After today no more robocalls until the next election. Maybe I'll actually get some sleep for a while.
I woke up this morning having an anxiety attack. I get them now and then ever since my dr put me on phen-fen, way back when we lived in San Diego, and didn't bother to tell me all the nasty side effects until after I'd been on them for a while. Ever since then, I've had the occasional attack of heart racing and inability to draw a deep breath. I woke up like that this morning over my idiotic eating and not taking care of my diabetes. So, belatedly, I'm working on it. I have labs tomorrow for everything under the sun and the dr's office called back to tell me my physical is overdue because the dr didn't count my last one as a physical. She put it down as a medication evaluation (which was a lot cheaper, let me tell you) but I didn't have a pap so I'm going to just go ahead and have the whole shebang done. The bonus is, I'll be able to have another med eval, too, because I'm getting all my labs done tomorrow and they'll be back by then.
Bad news being all my labs will come back lousy because of the way I've been eating. And not exercising.
I've done pretty well so far, today, in spite of the box of candy sitting on the dining table that Tom left there. I've kept off the carbs and plan on working the South Beach diet as long as I can stand it. I'm such a self-destructive person when it comes to eating habits. But it doesn't help that I've been on every diet under the sun and have failed at all of them. There comes a point when self-control and will-power aren't enough. Thin people don't seem to understand that because all I get from them is that I just have to make myself do it, as if making myself do something hasn't occurred to me before.
Zach and I went to lunch today to celebrate voting an I got a salad with chicken, which is still not terribly low calorie, but it was in keeping with the SB plan so I was good...well, except for the dressing, but I can't stand oil and vinegar and that was my only other choice. And we ran into someone from our old church, a thin person, who upon seeing me for the first time in 4 years proceeded to tell me about this amazing diet she's on that anyone can do. Ha! It is in fact, one of those liquid/protein shake diets that cost an arm and a leg, but sure, anyone can do it. And why the heck is that the first thing she wanted to say to me after 4 years? I'm terribly suspicious of anyone who wants to tell me about amazing new diets "they're" on. As if.
So I will endure listening to the dr tell me how self-destructive I am because she's right and she knows me well enough to know I know she's right. But I have two weeks to figure out how to get myself under control because I can't keep on this way. It's like the fork I'm using is a shovel that is digging my grave with every bite I take. Honestly, if my family weren't as long-lived as we are, I probably wouldn't be here now. I need to take advantage of those genes and fight back.
Especially if I want to outlive certain people. Isn't revenge a good enough motive?
I put clean, cotton sheets on the bed last night and exhausted myself doing it because my bed is in such a position that I can't walk around it and part of it is under a waterbed headboard so I've got to tug and pull and make my bed from the middle of it. With a dog on it who goes wherever I point him to because he's such a genius. The sheets felt marvelous but the dog was sleeping smack in the middle of the bed under my blanket so I had to sleep with my legs on either side of him because waking him up meant I would have to take him outside, which would wake me up again. So I managed to make do until Tom got home. Tom always takes him on a run around the house so I was able to reclaim the bed at that time. And I kept it the rest of the night. Until this morning when I woke up having an anxiety attack.
I'm resisting the urge to push myself to do some cleaning because I need to focus on consistent levels of energy instead of bursts that leave me in bed for a day or two. I've got some laundry to finish up, supper to cook and I might sweep the living room and hallway, but that's all. Then I'm going to bed. Tomorrow I have labs and Zach has errands in town but I hope to get my seeds planted, if I don't get that done tonight.
Did I mention I'm having an anxiety attack now? Ever since the dr's office called to make my appt for the physical and pap. I'm a mess.
So I'm off to start supper, which is something in the way of a casserole for Tom and Zach and leftover chicken breast and a salad for me. With sugar free pudding for dessert.
I got some knitting done on the endless seed stitch back of the sweater coat. It's big enough now that turning it involves flipping it around instead of just turning the needle around. Well, I think it's progress, anyway.
Off to finish up the laundry and start supper.
TTFN
I woke up this morning having an anxiety attack. I get them now and then ever since my dr put me on phen-fen, way back when we lived in San Diego, and didn't bother to tell me all the nasty side effects until after I'd been on them for a while. Ever since then, I've had the occasional attack of heart racing and inability to draw a deep breath. I woke up like that this morning over my idiotic eating and not taking care of my diabetes. So, belatedly, I'm working on it. I have labs tomorrow for everything under the sun and the dr's office called back to tell me my physical is overdue because the dr didn't count my last one as a physical. She put it down as a medication evaluation (which was a lot cheaper, let me tell you) but I didn't have a pap so I'm going to just go ahead and have the whole shebang done. The bonus is, I'll be able to have another med eval, too, because I'm getting all my labs done tomorrow and they'll be back by then.
Bad news being all my labs will come back lousy because of the way I've been eating. And not exercising.
