A wide-awake Saturday

I survived the church rummage sale, but just barely. I went into it with about 2 hours sleep, lasted all day there but drove home thinking I had to be super aware lest I fall asleep while driving. Fortunately I took a back road and got home quickly.

We made over $1000 so that was good. Our church can't survive on tithes so we have to have fund-raisers like this and Brat Stands. We also had a bake sale so that's where a lot of the money went.

I bought a wood stove for $20. I couldn't believe it. It was priced at $50 but I couldn't afford that much and by the end of the sale when it hadn't been bought, I offered the $20. I'm not sure what we'll do with it but I hope we can incorporate it into the house somehow to save a bit on heating next winter. It's a good size stove although not house-heating size. Definitely 3 room heating though. It has two burners on it, but it sits low to the ground. The guy who donated it said it still sells at Fleet Farm for $200. I'd say we got a good deal.

The rest of the stuff I bought was just a really dressy blouse, which I don't think is me but a couple of the women there thought it was so as long as I can wear it with jean, I'm good to go. I also got some candle holders and a pair of white pedal pushers. I know...white pants on this butt...not a good idea. But they were fifty cents and pristine white. Maybe I'll dye them.

I managed to stay awake until 8 p.m. so I made up the bed and decided to just go for it. I woke up again at 9:30 but was back asleep by 10:30 and slept like a rock until 8:30 a.m. I hope I've broken the insomnia cycle for a while.

I'm back to reinventing myself yet again. I'm sure everyone is rolling their eyes at this stage. It hasn't worked yet; why should it work this time? But something has to give. I'm so tired of having no energy to do the things I not only need to do but want to do. I bought some stevia today to substitute the artificial sweetener I've been using although this supposedly doesn't work in baked goods. I've got splenda for that. But no more sorbitol or anything that has it in it. I'm tired of my stomach being torn apart because I want a candy bar once in a while. I'm also working at cooking simpler, more natural meals. I've got to get off some of this medication. It's been a downward spiral ever since I started taking it. I'm not getting better, I'm just taking more medication. And getting worse.

I'm nearly done with my cancer medicine. I'll see the doctor in a few weeks and see about going without anything after this. But it means being vigilant about my diet and exercise. I know it's going to be an uphill battle and I will probably slide down a few times before I get to the top. I just hope I can keep trekking.

Tom is being supportive. Surprising in some ways but I'm going to be cautious. I keep hoping he'll return to me as the man I married, but that man, while he shows up now and then, never seems to stick around. I don't dare tell him where my spiritual journey is taking me. That's fodder for a future argument and I don't want to keep my adversary supplied with ammunition, so to speak. He complimented me today on how I've been doing with the bills. I'll take it when I get it.

I moved the firepit/weber grill to the back of the yard near the prairie garden/hill. I talked to a member of the church yesterday who happens to be a judge and he mentioned that they have to be 15 feet from any structure. He thought it would be okay since it's really a weber grill but because our back yard is directly below a major highway, he thought we might get the police called on us by people who didn't realize it was a grill. And while the police would be okay with it, they wouldn't enjoy being called more than once about it. So now it's more than the regulated distance. And it doesn't look bad where it is. When I finish with the area it will look pretty good, in fact.

I think I'm going to make a private space for myself on the shelf of the hill near the thicket of lilac bushes we've got. The pear tree gives me a lot of privacy and I can erect some kind of organic wall to hide me from anyone walking down the hill. Walking up they wouldn't see me. I'm thinking of another bush of some kind. I have no privacy in the house and would like someplace that's just mine. It will most likely take me most of the summer to set it up at the rate of energy I've got though. And I'll need mosquito repellent because they're bad in our back yard. Too near the marsh, I suspect.

I've got to bake bread tomorrow and finish up the laundry tonight. I had forgotten about it. I've got two loads to go once Zach gets home with his dirty uniform. There is a wedding during the church service tomorrow and a reception afterward but I won't know if we can go to the reception until Zach gets home with his schedule for next week.

I also need to get back to knitting. I've been doing a lot of reading but the lack of energy is the main reason I'm not knitting. I just seem to collapse on the couch or bed and veg out.

Well, it's time to go get Zach so....

TTFN