It gives me warm fuzzies.
We were late to school yesterday because of a terrible accident just north of Theresa, on 175. I didn't see but one vehicle, but it had to have hit something really large and really hard because the whole front end of the car was crushed beyond recognition. The front seat, however, looked fine, not crushed at all. But the ambulance was sitting in the parking lot so that gave me pause about the condition of the driver. We sat for about 15 minutes and made it to his school at about 10 past the hour, but it was a study group and not class so we were safe.
It reminded me that I must keep my phone charged up though. We had no way of calling his classmates (or teacher had it been later) to let them know since Zach doesn't bring his phone to school with him. And I drove very cautiously on the way home due to terrible winds and blowing snow. And icy roads. It took us longer to get home, but it was worth it to get there.
I wasn't able to sit in the commons yesterday because the college was having a Meet the College type of event for prospective students and parents of prospective students. I keep getting questions for sitting in the foyer area, which was a pain, but understandable since they didn't know if I was there for the event or just waiting around. It's hard to explain about Zach's OCD because people don't view it as a disability. It's viewed more like a character flaw. Which really steams me, especially with family members.
I talked to the doctor about it last time I saw her and she assured me I'm doing the right thing and not to let people get to me. But it's hard. Invisible disabilities...especially mental health issues...tend to be treated with disdain. Like my fibromyalgia. I'm viewed as lazy because I won't go out there and work in addition to the schedule I already have. Zach is viewed as lazy and selfish because he won't get his license. I think I finally got through to Tom though. At least about Zach. Although he won't admit it, except when he's on a tirade, I do believe he doesn't understand about the fatigue and pain. When he has his tantrums (and granted these are only about once a year when I trip over one of those eggshells I continually walk on) he calls me lazy and a selfish bitch.
His ex-brother-in-law died the other day. He had a history of type one diabetes and was a walking time-bomb as far as his health goes. He was younger than me, I think. Probably about 50 or so. He had spent the last five years or so reaping revenge on Tom's sister because she was his meal ticket and she got tired of it. Sadly he used their son as his avenue. The son is dealing with a very aggressive leukemia and debilitating chemo and has been for the last year. The father would undermine the treatment largely because it was another grenade he could throw at his ex. They spent a lot of time in court because he would take her there every time he didn't get his own way. She was exhausted emotionally and financially. She ended up getting an advocate for the son but that cost an arm and a leg.
Sadly, this is more a relief than a tragedy. He had no one in his life and she was the one to contact the police because he hadn't called in to work. She had to go identify him. His sister will deal with the funeral details but it's sad that he will go largely unmourned.
I'm trying hard to feel something about all of this. He tried to use me to turn me against Tom's sister but I refused to get involved. And bless her heart, the sister rarely talked about this to anyone but her older sister. She tried so hard not to put their son in the middle of it.
Not that I'm setting her up for sainthood. I still have my own issues with her but she didn't deserve all she had on her plate for the last year especially.
And the son is in maintenance chemo for the next couple of years but the prognosis is good. He just turned 16 a couple of months ago.
It does make me think about my life and how isolated I've made myself. I don't know how to make those changes but I am going to try. I have developed a relationship with a friend on Ravelry. That's a huge step for me to actually respond to emails. I know it sounds silly but I really have heart-pounding fear with the thought of actually communicating with people. Those who have had responses to posts on this blog don't realize how frightening it was for me to answer.
And I can't explain why.
I got cleaning supplies today so I can tackle the house. Tom is still making overtures about us being closer and a family again but I'm just going to ignore it because it will never happen. He's done this before. If he does pursue it, too bad. If I can't talk to him about our problems without getting emotionally eviscerated, I'm not going to pretend we have a relationship.
Off to fix supper and get some cleaning done before I settle down for television. I've got Blue Murders series 3 and Midsomer Murders set 2 and a feather and fan shawl to work on. That's my reward for actually accomplishing something this week.
TTFN
1 comment:
I've heard the feather and fan pattern is fun and easy, without boring your socks off.
Just hang in there...lots of us are rooting for you.
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