I've done pretty well so far, today, in spite of the box of candy sitting on the dining table that Tom left there. I've kept off the carbs and plan on working the South Beach diet as long as I can stand it. I'm such a self-destructive person when it comes to eating habits. But it doesn't help that I've been on every diet under the sun and have failed at all of them. There comes a point when self-control and will-power aren't enough. Thin people don't seem to understand that because all I get from them is that I just have to make myself do it, as if making myself do something hasn't occurred to me before.
Zach and I went to lunch today to celebrate voting an I got a salad with chicken, which is still not terribly low calorie, but it was in keeping with the SB plan so I was good...well, except for the dressing, but I can't stand oil and vinegar and that was my only other choice. And we ran into someone from our old church, a thin person, who upon seeing me for the first time in 4 years proceeded to tell me about this amazing diet she's on that anyone can do. Ha! It is in fact, one of those liquid/protein shake diets that cost an arm and a leg, but sure, anyone can do it. And why the heck is that the first thing she wanted to say to me after 4 years? I'm terribly suspicious of anyone who wants to tell me about amazing new diets "they're" on. As if.
So I will endure listening to the dr tell me how self-destructive I am because she's right and she knows me well enough to know I know she's right. But I have two weeks to figure out how to get myself under control because I can't keep on this way. It's like the fork I'm using is a shovel that is digging my grave with every bite I take. Honestly, if my family weren't as long-lived as we are, I probably wouldn't be here now. I need to take advantage of those genes and fight back.
Especially if I want to outlive certain people. Isn't revenge a good enough motive?
I put clean, cotton sheets on the bed last night and exhausted myself doing it because my bed is in such a position that I can't walk around it and part of it is under a waterbed headboard so I've got to tug and pull and make my bed from the middle of it. With a dog on it who goes wherever I point him to because he's such a genius. The sheets felt marvelous but the dog was sleeping smack in the middle of the bed under my blanket so I had to sleep with my legs on either side of him because waking him up meant I would have to take him outside, which would wake me up again. So I managed to make do until Tom got home. Tom always takes him on a run around the house so I was able to reclaim the bed at that time. And I kept it the rest of the night. Until this morning when I woke up having an anxiety attack.
I'm resisting the urge to push myself to do some cleaning because I need to focus on consistent levels of energy instead of bursts that leave me in bed for a day or two. I've got some laundry to finish up, supper to cook and I might sweep the living room and hallway, but that's all. Then I'm going to bed. Tomorrow I have labs and Zach has errands in town but I hope to get my seeds planted, if I don't get that done tonight.
Did I mention I'm having an anxiety attack now? Ever since the dr's office called to make my appt for the physical and pap. I'm a mess.
So I'm off to start supper, which is something in the way of a casserole for Tom and Zach and leftover chicken breast and a salad for me. With sugar free pudding for dessert.
I got some knitting done on the endless seed stitch back of the sweater coat. It's big enough now that turning it involves flipping it around instead of just turning the needle around. Well, I think it's progress, anyway.
Off to finish up the laundry and start supper.
TTFN
4 comments:
Wow. I can relate to so much of this post I could practically have written it. I cancelled my last doc appt because I didn't want to hear her bitch me out about my weight. My "crazy" excuse bought me a couple of months but they are all back at it again. My blood sugar, my back my blah blah blah. It's my damn body, believe me I feel the results of my overeating. If it were strictly aboutg self control everyone would be thin. Overeating is a physical symptom of an emotional problem, just like alcoholism and drug addiction. I wish I could afford to go to one of those $20,000 facilities that provide psychotherapy, a personal trainer and a personal chef.
Sigh, until then I grasp hold of the only book in the world that has ever made a difference in my eating habits (If Your're Going to Eat at the Refrigerator, Pull up a Chair) and put one foot in front of the other.
Hugs to you my friend. I'm sorry about your panic attacks too. I have them as well and they are debilitating.
Wow, thanks for the book suggestion. It's in the library system so I put a request on it.
Seriously, people don't get that we're not overweight because we enjoy it and if we could lose, don't they think we would? Nothing worse than someone who has managed to lose weight telling you that you're not trying hard enough.
What's worse is making progress and losing nearly all of it only to have a major emotional upheaval in your life and gain it all back and then some. Then all those people who were watching you and cheering you on just look at you with mild contempt.
sigh
No wonder I hate to leave the house.
Thanks so much for your empathy, DM. Let's go to that spa together. What bank shall we rob?
Take me too, Kathy to the spa. I completely agree with DM that thin people think it's just we're not trying. I keep taking the baby steps over and over again, one day at a time hoping that it will come together. Please don't stress too much, you already know what she's going to say and you are taking the baby steps to start. That's all you can do--take the baby steps one day at a time.
As for the mister, can you walk him in your sleep? :) I have the same problem with 2 dogs so I can certainly relate about bed hogs.
Susan, I'm not sure I could walk the dog in my sleep but I have been known to knit while sleeping. LOL
A spa would be great, wouldn't it? All of us there giving the staff grief.
I wish!
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