Nothing but baby hats

As I have mentioned before:  being frugal takes a whole lot more time.  I made some laundry soap powder today, am in the process of making pizza dough and supper for tomorrow night is in the crock pot so I can get it ready tonight and all I'll have to do is take it out of the fridge and put it in my knitted cotton grocery bag and go.  Lunch tomorrow will be pb&j with Whales (the StuffMart version of Goldfish crackers.)  I've got some gelatin cups that I can take as well.  

I had to wash Zach's flannel sheets today because Hannibal barfed on them last night.  I hung them on my racks in front of the window and the heating vent but it will be tomorrow before they are dry so I gave him some cotton sheets for the night.  I'll give him a hot water bottle to put under the covers so it won't be so cold.  I've also got some other stuff drying about the house, but I think in a week I can start hanging clothes outside.  We've always got lots of wind and if the sunshine holds out I might be able to get one load a day dry.

I tried very hard to cut back on groceries but I still ended up spending what I normally do.  Well, what I normally spend in one trip.  I do tend to go back frequently because everyone seems to regard the chalkboard in the kitchen as something to write the list on when they're out and not when things are getting low so I can get them in one trip.  Not that I'm griping, mind you.  

Tom spent way more on the toilet we had to replace than what I had intended.  Twice as much, in fact, because he needed some handy-dandy super new tool to help him.  We just aren't on the same page when it comes to saving money.  He lets Professor outside and stands there watching him with the inside door wide open.  Keeps the door open when chaining him up instead of bringing the leash in, shutting the door, hooking the Professor up and then letting him out.  I've mentioned it a few times to the degree that I'm considered nagging and he still won't do it differently.

I've been fudging around with the money and think we can weather this financial storm if we're frugal.  I'm thinking of hiding the checkbook so he can't use it anymore.  I had told him I had to go to town today because I had books in the library I had to pick up so he went before I got up and spent a whole bunch of money on stuff we didn't actually need and neglected to get some of the things we did need.  My mom says my dad is like this, too, so I'm wondering if it's a Y chromosome thing.

I'll sit in the house without the tv on all day but he can't be in a room without a tv on and then will go upstairs to smoke a cigarette for half an hour without turning the tv downstairs off.

And remember we're not frugal.  Meaning I'm not frugal.

Sigh.

I'll be knitting baby hats for Lent.  Nothing but baby hats.  The Episcopal Church in Jeanette, Haiti, is our sister church and we help support the school and hospital there.  They need baby hats for newborns because the area is at high elevations and the nights get very cool so instead of doing the Seaman's Institute this year, we're opting to support them.  I got a lot more enthusiasm for this project than I did last year.  I've got two hats done and will work as much as I can.  One reason they want the hats is to encourage the women to bring their babies into the hospital so they offer a newborn packet of things, like onsies, diapers (cloth), pins, etc.  The hats will be included in the packets.

So everything else will go on hold until Easter Sunday.

I haven't really figured out anything for my Lenten discipline beyond this although I would like to effect some changes in me to make me a better person, more in tune spiritually.  I am doing much better in that area.  Church is good again for me.  There wasn't anything wrong with church, but I was having trouble finding God there.  Not that He wasn't...just that I had blinders on for a while.  I'm much better now.  A huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders.

Surprisingly Tom and I are getting along a lot better.  I can't seem to let myself trust him, though, but as long as we can be civil to each other and he gives me some space, we'll be okay, I think.  I still wait for the other shoe to drop constantly though.  It always does.  He gets in a temper and life is really difficult.  Not that he hits me or anything but he has in the distant past and it's always in my mind what he's capable of.  Twenty years isn't enough time for me to forget that.

My secret sister amazed me at church yesterday.  I got two pair of Danskin pants in gray and black, my two favorite colors for pants, and 4 skeins of Bernat baby yarn in green and pink.  I can make two baby blankets for the Haiti project out of that.  I was so surprised to get all that wealth.  And yet, I had such a problem accepting it.  I'm just not good at feeling worthy of getting stuff without feeling like it's either a dig at the fact that I wear the same pair of pants all the time because I only have one pair that fit and are warm enough.  I know that's not the case but I can't seem to accept that someone wants to give me something without any strings attached just because.  

I will work on it but it's so hard when you've felt inferior for over fifty years.  Especially when there are so many people in my life, even people I love dearly, who think it is their job to fix me, like there is something so wrong with me that I need to hear it all the time.

I haven't exercised yet today so I'm going to get my ten minutes in before supper.  I didn't get the pizza dough started in time so supper will be later tonight, not that that really hurts anything but I'm hungry now.  I think a cup of tea will help hold me over for a while anyway.

Off to exercise, then fix pizza, then knitting baby hats for the rest of the night while finishing Mission: Impossible* the first season and Midsomer Murders, set seven.  

TTFN

*I never realized how cheesy the acting was back in the sixties.  And Barbara Bain's teeth are as yellow as mine.  When did blindingly white teeth come into vogue and why, for pete's sake?  Another reason I love British television and movies is because they don't have artificial looking actors.  They have crooked and yellow teeth just like me.  They're not skinny with big bosoms and flawless complexions.  They look just like people I know.  I wish Hollywood would get a clue.