The lovely weather continues.

Another cool, overcast, breezy day. I think I'm in heaven.

And I slept so good last night. Tom, bless his heart, let me sleep in until the phone rang and it was my doctor's office wanting to reschedule my appointment due to a family emergency. Which was good news to me because I really didn't want to be on the road on a Thursday before a holiday weekend. So many people get that extra day's jump on the holiday and are out on the road.

I finally felt caught up on sleep. I had so much energy that I did two loads of clothes, spiffed up the kitchen, tackled the dining room and my bedroom (the couch is made into a bed permanently for now) and will do the bathroom once I get Zach off to work later.

I'm crocheting the purse flap now. I plan on making it into a pouch for my gloves or handkerchiefs or something that won't easily fall out. Plus the extra weight will keep it from curling on the edges. I want to get back to knitting though. I'm missing it a lot. Since it's so cool, I think I'll work on the baby blanket and the scarf tonight. I have a documentary about King Arthur and a Midsomer Murder episode to finish. Then I might watch Ghost Hunters from last week (taped.)

I dug out some more old tapes from the bin upstairs and found some novelty yarn in my storage while I was up there. Something else cool to work on when it heats up again. I could do with a dressy scarf to wear. I'm trying to pamper myself more. I think the martyr complex is part of mothering101 but it needs to be removed from the curriculum. Taking care of your family shouldn't mean you have to put yourself last all the time.

I do have to say that tensions are lessening here at home. I can't say it will last but I'm going to enjoy it while I can. Also I've been burning incense to get rid of all the bad juju that's been in here forever. Don't know if it's working but I feel better and that's what counts.

I may actually get some ironing done this week while it's cool. I don't have much but the tablecloth needs to be ironed and I have a couple of shirts that never come out of the dryer without needing it. I haven't hanged clothes out on the clothesline much this summer, mostly because Zach needs his uniforms and since he only has two, I'm usually down to the crunch and need them NOW. Plus, we've had threats promises of rain and no followthrough. It's going to be like the kid who cried wolf someday.

The sky got really dark yesterday and the wind picked up like it was going to storm, but we didn't even get enough to wet the sidewalk. On the radar you could see the storm moving just north of us.

Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. sigh

We didn't even get enough rain to reach the spigot in the rain barrel. Although it looks like the patch is holding and it's not leaking anymore.

I've got three sunflowers growing and replanted two more. I plan on digging a mound for the zucchini and pumpkins later this week. Otherwise, it's going to be all containers from now on. I have 2 big kitty litter containers that would work for next year and I'm sure I can come up with others little by litte.

Well, off to get Zach's uniform pants (and the rest of the colored clothes) out of the dryer so he can get dressed and off to work.

TTFN

I made it for the Monday post...just barely though

This won't be a long post because it's nearly bedtime for me.

Yeah...right.

But still, not a lot to report.

I scrubbed the kitchen today and I'm ashamed to say how bad it was. But it's better now. Tom wanted me to take down my kitchen altar and put the spices back there but I compromised and made room in the cabinet by the stove where we keep the medicines. He doesn't know it's an altar to me. He just thinks it's some kind of decoration. And in a way, it is.

I'm not going to be going online while he's home because he's been reading over my shoulder for the past few weeks, reading aloud and asking me what I'm reading or why I'm reading it. I see what little privacy I've got ebbing away.

I know there is the possibility he might read this blog but so far he hasn't. I'll cross that bridge if I have to come to it.

It was cool today. Cool enough that I put on a light jacket when I went to pick Zach up from work. I loved it. I love an overcast sky and wind. There is a lot of energy in that. I didn't work outdoors at all and probably should have since it was nice and cool, but I did get some things accomplished indoors. Tom was off work today because he had planned to go up north to be with his brothers. But they weren't going to go up until this afternoon so he stayed home. No sense going up there by himself. So he waited all weekend for his brother to come visit, like he said he would. I don't know if he didn't make to our neck of the woods at all (their sister lives in town, too) or if he visited his sister and not Tom. If the latter is the case, Tom will be so hurt.

