Will the whining never end?

I should get my replacement spindle tomorrow so I can get back to spinning. I hope I can improve my spinning as well. I have so little confidence in myself that I just don't seem to improve and I don't know how to get the confidence I need.

Sigh.

Seems like a vicious cycle. I need confidence in order to do the things I want to do but in order to get the confidence I need, I need confidence so I can do the things that would inspire my confidence.

I think I'm on the cusp of understanding it all. I just need a few more days on ginko.

If I can remember to take it.

Got a call from the hospital today over an eleven year old bill I've been faithfully paying on. They want it paid off by the end of the year. That's what they said 7 years ago. I honestly can't pay them more than I am now. I had emergency gall bladder surgery in the interim between insurance companies. The total bill was $22,000, which we have almost paid off. I'm under $1000 now. The surgeon messed up and I ended up going by ambulance to Madison for "specialized" surgery that cost an addition $8,000. And of course proving he messed up was going to cost us a lot more than we actually had. I can't begin to tell you how much we went without in order to pay that bill down so quickly.

And yet, it's not enough.

This woman called me seven years ago on the day I was diagnosed with breast cancer. In fact, she called about an hour after I got the diagnosis. And she still wanted me to mortgage the house in order to pay the hospital bill off. And while she didn't exactly threaten me, she did insist that we would have to go to a collection agency if we didn't pay it off.

Throughout all my treatment, and the difficulty in paying for the medications I needed, the gas money for trips to treatment, we never missed a payment.

I told her to do what she had to do but I couldn't pay more than I already am. If we go to a collection agency, we go to a collection agency. Nothing I can do about it.

We got Zach's financial aid package in with a few days to spare. Now we just wait for the school to let us know. I sure hope we get some help this year.

Not much knitting going on. I just don't have my mojo back yet. I've been knitting on the baby sweater but I need to do something that actually uses my brain instead of knitting in automatic.

And I seem to be having a setback on my spring cold. I'm through with the head cold/sinus infection portion and now am hacking with a deep resonating cough. I just ate an orange and drank some green tea with cinnamon. This is supposed to be healthy with anti-oxidants and vitamin C.

Now I need to get some baking done and mop the kitchen floor. It's just amazing to me that the person who spills the most on the kitchen floor is the oldest person in the house.

I have a new guilty pleasure. I watched the Ghost Hunters marathon yesterday and am now hooked. I'm pretty skeptical about such things but I am curious about it all. I'm not going to jump on the ghostie bandwagon anytime soon. I already like Ghost Whisperer and Medium but that doesn't mean I believe it all.

But I do like the people and personality dynamics on GH.

Off to work now and maybe an afternoon of resting in bed, drinking tea, watching Pasion de Gavilanes, Touching Evil, and knitting. I'm really not feeling my best today.