When it rains, it pours...literally

I know I've used that title before but it was never more appropriate than it is today.  I should have known that fixing the brakes on the car wasn't going to happen easily and it didn't.  The car is sitting in the driveway on jackstands because Tom couldn't fit the new pads back on the rotor.  He's sure they're the right size but can't figure out what is wrong.  And he never asks for help from anyone so the car will sit there until he can figure it out because we can't afford to put it in the shop again.

And it's been raining all day so he can't get out there to work on it.  I know it's raining because we had a waterfall on the stairs this morning and the back hallway had a steady leak as well.  The back is an addition that was slapped on by the previous owner and it's barely attached.  I'm sure it's pulling away from the house because I can't shut the back door properly.  It's all cattywampus to the frame.  But it does lock okay.  It just doesn't fit the frame right.

Tom asked me if the upstairs had leaked before and I told him yes.  He asked me what he had done about it and I told him, truthfully, nothing.  Because he ignored me like he did about the toilet.  So he said, "Well, obviously that didn't work."  I didn't laugh.

He is pretty depressed today.  Feeling overwhelmed.  I didn't say anything to him but that's the way I've lived for the past 7 years since my cancer.  Trying to pay off my expenses during treatment, that the insurance didn't cover, trying to cover Zach's college expenses, trying to pay for his trips up north.  I've lived for years in that state.

But I didn't say anything.  I was a good girl.

I haven't heard anything about the applications I put in, but I didn't really expect to.  I'm not even marketable to fast food restaurants because they have a lot of people to choose from who have some kind of work experience and I have none.  Who knew that this would happen when we decided I would stay home and homeschool Zach.  I don't regret homeschooling him at all.  It was absolutely the right decision.  But I would have picked up a part time job so I didn't get left behind in the job market.

I'm getting low on my tramadol so I need to get an appointment with my rheumatologist. The mammogram will have to wait though.  I don't have the $500 for that right now.  I'm nervous about not getting one, but I don't know what else to do.  Last year, the hospital gave me a ration for not wanting to pay if off all at once.  I ended up putting it on the credit card and I'm sure I'm still paying for it, what with all the other things that got put on there.

I got the kitchen and bathroom cleaned up well today but that's all the energy I had.  Aside from preparing meals and such.  I feel so worthless that I can't contribute more financially.  I know that any job I get will be very physical and physical jobs are very hard for me.  But I have no skills for anything else.  My own fault, of course.  I should have finished college when I had the chance.

But, I did find something online.  I wouldn't get any credit for it, but it's online study.  It's called Open Learn and it's affiliated with Open University in the UK.  I'm pretty excited about it.  I've been browsing it all afternoon.  It's not the same as college but it's learning.   And I need to exercise my brain.  Lots of very interesting courses there.

I need to go get Zach from work so I'll sign off for now.

TTFN