I think it's just a case of his brother having a short amount of time to spend and not wanting to travel all over Wisconsin to see everyone. Especially after making the trip up here from Kentucky. I'm the same way. When I visit my hometown, my family is really good at having a central location for a meetup so I don't have to put more miles on the car.

I do feel sorry for Tom though. He's having feelings of being left out because his older brother is retired and the younger one can spend all his time up here with him. And Tom has to go back to work tomorrow. It sucks to be him, for sure. Especially since all the hourly employees are getting paid for the 4th of July and he's not because he's salaried.

The Professor is nearly fully healed. He put full weight on his leg while he wee'd this morning and didn't wobble at all. And tonight when I got his treats out, he jumped up on the bed. That one amazed me because it's twice as high as he is tall. I took him off the aspirin last week. My partner in the altar guild is a vet tech and she said to just use the aspirin for pain from now on. Otherwise to discontinue it. Some vets don't like aspirin for dogs.

I'm done with the body portion of my purse and am working on the flap. I'm going to knit a book pouch since I almost always carry a book around with me. I don't carry my knitting and if I do take it to church for coffee hour, I use a different bag for it. And I want lots of compartments so I don't have to dig around in my purse anymore. And I want the shoulder straps long enough to go across my chest so I don't have to keep pulling it back up on my shoulder every two seconds.

I'm off to watch Hairspray again. I'm going to tape it for Zach to watch in his room but I'm fast running out of old tapes. The new vcr is pretty sensitive and kicks a tape out if it sticks even the least little bit and sometimes it chews up the tape. Most of these tapes are years old...like even 12 years old so I'm amazed they've lasted this long. I guess I'll see about getting some new ones if they still sell them. But not until the weekend. I don't dare go back to the store again and spend more money.

And for some reason all the mosquitoes are hanging out around the computer so I'm outta here.

TTFN

Wonderful cloudy Saturday

The sky is overcast and there is a nice breeze and rain in the forecast. And this time it looks like we will really get rain. Tom is outside working on the rain barrel. There were several small cracks in the bottom where the weight of the water pushing down on the very unlevel foundation (pieces of concrete broken up from the patio he started demolishing 10 years ago) he threw together cracked it. And when I told him I hoped he could get to the rain barrel this weekend, he didn't appear to understand that there was a problem with it. Even when I reminded him of the conversation he didn't seem to think I had mentioned it before. After talking with my altar guild partner, though, it seems to be a common occurrence in husbands.

I got about 4 hours sleep last night. We were infested with mosquitoes again. Even Professor was whining and nipping at them. I killed at least 15 before I fell asleep at around 6 a.m. And I used mosquito spray. I think it was a magnet for them.

I met with my priest today informally. She just happened to be at the church and since no one else was there and she had the time, we talked a bit. I feel so much better spiritually, especially knowing that the things I've been thinking aren't an aberration or even blasphemy at all. In fact, she seems to think in similar ways, albeit without the pagan overtones. I feel so much better. It's like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I wasn't even listening to my own advice: that spirituality should be as natural as breathing. I was trying to use cpr on it when it wasn't dying. I feel comfortable with my path now and at home again in my church.

I just checked on Tom and the rain barrel is fixed, the platform level and solid in time for the rain promised for tonight. I will say in his favor that he is very good at innovation and if he fixes something it stays fixed. In fact, in some cases things he has fixed will outlast the sun.

I plan on doing much of nothing the rest of the day and evening. I started crocheting a purse last night and changed my mind a couple of times about how I want it to look. Considering I'm designing on the fly, that's not too bad. It's a work in progress.

I watched Hairspray again last night. It was another one of those shows that didn't grab me the first time but the second time I became a huge fan and watch it every other day (that's the way onDemand works, apparently.) Same with Mrs Pettigrew Lives for a Day, except I loved that one the first time I saw it.

