Dr. Suess said it best

The sun did not shine; it was too wet to play so we sat in the house all that cold, cold wet day. The weather forecasters were rotten lying liars. So it's a good thing I didn't hang my clothes outside yesterday in freezing weather. Unfortunately they're still in the basket waiting to be washed.

I just can't warm up today. I've got the thermostat on 60F like always but my internal thermostat is sitting on 39F and not rising. I'll take a shower later in order to prepare for church tomorrow but in the meantime...I'm cold. I went to the library because I had some things come in and if I wait too long, they go back but I never managed to warm up even in the car.

I'm thinking of taking a hot water bottle to bed and just read under my throw until I warm up. By which time I'll have to come out of the warm place and get cold again.

Tom's paycheck is down about $16 a month because our insurance went up. Property taxes went up over $200 this year. Our water bill is going up because they're adding fire protection on it...in other words we now have to pay for the fire department separate from our other taxes. Before long we'll have police protection added to that and then just what the heck are those taxes paying for?

And the pay doesn't go up. Two years running at 15% below what was already about 20% under what it should have been due to miniscule pay raises in the past.

I've been mentally planning the garden. I'm planning on things that will freeze well, like corn, green peppers, onions, green beans, carrots and peas. Things that I will be able to can, like tomatoes for spaghetti sauce. Tobacco so Tom can process his own cigarettes. Salad fixings for the summer. And of course, zucchini and pumpkins and potatoes. I may have some other things that come to mind later but these are the staples. Things like broccoli and cauliflower take up a lot of room and aren't terribly expensive so those we'll just buy in the store.

I'm considering which herbs to grow as well. That's not as clear to me yet since I'm not sure what I want to do with herbs. I've not used herbs a lot in cooking so by growing my own I'm likely to overstock. I don't want to invest in a lot of equipment like dehydrators, which are expensive and cost electricity to use so I have to consider that, too.

Soap making and candle making intrigue me. I might look into that but I'm not sure what to do with all the excess. I'm not keen on internet sales based on watching others' experiences with fraud and ruined reputations by mischief makers...not to mention our paypal account was hacked to the tune of about $10,000, which was resolved to our satisfaction. So no paypal for us.

I've thought about flea markets, which mean I would spend the year making and gathering stuff to sell, hoping that I gambled right on what is selling and got the prices right. I'm so naive when it comes to pricing and figuring out profit. I feel so inept.

And then there is my knitting. Would people pay for knitted socks? They're much more expensive that any socks you could get at StuffMart because the materials alone cost more. And you have to make some money off your labors, don't you?

I'm at the point where I need to start scheduling my time better and try to fight against this awful debilitating fatigue. The pain I can work through unless it involves something physically taxing, but the fatigue is a barrier to accomplishing things.

I want to dig my pencils and acrylics and water colors out and work on that again. If I would just stick with it, I could improve but I get to a point where I feel like I'm not going forward and I quit. I hate that about myself. Part of it is my fear of failure. That particular fear has paralyzed me most of my life. I need to figure out a way to get past that.

My hands are cold and I need to jump into my jammies and curl up in bed. Tom's eating leftovers so I don't need to cook, thankfully. And it's always good to eat up the food so it doesn't go to waste.

I think a good night's sleep will make tomorrow brighter. I'm sure of it.

I wuz confoozed

I went to bed last night with my usual difficulty sleeping although Professor didn't need to go out all night. Either that or he couldn't wake me up. But after only 4 hours he woke me up this morning and since it was Saturday, I stayed up because sleeping late makes it hard for me to get to sleep on Saturday nights for the Sunday a.m. turnaround.

Except it wasn't Saturday. It was Friday.

I couldn't figure out why Tom was making his lunch and asked him where he was going. He looked at me so funny and said, "no where."

I said, "You're making your lunch. Where are you going?"

"To work."

"On a Saturday????"

"It's Friday."

"No, it isn't."

"Yes, it is."

At which point it occurred to me that all the blogs I had read had Friday as the date.

I never recovered.

So I did get a little bit done today but dragging my tush after only 4 hours sleep, it's not a lot. I did some sweeping (broom on carpet and carpet sweeper on carpet) in the living room and my bedroom. And some minor re-arranging so I could actually move around in there. I need to clean off my nightstand which is so cluttered that everything falls off into the wastebasket whenever I reach for something else.

