Almost as low as it gets

Although the depression is more bearable now, that doesn't mean it doesn't drop-kick me occasionally and leave me completely paralyzed by it.  Worse still is when Zach is down with it, too.  Today is one of those days.  I am barely able to function today, fighting back tears and feelings of complete despair.  It's a monumental struggle but I think I'll overcome it...eventually.  Maybe by tomorrow.  I can't take anti-depressants because of the interaction with my pain pills...a potentially abrupt fatal one.  No symptoms to let me know it is heading that way.  I could give up the pain pills, but I guarantee the depression would be that much worse as I suffered from untreated chronic pain for 11 years before a doctor finally gave me something for it instead of a pat on the head and a suggestion that I just not dwell on the pain.

I'll take the pain pills thank you.  As it is, I still have nights when I'm curled up in a ball on the bed waiting for the pills to take effect.  I'd hate to have that happen without assurance that they will eventually kick in and I'll be pain free.

I got Zach some SAMe to see if that will help.  He's tried St. John's Wort but there are side effects that make it not a viable option for him and as he can't afford to have depression on his medical records (not to mention he has no insurance due to his Tourette's and OCD) he's waiting until he can get insurance through a place of employment. If he can't find a job soon, I'll try again to get him insurance.  Tom won't put him back on ours because he's so sure it's going to be overturned either in the courts or in Congress.

I still have to cook supper because Tom expects it when he comes in at night after working all day.  Not that he shouldn't.  I'm home, after all, and his 10+ hour days make it difficult for him to cook at 1 a.m.  But there are times when I wonder how he would cope if I wasn't here.  Probably just fine.

I'm going to go crawl into bed after throwing a hamburger in the skillet and a potato in the toaster oven.  He can fix a salad and call it a meal.  I'm doing all I can today, believe me.

TTFN