Just a couple of weeks before Half-Blood Prince comes out. I will avoid the crowds and wait until later to go. And only for the matinee. I don't pay full price for a movie if I can help it and most times I can help it.

I've got Midsomer Murders to watch tonight and a documentary on Celtic history from the library. But I think I'm going to watch The Royal and Doc Martin instead of taping them because my tapes are so old that they don't tape well. It speeds up in spots and fuzzes over. I thought about buying new ones but I'm not sure they even sell them anymore. I'm recycling some of my old tapes and I can get a few uses out of them before they go all gafuzzle so I'm going to do that for a while. Plus, it helps free up the space the tapes were using.

Tom is off to play poker with his brother and friends tonight and then up north tomorrow morning. Zach has to work more hours this week but only a couple of hours a day so I've got to drive him four times next week plus I've got to go to Fond du Lac for the rheumatologist. I'm thinking of going back on my arthritis meds. It's not so much because of the pain but for the flexibility I don't seem to have anymore. I really have a high pain tolerance due, no doubt, to many years of practicing by having constant pain without relief.

I hope everyone has a pleasant weekend. Mine is feeling great so far in spite of lack of sleep. Some of the books I've been reading have really made me do a lot of thinking about my circumstances and the attitude I've been taking about them. It really is what I make of it. If I continue to view my life as being in prison, I'll never feel free. I just need to take charge of my own happiness from now on.

TTFN

Last Friday in June...wow

Another day of heat but at least I got more than 5 hours sleep last night. Although Professor woke me up to go outside and I looked at the clock with fuzzy eyes, not being able to find my glasses case, and thought it was 20 till 10. I let him out for his wee and after powdering my own nose went to let him in by which time I could focus enough on the clock to see that it was 10 till 8.

I went back to bed.

And slept until 10:30. I was still the first one up.

I ended up with errands to do today, getting Zach's check, banking, library and a quick stop at StuffMart. The original detour is open for the weekend but we had to go through the labyrinth to get to town. At least getting to church tomorrow for altar guild will be easier.

We talked today about Zach quitting his job before the semester starts. He will have an internship this semester and with his already full work load, I don't think it will be worth it for only a few hours each week. I told him to put his two week notice in mid-July. He didn't argue much. He plans on using his Stafford Loan this year anyway so even if he doesn't get much in the way of grants or scholarships, it's still not going to be insurmountable debt. At most, $3,000. He has some money still in savings to take care of incidentals.

Tom expects his salary to go back to normal this fall. I sure hope so. We're still squeaking by and I can't figure out why I'm not stuffing money in the bank. Except we've got things that have had to be repaired and that has sucked up money like a vacuum.

I'm beginning to re-think the garden. I've been noticing a lot of container gardens in some of the blogs I read and since our ground is mostly clay and wouldn't produce much this year anyway, I'm thinking of just collecting containers and going that route. I can line them up around the hill that is on two sides of our property (in a decorative way, of course) and that would save me so much physical exertion that is beyond me right now. Plus, I have buckets and such in the basement that I would otherwise just have to either freecycle or throw away. And the compost can go just as well toward fertilizing the pots rather than the soil. Plus, it leaves me with more yard.

To be honest I'd rather use the land for fruit trees and fruit bearing bushes instead. And sunflowers.

Tom is going to be gone part of the weekend. His brother is up from Kentucky and he hasn't seen him in a while. He's settling for a reduced amount of money for the trip which tells me he's been taking way too much money with him the other times. If I had more energy I'd tackle the upstairs while he's gone, trying to make sense of all the chaos up there and even get rid of some things, but...no energy whatsoever.

I have my appointment with the rheumatologist coming up and I need to make an appointment for my annual with the surgeon. I hate the long drive, especially since I will have to do it several times a week come fall.

I need to clear my head somehow. I talked to Tom today and told him that the depression is overwhelming me and stealing my joy. He seemed receptive to what I was saying. Time will tell. I have decided that I'm tired of living in fear of opening my mouth though. I know that holding everything in and not being allowed to express myself without fear of harsh retribution is exacerbating the depression. And making my world colorless.

