  My biological imperative to eat just takes over.

Enough whining.  I've got laundry to do and try to find the dining room floor.  Not to mention all the other cleaning I'm behind on.

Some days I just want to stay in bed, hide from the world and wish someone would take care of me for a change.

Still a knitter even if I'm not much of a blogger

Still here and still knitting.  I finished my older son's sweater and need to get it in the mail to him before the temps go up.  I knitted both sleeves together so they would be the exact same size and then lost one of the sleeves.  Then I lost the sweater.  Then I found the sweater but didn't find the sleeve so I knitted another one.  Got it all sewed on and washed and dried and found the other sleeve.

I blame the car key fairies.

Currently I'm working on two socks and Zach's sweater.  His won't be done before the temps go up so I'm thinking of starting over in a smaller size.  We're going to get busy losing weight and getting healthy so I'm worried that I'll end up with a sweater far too big for him next winter.  On the other hand, that kind of puts pressure on him that would surely backfire. 

Still battling this debilitating fatigue and have gained back a few pounds because I got completely demoralized by my lab results.  I had been eating vegetarian, low fat/low sugar and my triglicerides and cholesterol both went up higher than they were before I started eating healthier.I'm back on track now but I know my labs in a few weeks will be horrendous since I had those few weeks of a meltdown.  It's so frustrating.

We have more cold weather coming in so I'm going to pay the bills today and run the errands so I can stay inside the rest of the week.  Our driveway is still icy in spite of a full bag of salt on it.  The other night, I got back from my mammogram and some shopping and the driveway was a solid sheet of ice.  I barely got the car in but getting the groceries in was even harder as we had to walk down the driveway and across it with bags of groceries.  We ended up wading the bank of snow into the neighbor's driveway, down to the sidewalk and around to our sidewalk.  We had heavy rain the day before and then a freeze.  I am so ready for spring.

Got to get the bills ready and clean up a bit so we can get going soon.  Much more knitting to do today.  And every day.

Apologies

I'm still here but I've been battling post holiday depression and my social anxiety seems to be getting worse.  I can't even bring myself to talk on the phone right now and have pretty much withdrawn from all internet interaction as well.  Aside from some minor facebook responses.

But I'm still knitting. Not as much though.  I'm nearly done with my older son's sweater.  Sewing up the arms and need to attach them to the sweater.  Then in a box and off to South Dakota.  I'll get pictures before I send it off.

The cold, cold weather is back and I hate to go out but I get cabin fever so badly I have to.  I had many medical appointments this month and one more to go next week.  Had my annual eye exam yesterday.  Due to diabetes I'm supposed to do this every year.  The doctor was very thorough examining me and found no diabetes degeneration of the eye.  But there is one eye that has a minute amount of clouding that may or may not be the beginning of a cataract.  They'll keep an eye on it.

Still exercising and still battling my weight.  Still not losing any.  After 6 months of almost exclusively vegetarian eating...hardly any eggs and only a little bit of cheese, my cholesterol went up.  So frustrating.  I just feel like I'm trying to walk up a wall.  I have to go below 1000 calories to lose weight and I can't do that without getting weak and shaky.  I want to scream.

Well, this is as much as I can handle today.  I'm trying to force myself to interact with people more.  I have safe places I can go and interact with people still but my tendency is still to just withdraw and not talk to anyone. 

Off to clean the kitchen as best I can.  I'm also still battling the debilitating fatigue so I work in 10 minute increments.

Stay warm everyone.