I did some minor knitting last night. We watched Farscape in the living room but I didn't have a light beside me so knitting on a black cardigan didn't work out well. I should have grabbed my log cabin baby blanket that will go to Haiti (Jeanette...our sister church and the school and hospital there) but I didn't, being incredibly lazy yesterday.

I'm going to work on the Heather Cabled sweater tonight because I like to alternate and because I don't feel like fitting the pocket into the cardigan tonight.

I also need to get started on my apron soon. And I have laundry to do tomorrow and I'm going to make a peanut butter suet for my birds outside. I need to refill the bird feeder as well. And I'm going to try to hang some clothes outside tomorrow morning very early. I thought about doing it today but that fatigue thing got in the way. I'll get some clothes washed, though, so I can start first thing.

Tom is going to work on the truck tomorrow so we'll be back to two vehicles again. It will be nice especially as I just got the paperwork for the clear title on the car. Yep...it's paid off...finally. I still plan on making payments to ourselves though so we can build the savings account back up because next week I've got to make the property tax payment. Partial payment, that is. I would love to make the whole thing at once but it would empty out our savings and that makes me very, very nervous. I like having a tiny cushion. We won't get a lot back on our taxes this year because Zach's loan and scholarship paid for his school last semester so we won't get the tax break. And this is the last year we can claim him on our taxes.

Sigh.

Supper is ready and I'm off to watch my Friday night shows.

TTFN

Sorry for the disappearance

So sorry for disappearing like that. Depression sets in quickly and overwhelms me so all I can do is ride it out. I've finally learned that trying to fight it only makes it last longer. I've also learned that blogging while in a depression pit alienates people and makes me look like an ass so I decided to leave the pity party private and just remain silent.

Believe me, you're all better off not knowing who was invited to my pity party. And so are they.

So now I'm on the other side and digging into clutter, throwing stuff away relentlessly and hoping to get back on track. I suspect having many cold, gray days with the curtains closed to keep the cold out and the heat in contributed to the depression so I'm enjoying the sunny and warmer days we've been having. Getting outside helps, too.

We're having tacos today so I'm soon off to make tortillas. After catching up on the checkbook and the bills (and after having a near otherworld experience when I wrote the check for groceries and my prescriptions Wednesday) it's obvious I'm just not doing enough. Since groceries are the only thing that's flexible right now, that's where we'll have to work harder. I did buy extras when I found a good deal so that accounts for some of the sticker shock. Also, Zach needed new jeans for when Tom fixes the truck and he can go look for a job. But that was only $8 so that's not a huge portion.

No, my prescriptions, even with using StuffMart, are still a major monthly bill for us. I saw the rheumatologist yesterday and she commented on the number of pills I take a day. I'm thinking that my doctor might possibly be overprescribing me. But it's also obvious that she thinks I need them so I should work harder on those things I can do to reduce or get me off of at least some of them. I know there are some I will take for life...like my aromasin, for my breast cancer. And most likely the blood pressure meds. It's in my family history so unlikely that even losing weight will allow me to go off of them completely. But maybe I can reduce my dosage. That would help a lot. And of course, cholesterol meds can be reduced or eliminated by diet and exercise.

However, if I start a diet regimen, I know I will quickly gain weight. I don't worry about food except to try to cook cheaper and use more real foods instead of fast or processed food so that does help. The nurse weighed me and I was reluctant to look since I was wearing two pair of pants and three shirts (we layer at home so we can keep the temp down to 60F) and I had lost weight from my physical in September. Hard to say how much since I was in shorts when I went to the drs office then but I was still a pound under what I weighed before so that must be a change. Plus I had eaten for yesterday's appointment and hadn't for my physical since I have to go in fasting.

Now I need to incorporate activity. I've been wanting to walk since the dog needs the exercise,too, but we live on the side of a pretty steep hill and the sidewalks are treacherous with melting snow and ice. I've got a step so I could do that while reading or watching tv. And I've got some walking dvds I could use, too (although they are boring). I just need to get to it.