I'm not sure how to change things but I must or else it's just not worth getting out of bed anymore. I'm thinking of written communication between us until I get a bigger backbone. But that needs to be well-thought out before I endeavor that. Anger is anger whether it's in writing or spoken. Still, if written he has time to cool off.

I'm off to read. I've got tons of books from the library. I'm not finishing everything I've started because I tend to lose patience with self-help or how-to books. And some of these spiritual books aren't exactly what I'm looking for although some of the information in them is interesting and somewhat helpful. Just not enough to finish the book. So my number count to the left isn't increasing like it should because I don't put it down if I didn't actually finish it.

I bought some cotton yarn to crochet myself a purse. I want something that has pockets so I don't have to dig through everything to find what I'm looking for. Yet I need it big enough so I can carry everything I own with me at all times. So I'm looking at patterns but I think I'll end up designing it myself. It's shades of brown. I do like earth tones.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

TTFN

A sad day

Not a good day on the news front. The news stations are reporting that Michael Jackson has died from a heart attack. Farrah Fawcett died this morning. Makes you really aware of your own mortality.

I used to be stationed in Corpus Christi, TX and many times drove past Farrah's parents' house. One of the guys I worked with went to school with her.

I'll be upfront that I was not a fan of Michael Jackson. In fact, I believed the boys who accused him of molestation because, having been a victim myself, I believe the kids unless someone can prove to me it's a malicious lie. And that did happen in San Diego where a man was accused of some preposterous acts against children and it was obvious that the child protection social workers had couched the kids and led their imaginations into uncharted territory.

Some of the complaints against the kids were about inconsistencies and their pattern of lying. That's typical of kids who were sexually abused. In fact a lot of what was used by the defense against those kids are textbook characteristics of sexually abused children.

Those kids were believable to me.

'Nuff said.

Any time anyone dies from cancer, it puts me on alert. You'd think that it would make more of an impact on me as far as taking care of myself but so far, I don't seem to be doing it. But I'm always aware that my cancer can come back. I don't lose sleep over it and I don't think about it every minute of the day, but it's always in the back of my mind.

It's not as hot today, thankfully, but still mighty warm. I'm running out of rain water and the promised rain for the past few days hasn't appeared. I'm using dish water for the plants now and have told Zach to put a bucket under the faucet when he showers to catch the water that escapes from the faucet instead of the shower head. I've suggested it to Tom as well, but he won't do it. He thinks our water usage is minimal, but $30 a month isn't minimal to me.

I'm eating vegetarian today. I keep trying. I might get some exercise in later when it cools off. I didn't wake up until 11 a.m. today because I was still awake when the sun came up. No reason except for the darned insomnia.

Someone on Ravelry said something that really resonated with me about depression and lack of creativity and how living in an environment where you can't be open and have to hide what's inside you really affects you. It's not something new necessarily but it really hit me that things have got to change or I'm not ever going to be healthy again.

I've got a monstrous headache and couldn't figure it out until it occurred to me that I haven't eaten yet. So when I say I'm eating vegetarian I mean I will eat veggie. I'm cooking supper as I type. I don't know why I didn't eat. I just didn't think about it. I'd love to be in the position where food was just something to do to sustain myself instead of my security blanket.

I cut Zach's hair today, really short. I don't think he's had his hair that short since he was a toddler. It's strange to see him with short hair. And he shaved his goatee off. He claimed it was because of the heat and judging from all the hair on the floor, I can imagine how hot it was.

Well, supper is ready and I've got nothing to talk about. I'm such a bore. :-)

TTFN

The Heat continues

Not as bad as yesterday but pretty hot nevertheless. Professor isn't liking it and keeps wanting to go outside but when he gets out there it's hot and he wants back in. It's like he forgets or something.

