Why am I here?

I was just talking to my mother a short while ago and she thinks (she who never has read my blog) that I put too much personal information out there...that I'm "airing my dirty laundry" in public.  

I personally don't think I'm any different from other bloggers.  In fact, I've read more personal stuff before.  I don't give a lot of information that would link to me...like phone number, last name or even city.  Location, yes.  But without a name, how would you know who I was?

Besides...there's nothing here that's not the truth.  In fact, I hold back a lot because it's not my intention to hurt anyone.  Even Tom.  The fact that he never reads my blog, even back when I used to practically beg him to, tells me that what I write isn't important to him.  And maybe this is a cathartic way for me to get it out to him, even if he won't read it.  Because I can't talk to him about it.  It always ends up in an explosion of some sort and I'm the one in tears and sleepless for many nights on end.

Also, I figure if people are offended by what I write, they don't have to hang around.  I sure don't read blogs that offend me.  Or bore me.  I have wondered more than once why anyone would read this.  My blog seems so boring compared to other blogs that I read.

I figure that the faithful who hang around here just read because they care.  And that means a lot to me.

Or it's like a train wreck and they can't help themselves.  (wicked grin)

Seriously, I can't please everyone.  I tried initially to be a knitting blog, writing about knitting, knitting and nothing but knitting.  I bored myself.  I listened to people on Ravelry who sneered at blogs that wrote about personal lives and thought maybe I should just talk about my projects. I nearly stopped writing.

Tom told me once, when we lived in California, that I talked to everyone because I had no one to talk to.  I guess that's what I do here.  It keeps me sane and out of prison.

Just kidding.

I think.

To be honest, though, my favorite blogs are the ones where I get to know the writer.  I do read some blogs that are strictly knitting or strictly frugal or strictly whatever.  But I don't gravitate toward those first.  I want to read the ones where I'm allowed into that person's life.  Maybe I don't comment on them as I should, but I feel like I'm a part of something.

I feel... just a little bit...like I belong.

I feel like I've evolved over the past year or so since I've been writing this.  I went from feeling artificial to feeling at home.  I don't feel awkward here and I'm trying not to feel awkward when I comment on blogs.  Maybe my social skills are improving.

At any rate, I'm here to stay and as far as I'm concerned, nothing will change.  Unless I change. And I really hope I continue to.  Maybe some day I'll even grow strong enough to stand up for myself to people who are constantly trying to make me over into the person they want me to be instead of getting to love the person I am.

TTFN