My computer desk is now visible. Various correspondence and bills were cluttering it badly and since that's where I keep my meds, it was hard to find them all the time. Much better now although it did take a considerable amount of time to clean it since every piece of paper had to be scrutinized in order not to throw away something important.

Last night we didn't watch Farscape but I watched some stuff I had on tape and I noticed that Evita and The Chosen were OnDemand (free) so I watched those while unraveling the left front of my cardigan. The patterns on the cardigan and part of the cabled pullover were similar: only differing on one row. Yep...I had been using the cabled pullover pattern for the cardigan so I had to rip back to the ribbing. Dang! I had the pocket knitted in and all the buttonholes so nicely spaced.

But, being a process knitter and not a project knitter, it didn't devastate me. I merely move on.

Tonight, though, will be Farscape if I can drag Zach out of his room. I also got Brides of Christ from the library. I love this mini series. Australian productions are amazing. I wish I could find more of them.

And I just noticed that the last season of Farscape is in at the library so I'll need to head there tomorrow. Just the library though.

I hope to make it to church Sunday. I must make it there. I hate it that I've missed two weeks in a row. I'm just not dealing with the cold as well this winter. I don't know why.

Off to make tortillas. Tomorrow will probably be egg noodles. I'm going to have to be more creative with meals, using smaller portions of meat. And I wish I could get by with fewer trips to the store. Or at least shop with blinders on.

TTFN

Back to work

Finally, a productive day!

I attacked the pantry and kitchen today separating out the racks and putting one outside the cubby and the other in. Now I can get to all parts of the shelves. I also threw out some decade old stuff that I have no idea why I still kept. All that meant I now have all the food on one rack and my appliances and trash bags and such on the other rack.

I can get to the stove completely now instead of trying to cook from a cattywampus position. I stored some stuff I won't be using in the oven since I won't be using it much at all. I could still use it but it won't be as efficient because there is no way to shut it all the way anymore. It needs a new bracket because the left hand side one is broken. I'm not sure where I would be able to get another one, but when I have the time, I might do a search.

I also moved the island on wheels out of the kitchen and now have it right outside the kitchen with the television on it. It has storage under it so I've got some more stuff there. I moved the table I had the tv on and put a tablecloth on it so it now replaces the card table we were using for a dining table. It's not as big but is steadier. I found it in the trash many years ago when we lived in California. It used to be a drop-leaf table but the leaves were gone. Otherwise it was in good shape. So there is more room in the living/dining room/den.

Supper tonight is roasted chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy and corn. Easy to fix but a pain to clean up.

I still have much to do tonight but hopefully Ghost Whisperer and my other shows are back on again. I probably missed stuff over the holidays but reruns will take care of that.

TTFN

Nothing but snow according to the news.

It looks like we got about 6 inches of snow. It doesn't seem like much considering what we have had in the past. But I'm sure glad I don't have to drive up to Fond du Lac on a regular basis. I do have an appointment the 20th but if it looks like the weather is bad, I can afford to reschedule it. I'm okay with my prescriptions and the arthritis isn't so bad I need anything for it immediately. I just won't drive in weather like this unless it's inescapable.

Tom, of course, had to. Where he works is already over 8 inches and counting. The car tracks really well in snow, however, and he is a careful driver. I'm sure he's taking the main roads and not going the back way.

Bless his heart, he got out there before work and shoveled off the private sidewalk and the driveway. Our neighbor with the snowblower got the public sidewalk. So Zach and I can wait until tomorrow to get out there and shovel again.

I was busy catching up on sleep today so not much got done. Impossible Pie for supper and some corn. Not terribly imaginative but so tasty. Tomorrow I have to do some baking and I must tackle the pantry. It's hard to find anything and stuff gets shoved to the back which is too deep to actually find. The racks are on sliders so they're suppposed to pull out easily but there is no room to pull them out anymore so I'm rethinking how I'm going to do this. I have no room to really do any complicated cooking which is why I keep to casseroles and one-pot meals.

I did lay out a chicken from the freezer and cook it tomorrow. I can get two meals easily out of one chicken and I might stretch it even further.

But definitely baking tomorrow. There is a request for flour tortillas and I might make some egg noodles and possibly some muffins or something snacky and healthy.