Good news is I can't find a leak in the water barrel. I think the heat just evaporated the water or maybe it leaked out a bit from the faucet. It's possible I had used more water than I thought before, but I'm going to keep an eye on it and if the leak is on the very bottom it won't be very evident and I can check it out come winter when we bring it in the house. Otherwise I don't think I"m losing enough water to take it apart and look for it. I haven't lost anymore water from the last time I looked.

The detour in town has become a miserable experience. As long as the main intersection was open, the detour was a minor inconvenience but now that they're working there we have to drive through a maze of construction, unpaved roads, huge dropoffs (for a person with a car that sits very low to the road, that is) and confusing signs. If I didn't know this town so well, I would have been lost since the detour road also has signs that tell me the road is closed. And it will be like this until August, it seems.

I've got laundry to do but there is rain in the forecast so I didn't hang it up but it's too hot to use the dryer. Now it's to the point where I really can't hang the clothes out because of the supposed rain but need the clothes for tomorrow so I'll wait until sunset and just use the dryer. I thought about using the racks but I have to do two loads so Zach will have his black uniform pants and white uniform shirt (can't have them so I can wash in one load, can they?) for work tomorrow. And no way can I get two loads, especially when one of them has tons of white socks, on the racks. I should have just hung them out before I went to the store.

Hindsight...the universe's way of saying, "I told you so."

I've got to get reading, and I don't mean the internet. I've got two more books in at the library and I'm not done with what I've already got. One of the books is better just skimmed since there is information in it that I'm not really interested in but the others need to be read and savoured.

I managed to clean out a bit of the basement yesterday and found some yarn that someone had given me a couple of years ago. It's not good yarn, probably 30 years old and in brown skeins and off-white skeins, which I will never use but thought I had to hang onto because someone gave them to me, so they're off the the thrift store this week. If I can find some more things to send there, I will. I sometimes think the harmony of this house is seriously flawed because there is so much in this house nothing can flow through it. I can barely walk through the house without turning sideways. But because Tom hates to let anything go, especially something that his family gave him, even though they have probably forgotten they gave it to him, we are stuck with things that we never use. I would never throw away anything that was given to him personally. That would just be rude, but things given to "us" are just as much mine and I'm tired of playing the "but what about what I want" game. It's a head game he uses to get his way all the time. So I just don't bother playing anymore.

Well, time to fix supper so I'm off to find something that won't heat up the kitchen.

TTFN

That was the sound of me screaming

I went to water the plants last night and the rain barrel was empty. It had been nearly full the day before last but I had noticed while I was filling the watering can, that there was a small leak at the bottom. But I thought it was just run off from what spilled over the can. Now I have to take it apart and find the leak and fix it. I'm so frustrated. I try to do the right thing and it inevitably breaks. I have felt like we were under a curse for the past 12 years. Seriously.

And today it's too hot to do anything. The heat index is supposed to be around 100 today and I don't want to use the a/c this early in the summer. I don't like to use it at all because of the cost but I will if we're really miserable. Thing is, we lost two fans last summer (they broke apparently) so we don't have the circulation we had last summer. I've got all the windows shut and the blinds and curtains closed and the window fan blowing to the outside so it's only about 85F but we haven't peaked yet.

After the sun goes down I'll go out and see about the rain barrel. I hate to spend more money this month since Tom is going to go up north anyway. Not with $100 though. No way do we have that. And the fifty is coming out of grocery money. I hate to use the credit card but it's going to be in the 90s all week long and that can really wear on you.

He's working five days a week now but only getting paid for 4. The owners have told them that if they just hang on with the company there will be a reward later. I doubt it. I'm terribly nervous about this coming winter. Zach's still only getting about 5 hours a week which isn't enough to pay for his upcoming semester if the funding doesn't come through. I hate this uncertainty. If I had the energy and health to work, I would. I used to put in 70+ hours a week but I just am a mess right now. And so out of touch with the work force that I have no skills. I haven't even gotten a call back from the fast food places I submitted applications to. I'm nearly 56 years old. Too old to go back to school and be guaranteed employment. I can't afford to spend the money to go back to school for a degree or certificate when I can't be sure it will result in a job. I keep wracking my brain trying to figure out how to use what few skills I already have. I keep coming up blank. There are a couple of things I have thought about but those get sabotaged every time I try them. Not that they would really have resulted in any income though.

