Tonight I'm going to drink some herbal tea instead and try to get to sleep sooner. I have to get up early tomorrow to work the rummage sale at church. I tend to panic when I need to get up early and as a result get to sleep way too late. I'm hoping that changing a few of my habits, like not knitting right before I try to sleep, not putting an interesting show on television before I try to go to sleep, and not eating after supper. I'm hoping that helps some.
I was reading Dance of the Dissident Daughter last night. It's a hard read for me because I have to take time to absorb what she says. Some of it is a bit shocking, most of it familiar and...dare I say it..parts are boring. But that's just me. A lot of what she talks about regarding patriarchy are conclusions I've been coming to on my own for the past few years. Yet, I don't want to turn to a matriarchy either. She talks a bit about egalitarianism, which is exactly what I want but I don't see, so far, that happening with her. I understand she's talking about her journey in a chronological sense so maybe after a while she'll address it more. Mostly she talks about the Goddess and her renewal/rebirth as a woman. I personally don't need to be "born again" so to speak. I had enough of that in Christianity.
What I found boring was her need to find symbolism in everything. Don't get me wrong, I do think symbolism exists as a tool for us to use, but I found it tedious that everything was symbolic to her. Maybe because I saw stuff like that happen within Christianity to the degree that I felt left out because "God" never dealt with me as blatantly as he seemed to with others. I'm sure her journey was enhanced by all of it, but...well...for me it was just...dare I say it?...silly. Like when she was planting daffodils in a circle of trees she and a friend found, she suddenly thought of her life as the daffodil, having to be buried, then emerging to new life in the spring. If that were the only time she referred to her "rebirth" I would be okay with it but she found several things that suddenly made her think that her new life was like that.
Okay...I do tend to be a bit of a snark.
Mostly the book is great though. Her journey is so similar to mine...thinking that the Episcopal church would satisfy her. And then it didn't. I admit to a lot of grief that I didn't find the rituals of the church to fill the void that was in me. It was such a letdown.
Also, beginning to notice that Christianity, even within churches with female priests/pastors/liturgists the male was still the prevalent figure. I remember thinking several years ago that if God was our father, who was our mother? If the family unit as mother, father, children was essential to God, where the heck was our mother? I didn't buy that Mary became our mother. I tried to suppress those concerns but I just couldn't deny that the Female was calling to me. And her name was Brigid.
So what did I do? I did nothing. For years.
Now, I feel like I can do nothing less than what I'm doing. Acknowledging a female deity, acknowledging that there is more out there than I was raised to believe. Reading the bible again but with new eyes, seeing things as someone without all the baggage I was raised with. And I see this so succinctly in it. This is my path, however late I came to it.
Moving on. I've been doing no knitting lately. Yesterday I was so tired I did nothing but read and try to nap unsuccessfully. I probably won't get much knitting done today although I want to work on the crocheted shawl later on. I have to drop by the church and see if they need help labeling things and drop off some stuff. I didn't tear the house apart like I wanted to so I have very little to donate.
Well, I need to get ready to go. I'm still in my pajamas, which I never got out of yesterday (although this are different pajamas...clean ones.) And I need to water the plants before I leave. It's a beautiful day but I'm still dragging so I'm not getting much done.
TTFN
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