Zach and I were watching the second disk of Half Blood Prince with all the behind-the-scenes stuff. It was the best they had ever done. And so funny. It was nice to have Zach out here with me. He has trouble occasionally with his wifi so he has to come out here and since I was in my room, he just joined me there. I had to pull the bed away from the wall because he can't crawl across the bed very easily. The box spring is broken but the frame keeps it in place as long as you're not putting a lot of weight at the foot of the bed.

One of these days I'm going to get a new bed. I've got two eggcrate pads on my bed because the springs are too prominent and I can't sleep because of them. And someday I'll have a real bedroom instead of the living room turned into a bedroom and closed off with curtains.

I ended up not knitting much last night because I couldn't concentrate enough. I did work on my wool socks that are looking pretty bizarre because I'm using some odds and ends and putting together colors that nature might not have intended to be in the same room at the same time. But they will be on my feet and under my jeans so who cares?

Off to wash up the dishes and crawl into bed to knit and watch Farscape season 3. If I can concentrate today.

TTFN

My long weekend is staying at home and doing deep cleaning

I had another day of errands today but I managed to get them all done (except for an auto-prescription notice that was emailed to me while I was out) so I get to be contentedly home until church on Sunday. Bliss. Sheer bliss. It always feels like a vacation to me when I get to stay home and work. I really don't like running all over the place taking care of errands and such.

I got a load of clothes washed and hung up on hangars and racks. They are drying more quickly in the winter than they did over the summer. I'm guessing it's because the humidity is so low. My eyes are still dry unless I use my potpourri pot. It's odd how such a small thing can make such a difference. I should have another load tomorrow.

I stayed up late last night reading. I got so wrapped up in it, that I didn't notice the time. It was 4:30 a.m. before I turned the light out and immediately went to sleep. And of course, got up early to let Professor out to wee. The reading list is going back up. I realized I liked keeping track after all.

The birds have been back although I haven't seen them. But the bird feeder is getting low and will need to be re-filled by Friday. Which should be a snow day if the forecast is correct. It's not supposed to be a lot (considering a couple of years ago we had 108 inches for the season) but enough to make the grungy snow look pretty again. And us shoveling sidewalks again. sigh

Zach had his dentist appointment today. Our share of it was nearly $150 and that was for all three appointments so I guess it's not a bad deal. We've got the lowest rung of dental insurance so it's not like we get a lot off. Zach really likes the dentist. His experience with the orthodontist really soured him on dental check ups but he's motivated to take really good care of his teeth. Postive reinforcement is so much better than growling at someone every time they walk in the door.

I got Farscape season 3 today so I plan on watching a lot of tv over the next few days. I have a lot to knit on: my cardigan...I'm doing the decreases for the neck on the right side. And the pullover, which I haven't gotten too far on because it's a cabled/textured pattern and requires a bit more attention, which I don't have much of these past few days.

We had cheesy potatoes tonight with brussels sprouts. A meal Zach hates. I fixed him some tuna salad sandwiches, which is a soft meal and something he really likes.

I got the water bill today. Normally we get it for 3 months at a time. This is the last 3 month bill. Next month we start on monthly. Our bill went down $10, which is pretty amazing. I've only been washing by hand for over a month so that should mean a good savings from now on. Maybe enough to pay the rate hike for the fire protection we're going to be charged from now on.

Sigh.

I've been peeking at a blog from a family that is off the grid, which brings up a lot of questions in my mind. How are they blogging every day if they don't have electricity? I went through some old posts where she stated that she would be going to the library to blog. I though, okay, that's a bit of a bother to leave home to run to town every day but if you're not blogging daily I guess it could work out. They have 40 acres so I'm assuming they live a little way from town. They're in Amish country so I'm guessing we're not looking at a metropolis close by.

She has children, farm animals, baking from scratch and many other things she has to accomplish in the course of the day so how does she have time to run to town to the library 4-6 times a week?

Not judging. Just curious.

Not curious enough to ask though.

Also, I'm not sure I would open up my home for people to come watch me try to live off the grid and charge money for it. Just sayin'. But I'm a very private person when it comes to my haven. It's one thing to open up here on the blog, but it's quite another to have people actually see how I live in person. I like my privacy. I love feeling safe and secluded in my home.