And I really do look like the typical overweight housewife that you see in StuffMart. Not really appealing to an employer.

It's too hot to do much inside. I didn't get the floor mopped yesterday so I planned on doing it today but not until later when it cools off. Definitely too hot to do any baking so no bread today. And I don't want a lapful of yarn today. I might get my cotton out and knit on some grocery bags. I need to go upstairs and see if there are any spare fans up there and to see if Tom put the window fan in to draw the heat out. He kept leaving the upstairs door open today and the smoke from his cigarettes kept drifting into the living room and Zach's bedroom. Ack! I felt like gagging.

I tried reading a bit this afternoon but fell asleep. Professor is miserable and can't find a spot that's cool enough. I misted him by spraying water into the air from the fan and he seemed to love that but he's back to panting and pacing. Hannibal is sleeping in the bathroom which seems to be the warmest place in the house.

I just checked and the heat index is 93 which is not my upper limit so the a/c stays off.

Well, I've got to go searching for more fans so...

TTFN

Summer is definitely here

It's not that it was scorching today, although 88 degrees F was pretty warm, but it's that we've had such a cool spring up until now. Zach and I worked outside after Tom left for work. Not the best time of day to go out but we needed to get some things done because Zach has to finish mowing tonight after it cools off a bit and I had to get the yard cleared so he could mow. We took the wood that Tom had dumped in the middle of the garden up the hill to the wood pile, moved the ladders and other junk back into the garage after finding and crushing all the cardboard we could find and moving things around a bit. It took us less than an hour to do all that, including moving some of my potted plants to the back of the garage near the garden and cleaning up a pile of leaves that had found a corner to nest in.

It's just not that hard to do. It took him more time to throw things around the yard than it took us to find room for them in the garage.

We took off to McSnacky's this afternoon to escape the heat a bit. Just got a soda and hamburger but it's nice to spend time together. I'm sure I'll survive just fine when Zach moves out on his own but it's nice to have his company now. It's going to be warmer this week and we can't run to McSnacky's every day but eventually we'll get used to it. I never use the air conditioner before August unless the heat index is over 100. Heck, I never use the a/c ever unless the heat index is over 100. And then just to dry the air out a bit. We live on the side of a hill near the top of it so we get a great breeze until about August when there is no breeze.

Weekends should be interesting because Tom spends so much time upstairs but it will be like an oven up there unless he uses the a/c and I wouldn't be happy about that. I'll just have to get used to not being able to watch television on the weekends, I guess. It would be a good time to read and learn more about gardening and herbs and stuff. If I can find a quiet place to do that.

He wants to go up north next weekend because his younger brother is going to be up here from Kentucky and wanted $100 for the weekend. I nearly choked. He had to take a 15% pay cut a few months ago which means I've been trying to live off of less when we were stretched to the limit before. And he thinks we've got $100 spare each month? I haven't been able to put any money away for winter yet, let alone money for a trip up north. I offered him $50 even though we really don't have that. He mumbled something but wouldn't repeat it when I asked him what he said so I don't know if he was upset with me or what.

I'm tired of being the bad guy when it comes to money. Yet I dare not let him take over the finances. Last two times he did that he didn't enter a single check in the register for months and we had checks bouncing. I still don't know exactly how much money we have in the bank.

Yeah...it's hot and I'm cranky.

I've got to learn to let things go and not get so upset all the time. Confronting him even in gentle tones achieves nothing but him getting defensive and angry so it's counterproductive to try to "talk it out." My only option is to just learn to let it go. How does one do that though?

Well, off to clean up the kitchen. I finally put all his tools away but I had to wait until he left for work. I just hope he doesn't notice. Probably won't until he needs something and tosses everything on the floor again.

Anyway...the floors need to be mopped. It amazes me how those floors don't stay clean with two pets and three humans in the house. And I need to vacuum the living and dining room. I think I'm making progress with the mice. They're not scratching as much and I'm not finding as many little dots in the cage. I'm going to change their bedding area once a day but otherwise leave the rest of the bedding there. I use cheap toilet paper for their bedding and it's easy to see those black dots so I can change them out during the course of the day if I find some there. Otherwise, once a day.

I got some more books from the library today and picked up set 8 and 9 of Midsomer Murders. I was having withdrawal. And I think I'll watch True Blood tonight. I didn't catch it last night. On the knitting/crocheting front, I'm nearly done with the shawl and have turned the heel on the last sock. I knit one row of the baby blanket but it's wide and I'm using sport weight yarn and small needles so it takes a while. Nothing on the beaded lace scarf for a couple of weeks. It's getting warmer so I plan on saving that back for those days I don't want the heat from a lapful of yarn.

I should have pictures of the shawl soon and maybe some pictures of the yard work I've accomplished. No before pictures though. I don't want anyone to see how bad it was.

Off to wash up the lunch dishes and get the floor mopped.

TTFN

I must have dreamed it

I was sure I posted yesterday. Apparently I dreamed it. I wish I could remember what I posted in my dreams so I wouldn't have to come up with something for today.

Happy Father's Day! I have to call my dad later. He's most likely at my sister's house today or at least taking his nap right now. He's still going strong at 76, which is hard to imagine. He's had COPD for over 20 years and still hangs on. Not just hangs on, he thrives. He volunteers at the hospital as a Redcoat and does a lot of administrative things that have really innovated the way they do things. They absolutely love him there. When I say going strong, I don't mean he has the energy to tackle anything. He's still a very weak man, on oxygen all the time and does tend to sleep a lot when he's home. But he still loves to hop on his riding mower to take care of not just their yard but the disabled neighbor's yard.

I love you, Daddy!

Zach got Tom a pocket watch for Father's Day. Well, the kind you clip on your belt loop. When I say Zach got it, I really mean I got it for him. He didn't want to get him anything but I always make sure he does and that it's from him and not me. Normally I buy Tom something for Father's Day, too. I always have. But he never gets me anything for Mother's Day (and let's not forget the infamous year and a half when he didn't buy me anything for any event) so this year I didn't buy him anything. He didn't seem to notice.

This year Zach will be 21 and I'm not going to require that he buy Tom anything anymore. He's a man now and can make decisions on his own. I will back completely out of their relationship (what relationship?) and let them figure it out on their own. Maybe I've been wrong to insist Zach buy him presents but I really didn't want to hurt Tom's feelings. Maybe by doing that I prolonged the inevitable: that Tom would realize that Zach doesn't want anything to do with him and maybe wonder why. Nah! I doubt it.

At any rate, I'm washing my hands of it all. Whatever happens between them, is between them from now on.

I'm waiting until Monday afternoon (after Tom leaves for work) and am going to clean up the yard again. We look like the neighborhood slums, I kid you not. Junk all over the back patio, ladders and piles of junk in the back yard and the garage door wide open. And Tom is upstairs sleeping or watching television and smoking. I tried to clean the kitchen up a bit and will put the tools back in the cupboard because otherwise I have no room on the counters to fix supper tonight.

And he laid some stuff on one of my flower beds, the flowers that I have reminded him at least 6 times were there. You know...if I treated him with this little respect, he would have left me years ago.

Ohhhh...there I am ranting again. So sorry.

I'm reading Mists of Avalon these days. A huge book and although it seems like I've spent a lot of time on it, I'm still so near the beginning of it. But it's good even if I don't look at it as a handbook for pagan ways. I don't think I'm so much pagan as I am questioning just what Christianity is really supposed to look like without all the man-made stuff added to it. I remain as confused as I was a year ago when this really started weighing on my mind. I imagine I will never have the answers I'm looking for, but instead will try to enjoy the journey of questions.