Let's face it. I'm a recluse.

But a contented one.

Off to finish up the dishes and then knitting for the rest of the night.

TTFN

Another wasted day

Another unproductive day. I ended up going to town because I had some things ready at the library and because I wanted to get Zach started on the ACT II. Halfway there I remembered that my library card is on my key chain, which Tom has.

He lost his keys a few months ago so he takes mine and I take the truck key on the days he works. I forgot to take my card off of there so there is still a trip to the library awaiting me.

I'm thinking of replacing my card anyway because it's gotten so brittle the corner broke off of it. If I do that, I'll get a regular card instead of the keychain card so I've got it all the time.

What I'm really putting off doing is replacing the key remote because that is $40 or so. But you can't drive the car without it. I wish we could find his keys.

I need to start a load of clothes. I'm getting behind again but I don't want to use the dryer. I could have hung them out today if I'd been on top of things but there you go. Me, not paying enough attention to what is going on around me can end up costing us extra money.

I didn't lay anything out for supper but I don't want to use up all the meat in one week. I went ahead and bought groceries for next week while I was there. I had intended to just get milk, bread and sodas (the store brand) but the chalkboard list was getting pretty long so I went ahead and bought everything. We still haven't learned to just do without. I've got to work on that.

I've been having trouble with dry eyes the past few days. I suspect it's because of the dry heat we use and not having any humidity in the air lately. I was pondering it last night while trying not to rub my eyes and I thought about a potpourri pot I had from the 80s. So I got it out, used plain water in it and a tea candle under it and before very long I had steam rising from my pot and my eyes were less irritable. So first thing this morning I started it up again and since a tea candle lasts almost 2 hours, I figured it was a cheap date.

Well, off to start the laundry and try to figure out what to fix for supper that doesn't involve meat. I could make a tuna casserole but that really doesn't appeal to me at all. We had eggs the other night so that's not an option.

I just remembered that I didn't use all the hamburger I had laid out last night. We had spaghetti so I used only about 3 ounces of meat in the sauce. I've got at least that much left over so I can figure out some kind of casserole out of that.

But that won't happen at all unless I get off of here and get busy.

TTFN

Wanting my routine back

I'm trying hard to get back into my routine but it's hard when I've got a day of errands and don't have enough time at home to accomplish what I want.

I had to get up early and get into town to take care of the library and banking. And of course, after I got home, season 3 of Farscape came in. I'm not going back to town before Thursday though. And when I got home I fixed lunch for everyone and then got ready to take Zach to the dentist.

He has four cavities, all coincidentally in the four teeth that held his permanent retainer. The doctor thinks that his teeth were damaged from the bracket and has advised us to use the ACT mouth wash stuff that re-builds the enamel. And gave us a coupon. We're racing against the clock to get this done before the 31st when his benefits run out. Sigh. We should have kept up with it better though.

Then we stopped at McSnacky's to get a $1 large soda and something from the dollar menu just to re-connect and spend some quality time together.

Then home to wash a ton of dishes. I got behind this weekend because it's so hard to work in the kitchen with Tom around. Whenever I would go in there to cook or clean, he would show up and start puttering. It's a tiny kitchen and just can't take two people in there so I just stayed away. He put the dishes in the dishwasher last night but I told him not to run it because I wanted to wash them by hand in the morning. I woke up to the sound of the dishwasher running.

Sigh.

It's really hard to do this when we're not on the same page.

I'll just have to start kicking him out of the kitchen when I'm working in there. He has plenty of time to do that when I'm not in there, that he doesn't have to run me out when I'm doing my job.

I really do hate holidays.

So I didn't get much done today or at least not as much as I wanted to.

Tomorrow I plan on working in the basement, clearing out and hopefully getting rid of more stuff. Wednesday is trash day and I hope to start making sure the trash can is full to bursting when we set it out from now on. I have one small garbage bag full of kitchen stuff to take to the thrift store. I gave up on freecycle since no one wants to take second hand stuff on our list. They want brand-new or nearly new stuff. Or they'll say they want it and not show up. So I just take it to the thrift store or throw it out. I can only do so much.