I didn't make it to church today because the sugar I ate last night sat on my stomach like a rock and I was afraid to lie down to sleep. So I spent most of the time trying to keep myself propped up. As a result I didn't sleep much until my stomach quieted down about 5 a.m. And I woke up at 10 when I heard Professor outside barking.

I cleaned the mice cage out again and only found a small amount of critters. I only found 2 on the mice although there might be more there. I tried to get them off but Ayeka kept squealing like I was killing her. And I was barely touching her! I hope I got them all but by keeping the cage cleaned out every day I'm at least keeping the population down.

Well, I'm off to pick up Zach and maybe take a nap before I call my dad.

TTFN

Blessed Summer Solstice, y'all

I'm seething right now and trying hard not to use this as a place to rant. I'll just say that all the effort I've made this summer to clean up the yard was wasted as someone decided to empty out the garage into the yard and back patio. And I'm ordered to leave it like that until the garage gets cleaned out. Not...until he cleans the garage. Until it gets cleaned out. I've been married for nearly 23 years so I know exactly who is expected to clean it out.

And since there are big items in there that have to go to the landfill, and since I've loaded up the truck four times now for him to haul them away only to have him unload it because he didn't want to drive around with it, I don't really want to go through that again.

I got to listen to his ranting today about how places are cluttered and how he's sick of it. And a huge explosion in the kitchen when a bunch of tools and such fell out of the cupboard onto the floor. And now are all over the kitchen counters so I couldn't fix supper tonight. I had to listen to doors being slammed. I guess this turned into a rant after all.

It's so hard to keep my mouth shut but I somehow managed to. His reward was to bring me candy as a "peace offering." Yep...that's what you give as a present to diabetics. Sugar.

We had to clean out the mice's cage today because Zach saw some little black critters moving around in there. We almost lost them when the temporary cage dropped onto the floor because the lid wasn't on tight enough. Okay, I was the one who dropped them. Ayeka didn't try to get out of the cage but Ryoko made a bee-line for freedom. We cornered her and got her back in the cage so they are safe and sound. Hannibal just laid on the couch and watched. It's odd how they know not to go after the pets.

Of course, if we hadn't been there, I'm sure he would have gone after them.

That reminds me of when we lived in San Diego and Pearl was still alive. Zach had two hamsters who were always getting out but never away. One morning I woke up and went in the kitchen to fix coffee. I got ready to throw the grounds into the trash can when the plastic, which was wadded up on the bottom of the can, moved. I looked into it and found one of the hamsters. Now, they couldn't possibly climb up on anything to get in there so the only possible explanation was that the cat caught the hamster and put her in the trash.

Seriously the only possible way it could have happened.

So the cage is clean and we have to clean it out every day and wipe down the mice with a washcloth and soap and water. It's not mites but I'm not sure what it is. I just checked the cage and the mice and I'm not seeing any more critters but I will be vigilant.

This might also explain all the itching and bug bites I've been dealing with. They jump like fleas but are tiny. And they definitely aren't lice either. (shudder) The living room has been sprayed well and will be sprayed every day for a week. I'm hoping that will do the trick.

I watched a weird movie last night: Babylon A.D. It wasn't that it was a bad movie, but it was very badly edited. The ending was like...huh? Unanswered questions, bad flow of plot. I guess the director hated the edit as well since they turned it into a different movie from the one he shot. Wow. The power of the editor.

It was hot today and I need a shower before bed. Zach won't be going to church tomorrow because he has to go into work early. I'm going without him although it would be nice to sleep in but I really need to connect with people other than Tom and Zach and I could use the spiritual boost. My world is really small.

I'm not sleepy like I was a couple of hours ago. Why does that always happen? Off to make up the bed and get ready for an early night, I hope.

TTFN