I have a carpet sweeper I bought many years ago that I use instead of the vacuum most days. I did finally get rid of the spider condo over my bed. I must say it was a very impressive web and I felt a little bit guilty destroying all that effort but this is my house and not hers so she's going to have to find another location.

I've got plenty to read from the library: still working on the Miss Read Fairacres series. I'm about half-way done. Our library doesn't have one of the books so I put a hold on it. I've got plenty to read while waiting for it though, including my own books: Encyclopedia of Country Living and the Tightwad Gazette books I've got. I also need to start planning my garden and maybe send off for my seeds. I wish I knew exactly who to order from.

I plan on sleeping in tomorrow because I do better when I sleep in and work late into the night rather than get up early and start working. I end up not being able to work past 2 or 3 in the afternoon. My inner alarm clock has been working on this schedule for years. Who am I to reset the clock?

Off to finish up the kitchen, clean up the bathroom and then off to knit on both sweaters. When I couldn't sleep last night I dug out some wool from my stash (odd bits that aren't necessarily color coordinated) and am knitting a pair of thick socks. I have another 100% wool pair that I love so I thought I could knit another pair for those times when I can't concentrate on more complicated patterns.

Off to get my work done so I can crawl into bed and watch Paranormal State and the dvds I got from the library today.

TTFN

Feels like winter

It's chilly outside and chili inside.

Yeah, I know...corny joke, but I'm cooking chili right now because it's easy and because I can make a ton of it so we can pig out all night.

And I never say no to one pot cooking.

It's so cold it takes my breath away outside but I'm bundled up and wearing my sleep hat (which totally looks ridiculous but who cares?) so I'm doing okay. I watched some stuff I had taped and worked on my cardigan then got antsy and cast on the sweater I decided on last night. I'm using one size smaller needles because my choice of yarn is slightly thinner but my gauge isn't too far off. I just went up one size and will use the length measurements from one size down. I've done that with baby patterns before and it worked out really well.

I did some deleting of blogs in order to shorten my time online. I kept blogs I felt a connection to no matter how often they post but others seemed a bit redundant to me and I didn't feel like there was enough difference between what they post and the favorites to keep the redundant ones. I also un-joined some groups on Ravelry in order to cut down the amount of time I spend there. Way too much over the holidays. Way too much. And I don't want to get that habit started back up again so I kept the special interest groups and a couple of religious discussion groups but got rid of all the controversial groups that suck me in for hours and hours of reading and posting.

I'm still not sure about church tomorrow. I'm making plans to attend but will decide at the last minute if it's too cold to set forth from the house.

Off to eat chili and watch Signs and then more knitting and Lark Rise to Candleford and The Royal.

TTFN

And the new year begins.

It's cold. Frelling cold (remember I've been watching Farscape the past few weeks.) The wind chill is in the minus numbers with it heading into the minus 20s very shortly. The dog raced outside and down the steps and right back up. I put his papers down for him in the kitchen. He knows it's okay if he can't get outside.

I've been searching all day for a new pattern for the olive green Caron I got yesterday. I found a pullover (jumper) called Heather Cables that I think I will try. This will be another nice thing to wear to church.

I frogged the balaclava I was knitting because it didn't look like it was going to be warm at all. I've got my knitted neckwarmer and my various hats including my lumberjack hat so I'll be okay. I can save the yarn back for something else.

I need to get back to knitting and watching Farscape. I'm not sure I'm going to town tomorrow so I renewed my library books. I'm hoping Monday will look better. If it's this cold Sunday, I'm not sure we're going to church either. I don't do well with wind chills like that.

I want to turn the heat up a bit but I don't dare. I'm not sure how we're going to handle the heat at 60 F so I'll just curl up under the covers with my hot water bottle. I'll be fine if I wear my sleeping cap and my knitted throw around my shoulders.

I've gotten nothing done in the way of housework the past couple of days. I've been eating badly and that affects my energy levels so tomorrow I intend to try to do better. No more sugar.

Short and sweet tonight because I'm ready to crawl into bed. I'm going to try to get more done tomorrow so I can feel more productive.

Happy New Year everyone!

TTFN